Tenacity Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 *SIGH* This again. Why can't you people (general "you") understand something that is FREELY OFFERED CANNOT BE STOLEN? The term "stealing" is usually attached to objects. The human equivalent would be "kidnapping". How many MM have been literally kidnapped by the OW? (of course, there might be some but those are the situations that make it into the news) No, most MM are with their OW by their own volition. No gun to the head needed. Isn't that what bothers a BS the most? That "their" H have decided to become "her" MM? It was the H's CHOICE (the act of selecting; the option to chose) to become involved with another woman. I'd like to meet a BW whose H was in an A against his will. :lmao: I guess it comes down to morality, and whether or not you are willing to hurt another innocent person for your own self-gain. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyBart Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Met on dating site, he's married, and I don't care.....Anyone else like me out there? Cheergirl - considering this is a forum for OW/OM, you should be able to ask this question without being jumped on about morals etc. But this is a public site and any yahoo can throw their two cents in, ya know? Hey, if you can keep the R light with this guy - more power to you. It can work really really well if it's what you want. Problems arise when you (or he) starts wanting more. This may be something you never have to deal with. Or it may be something you deal with when it comes up. A lot of the sad stories you see here stem from one AP wanting more and the other not being able to give it. Which gives a very skewed view that ALL affair-relationships are horrible. *shrug* I don't think it has to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Cheer - I was somewhat similar and was pretty analytical and pragmatic about things. Actually just took a lot of work business tactics into our relationship, recap emails, written agreements, etc. I think there can be postives and perks in EMR and I know that I was spoiled rotten in mine. I had a high bar set and knew that he better believe he was beyond lucky being able to eat cake. I think for some it can work and can work long term. I did want mine to have a timeframe. He has now gotten divorced and things are still coasting along. I wish you well, and actually can now say that seperation/divorcing was a much harder stage than the EMR. That was a piece of cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Cheergirl - considering this is a forum for OW/OM, you should be able to ask this question without being jumped on about morals etc. But this is a public site and any yahoo can throw their two cents in, ya know? Hey, if you can keep the R light with this guy - more power to you. It can work really really well if it's what you want. Problems arise when you (or he) starts wanting more. This may be something you never have to deal with. Or it may be something you deal with when it comes up. A lot of the sad stories you see here stem from one AP wanting more and the other not being able to give it. Which gives a very skewed view that ALL affair-relationships are horrible. *shrug* I don't think it has to be. I absolutely agree. This board is no where close to an accurate depiction or representation of EMRs or ones that I know. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 No liars are not cool with me, he hasn't lied to me. I hate dishonesty within my personal relationships, others tolerate it, some relish it. Whatever they have worked out obviously works for them. It's not for me to tell him how to live his life... so you hate dishonesty - yet he's a dishonest man - at least to his wife? but not to you - so that makes it ok? IF he only intends to have your body - not your mind or emotions - it's all good - as long as you go get permission from his wife... yes? that is honest... and you will then find out how honest he is being... go now - go ask her. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 i always ask myself... how am I participating? will the way I participate cause harm to others or me? ask yourself those questions... then act on what looks right for the end result. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Not to be argumentative, but I don't think it's that simple. You go to a department store to the cosmetics counter. You really like a product so the salesperson gives it to you for free under the table. The salesperson doesn't have the authority to do that and you know it. But you take it anyway. Leaving the store, the alarm goes off and you're asked for your receipt. You can't produce one and the salesperson denies giving it to you. Guess who's in trouble? Yeah, it was given to you, but not with the authority to do so. You're in possession of stolen goods :p I get the argument that one's love cannot be "taken" but it can be given when it is not appropriate to do so. To participate in that does make you culpable as a third party is being harmed and you're a party to a breach of contract. If a MP wants to "give" his love, why not take it once it can honestly be freely given? It makes me question the term "freely" given because if it was so "free" why is it a secret? Why is it hidden from the spouse? Because it's not as free as you'd like to think it is. It's skimming from the marital account lol. And with all due respect how is a MARRIED PERSON "FREE" to date others?????????? WTF is "singlehood" then? Let's be for real! :rolleyes: If a person that is in a M wants to be "FREE" then get a fricking divorce. This state of mind is simply ridiculous. Funny thing is that half of the "MARRIAGE FREEDOM" advocates are actually people who are NOT in a committed & "EXCLUSIVE" R with anyone!! Usually comes from the mouth of people who have Rs with a MP. