Female friend -feelings/transitions/questions

[NewMan5866]

Hey all! I need some advice and I want to be sure I am handling this the right way and I need to figure out if I'm wasting my time or not.

 

Im 31 years old, I am married (now in the separation/divorce stage as of December, but married on paper) Anyway, I worked with this girl for 2 and a half years.(she just left the job 2 weeks ago) She's 25 years old. From the moment I met her we clicked so amazingly. Not really in a romantic, I wanna jump your bones kind of way, but in such a way I still can't describe. We have the exact same personality traits, we have everything in common, Some of the things we share and keep true to our hearts are so eerily similar it creeps me out. I feel like I'm talking to myself when I talk to this girl. Eventually she started calling me the "male version of her." She's been through a lot already. Shes been married, divorced, crazy ex, and has a young child. She works her ass off, and I think she's just so beautiful at the same time. I never never respected a young woman so much in my life.Whenever we were together at the office or at lunch break, we ALWAYS had smiles on our faces. Even if one of us had a bad day, we made sure we picked each other up off the ground. And what is great about it is that it was in a non sleazy, romantic way which I liked. She is very pretty, but because of her personal and work surroundings she does not have a lot of self confidence. The times when you could feel our chemistry click just make me smile. She always laughs her ass off even if I don't say anything that funny, I sense a glow in her face when i talk to her. It's just one of those things I feel between us in the lowest pit of my stomach. She has a "boyfriend" who shows up when he feels like it, doesn't treat her like the gold that she is, she said the chemistry isn't there, but she keeps him around just because it's a safe haven and she's told me this before. She said that I show I care about her more than her "man". Lol. We have hugged nicely before, she's put her hands on my chest or put her arms around me at work when it wasn't necessary. We call each other "buddy" "bro" "man" ect..she said she's never felt so comfortable taking to another guy. That makes me happy. She's a different kind of girl, she wants to be told how great she made someone feel rather than be told she's beautiful or get flowers. So many people that see us at the office tell us how well we click..and that's just in an office setting..I couldn't imagine if we actually dated the magic that would happen. I've told her casually in conversation how great I think she is and how much I appreciate her and I've told her she's a "10" in a playful way. She's done the same to me as well. It's been strict friendship, but there's something else deeper there and I can tell the two of us sense it when we talk sometimes when we look at each other. We playfully talked over the years about having a fun date as friends, going to a game, a movie, getting dinner, just as buds though. In the last 2 weeks she left the job because she had enough of being treated poorly by management and can be home closer to her son..She lives 50 miles from me. On to me real quick..

 

I have been with my wife I am now separated from for 6 years and we were together for 11 years. She was 18 when I met her and now were in our early

30s. We just do not bring out the best in each other at all. She's not compassionate, affectionate ect..she admits no wrongs and is lazy, even

though she works hard at her Job. Her Job consumes her. We grew apart as

adults. Basically I married a friend and that's it. It's real heart breaking. We do

not have kids though.

 

Since this girl left work 2 weeks ago, it's been a lot easier in the office. I have

to say, it was hard to concentrate sometimes when she was around. the day she was thrown under the bus and walked out, I was not there that day, but I talked to her on the phone for about a half hour just being a true, solid friend to her and you can tell she genuinely appreciated it. She was crying. She gets nervous and shy and over thinks situations (just like me) I just feel SO good talking to her and making her day. I talked to her again on the phone 2 more times after. Once to wish her good luck on her first day at the new job and we talked again 2 days ago because I wanted to know how the job was going. She also gave me good advice about my ex and we laughed and joked over the phone about life nonsense as well. All 3 converstions were about a half hour each. I just really wanted to break the "we can still be friends even though you don't work here anymore" barrier and just not be a typical "oh bye good luck" deal. I think we've both gotten the message that we care about each other. She even put her son on the phone to talk to me (he's 5) who I only met once. (she drove 50 miles with her son one day just to have lunch after work with her work girlfriends-one of which is her best friend-I happened to work that Saturday too and she said her son was really drawn to me and appreciated how nice I treated him) her best friend in the office who still works there thinks that we should visit her a few times a month and have some friendly group outings which I agree with. I DO NOT want to cut ties with this girl. I really care about her and she knows it. anyway..here's my bottom Line statements and questions..

