I Want to Sleep With My Hubby's Friend

[Magictoasty]

I read all your posts, and I must say that you taking pot shots at other members who were victims of infidelity by calling them pansies is totally inappopriate.

 

Lets get something straight, your husband was in the Marine Corps, not you. So you can quit the tough guy attitude. Everything he ever accomplished has nothing to do with you. Got that ? Go ahead call me a buffoon.

 

I am sure you will be thinking of all the great advice you get once you get your first herpes outbreak. Good luck!

 

 

To be honest she was only defending herself and it's kinda sad the attitude this forum has.

 

 

Somebody comes here for advice but the truth is this place is haunted by people who got screwed over and are making angry bitter posts, it's pathetic.

 

I see guys saying "I think my wife kissed another guy" and the replies are instantly "DITCH HER" or longer winded rants to that effect. The community here is a judgemental cess pit of hate and venom.

 

Truth is, your partners all betrayed you because of this weak, non-alpha submissive angry cowardice that you display all over the forum.

 

And you do post like a buffoon, Joe, you are not the holy avatar of relationship justice ordained by god, just a guy who couldn't keep his woman.

[distinct wonder]

I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you have such a wonderful relationship with your husband and he fulfills you in every way then why the need to have sex with another man?

 

With the head over heals kind of love you described- I personally would not do a darn thing that could potentially risk that love, not a darn thing. If you are so positively sure your love can surpass all and having sex with his BF would not affect your relationship negatively then how about you let him sleep with your BF.

Edited July 4, 2011 by distinct wonder

[Woggle]

I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you have such a wonderful relationship with your husband and he fulfills you in every way then why the need to have sex with another man?

 

With the head over heals kind of love you described- I personally would not do a darn thing that could potentially risk that love, not a darn thing. If you are so positively sure your love can surpass all and having sex with his BF would not affect your relationship negatively then how about you let him sleep with your BF.

 

It's not head over heels love. Wait a year or two and she will be posting about how she wants to divorce him. That might sound judgmental but this is so cliche anybody can predict where it will end up.

[distinct wonder]

It's not head over heels love. Wait a year or two and she will be posting about how she wants to divorce him. That might sound judgmental but this is so cliche anybody can predict where it will end up.

I know, that was my point in a round about way... if she's wanting to be physically intimate with another male then how could it be head over heels love? If it was head over heals love then she wouldn't give a rats patootie about any other males. IMHO anyhow.

[Woggle]

Guess what buddy, I was man enough to not keep my woman, and to get rid of her when she started displaying characteristics like the OP. Like it or not, the definition of cheating applies here and when you come to an open public forum, you take the risk of opinions of others. This has nothing to do with "My Wife Kissed Another Guy" so stay on topic. It is about the institution of marriage and her blameshifting this situation to her husband when in fact she is a willing participant.

 

I was man enough to not keep her as well even when she begged me to take her back a year after the divorce. That does not make me a pansie. In face it makes me the opposite.

[robdrm32]

OP dunno if your still checking in but i would liken your situation to playing poker.

 

You know your hand, your husband showed you his, and you have a pretty good idea of his BF's hand (even though you don't know him very well).

 

So you feel good about placing your bets, only thing is you have no idea what the dealers hand is.

 

could be good, could be bad. Are you willing to go all in? thats pretty much what your doing.

 

There are certain situations that you can look at beforehand and say "this is how i would react..."

 

But when that flood of emotion rushes over your hubby, or you, you have no idea what to expect.

 

i mean, is your husband really so open as to talk about it with his friend afterwards?

 

Or are you all going to pretend like nothing ever happened? What if his friend is so good in bed that you want it again, and again, until your husband doesn't do the job anymore and you only want sex from his friend?

 

And it's not that it couldn't happen, you just don't think it will. Just take into account all the unknown risks you are assuming just to get off on his bud.

[rafallus]

I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you have such a wonderful relationship with your husband and he fulfills you in every way then why the need to have sex with another man?

He doesn't. Obviously.

 

if she's wanting to be physically intimate with another male then how could it be head over heels love?

She just tried to make the situation look more dramatic to stir up more interest in responding people.

[P&R]

OP dunno if your still checking in but i would liken your situation to playing poker.

 

You know your hand, your husband showed you his, and you have a pretty good idea of his BF's hand (even though you don't know him very well).

 

So you feel good about placing your bets, only thing is you have no idea what the dealers hand is.