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! :lmao: The principles that people force themselves to believe and live by in order to survive in their realities... preposterous! BTW- by "MARRIED PERSON" I mean someone that lives their every day life with a spouse. Not people who are "married" by a little piece of paper and live separate lives. Let's be for real. For the post part, the "masses" live in marriages of this kind, whether one cheats or not. Not half the world is M to the notorious fat bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Oh and I wanted to add... (back on the subject) Cheergirl, I don't want to put the bug in your ear but for the most part, people who join a 'dating site' have a what I call a "Bag of skittles" of connections. The same way that this dude is chatting away with you and charming you till your thong's fall off, the same way that he can be doing the same with like 10 other bytches. I mean, you know, not that he's a player and all... Have you met him in person already? At least you are being somewhat mature to a certain level. You are aware that you are not material for a F/T R. I hope that this dude doesn't get caught having an online A with you and shows up with his blackbags of issues... This is in general and not really directed at you, Cheer. You seem to get your rocks off with this type of Rs, then good for you. If it works for you then Amen to that sistah! What really amazes me is how people (like the MM in this situation) are willing to risk something for nothing. Regardless of what anyone wants to say here and I know that I don't know him from Adam but one thing is obvious, if this man got kicked the fack out of his crib he'll be crying like a little b!tch. Those who want everything end with nothing. That little thrill that running around wacking the monkey with a new boo creates better make up for the drama that could come from it... *SMH* All for the sake of what??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 You're gonna hate this.... If i did find myself in her shoes, I would have to take responsibility as to why it happened. You can't own another person. They do what they want to do. the bolded- put your money where your mouth is! I beg to differ. If you were M and your H palyed you with some internet chick, what exactly you will be taking responsability for? For not having the same bandwith?????? :lmao: If you found yourself in her shoes, I want to bet one of my favorite LOUBIES that you will be on the floor rolling and not exactly LYAO. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Cheergirl, GREAT concept. Others have thought of that before you, and I was one that thought hmmm...I'm married, he's married too, no harm no foul, no intention on being a home wrecker, etc. However, be prepared because you can get hurt. Sounds like you have in your head to just use this guy. You can never predict what feelings will develop and grow, on either side, Cheergirl. What if he slips up and his wife finds out? Your "fun" could ruin is family and his kids. What if he slips up and his wife comes after you at home or at your place of employment and makes a huge fuss? How great would you feel then, or would you just shrug it off, like no big deal? Do you like the idea that after having sex with you, your MM goes home and sleeps next to his wife? Do your friends know about this? It it about having someone to have sex with and spend money on you? There are lots of single guys who would love to have the relationship you describe, see each other every few weeks. You are playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Quote: Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer It almost sounds like you think so very little of yourself that you're getting some kind of sad ego boost out of "stealing" some other woman's committed partner. Otherwise ... why CHOOSE this? *SIGH* This again. Why can't you people (general "you") understand something that is FREELY OFFERED CANNOT BE STOLEN? The term "stealing" is usually attached to objects. The human equivalent would be "kidnapping". How many MM have been literally kidnapped by the OW? (of course, there might be some but those are the situations that make it into the news) No, most MM are with their OW by their own volition. No gun to the head needed. Oh, so many, many, deep *SIGHS*. Why, why can't you people understand that the fact that there is a person in the picture who is operating under the impression that they're in a monogamous and committed relationship actually should mean something to everyone involved? And that a lot of us really respond to the morality of that? From my perspective, if a husband