mj108 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I'm going to try to make this short. I met my boyfriend a year ago. We both dranked every day and partied very hard with friends on the weekends. Then I moved in with him and we tended to drink more. Well, he got into trouble and the court told him no alcohol until his probation was over and he was to attend aa classes. He was nervous to go to the meetings so I told him I would go with him to the meetings and I would quit with him. I told him I wouldn't bring any alcohol into the home. We quit for 4 months. When his probation was over he went straight to the store and bought some beer. I told him then that the 4 months we'd been sober has been my happiest---I worked better, I was healthier etc and he just laughed and told me I was crazy because it was boring to him (not having the alcohol). Now I'm having the issue of the alcohol in the home. I felt better than I ever had before when I was sober. I've talked to him and told him this and told him that he's drinking every day and it's interferring with me now. I'm tempted and I want to get sober again. More importantly, I recently moved my business into the home. This is interferring with my career as well. He drinks up until 2-4 A.M. and then when he comes to bed, he's so loud---he wakes me up and then I can't go back to bed. I can't function at work the next day. I've told him this and he still keeps doing it. I try and try to stop drinking but then he brings it in and asks me if I want one when I tell him I'm trying to quit. I know I should be stronger than this but when I see him drink--I want to too. I told him I couldn't live like this. He told me that he's not going to quit drinking. I'm confused...I feel like he doesn't care & doesn't love me anymore. I don't want to change anyone...he is who he is. I guess what I would like to know is---should I get a way and move out...or should I stick around? I want to quit and be sober since that was the happiess time in my life but how can I when it's in the home? Him and I don't get along like we use to either. Sometimes I think I should move out and still see him but then I think that I should stay and try to quit drinking while he brings it in all the time. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 It is a good idea not trying to change him, NOT because he was drinking when you first met and you were okay with it (hell, it's a health issue!) but because it would be a major waste of time. It is very unlikely he'll stop drinking, and if he ever does it will be of his own will and not because you asked him to stop. Moving out sounds like the best choice. If you stick around you'll feel bad, and you will not be comfortable. You might even risk to begin to drink again. If you asked him to drink only when he's not at home it would be plain dangerous. Are you sure you are feeling happy in the relationship now? Or have you ever considered breaking up with your bf? Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 should I get away and move out? Yes. As soon as possible or he will drag you done as well. You can't save him, you can only improve your own life. There's really not much more I can say, but I really hope you make the right choice and try to make a better life for yourself. Take care, and good luck. WA Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Let's see...you could have a whole sober, happy life ahead of you...or you could stay with this guy and his loud partying, constant temptations, and dragging you down. I would put the pedal to the metal and not look back. And of course you're not getting along...when you disagree on something this fundamental, common ground is hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 Yes, I have considered breaking things off with him. The longer I stay...the worse it'll be. He told me today if I 'hired' him, he wouldn't drink. He does have a job but he's not happy with it and it's just part-time. He's been very controlling and one time got drunk and told me that...I wouldn't leave because the office is here and my whole life, which is true. I've been on my own before and I know I can make it. I feel very uncomfortable here now and eventhough, I have opened up to him numerous times...he always asks me what's wrong. I tell him but he doesn't say anything. Like he's not listening when I know he is. I don't know why he wants me to hire him?? To take control over my company?? Link to post Share on other sites
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