NSDNQ Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I have them all the time. not sure if I should force myself to stop doing it or just let it run its course. Link to post Share on other sites
OhMittens Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I'd let them run their course without trying to act on them. I did recently and surely didn't get the result that I had in mind, all it did was destroy me. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Don't try and block these fantasies out - like many post-break up emotions they serve a purpose - to soften the blow, to let you down gently, to keep hope and possibility alive and to keep your imagination coruscating during otherwise dark hours in your life. Just make sure never to try and act on these thoughts (I find it helpful to create fantasies in which me and my ex reconcile several months down the track, which dulls the impulse to act straight away). Also, if these fantasies become obsessive and plague you for hours and hours on end to the detriment of experiencing other emotions such as anger, depression and acceptance, then you need to intervene in your thought processes. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 my reconciliation fantasies have turned to fantasies of my ex getting her comeuppance x 100. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 i'm at 4 months NC and while they're getting to be less and less they can seem so vivid it's easy to get sucked into them and start believing. so i let them run their course for like a few seconds - - then i squash 'em and find something else to do Link to post Share on other sites
Net Jedi Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I guess it depends on what type of fantasies you're having. If they're about you going and winning your ex back then definitely just let them run their course and definitely don't act on them. If they're about your ex running back to you and realizing the mistake they made than just let them run their course. I've been having the latter thoughts more and more but in mine I'm imagining being onto something better. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I have them all the time. not sure if I should force myself to stop doing it or just let it run its course. Happens to the best of us, Luke. For all we know, you and your ex might be friends in the future. Maybe you'll get back together. Maybe you won't ever see her again ... where am I going with this? Just saying that no one has a crystal ball to know the future, and fantasizing the "better" option is just a sign that you're still hoping for that option. I don't know if you can "force" yourself to stop doing it, unless you mean you will give yourself a dope slap when your mind starts going over in that direction. Or call me, and I'll give you one. You're so awesome, and I really mean that. I hope that at least the waters are calm on other fronts. Are you handling the anger? I hope so. Take care. Grace x Link to post Share on other sites
jacksonBrown Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 ive decided to let mine run there course i dont dwell on them i usually have them when im in bed about to go to sleep i dont mind having them anymore at first they made me sad but now i've realised she's going to be on my mind for quite some time and i've sort of become ok with that now, i've dated other gilrs looking for a rebound but i still thort of my ex, now i wanna concentrate on getting myself happy without a partner i know everything will work it self out in the end weather we get back together or not, but i've just accepted she will be on my mind and thats ok as long as i'm not miserable about it. but yeh like everyone else said i wont act on them there just fantasy's Its Strict NC for me Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I guess the best thing is to try to think of something else - the mind can only hold one thought at once, of course sometimes the thoughts of our lost love keep returning... in that case: fire up the DVD player - and have a "The Office" marathon until you pass out! Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I have them all the time. not sure if I should force myself to stop doing it or just let it run its course. I think the problem I have is that a big part of me is still stupid enough to believe that my ex still loves me as much as I love him. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. And it doesn't matter how much logic and reason I try to use to convince myself that these fantasies have no basis in reality it doesn't seem to work and I remain lost in my delusional world of denial. I know it is extremely detrimental to my healing process in the long run as it keeps setting me back. But these reconciliation fantasies have become even more intense now, as I know that I have to see my ex again in the next few weeks and a big part of me is still convinced that he will change his mind about the break up and give me another chance. And it doesn't help that he broke up with me and gave me another chance in the past, because my mind is constantly putting these real life memories into the reconciliation fantasy mix too!! Link to post Share on other sites
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