don't hate the player, hate the game? yeah right!

[whatwhit]

So I know I've posted on this before about this topic. Recieved some great feed back from you guys on here. I really do appreciate it! Well, there is another chapter into the story, so to speak. So if you can help me figure out this puzzle on what to do that would be great!

 

For those who don't know the backbone of the story I'll give you a sort rendition of it so that the people who do know about it won't feel like I'm repeating myself.

 

Met this guy online, things went great, started to develop feelings ( I would like to think mutual feelings) but now thats even questionable (I think he just likes to get along with people but who knows), saw each other weekly, and acted like a couple. Then last weekend before he came to see me (prior to the planning he seemed distant-ish but just claimed that he was busy..::chuckle:: yeah I think all of us girl has heard the "I'm busy" excuse enough", and stated to me in a text word for word, "yeah, I plan on coming. But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work something out later thats cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was right when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like i'm jumping into something . . .i guess i just need to completely get over [my ex girlfriend] (yet his online profile is still up and active). So, he came and saw me this past weekend everything went great...went on a lot of adventures..acted couple-ish..I asked him if he liked me he stated that he did "or he wouldn't of drove all the way to seem me" (lives 2 hours away) etc....

 

We've been talking since then, mostly me initiating conversation, and he was mentioning how his ex roommate is a girl stated that he hurt her (because she liked him). I threw in that he kind of hurt me with the text I mention above and he was like thats the thing..I can't get close to anyone..I think i am cursed. We continued to talked about more about other topics and I ended the conversation open ended. When I woke up the next morning he texted me this, "Sorry, didn't get to tell you g'night I'm sorry you were hurt when I sent that message but I'm really glad I met you and I love having you as a friend" word for word. After the word connotation "friend" I was just kind of like okay I need to know! So I texted him this "Woah. 3 in the morning text crazy-ness. So, I just have a question cause I think I deserve to know. Do you have any feelings for me what so ever..and wanna do the friend thing til you're over [exgirlfriend]...or no? I didn't hear from him all day...or all night. He didn't respond back til 1am in the morning with a text..he commented on a photo of us..and tried to fb chat me however, I was asleep so I didn't answer.. But he said, "sorry i never texted back i've been really busy (rolls eyes). and i can't answer that right now cause i dont' know.

 

So I guess my question is what should I do. I really like this guy. He has met my family, hes really handsome, and nice. However, I don't want to played. I haven't talked to him or returned his text. So, what should I do from here. Thank you for taking your time in reading this. I know it was kind of long this time!

 

Have a great weekend!

[LittleTiger]

I would say move on with your life and look elsewhere for a guy who is actually interested in a relationship with you.

 

This guy isn't a player. He's been very upfront with you that he isn't interested in a relationship with you right now. Whether that means he wants to play the field, or he has his eye on someone else, is not really any of your business - I'm sorry, but it isn't.

 

At this stage he doesn't owe you anything. You say you acted like a couple (meaning you had sex?), and you thought the feelings were mutual - but then maybe not? I suspect you were jumping the gun. Unless you actually discussed your 'relationship', he's just been having fun.

 

He's probably realised that you're getting emotionally involved and doesn't want to lead you on. Sounds like a decent guy to me.

 

If you want to continue to be friends with him, that's your decision but don't expect anything more from him than he's offered. If you're already emotionally attached you might be better to cut your losses and forget about him - otherwise you could get badly hurt.

[madjac74]

Soooo I think I can kinda relate to this guy a little bit so I will give a guy opinion. Since my divorce 3 years ago I have dated quite a few women and I have a serious problem of (seriously not trying to brag here) women falling for me too fast. I enjoyed being with some of these women very much but almost none of them did I feel a chemistry with... which is very important to me. I knew I didnt want a relationship with them but I did want to spend time with them.

 

Ultimately after a few failures and feeling like a piece of **** for trying to force something that I didnt feel, I learned to be completely honest with them. Some of them understood and we remained friends...one is my absolute best friend to this day...some of them thought they could be friends but they ended up wanting the same kind of attention that a girlfriend would get. These girls ended up labeling me a player and anyone who really knows me understands that I am very much a relationship type guy.

 

But no matter how great a girl is Im just not going to lie to her and try to make something where i know nothing is there. In my current LDR I have that chemistry and during a few of our breakups I tried dating. Again it was the same situation, great girls who I would love to spend time with but I really didnt feel anything more for them and i only wanted to be with my girlfriend more.

 

So your guy may seem like a player to you but he has been honest and he in fact may feel badly about it. Of course if you guys get together and you still have sex then I cant relate to him. Ive only done that when it was a mutual friends with benefits thing and I wasnt exactly happy while I was doing that.

 

I think LT is right that you should cut your ties with him because you are going to get hurt. Your guy said he is cursed...I know that feeling because I have met many amazing women and I just couldnt feel for them the way they deserved. And Im also cursed because I met the one that makes me feel the way the others dont and I cant be with her.