tb24 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 For those interested, backstory: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284222/ She broke up with me because she struggled to get to know me. I spoke to my (only) other ex-girlfriend (From my previous 3 year LTR) about why me and my new gf broke up. She said: "It has to be said, you are very quiet. It took me a long time to get to know you." This is quite insightful that both my girlfriends have said the same thing, albeit the first one waited longer for me to open up . So clearly, the problem is me. I have a hard time opening up to people. I don't even know why, I don't know what I can do to make people feel like they know me better. I mean, what am I supposed to do to achieve this? What sort of things would help someone get to know me? These are both girls who knew about all my hobbies/interests, what kind of music I like, what I do for a living, etc. Isn't this knowing me? I'm sure I'm missing the point. And I'm also sure that's the problem. What can I do to make people 'know me' better? I'm lucky I'm good looking or I don't think I'd ever get anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 I can't say I'm convinced of that. I'm pretty sure the only person who would really say they "know me well" is my best friend who I've known since school. And I'm including my parents in that. If you asked my work colleagues, they'd say they barely knew me despite me being there for 2 years. I spoke to my recent ex about what she meant by it. I think I was struggling to comprehend the difference between 'knowing me' and 'knowing about me'. She said "being able to predict how you'll react to things". Which is a bit vague, but something to go on. I guess the bottom of that particular issue is not that i'm 'unpredictable' but that I tend not to show strong reactions to much at all. :-\ I have no idea how to go about fixing that though. Link to post Share on other sites
theseeker Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 So clearly, the problem is me. What sort of things would help someone get to know me? These are both girls who knew about all my hobbies/interests, what kind of music I like, what I do for a living, etc. Isn't this knowing me? I'm sure I'm missing the point. You aren't the problem. Relationships lead to personal growth and self-awareness. If you are quiet, and you are comfortable with being quiet, then that is perfectly fine. You shouldn't have to change who you are for anyone for any reason unless the way you are bothers you and you want to make a change. Also remember, you are getting these comments from your ex girlfriends. Being in a romantic relationship means knowing someone on a deeper level, deeper than simply knowing your hobbies/interests, music, etc. Girlfriends (and girls in general) like to talk about feelings, they want to know what you are thinking. Now this may seem silly to you, but that is what they are trying to get at when they say 'knowing you'. They want you to tell them about your dreams, fears, desires, anxieties, etc. It doesn't have to be heavy deep stuff. But if you simply tell them, for example, "I really want to be a doctor, but I'm afraid I won't get into a good medical school" they will feel like you are sharing with them something that you wouldn't normally share with, say, your friends or family. They will return the favor and tell your their opinion on what you should do, as well as their own inner thoughts & feelings. This will deepen the relationship and connection between the two of you. If you don't know how to start this, a good way would be telling your future girlfriend about your childhood. Hope this makes things a little clearer! Link to post Share on other sites
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