I Want to Sleep With My Hubby's Friend

[Untouchable_Fire]

Remember-HE is the one who showed his friend my nude shots. I mean, if you want to get to how this started, that was probably it. He really just doesn't have a lot...honestly if ANY..sexual hangups like that. Hurting him is almost a non-issue here, but we are communicating a lot about it just so we can stay certain and all

 

I can understand how you feel about this. My only hesitation would be the current state of your marriage.

 

First, have you or your husband done anything like this before? If not... you don't really know what the consequences will be. I've seen guys who were totally turned on by the idea get completely disgusted afterwards.

 

Second, the super strong attraction you have for this guy... why? Why are you so strongly attracted? Is it the guys looks, demeanor, intelligence... ect?

 

Finally, is there anything you are currently upset with the husband for? Do you have any lingering anger or resentment? This is key to keeping stuff physical. If you have an emotional wedge between the husband and yourself... then it will be easy to get into a bad situation.

[whammy]

Open relationships do work out... I don't think it's our place to judge her. But... as I said they are not for everyone, and the people that are in them walk a much harder path in my opinion.

 

I read alot about open relationships and of the many blogs I read of people in open relationships... the majority are crumbling or have ended.

 

for example sadiesopenmarriage.com they are hitting the rocks major right now. Actually of all the open marriages I have read about in the last 3-5 years (as in people in open marriages that put their story out in print) Jenny Block is only one that is still going. And after reading her story, I think her husband is a shell of a man and is only going along with it because he has no choice if he wants to keep the woman he loves. actually, I am certain the continuation of their marriage is entirely dependent on it being open.

 

ive read "survivors of an open marriage"... the authors pleads with the readers to never open thier marriage. Ossie Davis says opening his marriage was a mistake and he would never do it in this day and age

 

open relationships never work... they work fine until they implode which will happen 100% of the time.

[SoulStorm]

I read alot about open relationships and of the many blogs I read of people in open relationships... the majority are crumbling or have ended.

 

for example sadiesopenmarriage.com they are hitting the rocks major right now. Actually of all the open marriages I have read about in the last 3-5 years (as in people in open marriages that put their story out in print) Jenny Block is only one that is still going. And after reading her story, I think her husband is a shell of a man and is only going along with it because he has no choice if he wants to keep the woman he loves. actually, I am certain the continuation of their marriage is entirely dependent on it being open.

 

ive read "survivors of an open marriage"... the authors pleads with the readers to never open thier marriage. Ossie Davis says opening his marriage was a mistake and he would never do it in this day and age

 

open relationships never work... they work fine until they implode which will happen 100% of the time.

 

Marriages were never intended to be open. That is why open marriages fail. They are suppose to be two people pledging their love and allegiance to one another and the family they create.

 

Whammy..I am curious..who asks for the marriage to be open most. Men or women?

[Entropy3000]

I'd agree. But I'd also add the question-

 

Why come to a relationship forum to ask for others opinions if you are so sure that this will change nothing between you and your hubby and all will work out well?

 

You must have doubts to post about this on a forum surely?

 

And my guess would be that those doubts are telling you that things may well not be ok between you and your hubby if you do this.

 

Anyway, thats just take on the situation.

 

I hope it all works out ok for you, whatever you end up doing.

 

Becasue it is titilating for them to do so. Or to have fun with peoples reactions to them.

[Mr.Harris]

Marriages were never intended to be open. That is why open marriages fail. They are suppose to be two people pledging their love and allegiance to one another and the family they create.

 

Exactly......

[OldOnTheInside]

Becasue it is titilating for them to do so. Or to have fun with peoples reactions to them.

 

Of course. Who isn't enjoying this?

[Memphis Raines]

Let me give you some background. My hubby and I are in love-like best friends, head over heals, cuddling all the time, do everything together. 8 years married now. We've had maybe 5 fights in that time-we truly do just get along and love being together. We have 5 kids between us (no little ones) and live your average upper middle class life.

 

just goes to show all those out there that think something has to be wrong in the marriage for one to cheat isn't true. All it takes is one with a much less than savory character.