 

could be good, could be bad. Are you willing to go all in? thats pretty much what your doing.

 

There are certain situations that you can look at beforehand and say "this is how i would react..."

 

But when that flood of emotion rushes over your hubby, or you, you have no idea what to expect.

 

i mean, is your husband really so open as to talk about it with his friend afterwards?

 

Or are you all going to pretend like nothing ever happened? What if his friend is so good in bed that you want it again, and again, until your husband doesn't do the job anymore and you only want sex from his friend?

 

And it's not that it couldn't happen, you just don't think it will. Just take into account all the unknown risks you are assuming just to get off on his bud.

Great analogy.

[xxoo]

Kuulani, I have a different concern to consider.

 

Do you feel that you are using this guy? Are you and your H being a good friend to him by using him for sexual kicks?

 

He is free now, but what happens when he meets someone, and maybe marries? If he is your husband's BEST friend, wouldn't you want to be friends with his future wife, and an "auntie" to his kids? How is that going to play out with a swinging history between you?

 

Don't crap where you eat.

[Joe Normal]

There's a very old saying that covers this situation perfectly -

 

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

 

You have a great marriage...so far. Why do something that has the chance to blow it all up? Best case, you get a great marriage plus some fun casual sex on the side. Worst case, you lose your marriage, catch an STD, and your husband kills his best friend and goes to the electric chair, or divorces you and some family court judge takes away your kids because you boned another guy and are thus an unfit mother. Most likely case - things get complicated, feelings get involved, and one or more people end up getting hurt. If your marriage sucked, then it might be worth the thrill, but your marriage is good, so why take the risk?

 

This is a no-brainer. You are risking an awful lot, for awfully little.

[Memphis Raines]

I read all your posts, and I must say that you taking pot shots at other members who were victims of infidelity by calling them pansies is totally inappopriate.

 

it also indicates the character of someone who is a cheater. people so selfish will become all flippant to the truth when someone calls it like it is.

[Lecturer]

Wow, the bitterness level and judgment in this thread is astounding. I'm not even sure where to start, hmm...

 

First, the OP is not the instigator here. It appears to me that she was simply open and honest about her opinion about the friend, and the husband ran with that. Can people here say they haven't been or aren't attracted to anyone they know or see? Do they not have a relationship that is strong and open enough to let them be honest with their partner in this? Is it that people are too insecure to handle the truth and must instead live in a world of delusional, ignorant bliss, believing that they are the only person that their partner is attracted to?

 

Second, sharing your partner sexually does not always denote beta-type personality, nor submission. Yes, these are traits of typical cuckold-fetish scenarios, but there are plenty of alpha/dominant males that share their partners too. IMO, a truly dominant male is secure enough in himself, his relationship, and his partner's devotion that he doesn't need to use rules/limits/boundaries to enforce his partner's commitment.

 

Third, this is not cheating. Plain and simple. Cheating is subjective, and defined by the parties involved. In YOUR relationships, this may be cheating, yes. Cheating could be defined as anything.. even having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex. But if a couple (or trio, or whatever) agree that sex outside the primary relationship is ok, then it is! The real problem with cheating is that it is a violation of the mutual agreement.. it is betrayal and lies... this is none of that.

 

The idea that all, or even most, open relationships fail is preposterous. Yes, some fail, and yes, some fail BECAUSE of the open environment. But plenty of marriages fail for plenty of reasons... we don't eliminate all those reasons because of the risks they include!

 

A marriage could fail because of porn use, because of the the friends that someone associates with, because of a person's job, because of the stress that having kids causes, etc. But we don't tell people not to have kids because we know of a couple who divorced due to the stress having kids caused! We don't tell people not to have friends because we happen to know of someone that left their husband and ended up marrying the friend!

 

Yes, we can tell her of the risks involved, but don't try to make it sound like its a certainty. Everything we do has risks involved, and we have to weight them accordingly.

 

As for my personal opinion:

 

I'm a very dominant person, sexually and socially. So much so, that I intentionally try hold myself back socially, because I'll always end up taking leadership roles and taking on stresses, and frankly, because being overly dominant can make you seem like a jerk. So I try to tone it down a bit.

 

I'm now at a place in my marriage where I am completely secure in my wife's love and devotion to me. It took time to get here - after all - how long does it take to trust someone? There are rarely acts that tell you that you can trust someone, only the absence of acts that tell you that you CAN'T. It can take a lifetime to earn someone's trust, and 10 seconds to lose it. My wife has my trust, 100%.