is "freely offered" to horny women at large, it would be his wife who was doing the "freely offering." After all, he is ONLY a husband in relation to his wife. The choice of BECOMING and REMAINING her husband is quite defining. The "freely offering" would have a much different look if it were coming from a man who was not pretending to be faithful to his wife. Don't you think so too? Or, is this yet another of the things that you people lack the capacity to understand? Probably. Quote: It was the H's CHOICE (the act of selecting; the option to chose) to become involved with another woman. It was also the husband's CHOICE (thanks for the definition, but I already knew what it meant! I even used it in the post to which you responded! But, thanks anyway!) to be married to his wife and to REMAIN MARRIED TO HIS WIFE. So, he's choosing, the woman on the side is choosing (when she knows she's involved with a married man). But the 3rd member of this triad, the wife, does not get the luxury to choose. I think that's wrong. Yes, I feel just fine imposing my moral judgement upon the world at large. From the tone of the OP, I got the impression that this woman does not particularly like her own gender, and that there may be an agenda here that makes a married man more desirable to her than any of the zillions of emotionally unavailable single ones out there who could fill her described wishes just fine. I think she wants to "get" a man who "belongs" to another. And I'd like to hear (from her) if this is true, and if it is: why? Also, just to *HELP* you understand, since I see that it's hard for you ... I put "STEALING" in quotes for a reason: to signify that it is only figuratively "stealing," and was not meant to be taken literally. Isn't that what bothers a BS the most? That "their" H have decided to become "her" MM? It was the H's CHOICE (the act of selecting; the option to chose) to become involved with another woman. Duh! Well, yeah! How will you feel when your Disney prince decides to go sneaking around behind your back with somebody who, like him, gets off on the whole "forbidden fruit" thing? I imagine you'll be "bothered" too. :lmao::lmao: Of course, for all we know, your fine prince has already vacated your boudoir for another, much fresher and prettier one. You have never posted anything about your situation (under this moniker, anyway) except for generic cliches about the universal splendor of extramarital affairs. Which doesn't make you appear very credible, because even most of us who have had (or are having) affairs don't think that they are the best thing evah. Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I also wanted to just add in some states the wife can sue the mistress now if she so choses. They hire private investigators to take pictures and everything. Not sure which states have adopted this.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I also don't get the point. If you're fine with this arrangement, happy with no regrets, what possible difference would any of our opinions make? I don't get it either.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Maybe she is trying to shock us........push buttons, get attention, maybe she is angry but clearly she isn't too happy about it or else I don't see the need to write on LS about it. Ditto... My stance is and will always be: if my relationship needs a support board, then it's a relationship I can't be bothered with. Just my personal preference. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 You know that is a good rule of thumb.......need support board.......nope OUT the door you go and don't let it hit you in the ass. Isn't it? Life i hard enough as is, so little rules like that help me navigate it and avoid tedious situations. Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Ditto... My stance is and will always be: if my relationship needs a support board, then it's a relationship I can't be bothered with. Just my personal preference. I agree 100 percent. What is OP wanting? Maybe to swap stories.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 No, actually, it cannot work out well, even in the realm of having an affair, because as I have pointed out, cheergirl's actual thought processes are self-contradictory indicating she is psychologically disturbed. Another example is when she said she couldn't stand liars but is O.K. with having an affair with a man who is lying to his wife (as cheaters do). It's not that she's having an affair, it's not that her MM is a liar, it's that she doesn't seem to be aware of the direct self contradiction and hence pure illogic of her thought process. If she can't stand liars, then she couldn't stand her MM, because he's a liar. But she can stand him, even though he's a liar. Obviously the entire mental structure is completely unstable and at some point some catalyst or epiphany or delusion or event will cause it all to come crashing down. This is what turns many affair partners into "bunny boilers." The affair is a manifestation of a deep-rooted emotional disturbance, turning into a bunny boiler is just a further manifestation of the disturbance. It's not about sex, it's not about emotional attachment--for the psychologically disturbed individual, they are working out whatever issues they suffer from (from childhood perhaps?) using the affair as a vehicle. Great post! So very true! