I Want to Sleep With My Hubby's Friend

[Kuulani]

Of course not. That would be idiotic and dangerous. I AM willing to let him bang someone we agree on and someone I am comfortable with, someone I know and trust, which is exactly what he is doing here for me.

Edited June 30, 2011 by Kuulani

[SoulStorm]

Soul Storm, I don't think this is going to be the end of anything between the hubby and I. This pal of his is nothing like the man I am in love with (well, they are friends and so have similar characteristics, but you all know what I mean when I say "He's nice...but he's no hubby!"). Between the hubby and I there is magic and around hubby and I there is a fortress which we have dilligently built up. We know where we are with each other. I'm sure other's have said that, but I cannot emphasize enough that for me there are lines and that attraction and sex just are NOT the same as love and can easily exist on the other side of the "love line". I think a lot of women tend to see these things as a Ven Diagram with "Love & Sex" being in the middle. For ME, Love is in the middle and things like sex and attraction are in their own bubbles, along with trust, friendship, goals, outlooks, security, etc. I only have 2 of those with his friend (attraction, and desire for sex)...but I have what it takes to equal love with hubby.

The hubby knows, If anything I'd say he thinks it's...almost cute? I know this man and it just hasn't phased him at all.

I've always said I can be like a man a bit in that I really do believe there is such a thing as "just sex"...meaning no love, just a chemistry...just sex. My friends think I'm a loser when I say I could easily forgive an affair provided it didn't beome emtional (which feels like the only real betrayal to me) I've always said I had never experienced it, but that I could easily see how it could be possible, and now it seems I'm seeing exactly what that feels like.

 

The words I bolded is just for clarity. YOU DON'T THINK that this will end your relationship, but you really and truly don't KNOW how this will affect your relationship being that it is unchartered territory.

 

Ven Diagram or not..it does not make a difference how you view a situation that you have not ventured into. You can make plauses and clauses and conjectures, but you really don't know how your husband is going to respond after the fact. He may be ok on the surface..but it may get to him later on.

And how do you know how the friend will be. Maybe he will start calling you for secret rendezvous and making eyes with you and feeling you up when the hubby is not looking. These are speculations at best..but when you involve a third party into a relationship..you really don't know what to expect.

 

Even if your husband has known him for 8 years..has he ever done this with him before?

 

Your views of sex are a little more open than mine so I'm trying to stay objective.

 

Everything may be ok..but you are putting a huge gamble on a relationship that you say you adore.

 

Even though your husband brought it up, is he certain of the ramifications that will follow? I find it very odd of men who like to share their women with other men. I expect people in the Sex industry to do such things and even swingers, but you claim to be neither.

 

There are many strategies and plannings that you can do and you have been doing so, but plans and strategies only work if every perceived avenue has been explored and every avenue is not perceivable in anything.

Don't blame this all on your husband either for setting it up. You are being more than a willing participant. You can simply say no..but your curiosity is making you want to.

[Kuulani]

Yep...I never blamed my husband. I know what incident sort of started the process in my mind, and that was him showing his friend my pics. But, I openly admitted to having a sexual attraction, so...yeah. I know what's what here.

 

Although I am thinking this....I might just wait. If the hubby really is OK with it HE will do/set up something. I won't say anything else. He won't do it unless he's in to the idea, so that way even the smallest part of anyone who might be worried he really isn't OK should be satisfied.

 

Again-I appreciate all the views on this. You are all right about one thing for certain-you can never REALLY be certain, can you?

[Chi townD]

Yeah, but he's investing into a fantasy! Things change when they're made real. Tell you what, why don't you have him read some of these posts on here and see if anything we say makes sense to him.

[Kuulani]

I think I will...it might make him think of things he hasn't thought about (or things he thought about more deeply) Good idea, thanks

[P&R]

OP there is nothing wrong with having an open relationship. You are not a lesser person or in the wrong for wanting to have one, however there will be consiquences for moving your relationship in this direction.

 

The first of which is your relationship with your husband will never be the same again. This is not just speculation on my part... it is cold hard fact. Before entering a open relationship this is something you have to think over long and hard. It sounds like you enjoy the dynamic you have with your husband now. This is the biggest thing you have to take into consideration. You could end up, potentially screwing up what you have with your hubby.

 

The second thing you have to consider is the fact that an open relationship is NOT easy. It takes certain type of person to pull it off. It is not for everybody. Getting to have sex with different people may sound like carefree fun but don't fool yourself... The new dynamic will take getting used to, and it will be a lot of work. Another thing to consider is would you be ok with your hubby having sex with another woman? You may say you are but when push comes to shove will you be? By having sex with his best friend you are also making it ok for him to have sex with others.