 

 

A few months ago I finally met his best friend (long story, but we live hours away from his work and most of his friends, which is why we've never met before.) I immediately liked him, and I'd say we hit it off well. But there is definitely a sexual attraction on my side building for him. Hubby is actually pretty OK with this-we enjoy kink and other taboo things, and he knows I'd like to sleep with his friend and he is OK with me doing it. It must be his Aquarius nature, but he's just very open sexually and not overly possessive of me

 

well then bed his friend down and see if that is still true.

 

actually, I think you are mistaking his trust in you to keep an attraction in your head as not being possessive.

 

afterall, if there isn't anything going on between you and his friend, what is to be possessive about?

 

 

 

and extrmemly trusting and confident of our love. I feel the same for him. He even volunteered to help orchestrate it-again, not everyone's cup of tea, but our love just isn't definited by sex, so I think he just isn't really threatened-which is good because no one holds a candle to him. I'm glad he knows this.

I'm not usually like this...I've never really had a crush outside of my marriage, and certainly nothing I'd act on. But physically I want this so bad.

 

then you don't truly love your husband.

 

 

I don't get it, I just know this is something I am practically quivering over. I guess sometimes there really is a chemistry thing? This is the first time aside from my hubby that I've ever had this animalistic "I want you NOW" feeling.

I don't know if most guys would even go for this.

 

what? are you wanting to see if your husband will let you F this guy??

 

 

I think he thinks I'm at least moderatly attractive-we certainly appreciate one another's humor and enjoy one another's company, and I hubby once showed him some proffessional erotic pics I'd had taken of myself and he...well he was very praising of them, let's say. But again...I don't know if he'll even go for this. He's available, and I'm basically offering friendly sex, no strings.

 

OMG, you are offering yourself up to this friend.

 

Does your husband know you want to take it to the next level and are offering your services to his friend?

 

 

Anyways, I don't know why I'm even posting. I want to air it out...maybe get some advice (either on the situation or how to make it come to fruition) I'm hoping this is one of those non-judgemental places on the web where people can remove their feelings from situations and take things at face value.

 

well first of all, don't try to preach about being judgemental. because first of all, one needs to judge the situation to even begin to give advice.

 

second, ok, you want advice that doesn't offend your delicate sensibilities?

here it is.

 

grow up. you are married. if you want to screw around, get a divorce, unless your husband is completely ok with you messing around with other men.

 

its really as simple as that. grow up. you touted this married as wonderful and you couldn't ask for a better husband. ok, so why even think about another guy. keep him as a fantasy and nothing more.

 

otherwise ask your husband for a swingers marriage, or get out of it.

[Memphis Raines]

Soul Storm, I don't think this is going to be the end of anything between the hubby and I.

 

so you are offering sex to this guy, and you don't think your husband is going to not at least thinking about ending it if he finds out?

 

ok then, if you don't think it will be the end of you and hubby, go for it and find out.

 

 

Between the hubby and I there is magic and around hubby and I there is a fortress which we have dilligently built up.

 

uh huh, but since you have admitted to offering up sex to this friend of his, or was it admitting that you want to offer sex to him, I'd say that fortress is made of straw.

 

 

We know where we are with each other. I'm sure other's have said that, but I cannot emphasize enough that for me there are lines and that attraction and sex just are NOT the same as love and can easily exist on the other side of the "love line".

 

so are you saying that if you simply have sex with this guy, and keep emotions out of it, that its ok??

 

well then, tell your husband you want to offer him sex and that it all it will be and see if he is ok with it then.

[jnj express]

Hey K---I dunno if your still here---but what you are thinking about is gonna be something you will live to regret

 

Your H., talks the talk, but when it actually happens, and he sees another man inside of you---that will change in a hurry

 

As to you, what is to keep your from falling in love with this guy----I strongly suggest you read as many sites as you can, and look for these situations, they are out there, and MOST OF THEM TURNED OUT TO BE A DISASTER FOR THE MGE.---

[Sal Paradise]

Everyone likes to think that their relationship is somehow unique. Whether its cheaters, those being cheated on or even someone like you.