 

After I get divorced,

 

-I truly feel in my gut that this girl and I could be a great couple and I'm

nutso about her but our passive personalities, 50 mile distance, and we used

to work together I diddnt want to start conflict at work.

 

-This girl is nice to everyone she meets, is she extra special with me or am I just another person to her?

 

-our phone conversation last week she ended one of her sentences with a real casual "let me tell you this advice because I love you..". Should I read into that too much?

 

-our most recent phone conversation she said how I was "her best guy friend she has". I was blown away and so appreciative of this. We just worked together, I had no idea I was up there on her list of people. That meant a lot to me. Looks like I planted a good friendship seed.

 

We've made some group plans recently with old work people this fri, and I think her and I are going to try to talk and make plans to hang out with friends or alone just as buds in the upcoming weeks. Am I doing the right thing just by being there for her and sending her texts and emails and calls from time to time? I DO NOT want to scare her off by thinking I wanna jump into some relationship now that she's not working there anymore. Am I making the right decision by taking it slowly, see where the friendship leads and just make the girl feel special and smile? That's all I wanna do. There is just something extra special about her to me. She knows this, but NOT to this extent I'm telling you all. I hope she feels the same way about me too.

 

I really feel her and I have this wierd soul connection and I really don't want to lose her completely in my life. I would feel that would be such a waste. But I don't want to scare her away either.

 

Let me know if you sense any red flags here, green lights or any positives here gang. Like I said, I'm coming out of a bad marriage and I just want positivity in my life.

[John Michael Kane]

Jumping from woman to woman is nothing productive.

[buster2209]

I have a similar situation going on at the moment so I will try to share what I have been thinking and feeling and impart some advice.

 

Let me know if you sense any red flags here, green lights or any positives here gang. Like I said, I'm coming out of a bad marriage and I just want positivity in my life.

 

I've recently had to very, very honest with myself. I've had to ask myself some tough questions and forced myself to accept the answers no matter how much I don't like them. It has helped to clear my mind about other things.

 

The fact that you are aware you are coming out of a bad marriage and just want something positive in your life is a good thing. It looks like you are being honest with yourself.

 

This women sounds like she has self esteem issues keeping the b/f around. That's a red flag for me. She sounds like she wants a knight in shining armour to come along and rescue her. I can tell you that my marriage broke down because of this scenario. The other person depended on me so heavily that the dynamic moved from one of equals to a parent-child relationship. I can tell you that does not make for a healthy man-wife partnership.

 

I can already tell you are going to pursue this so I advise to go slow. Really slow. You sound a little vulnerable which you need to be aware of so you don't jump into something.

 

Is this girl a relationship hopper? Does she just jump from one relationship to another? How would you feel if she left her b/f to be with you or only left him because she knew you would eventually be together?

 

The self esteem thing is just a major red flag for me like I mentioned above. My advice to her would be to dump her b/f and spend sometime on herself.

 

I recently just anchored on with my friend at work even though we just started exploring things between ourselves a week ago. I realised that just because she is ready to be with someone doesn't mean I am and I couldn't give her the best part of me and she deserves better.

 

It sounds like to me that you are perhaps ready to be with someone but she doesn't sound like she knows who she is so can't possibly know what she wants.

 

Take things slow man and be prepared to feel emotions you weren't expecting and that you may not be prepared to give yourself to someone emotionally or that once the dynamic moves beyond friendship, you may not like it as much as you think.

 

On the flip side, if we never took any chances in your life, then what would be the point? ;o)

 

As long as you are are honest with yourself about your own thoughts and feelings and try not to rose tint anything, you will be fine.

 

Hope any of what I wrote helps.