 

Rigid rules and honesty are the only way this an open relationship is going to work. I highly recommend researching this before you actually jump into it. Maybe even seek a professional opinion... Because as many said you are playing with fire.

 

If you decide to enter an open relationship would it be ok if you updated loveshack? I'd be interested to see how it turns out and how your relationship will change.

[John Michael Kane]

Oh boy.......

[Entropy3000]

Remember-HE is the one who showed his friend my nude shots. I mean, if you want to get to how this started, that was probably it. He really just doesn't have a lot...honestly if ANY..sexual hangups like that. Hurting him is almost a non-issue here, but we are communicating a lot about it just so we can stay certain and all

 

You hubby must want to be cukolded

[Kuulani]

P&R sure thing. I'll update if we decide to take the plunge.

Our of curiosity..in what WAYS is everyone thinking our relationship will change? We won't love each other any more? We've been through worse things than sex. We won't have fun together anymore? We won't like each other? I'm curious in what ways people think/know (and remember-if I can't "KNOW" he will be OK, then no speculation here either-unless you've done an agreed to encounter you can't really "know" anything more than I know) but I am really curious.

[whammy]

Worst idea in the world. Once you have sex with him, I don't care how confident you are, things between you and your husband WILL change. I think that you will experience shame of what you have done and you're husband will start asking questions and he will or he won't believe you if you are truely being honest with him when he asks the questions, "Did you like it? Is he better than me? Is he bigger than me? Did you have an orgasm?" I think that he might feel a little jealous and put out. Then, his male ego might take a nose dive. He'll be wondering why you feel that he wasn't man enough for you that you felt you needed to go outside the marriage.

 

Then, you might have some feelings develop for his friend (remember, sex changes everything). Then, you might think that your husband really doesn't care too much about you to share you with someone else. THEN, you may wonder if by doing this to your husband, does this give him a free pass to sleep with whoever HE wants to? I mean, what's good for the goose...and you really don't have too much to say in the matter.

 

My point is, a fantasy should remain just that; a fantasy. Because, once a fantasy becomes a reality, you may not like the end result.

 

I see something about your husband that is dangerous. Your husband seems very beta and you WILL hold that against him one day. You say that you guys are best friends, all cuddly wuddly, and very open sexually. The only thing that he seems to be open too is letting other men have you. And how he is sexually... and tell the truth. He doesnt seem very manly and I am positive he has probably never given you good sex nor have you ever been truly, magnetically, sexually, attracted to him liek you are his friend. That fact that you are so easily attracted this guy and told your husband about proves, to me, that you dont even take him for much of a man. This will be your dimise. For every man that pumps his seed in you while your husband sits in the corner and jacks off will just chop off more and more of the respect, attraction, and ultimately, love that you have for your husband. I see no passion between you two... which is way it is such a big deal to sleep with hubbys friend... because it is the first time youve actually felt it. Your husband seems like your gay best friend. No real, alpha male will ever agree to be cuckolded and would never ever give away an inch of what is his. You can rationalize this all you want. You can try to be all intellectual and evolved and say you and your husbands love so far above being defined by sex. But soon you will find out one fact of life. BEING IN LOVE IS 100% DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL ATTRACTION. You may be all well with this cuddly, friendship life now. but you have been awakened to sexual attraction and nothing will compare to it. You will want to feel this way all the time and thanking hubby for letting you getting f*cked by a hot guy that actually f*cks you good will not be enough. You will want to spend you life with a man that can actually do this to you himself. I see this ending badly for your husband but he only has himself to blame for being a beta p*ssy

Edited July 1, 2011 by whammy

[drifter777]

P&R sure thing. I'll update if we decide to take the plunge.

Our of curiosity..in what WAYS is everyone thinking our relationship will change? We won't love each other any more? We've been through worse things than sex. We won't have fun together anymore? We won't like each other? I'm curious in what ways people think/know (and remember-if I can't "KNOW" he will be OK, then no speculation here either-unless you've done an agreed to encounter you can't really "know" anything more than I know) but I am really curious.

 

Having "friendly" sex with others might work out just fine for you and your husband - I don't really care. However, when you come to a site like LS Infidelity you know you are asking for condemnation in spades because what you are talking about doing makes most of us sick; and it screams "TROLL" loud and clear. Please take your bull-shyt story somewhere else as what you are doing is just plain boring.