 

Your situation isn't as unique as you assume. As strong of a relationship as you two may have there is always an extreme risk when you bring another person into the bedroom.

 

The fact that he is your husband's best friend makes it even worse. If it was some random guy at least it would be out of sight out of mind but he will see this guy all the time. As secure as he may be everyone has a breaking point when it comes to jealousy and insecurity. And none of us can be certain that something won't bother us until we cross that path.

 

After you do it, all it may take is the wrong comment or facial expression by either you or his bf to set off his insecurities and have all of this blow up in your face.

 

Emotions have a bad habit of doing what they want and not what we want them to. You could develop feelings for him or it could change your feelings for your husband. You have no clue how many times someone has posted a similar thread on boards like this claiming - "everything will be fine" "we're different" "we aren't like those jealous couples". Then a few weeks later they're back discussing how it all went horribly wrong.

 

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves is the reward for this worth the risk? Is having sex with this guy worth potentially losing your marriage and destroying a friendship? Because thats what will happen if it goes wrong. You will lose him either because he becomes jealous or your feelings change. And their friendship will be destroyed.

 

Imagine how awful it would be for him to lose both his wife and best friend in one night. He wouldn't have you to comfort him over losing his friend and he wouldn't have his friend to support him over losing his marriage.

 

Yeah I know you say he is ok with it and may even want it. But there is a huge difference between finding a fantasy appealing and dealing with the reality of it.

 

Fantasy allows us to play out the ideal scenario with the fantasy version of ourselves reacting in a way that aligns with the way we like to think of ourselves. Its often a distortion of the way we actually are but we can't see it because we want the fantasy fulfilled and we see what we want to see and what comforts our ego.

[shadowofman]

I require being friends with my lover's lovers. At least acquainted, but the closer the better. Sounds like fun life experience to me.

[Kuulani]

I can understand how you feel about this. My only hesitation would be the current state of your marriage.

 

First, have you or your husband done anything like this before? If not... you don't really know what the consequences will be. I've seen guys who were totally turned on by the idea get completely disgusted afterwards.

 

Second, the super strong attraction you have for this guy... why? Why are you so strongly attracted? Is it the guys looks, demeanor, intelligence... ect?

 

Finally, is there anything you are currently upset with the husband for? Do you have any lingering anger or resentment? This is key to keeping stuff physical. If you have an emotional wedge between the husband and yourself... then it will be easy to get into a bad situation.

THe attraction is essentially that physically he is attractive-and otherwise he reminds me of my husband (I never realized that, but it's very true. He is a physically different version of my husband. Maybe that is something I need to explore some more) I don't love the guy. I don't want to marry him. When you get right down to it, he looks good but he just isn't as good as my husband. He has no appeal (I mean, real world, stuff to worry about) outside of the sexual.

We've never done THIS before...but similar situations have presented themselves. Nothing this...big though. WHich is why I wanted to ask and do research. Due to how many small people there are here though, I do not feel comfortable sharing.

No there is nothing I am upset with my husband for. I don't have time to reply to all the insults about what an supposed "pansy" my Marine Corps husband is, but I just cannot sing his praises enough. He is hilarious, an amazing provider, kind, strong, incredibly good looking, a great parent, he can fix anything, build anything, witty as hell, thoughtful...there's rarely even anything to be upset with to be honest. I do realize that maybe perhaps some of the men here ARE those pansies who were actually CHEATED on due to not being able to satisfy their wives and thus are quite sensitive little things about it...but contrary to what the other poster said (who seemed adept at picking my posts apart without actually reading the part where I said my husband was agreeable and was the one orchestrating it-I haven't thrown myself at anyone), my husband and I, before getting married clarified among ourselves that affairs are only affairs when either party isn't agreeable. Our take on it. I bet those who disagree would find this isn't the only major difference between your marriage and mine. But...guess what? Our marriage is working.

As far as judgement (to some of the others)...I actually get the difference between opinions and judgement. Saying you think something is wrong and why is an opinion, and I appreciate those who bear sufficient intelligence to share theirs with me. It truly is a mark of intelligence to remove anger from your thoughts and share them calmly. Judgement is making the idiotic assessment as to whether I love hubby or he loves me. Without even knowing what good or bad I do in the world assessing what kind of character I have is judgement, not knowing jack Sh*t about my husband and ASSuming he is a pansy is judgement. So all I can assume is there are some very small scared people here. How sad.