 

So yes, I may be able to entertain the idea of my wife sleeping with another man, under conditions I was comfortable with. I can handle what that means, the risks, etc. I can consider the things people are concerned with... and be comfortable with whatever could happen. In some ways, I could see it as a test.. of the strength of the relationship. To see if it TRULY is strong, or if it is only held together by the limitations that convention has imposed.

 

In a way, I like the idea of my wife actually having the opportunity to compare me to others. I guess it's my competitive nature... just another aspect of my dominant personality lol.

 

For the record, my wife has no interest at all in sex with others. She's rather old-school, conservative.. plus for her sex is a product of a loving relationship and cannot occur outside that environment. For that reason, she'd actually have to have a courtship with someone, form a bond, and then eventually, sometime down the road, have sex. But that's a different can of worms entirely!

[Memphis Raines]

Wow, the bitterness level and judgment in this thread is astounding. I'm not even sure where to start, hmm...

 

First, the OP is not the instigator here. It appears to me that she was simply open and honest about her opinion about the friend, and the husband ran with that.

 

the husband didn't run with anything. she didn't ask her H, unless I missed it, "can I f*** this guy?"

 

he simply doesn't mind if she is attracted to him.

 

Now it may be all a moot point. He may want her to go have sex with this guy. He may be into it.

 

Gives him a green light to go for another woman too.

 

 

Can people here say they haven't been or aren't attracted to anyone they know or see?

 

thats not the point. NOBODY here will argue that everyone finds other people attractive. But this woman WANTS to sleep with him and is on the verge of it. BIG difference.

 

Do they not have a relationship that is strong and open enough to let them be honest with their partner in this? Is it that people are too insecure to handle the truth and must instead live in a world of delusional, ignorant bliss, believing that they are the only person that their partner is attracted to?

 

uh, I don't think you read this thread closely enough. This isn't just a matter of attraction(which is normal). this is a matter of she really wants to f*** this friend of his, and is paving the way to do so.

 

 

Second, sharing your partner sexually does not always denote beta-type personality, nor submission. Yes, these are traits of typical cuckold-fetish scenarios, but there are plenty of alpha/dominant males that share their partners too. IMO, a truly dominant male is secure enough in himself, his relationship, and his partner's devotion that he doesn't need to use rules/limits/boundaries to enforce his partner's commitment.

 

so you are saying that secure men should have no problem with other men bedding down their wives???

 

 

Third, this is not cheating. Plain and simple. Cheating is subjective, and defined by the parties involved. In YOUR relationships, this may be cheating, yes.

 

her H may be a very secure man, but unless he says that he is absolutely ok with her parting thighs for another man, it IS cheating until that day comes.

 

 

The idea that all, or even most, open relationships fail is preposterous.

 

well the statistics on this site don't bear that out. Every time we hear of an open relationship on this site, there are always little problems of jealousy, anger, what have you.

 

I frankly get sick of reading about people in open relationships complaining that the other cheated:o

 

 

I'm now at a place in my marriage where I am completely secure in my wife's love and devotion to me. It took time to get here - after all - how long does it take to trust someone? There are rarely acts that tell you that you can trust someone, only the absence of acts that tell you that you CAN'T. It can take a lifetime to earn someone's trust, and 10 seconds to lose it. My wife has my trust, 100%.

 

So yes, I may be able to entertain the idea of my wife sleeping with another man, under conditions I was comfortable with.

 

and if you want to, and are absolutely fine with cuckolding yourself. then that is the boundaries that you 2 can set.

 

the OP wouldn't be here if she wasn't sure if her H would let her screw this guy.

 

So bottom line, if she wants to, she needs to be asking him permission to have sex with him.

 

 

I can handle what that means, the risks, etc. I can consider the things people are concerned with... and be comfortable with whatever could happen. In some ways, I could see it as a test.. of the strength of the relationship. To see if it TRULY is strong, or if it is only held together by the limitations that convention has imposed.

 

what limitations are those? you either let her sleep with someone, or you dont.

 

 

In a way, I like the idea of my wife actually having the opportunity to compare me to others. I guess it's my competitive nature... just another aspect of my dominant personality lol.

 

and of course the fact that she couldn't complain if you went out and had sex with other women is a plus too, eh?