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 And to the matter Lily brought up about keeping things casual and affairs being able to work out and only become disastrous when people want more.. My question is: if the rule of thumb for affairs is that for it to work out, it has to be casual and no big deal, why do you need a support board for something casual? In the past I had a fling with a taken man....that was casual...I didn't need support for it. There was nothing to be supported about....it was out of sight,out of mind when we weren't hanging out...like a casual thing should be. It didn't bother my life one bit, not even enough for me to talk to friends about it or even think of posting on a board about it. It was what it was and wasn't what it wasn't and there was very little thought put into it... When I was in a full on OW relationship....then I would have needed "support" as it was emotionally taxing for me and more logistically complicated. I still wasn't on a support board, but nonetheless my need for it then made more sense than in the "casual" scenario I described. On this forum you obviously have a type of OW in a full blown relationship where it is not casual and rather taxing and then the type for whom it is no big deal.... If it's no big deal...I don't see why you're on a forum asking for support/opinions/advice. You must have a different orientation towards casual than what I understand. If you're just sharing, then alright....I suppose... If it is a big deal...then I do see why you need to discuss it and be supported and then that is where posters are free to look at the situation and comment about whether this big deal scenario is even worth the taxation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 To change the subject... What was your marriage like? which one? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 so you hate dishonesty - yet he's a dishonest man - at least to his wife? but not to you - so that makes it ok? IF he only intends to have your body - not your mind or emotions - it's all good - as long as you go get permission from his wife... yes? that is honest... and you will then find out how honest he is being... go now - go ask her. i always ask myself... how am I participating? will the way I participate cause harm to others or me? ask yourself those questions... then act on what looks right for the end result. i'd love to hear from CG how she feels about these points... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 My first though when reading your OP was "okay, whatever" but then I read this post which reaffirms some of what you said in the OP which brought a question to mind... Why not a single FWB? They're pretty darned easy to find and there's less headache in the end. Is there something specific about a MM that entices you? Nothing about a MM entices me... He replied to my ad on a dating site and fit the bill of what I was looking for with intelligence humour and a that certain alpha-male"je ne sais quoi"... married or single didn't enter into it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 :laugh::lmao: You ain't lying! OP-don't complaint when this MM treats you like dirt. I mean, people act the way that they want to be treated. Just saying... I guess live life your way. *hides all CPR kits in sight* Actually, the only person who ever treated me like dirt was my lawfully wedded husband... Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Nothing about a MM entices me... Right, yet you started a thread posting about how don't care that he's married. He replied to my ad on a dating site and fit the bill of what I was looking for with intelligence humour and a that certain alpha-male"je ne sais quoi"... married or single didn't enter into it... You said in another thread that this is what you don't like in a man, yet here you are with someone who's actively lying to his wife and disrespecting his marriage. And someone who's willing to have an affair is not someone who's intelligent, neither does it show they're an "alpha male." Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Define "contribution". What specific kind of support or interaction were you expecting when you posted this? the kind the moderator discusses here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54546/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Why on earth would you care if there is "anyone else like you out there"? You said yourself you just want part-time sex and conversation. What point is there in posting here about it? Of course there are people like you out there, but so what? If it's such a casual affair then why you would want to use your valuable time posting on an internet forum about it? Makes no sense. "Makes no sense." to you, dear, to you.... It makes sense to me and a few other members of this forum with whom you might not agree... Doesn't mean it's not valid.. What is the point of you posting, or me posting or anyone else posting? I guess we all have our reasons... Are you suggesting I shouldn't be posting? Isn't that censorship? Link to post Share on other sites
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