To the rest of you who actually took time to give well thought out views without judging me-thanks. I appreciate your intelligence and your refraining from attacking from some scared place inside yourselves where sex MUST equal love and devotion. God...I hope none of those people ever land themselves in a wheelchair unable to perform sexually-your spouses will surely doubt your love then. Those of you who were not...well...assses...I've copied your replies to give my husband to think about. Which is ultimately why I came here...to air the situation out like I said in the original post. Maybe take away a better perspective, since I'm clearly in the middle.

This is Kuulani, over and out!

[OldOnTheInside]

I do realize that maybe perhaps some of the men here ARE those pansies who were actually CHEATED on due to not being able to satisfy their wives and thus are quite sensitive little things about it

You caught them OP, shaking in their little boots at such a terrifyingly fantastical prospect. Seething with the rage of a thousand suns.

 

Anyway, it seems like both you and your husband have communicated thoroughly about it. You both know what you want. Plan ahead. Don't rush. Accept all potential consequences as possibilities.

 

Good luck.

[Chi townD]

Ahhh...so your husband is a Marine! And his best friend is more attractive than your husband and his other mannerisms remind you of your husband. So, you found a replacement for him if and when he gets deployed! Got it! So, while he's off serving his country, his best friend will be doing HIS part by screwing his wife while he risks his life.

 

Lady, I was with the Marines and I served in Iraq. Ive seen marriages end because some Marines friend was a shoulder to cry on while he was away....seen it too many times.

[shadowofman]

My ex was the product of such a relationship. Dude came back and raised her as her own though. Was a dick to begin with, so no one blames her mother for cheating.

[Kuulani]

Chi, you are a pressumtuous buffoon. My husband was a Marine for 20 years. He is RETIRED. He's not being deployed anywhere. Jesus.

[Chi townD]

You didn't say he was retired. Just a Marine...but, good luck! And since you showed your husband the posts here at least he know where to come when his marriage starts going to hell! Later!

[Mr.Harris]

Chi, you are a pressumtuous buffoon. My husband was a Marine for 20 years. He is RETIRED. He's not being deployed anywhere. Jesus.

 

Doesn't excuse the fact that you're entirely selfish about this (not to mention your husband wanting this to happen).

 

If he's so attractive and nice then why do you "need" to have sex with his "friend."

 

This is the type of selfish behavior that puts so many men on the edge.

[Mr.Harris]

Chi, you are a pressumtuous buffoon. My husband was a Marine for 20 years. He is RETIRED. He's not being deployed anywhere. Jesus.

 

I'm not sure Chi-City is the buffon here....

[shadowofman]

Sometimes people want/need a little variety. Sometimes it actually makes sex with you spouse even better/spicier. Maybe she WILL develop feelings for the other person, but that doesn't mean they have to be more than just friends.

 

The correct response would be, be careful. Anyone that resorts to personal attacks is just jealous and/or threatened by people that can experience this sort of freedom. Sorry.

[jnj express]

Don't do it---you and your H, can talk about this all you want beforehand---but once you give yourself to the other guy----the dynamics of your mge., will very subtly change---and it is too late to take it back

 

Once you have been with the other man----the mge., will be different

 

Mge., is meant for 2 and 2 only---and no matter what your H, says/agrees to----he and the mge, have been disrespected

 

It may not show up now, but it will show up------it will fester in his sub-conscious----it has to, he will get visions of you and the other guy, and it will fester

 

As to you-----you will now start

[shadowofman]

Marriage was not meant for anything. It is a contrived, abstract concept that has taken countless forms over human history. What doesn't work for some may be completely logical for others.

[John Michael Kane]

Marriage was not meant for anything. It is a contrived, abstract concept that has taken countless forms over human history. What doesn't work for some may be completely logical for others.

 

That's your view of marriage, not what's actually a fact.