 

 

For the record, my wife has no interest at all in sex with others. She's rather old-school, conservative.. plus for her sex is a product of a loving relationship and cannot occur outside that environment. For that reason, she'd actually have to have a courtship with someone, form a bond, and then eventually, sometime down the road, have sex. But that's a different can of worms entirely!

 

really? well then I would think no 2 people could be more mismatched. her a conservative that would not entertain the idea of having sex with another man, married to a man that would get off on her doing so.

[April72]

Wow what a discussion you started it's been very entertaining to read.

 

My current BF was the friend in a few situations like 20 yrs ago. The friend that did the girl for the buddy. He was young and on drugs and had not a single thought for the future. I can't even handle the fact that he did it 20 yrs ago. It makes me crazy and I wish he'd never told me. So to say the least it's obviously not for me. To me marriage is not marriage if it's open. So idk. good luck.

 

Have you ever watched Indecent Proposal with Demi Moore from the early 90's ??? if not rent it.

 

I think there are alot more people out there that do this type of stuff then I ever imagined... I guess to each his own. I just don't get it.

 

I would think your husband was showing you off by showing the pics... hey look at my sexy a** wife. I'm not sure we was trying to spark an affair... but maybe he was. But you guys just need to talk to the guys and establish the rules. And in your original post you said he wanted to orchestrate and then said he didn't want to be there.... so maybe he's not so sure.

 

just good luck.

[Spectre]

To the OP: If you are soooo in love with your husband and you have this really awesome relationship..why do you wanna bang another dude? If you're truly in love with him, you'd only want to be with him, period.

 

Sex is *never* just sex, not in this type of situation. When you are single and go out drinking and have a one night stand and never see the person again? Yeah, that's sex being "just sex". When you are going to be banging your husbands "best" friend that's far far from "just sex".

 

If you have any real respect for your marriage..do not do this.

[Joe0724]

"He's nice...but he's no hubby"

 

A text almost exactly what my wife said when i gave her permission to explore some freedom with a guy she met this year. Worst mistake I made.

 

Within 3 weeks, they were exchanging "I love yous" and now she feels she doesn't want to be married anymore. Then again, she is on the naive side.

 

I have always been open with her in the 21 years we've been together as far as allowing her freedom if she desired. She never took me up on it. I never thought in a million years our strong marriage and being each others best friend would be where it is today.

 

After her affair LAST year, she tells me, "well, you always said I could have a BF on the side"..Forgetting the part of "Not behind my back."

 

I'm not saying this will happen to you. I do know people who have this relationship and it works for them. I do share your "kink" likes, as we experimented with some stuff, nothing too outlandish because of her usease of it, so I am certainly not judging you. Just sayin, tread lighty.

 

Good luck! It does sound hot!

[Chi townD]

I don't know why people are still posting on this dead thread. The OP isn't coming back because she didn't want to hear that she's throwing her marriage away. She didn't have a cheering section to say that it would be okay.

 

The only way that the OP will come back here is AFTER she does the deed with his friend to report that it was wonderful and she's still married and everything is fine. Trying to tell us that we were wrong and we don't know what we're talking about. Of course, that's just her point of view because she really won't have any idea what going through her husbands head.

[sally4sara]

Let me give you some background. My hubby and I are in love-like best friends, head over heals, cuddling all the time, do everything together. 8 years married now. We've had maybe 5 fights in that time-we truly do just get along and love being together. We have 5 kids between us (no little ones) and live your average upper middle class life.

A few months ago I finally met his best friend (long story, but we live hours away from his work and most of his friends, which is why we've never met before.) I immediately liked him, and I'd say we hit it off well. But there is definitely a sexual attraction on my side building for him. Hubby is actually pretty OK with this-we enjoy kink and other taboo things, and he knows I'd like to sleep with his friend and he is OK with me doing it. It must be his Aquarius nature, but he's just very open sexually and not overly possessive of me, and extrmemly trusting and confident of our love. I feel the same for him. He even volunteered to help orchestrate it-again, not everyone's cup of tea, but our love just isn't definited by sex, so I think he just isn't really threatened-which is good because no one holds a candle to him. I'm glad he knows this.

I'm not usually like this...I've never really had a crush outside of my marriage, and certainly nothing I'd act on. But physically I want this so bad. I don't get it, I just know this is something I am practically quivering over. I guess sometimes there really is a chemistry thing? This is the first time aside from my hubby that I've ever had this animalistic "I want you NOW" feeling.