[Mr.Harris]

I see something about your husband that is dangerous. Your husband seems very beta and you WILL hold that against him one day. You say that you guys are best friends, all cuddly wuddly, and very open sexually. The only thing that he seems to be open too is letting other men have you. And how he is sexually... and tell the truth. He doesnt seem very manly and I am positive he has probably never given you good sex nor have you ever been truly, magnetically, sexually, attracted to him liek you are his friend. That fact that you are so easily attracted this guy and told your husband about proves, to me, that you dont even take him for much of a man. This will be your dimise. For every man that pumps his seed in you while your husband sits in the corner and jacks off will just chop off more and more of the respect, attraction, and ultimately, love that you have for your husband. I see no passion between you two... which is way it is such a big deal to sleep with hubbys friend... because it is the first time youve actually felt it. Your husband seems like your gay best friend. No real, alpha male will ever agree to be cuckolded and would never ever give away an inch of what is his. You can rationalize this all you want. You can try to be all intellectual and evolved and say you and your husbands love so far above being defined by sex. But soon you will find out one fact of life. BEING IN LOVE IS 100% DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL ATTRACTION. You may be all well with this cuddly, friendship life now. but you have been awakened to sexual attraction and nothing will compare to it. You will want to feel this way all the time and thanking hubby for letting you getting f*cked by a hot guy that actually f*cks you good will not be enough. You will want to spend you life with a man that can actually do this to you himself. I see this ending badly for your husband but he only has himself to blame for being a beta p*ssy

 

I gotta agree, this is some cuckold scenario with the hubby, and the hotwife is willing, along with the "best friend."

 

But on a serious note if my future wife ever even suggested that she wanted to screw someone else, particularly my friend (and he had admitted it also) I would divorce her and punch his lights out.

 

Any man with an ounce of self-respect would not put up with this.

 

This is disgusting and this shows you don't even respect yourself, much less your husband.

 

Sleeping around is for people who are not married and single.

[P&R]

I gotta agree, this is some cuckold scenario with the hubby, and the hotwife is willing, along with the "best friend."

 

But on a serious note if my future wife ever even suggested that she wanted to screw someone else, particularly my friend (and he had admitted it also) I would divorce her and punch his lights out.

 

Any man with an ounce of self-respect would not put up with this.

 

This is disgusting and this shows you don't even respect yourself, much less your husband.

 

Sleeping around is for people who are not married and single.

Open relationships do work out... I don't think it's our place to judge her. But... as I said they are not for everyone, and the people that are in them walk a much harder path in my opinion.

[Mr.Harris]

Open relationships do work out... I don't think it's our place to judge her. But... as I said they are not for everyone, and the people that are in them walk a much harder path in my opinion.

 

Nope. It's all selfishness and leads back to the activities being compartmentalized from each other. And we judge people everyday. It's called opinion. It's normal.

[Woggle]

I can just picture a year from now her posting on here that she developed feelings for this man and how she is growing more and more distant from her husband.

[P&R]

I can just picture a year from now her posting on here that she developed feelings for this man and how she is growing more and more distant from her husband.

That is why open relationships are very risky. You have to juggle work, kids, your husband, and now you have a new relationship to juggle. It's going to change her life dramatically.

[Mr.Harris]

That is why open relationships are very risky. You have to juggle work, kids, your husband, and now you have a new relationship to juggle. It's going to change her life dramatically.

 

That's why it's no good trying to "juggle" more than you can handle. People need to stop being so selfish and be happy with what they have.

[Magictoasty]

You have to appreciate Kuulani, a lot of the posters here have been burned in some way and most of them are consequently heavily against anything that deviates from the traditional relationship.

 

I agree that theres the potential for unforseen consequences within the relationship but it sounds like you're really hot for the idea and if you both are ok with it then why not try it?

 

If you do it right and both have a clear head about it and your love for each other then I believe the relationship could grow from this experience, I think insecurity is the real problem in scenarios like this but both you and your husband both seem very confident in how you feel about each other and the relationship.

 

I say live a little and go for it, but be sure to us posted on how it turns out!.

[Richard Friedman]

Open relationships do work out... I don't think it's our place to judge her. But... as I said they are not for everyone, and the people that are in them walk a much harder path in my opinion.

 

I suppose they can work out when they're evenly balanced. When the husband and wife are both having sex with others, and are still hot for each other, then maybe.. that's pretty far from what the op described with her husband being a pansy with a cuckold fetish and her admitting she's not that passionate about him. If it "works" it'll end up with him completely relegated to the cuddly beta provider/friend role while she uses other men for sex. Worst(and likely) case she'll develop some emotional attachment to a guy who can bone her properly and dump her eunuch husband. And rightfully so. How's a woman supposed to feel safe and protected by a guy who gets off on letting other guys **** her? It's freakish behavior.