[Coil]

THe attraction is essentially that physically he is attractive-and otherwise he reminds me of my husband (I never realized that, but it's very true. He is a physically different version of my husband. Maybe that is something I need to explore some more) I don't love the guy. I don't want to marry him. When you get right down to it, he looks good but he just isn't as good as my husband. He has no appeal (I mean, real world, stuff to worry about) outside of the sexual.

We've never done THIS before...but similar situations have presented themselves. Nothing this...big though. WHich is why I wanted to ask and do research. Due to how many small people there are here though, I do not feel comfortable sharing.

No there is nothing I am upset with my husband for. I don't have time to reply to all the insults about what an supposed "pansy" my Marine Corps husband is, but I just cannot sing his praises enough. He is hilarious, an amazing provider, kind, strong, incredibly good looking, a great parent, he can fix anything, build anything, witty as hell, thoughtful...there's rarely even anything to be upset with to be honest. I do realize that maybe perhaps some of the men here ARE those pansies who were actually CHEATED on due to not being able to satisfy their wives and thus are quite sensitive little things about it...but contrary to what the other poster said (who seemed adept at picking my posts apart without actually reading the part where I said my husband was agreeable and was the one orchestrating it-I haven't thrown myself at anyone), my husband and I, before getting married clarified among ourselves that affairs are only affairs when either party isn't agreeable. Our take on it. I bet those who disagree would find this isn't the only major difference between your marriage and mine. But...guess what? Our marriage is working.

As far as judgement (to some of the others)...I actually get the difference between opinions and judgement. Saying you think something is wrong and why is an opinion, and I appreciate those who bear sufficient intelligence to share theirs with me. It truly is a mark of intelligence to remove anger from your thoughts and share them calmly. Judgement is making the idiotic assessment as to whether I love hubby or he loves me. Without even knowing what good or bad I do in the world assessing what kind of character I have is judgement, not knowing jack Sh*t about my husband and ASSuming he is a pansy is judgement. So all I can assume is there are some very small scared people here. How sad.

To the rest of you who actually took time to give well thought out views without judging me-thanks. I appreciate your intelligence and your refraining from attacking from some scared place inside yourselves where sex MUST equal love and devotion. God...I hope none of those people ever land themselves in a wheelchair unable to perform sexually-your spouses will surely doubt your love then. Those of you who were not...well...assses...I've copied your replies to give my husband to think about. Which is ultimately why I came here...to air the situation out like I said in the original post. Maybe take away a better perspective, since I'm clearly in the middle.

This is Kuulani, over and out!

 

I have BOLDED what I think can be viewed a burning red flag in my opinion.

 

So basically you "deleted/filtered" the stuff that did not fit under what you consider agreeable to your thinking/goals. Why wouldn't you just direct him to this actual thread and let him get a "kick" out of all of the "mean" people for himself, rather than censor it?

 

Personally I would never risk ANY relationship with something such as this. Such a huge potential for disaster, that it is not even funny.

 

I think more times than not it creates more negative in a relationship than it would positive.

 

I think that there were a lot of good opinions in this thread. I don't see the need to get so defensive and judging others. Some people just do not sugar coat their opinions.

 

However, you are both adults and I am sure that there are a hand full of couples who have been able to make similar situations work. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

-Coil

[whammy]

Marriages were never intended to be open. That is why open marriages fail. They are suppose to be two people pledging their love and allegiance to one another and the family they create.

 

Whammy..I am curious..who asks for the marriage to be open most. Men or women?

 

Im am not sure. For most part thought it is women that are making it known. its the women in open marriages that are writing the books, blogs, and columns. Now that I think of it... I dont think I have seen a book, blog, or article written by a man in an open marriage. From what I have seen... across the board.... it is the women that initiated and participate more in the open marriage (actually WAAAYY more then their husbands). Which makes me think that the same characteristics that drive them to get f*cked by so many men also drive them to pursue attention and fame from writing about their open marriage. They also overwhelmingly write about the other men they sleep with and barely ever write about their husband unless he does something to throw a wrench in the fun. Another characteristic is that the husbands all seem to beta males and that cant do much for their wives outside of the provider role.