I don't know if most guys would even go for this. I think he thinks I'm at least moderatly attractive-we certainly appreciate one another's humor and enjoy one another's company, and I hubby once showed him some proffessional erotic pics I'd had taken of myself and he...well he was very praising of them, let's say. But again...I don't know if he'll even go for this. He's available, and I'm basically offering friendly sex, no strings.

Anyways, I don't know why I'm even posting. I want to air it out...maybe get some advice (either on the situation or how to make it come to fruition) I'm hoping this is one of those non-judgemental places on the web where people can remove their feelings from situations and take things at face value.

So..any advice? Input? Or just anyone else out there who gets me?

 

Its good you were honest with your husband rather than quick stepping to what most people do - betrayal.

 

I know most guys would say when asked that they would never go for such a thing. But I noticed something recently when me and a friend went to a kink shop to buy a gag gift for a bachelor/bachelorette party. The shelves of porn videos. I counted 114 gang bang and cuckold videos but only 21 two girls/one guy videos. Seems to me the fantasy you have is way more popular among men than they want to admit.

 

Then there is the shape of the human penis. Its entire design is to cause semen present inside the women to be pushed out upon his initial thrust and any that isn't pushed out by the vacuum of that thrust to be scooped out by the ridge of the head. Then when he comes, the head goes soft first so as to not remove his own. If men are not turned on by the concept of women having sex with other men, why did their penis evolve to accomplish this?

 

Things that make you go hmmmmm

[Jason Todd]

Then there is the shape of the human penis. Its entire design is to cause semen present inside the women to be pushed out upon his initial thrust and any that isn't pushed out by the vacuum of that thrust to be scooped out by the ridge of the head. Then when he comes, the head goes soft first so as to not remove his own. If men are not turned on by the concept of women having sex with other men, why did their penis evolve to accomplish this? When a man thrusts in a woman the semen doesn't get "pushed out," it just goes deeper into her vagina.

 

Things that make you go hmmmmm

 

So because you read some trumped up theory on the design of c**k you want to claim all men must have some sort of fantasy to see their woman pounded by another man?

[sally4sara]

So because you read some trumped up theory on the design of c**k you want to claim all men must have some sort of fantasy to see their woman pounded by another man?

 

Would you like the the sources? I'm no doctor or anthropologist but the authors are. Logic would dictate men are sexually attracted to and turned on by sexually active women. Nothing to say for how more than half the porn manufactured surrounds these themes? I suppose its gotta be someone's fault so it might as well be mine for sharing it yeah?

[sally4sara]

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus&page=2

 

If by today they mean the history of humankind!

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200803/if-you-want-know-what-women-have-been-look-mens-genitals-i

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_Wars

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3128753.stm

[Jason Todd]

Would you like the the sources? I'm no doctor or anthropologist but the authors are. Logic would dictate men are sexually attracted to and turned on by sexually active women. Nothing to say for how more than half the porn manufactured surrounds these themes?

 

Half the porn manufactured are not surrounded by cuckoldry.

 

I suppose its gotta be someone's fault so it might as well be mine for sharing it yeah?

 

Sharing what?

[Jason Todd]

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus&page=2

 

If by today they mean the history of humankind!

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200803/if-you-want-know-what-women-have-been-look-mens-genitals-i

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_Wars

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3128753.stm

 

It's just theories based on senseless, horny people who like cucking each other, which can be easily challenged. I would type some responses to each of these articles but I don't have a lot of time to do that.

 

Please don't tell me you're a hotwife?LOL

[rafallus]

 

If by today they mean the history of humankind!

 

 

 

 

Evolutionary biology is one approach, and by no means unique or only valid one.

[sally4sara]

Half the porn manufactured are not surrounded by cuckoldry.

 

 

 

Sharing what?

 

 

I just checked a popular site's tag counts. How many videos containing themes involving more than more men than women, more than one guy but only one woman, and cuckoldry? 25,072!

 

How many videos were about FMF, reverse gangbang (that was not homosexual porn), even cheating husband caught? 3264!

 

I don't know why you're arguing about this or taking it personal. I don't make porn movies or write these studies. I'm not even claiming women are into these themes or that I am into these themes. Take it up with those who do.

 

Sharing information. Is something wrong with that? If I share the religious beliefs of someone or someones I met would you be arguing with me about what they told me they have faith in or would you argue it with them if arguing needed to be done?