[OldOnTheInside]

You have to appreciate Kuulani, a lot of the posters here have been burned in some way and most of them are consequently heavily against anything that deviates from the traditional relationship.

You know, if you look back at the many different types of relationships that have existed in the past 10,000 years, as well as the many types of modern relationships that currently exist, on an international scale, you'll find that polygamy and open relationships are far more "traditional" than monogamy.

 

Basically, polygamy is for the "drab, boring masses", while monogamy is for those that want to join the "super-secret, super-exciting" club.

 

I suppose they can work out when they're evenly balanced. When the husband and wife are both having sex with others, and are still hot for each other, then maybe.. that's pretty far from what the op described with her husband being a pansy with a cuckold fetish and her admitting she's not that passionate about him. If it "works" it'll end up with him completely relegated to the cuddly beta provider/friend role while she uses other men for sex. Worst(and likely) case she'll develop some emotional attachment to a guy who can bone her properly and dump her eunuch husband. And rightfully so. How's a woman supposed to feel safe and protected by a guy who gets off on letting other guys **** her? It's freakish behavior.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth. Except for the last bit maybe.

[rafallus]

Our of curiosity..in what WAYS is everyone thinking our relationship will change? We won't love each other any more? We've been through worse things than sex. We won't have fun together anymore? We won't like each other? I'm curious in what ways people think/know (and remember-if I can't "KNOW" he will be OK, then no speculation here either-unless you've done an agreed to encounter you can't really "know" anything more than I know) but I am really curious.

 

You may like forbidden fruit hell a lot more than you originally thought, and once boundaries become liquid, it's too easy to stretch them temporarily, then come back and claim you never crossed them.

 

Aka, one other man, may very well turn to another, and over time odds are high it will stop being consensual, once you get too comfy with idea of ****ing other men. And that goes both ways.

[RuinedLife]

I won't judge what honest and consenting adults do but this is playing with fire.

 

I'd agree. But I'd also add the question-

 

Why come to a relationship forum to ask for others opinions if you are so sure that this will change nothing between you and your hubby and all will work out well?

 

You must have doubts to post about this on a forum surely?

 

And my guess would be that those doubts are telling you that things may well not be ok between you and your hubby if you do this.

 

Anyway, thats just take on the situation.

 

I hope it all works out ok for you, whatever you end up doing.

[P&R]

You may like forbidden fruit hell a lot more than you originally thought, and once boundaries become liquid, it's too easy to stretch them temporarily, then come back and claim you never crossed them.

 

Aka, one other man, may very well turn to another, and over time odds are high it will stop being consensual, once you get too comfy with idea of ****ing other men. And that goes both ways.

If I was in an open relationship the thing I would worry about most is my significant other getting emotionally attatched to the person they were having sex with. What I have observed in most relationships is when a person engages in an emotional afair they completely stonewall their significant other. Essentially I'd be worried that my SO's screw buddy would evolve into "the primary relationship". It is my belief that a person only has so much emotional real estate in their head.

[Calif_hope]

K...

 

Having an open marriage is certainly a decision for you and you husband to make. From a family experience similar to you I would like to caution you! Right now this could be fantasy thing for your husband but no matter how much you believe you know him you gave Bo guarantee how he will react when (if) this becomes a reality. Thr reality of you having sex with his BF might not be what he expresses and what you believe it to be. You have no guarantee, the green eye monster of jealousy is unpredictable. You could be opening the door to resentment and all the ugly stress that it could bring. You can't put the Geni back into the bottle nor erase the act.

 

I would advise some deep soul searching and put aside the fire in your loins for the other man and think very clearly....is satisfying your lust worth the effect it will have in your marriage. Belief on how obe expresses the believe they react is not always how they will react nice reality sets in.

 

K...be very sure if it's worth it....can't take it back, one can forgive but they will never forget.

[Calif_hope]

Having an open marriage is certainly a decision for you and you husband to make. From a family experience similar to you I would like to caution you! Right now this could be fantasy thing for your husband but no matter how much you believe you know him you have no guarantee how he will react when (if) this becomes a reality.

 

Having sex with his BF might not be what he expresses and what you believe it to be. You have no guarantee, the green eye monster of jealousy is unpredictable. You could be opening the door to resentment and all the ugly stress that it could bring. You can't put the Geni back into the bottle nor erase the act.

 

I would advise some deep soul searching and put aside the fire in your loins for the other man and think very clearly....is satisfying your lust worth the effect it will have in your marriage. Belief on how obe expresses the believe they react is not always how they will react when reality sets in.

 

K...be very sure if it's worth it....can't take it back, one can forgive but they will never forget.