Just a little update

[Goldensilence]

So, here's a little update for those who know and care or are interested in knowing about what's going on with me regarding the situation that I was caught up in. Here's the link to my previous thread for those who need to refresh their memories or simply have no idea what it is that I'm talking about: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278442/

 

It’s been two months since things changed for the situation I was in. I haven’t seen or spoken to this guy since then. Except, for once at the beginning of June. I was just headed out of my apartment building one morning, when he got out of his car and was headed inside. I saw him and I knew that he had seen me. I figured that we’d just walk past each other without acknowledging one another but, that wasn’t the case. He looked at me and prolonged the eye contact a bit. I was going to look away as soon as I saw him and avoid eye contact with him but, I didn’t do so, because, I didn’t want him to think that I felt intimidated by him or something, because I didn’t. So, our eyes met and when he looked at me, he prolonged the eye contact for a bit. It wasn’t for too long, but, it was longer than the “normal” amount of eye contact you usually hold with people when you’re passing by. I gave him a bit of a stern look. Then, he finally broke the silence by saying “Hey” (to me) in a low, soft and "gentle" tone of voice. I said “Hey” back (in a normal tone of voice) and continued on my way. There were people walking behind me and he greeted them as well but, it was a bit different. When he said “Hey” to them, it was in a louder, more assured (I think that’s the right word) tone of voice. So, it sounded like “Hey!” Anyway, that’s it. No More. I haven’t seen him or come into contact with him since then (if that time even counts).

 

It’s the summer and since I don’t exactly have any "big" plans for the summer, I’ve been spending some time looking inward. Looking at myself, trying to understand what it is that made me so vulnerable to this whole thing and how I can change that. I’ll admit that I still haven’t sought out professional help for my issues but, I’ve started to keep a journal. It sounded childish to me when I first came up with the idea but I figured: “Why not? I’ll get my feelings, thoughts, and emotions out while improving my writing skills and I love to write so…why not give it a try?” I’ve noticed that this helps; especially when I’m over-thinking or over-analyzing things because by the time I’m finished writing out everything that I’m thinking or feeling, I’ll have a couple of pages written out, and I’ll be too tired to continue thinking about stuff or to continue writing things out. So, it stops me when I’m over-thinking or over-analyzing things (which is a bad habit of mine). At some point soon, I hope to seek professional help for my issues.

 

 

On the plus side though, I took a brief trip to my school which is about 40 minutes away from home, a few weeks ago. I did so, to discuss something school-related with a professor that I had never met before. I honestly didn’t know what to expect but, she was very nice, friendly, and helpful. I liked her a lot and I’m currently considering taking her class at some point in the future. Here’s the funny thing though: Not only is she a professor in the department of my major but she is a counselor at the school’s counseling center, as well. When she mentioned this to me, the first thought that popped into my head was: “Tell her! Tell her about how you’ve been struggling with some personal issues for some time now and even though you’ve always wanted to seek professional help, you have never actually done so” The thought was right in my head but, my mouth didn’t move so, I never mentioned any of it to her. Part of me, also didn’t want to ruin the good first impression I was making by bringing my personal issues into the conversation. I did, however, take this as a positive sign. It sounds corny but, I thought to myself: “Maybe meeting this woman served a purpose. Maybe its purpose wasn’t solely to remind me that there are good professors in the psych department but, also to let me know that if at some point, I do decide that I want to check out the school’s counseling center that there is someone there that I already know, that seems trustworthy and who may help me ease into the process (even if she isn’t my counselor)”.

 

 

As for the situation that brought me to post here in the first place, I know that the real and true test will come if or when I happen to see this guy again. I know that this test will be presented to me by how he acts with or around me and/or what he says to me and whether I pass it or not (so to speak), will depend on my reaction to what he does or says and how it affects me. I honestly don’t plan to let him get to me though. I use the word "plan" because I feel like you can never be too sure (even when you think you are) but, at this point, I doubt he wants anything to do with me anyway. Besides, the last time I saw him, I walked away feeling fine.

 

I don't expect appraisal or applause here. I know I still have work to do. This is merely an update on me and my situation but, any input is appreciated.

[flowerlove]

Hey hun! I remember your situation. I'm glad to know that you're doing well and that you've been staying away from this guy.

[Goldensilence]

Hey hun! I remember your situation. I'm glad to know that you're doing well and that you've been staying away from this guy.

 

Thanks....

[jj33]

It’s been two months since things changed for the situation I was in. I haven’t seen or spoken to this guy since then. Except, for once at the beginning of June. I was just headed out of my apartment building one morning, when he got out of his car and was headed inside. I saw him and I knew that he had seen me. I figured that we’d just walk past each other without acknowledging one another but, that wasn’t the case.

 

He looked at me and prolonged the eye contact a bit. I was going to look away as soon as I saw him and avoid eye contact with him but, I didn’t do so, because, I didn’t want him to think that I felt intimidated by him or something, because I didn’t. So, our eyes met and when he looked at me, he prolonged the eye contact for a bit. It wasn’t for too long, but, it was longer than the “normal” amount of eye contact you usually hold with people when you’re passing by. I gave him a bit of a stern look. Then, he finally broke the silence by saying “Hey” (to me) in a low, soft and "gentle" tone of voice. I said “Hey” back (in a normal tone of voice) and continued on my way. There were people walking behind me and he greeted them as well but, it was a bit different. When he said “Hey” to them, it was in a louder, more assured (I think that’s the right word) tone of voice. So, it sounded like “Hey!” Anyway, that’s it. No More. I haven’t seen him or come into contact with him since then (if that time even counts).

