kmj Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 To get some background on my situation read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282070/ So, me and my ex have been going back and forth with contact. One day he says he's willing to give it a shot at working it out, and the next he's changed his mind. So after a few weeks of this tug of war, I gave up. Like yesterday. I blocked him on AIM, blocked his emails, he was already blocked on Facebook, you name it. And what do you know? He contacts me. He sent me a text saying "I'm so sorry for how mean I've been to you, *my name* :(" I didn't respond, and went about my day with the mindset that, that was all I would hear. Wrong. He called me that night, and against my better judgment I answered. We talked for a while, there was some arguing, but it wasn't a terrible conversation. I figured out what happened with him and that girl though. Apparently he hooked up with her and thought they would date a while. Well this girl being the skank that she was, wasn't having it. No sooner did she have her clothes back on then she was already screwing around with someone else and he found out about it. Needless to say, his ego looks a lot like a deflated beach ball right about now. So my question is, if he's coming to me considering to work it out, should I? I've lost a lot of respect for him because of him hooking up with this chick. And now I know that she kicked him to the curb AND he didn't use protection. Gross. I don't know what to do. I still care about him, but if she didn't even want him, should I even consider it? I feel like I'm being played. I told him this too, that I was no one's second choice and he better remember that. He admits to making a mistake and regretting it, but still. I'm not sure... Any input? Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingSmall Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Wow, what a jerk... I wouldn't go back if I were you. Now that she doesn't want him and he's been made sure of that, he comes back?? You deserve better than that. I know you still care and you're probably still hurting but really? Don't you think you're deserving of someone who wants YOU. Who doesn't need to go out and make damn sure the grass isn't greener elsewhere, someone who doesn't have to feel like crap about themselves before deciding you're the one? They are out there. You deserve it. Kick him to the curb, find someone who you can respect and who respects you, because he sure doesn't. Rotten, simply rotten. I'm so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 "He's broken up with me a few times, for really stupid reasons and then eventually came back. It just hurts that after 2 years with someone, that they can just hate me and never want to speak to me again after everything we've been through." This is what you wrote in your past post. This is his pattern. The mighty has not fallen. He's just stumbling with his game right now. He's only coming back because he has no where else to go or get attention from. And if you have taken him back several times after he has dumped you, he is once again coming back to you because he knows that you will once again take him back and give him what he needs. Once he has you back in the palm of his hands, the same patterns will emerge again. Did he come back the rest of the times hoping to once again work it out? So what's different this time around? Ask yourself what you are taking back and investing in. This is the same person that dumped you several times and hooked up with someone else. Most likely, you will be taking back the same ole person and investing in the same unhealthy relationship you had once before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I kind of figured the same. I still really care about the guy, and I told him I wasn't mad at him for hooking up with another chick. I was just grossed out that he chose HER. I thought he had higher standards than that. I told him I needed some time to think. I also told him that if I did consider it then he has some serious work to do in the trust department. Keep in mind I broke up with him, and after a month of him getting in my face and being angry with me trying to "work it out" he got sick of it and picked up the first thing that paid attention to him. I don't know. I feel like it's just better if I say thanks but no thanks. He knows damn well he screwed up. Things have not been well for him since I dumped him. I kind of feel like after all the crap he put me through, he had it all coming. I just can't get rid of the feeling like I still want to try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 "He's broken up with me a few times, for really stupid reasons and then eventually came back. It just hurts that after 2 years with someone, that they can just hate me and never want to speak to me again after everything we've been through." This is what you wrote in your past post. This is his pattern. The mighty has not fallen. He's just stumbling with his game right now. He's only coming back because he has no where else to go or get attention from. And if you have taken him back several times after he has dumped you, he is once again coming back to you because he knows that you will once again take him back and give him what he needs. Once he has you back in the palm of his hands, the same patterns will emerge again. Did he come back the rest of the times hoping to once again work it out? So what's different this time around? Ask yourself what you are taking back and investing in. This is the same person that dumped you several times and hooked up with someone else. Most likely, you will be taking back the same ole person and investing in the same unhealthy relationship you had once before. Here's the funny thing, when he would dump me, I would call and try to talk and fix things. The only time he's ever come back around like that was when, during one of our breakups, I told him that I was done playing games and that he should go F*** himself. Then he started with the begging and pleading. Me things he only wants what he can't have... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I kind of figured the same. I still really care about the guy, and I told him I wasn't mad at him for hooking up with another chick. I was just grossed out that he chose HER. I thought he had higher standards than that. I told him I needed some time to think. I also told him that if I did consider it then he has some serious work to do in the trust department. Keep in mind I broke up with him, and after a month of him getting in my face and being angry with me trying to "work it out" he got sick of it and picked up the first thing that paid attention to him. I don't know. I feel like it's just better if I say thanks but no thanks. He knows damn well he screwed up. Things have not been well for him since I dumped him. I kind of feel like after all the crap he put me through, he had it all coming. I just can't get rid of the feeling like I still want to try again. You want to try again because you're hopeful. Being hopeful is great. But in this case, you really need to be realistic. Don't romanticize him and the relationship but really look into what you're potentially going back to and what his patterns have been. You want try again because you have nothing else going on for you in the "love department" so you're settling with what you have infront of you rather than be realistic that this is something you're just going to have to move away from. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Here's the funny thing, when he would dump me, I would call and try to talk and fix things. The only time he's ever come back around like that was when, during one of our breakups, I told him that I was done playing games and that he should go F*** himself. Then he started with the begging and pleading. Me things he only wants what he can't have... And me thinks that he likes to have you as his fallback. Someone on the sidelines that waits for him whenever he wants to do his back and forth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I tend to agree. I guess I just wanted some outside perspective. I care about the guy, but you're right. His ego is in tatters and he needs old faithful to build him back up again. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I tend to agree. I guess I just wanted some outside perspective. I care about the guy, but you're right. His ego is in tatters and he needs old faithful to build him back up again. I understand. It's hard. It's ok to care about him but what's more important is that you care about/for yourself enough to avoid putting YOU in a bad situation for the sake of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kmj Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Yeah, f that guy. I'm pretty skeeved out about him hooking up with that tramp. He needs to get tested, and he knows it. Gross. Link to post Share on other sites
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