 

It’s the summer and since I don’t exactly have any "big" plans for the

 

 

As for the situation that brought me to post here in the first place, I know that the real and true test will come if or when I happen to see this guy again. I know that this test will be presented to me by how he acts with or around me and/or what he says to me and whether I pass it or not (so to speak), will depend on my reaction to what he does or says and how it affects me. I honestly don’t plan to let him get to me though. I use the word "plan" because I feel like you can never be too sure (even when you think you are) but, at this point, I doubt he wants anything to do with me anyway. Besides, the last time I saw him, I walked away feeling fine.

 

 

Great to hear you are doing well and moving forward with school. And also good you didnt bring up your issues with your professor. She is your professor and you are a really smart girl and that was not the time or place. So good again. You behaved appropriately in the situation.

 

It also tells you that you WANT to see a counselor. Otherwise you wouldnt have been tempted to mention it to her. Nothing wrong with that. Go to the counselling office and find someone whose course you dont think you will be taking that you feel comfortable wtih and speak to them. Or someone whose course you may take, but make sure you raise it in counselling not outside. Its time. You are ready to deal with this.

 

Now as for your test. Honey you have that backwards. He could jump out naked, serenade you with a band, ignore you, be sweet be mean. It doesnt matter. All that matters is that he cant touch you or get near you or be inappropriate with you in any way.

 

Your only job is to hold your physical boundaries and your emotional boundaries.

 

Your test if yours. It has nothing to do with how he speaks to you, whether he speaks to you or how he responds to you. This is not about him. Its about you and your ability to set boundaries regarding how people can treat you.

 

If you walk away and ignore him and he calls after you and laughs - does that mean you failed? No. It means hes an azzclown and that you have passed the test by not stopping to speak to him.

 

Make sense?

 

You need attention and you need to feel good about you. Its hard to be young and lonely and feel misunderstood or unappreciated by your family. The thing is you are getting new opportunities every day. Your professor appreciates you and you are great at school. This part of your life will move you forward and bring you more self esteem. In the meantime, getting some counseling may help you on your way.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Goldensilence]

Great to hear you are doing well and moving forward with school. And also good you didnt bring up your issues with your professor. She is your professor and you are a really smart girl and that was not the time or place. So good again. You behaved appropriately in the situation.

 

It also tells you that you WANT to see a counselor. Otherwise you wouldnt have been tempted to mention it to her. Nothing wrong with that. Go to the counselling office and find someone whose course you dont think you will be taking that you feel comfortable wtih and speak to them. Or someone whose course you may take, but make sure you raise it in counselling not outside. Its time. You are ready to deal with this.

 

Now as for your test. Honey you have that backwards. He could jump out naked, serenade you with a band, ignore you, be sweet be mean. It doesnt matter. All that matters is that he cant touch you or get near you or be inappropriate with you in any way.

 

Your only job is to hold your physical boundaries and your emotional boundaries.

 

Your test if yours. It has nothing to do with how he speaks to you, whether he speaks to you or how he responds to you. This is not about him. Its about you and your ability to set boundaries regarding how people can treat you.

 

If you walk away and ignore him and he calls after you and laughs - does that mean you failed? No. It means hes an azzclown and that you have passed the test by not stopping to speak to him.

 

Make sense?

 

You need attention and you need to feel good about you. Its hard to be young and lonely and feel misunderstood or unappreciated by your family. The thing is you are getting new opportunities every day. Your professor appreciates you and you are great at school. This part of your life will move you forward and bring you more self esteem. In the meantime, getting some counseling may help you on your way.

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Thanks for your input jj33.

 

I'd just like to clear something up. The professor I spoke to, isn't MY professor. This was the first time I ever spoke to her. Before then, I didn't even know she existed. That's why I was tempted to tell her about the counseling. If this had been a former or current professor of mine, then I wouldn't have even thought about bringing the topic of counseling up. I've thought about taking her course but, I don't exactly know if I will. I do know, however, that if I end up taking her course that I won't discuss the topic of counseling with her. Or that if I do end up going to counseling and she ends up being my counselor, that I won't take her course. She can either be my professor or my counselor but she can't be both.

 

I also understand what you're saying about my "test" and how it's about me and my boundaries, not about him. But what I meant in my original post, was also that I can't let his actions (or anyone else's actions or words) get to me so much (if that makes sense). So, this "test" won't be just about my boundaries but, also about how well I can take things (again, if that makes sense).

 

In terms of school, things aren't going as well as I expected or I hoped they would. This past semester my GPA fell to a 2.8. I went from being on the Dean's list to being completely off of it. That hurt me and discouraged me but, I plan to face this new upcoming semester with my game face on. These past few months have been crazy for me and I'm currently trying to recover from it all this summer.

 

By the way, I apologize if my response to you came off a bit rude because that wasn't my intention at all.

[jj33]

You arent rude. You are just fine. And you will pull your GPA back up.

 

I hope whatever was going on with you has settled down. You will do great this semester Im sure and you are exactly right about your test.

 

You are very wise.