just need someone to listen..

[blueflame53]

About 17 years ago, my sister brought over a new friend she had met. We'll call her "Jessica"..I was 14 at the time and she was 10 well over the years Jessica and my sister remained friends and I fell in love with Jessica. I asked her out a few times but she didn't view me as "datable". Well one night my sister was killed by a drunk driver and Jessica and I became very close, but she still wouldn't give a chance. Well fast forward 15 years...she has gotten married and has 2 children who adore me, I become "friends" with her husband just to keep her in my life even though it tears me apart because I honestly cannot picture life without her in it. Well one night her and I go out and we get to talking and find out that over the years she has mutual feelings but can't get a divorce because she went through a very bad one with her parents and doesn't want to put her children through the same. I'm not going to lie,we did and still are having an affair with her..but please don't call me a home wrecker,all her husband wants is a pretty little thing barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen,,i know because he's told me..imagine having to sit there and not say anything when he's talking about the girl you love,he cant even play with his own son. Well this past weekend it was just us and the kids and I got to see what it could be like...which was a mistake..I'm totally lost now, She is the first person i think about in the morning and the last before I go to bed..I sat and cried for two hours holding the shirt she slept in. All I want to do is wake up with her, there is an aura about us when were together, that everybody can see. And as stereotypical as it sounds I honestly cannot live without her,I've been trying to say goodbye for the past ten years.. I cant. I cant date anyone because I can't commit myself 100% to anybody but her and that wouldn't be fair to anyone. I'm even willing to wait until her kids are 18 and that's 15 years away. Everyday is nothing but pain and me trying to accept the fact that I'll never be with her and failing. Its effecting my entire life. Please help.

[Emme]

:bunny:HUG:bunny:... I feel your pain. I'm sorry about the loss of your sister. You are in deep my friend. I can understand you not being able to commit your heart to anyone else because of your love for her. This relationship is toxic. You have to decide to change. You can't wait on her to change. So the question is what are you as a man prepared to do. Do you want lay it all on the line? Tell her she has to get a divorce or you'll tell her husband. It's a raunchy move but you have to know how she truly feels about you and that she's just not using you for convenience. You want her by her side. Tell her that's what you want. If she loves you and only you she will be with you. The reason for the children is fine but you have a broken heart right now. The kids will still have both parents. You have no one. So are you ready to make your demands? Are you ready to loose it all? These are the questions you have to ask yourself. When was the last time you went out on a date?

[whichwayisup]

First off, I am sorry for the loss of your sister.. It's not easy losing a family member.

 

Okay..This woman never was "into" you the way you were with her and it seems over the years your feelings grew, you never let go. She said no to your advances and married someone else. Now her marriage may not be what it was all cracked up to be she's turning to you, having an affair?

 

If she truly loved you, wanted you enough, she'll divorce. She hasn't and she won't because she is used to having two men to meet her needs. She's got the house, the kids under one roof..The comforts and benefits of being married, and she has you on the side to meet other needs. Selfish!! Here you are, deeply in love and have put your own life on hold for her..For what? You don't have your own kids or wife, or family, yet you want her(s).

 

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but my suggestion is, tell her goodbye, end the A and tell her to come see you when the divorce is final, with divorce papers in her hand to prove to you that it is over. Otherwise, anything short of that keeps you in the affair and as the OM in her life.

 

You're going to live in regret and be alone, look back one day and realize that you were obessesed with a girl all your life and you have nothing to show for it. Please, consider some counselling to help you.

[OldOnTheInside]

Are you getting any therapy or counselling? Or talking to anyone else about this other than the MW?

 

A childhood obsession (call it whatever else you want really) to this degree...is going to kill you either literally, or psychologically. I doubt that LS will be enough.

Edited July 1, 2011 by OldOnTheInside

[waytogo]

BlueFlame, I'm also so sorry about the loss of your sister. Losses are hard enough. When it happens due someone else's carelessness it adds a new dynamic to mourning.

 

As for MW, she has more choices than she is considering whether due fear from her parents D, or fear of change. Maybe even no desire to change, even if she says differently.

 

D isn't always in the mudd nasty. Some couples part as friends who get along better after desolving the M. This may be a lame example, but her parents had to eat & she has to eat. She doesn't have to choose the same food or meal schedules as they did, right? She can do similiar things as her parents but differently. There is no reason to wait 15 yrs in a situation that leaves you crying in an aricle of clothing for hrs for someone who is going to keep doing exactly what leads you to that. This one is up to you.

 

Wish you the best

[fooled once]

About 17 years ago, my sister brought over a new friend she had met. We'll call her "Jessica"..I was 14 at the time and she was 10 well over the years Jessica and my sister remained friends and I fell in love with Jessica. I asked her out a few times but she didn't view me as "datable". Well one night my sister was killed by a drunk driver and Jessica and I became very close, but she still wouldn't give a chance. Well fast forward 15 years...she has gotten married and has 2 children who adore me, I become "friends" with her husband just to keep her in my life even though it tears me apart because I honestly cannot picture life without her in it. Well one night her and I go out and we get to talking and find out that over the years she has mutual feelings but can't get a divorce because she went through a very bad one with her parents and doesn't want to put her children through the same. I'm not going to lie,we did and still are having an affair with her..but please don't call me a home wrecker,all her husband wants is a pretty little thing barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen,,i know because he's told me..imagine having to sit there and not say anything when he's talking about the girl you love,he cant even play with his own son. Well this past weekend it was just us and the kids and I got to see what it could be like...which was a mistake..I'm totally lost now, She is the first person i think about in the morning and the last before I go to bed..I sat and cried for two hours holding the shirt she slept in. All I want to do is wake up with her, there is an aura about us when were together, that everybody can see. And as stereotypical as it sounds I honestly cannot live without her,I've been trying to say goodbye for the past ten years.. I cant. I cant date anyone because I can't commit myself 100% to anybody but her and that wouldn't be fair to anyone. I'm even willing to wait until her kids are 18 and that's 15 years away. Everyday is nothing but pain and me trying to accept the fact that I'll never be with her and failing. Its effecting my entire life. Please help.

 

*sigh*

I have a feeling you and or he is exaggerating about the barefoot and pregnant thing. I mean, she has 2 kids, right? So how exactly is she barefoot and pregnant? You do realize little kids pretty much adore any grown up that gives them attention, right?

 

Nothing any of us says is going to get you to stop daydreaming about a future with her.

 

So tell her husband. Tell him you are sleeping with his wife. Be a man and tell him you want her.

 

Divorce IS an option, but she is choosing to instead keep you as a side piece and stay married to him.

 

So you two played house for a weekend. Wow. And because you two were on your best behavior, to impress each other, you know that you will be perfect married partners. She won't sneak around and cheat on you, right? She will be loyal and faithful to you right?

 

So why is she married to this guy? Why did she marry him?

 

You want help? Tell him or tell her goodbye. OR embrace being the other man. Embrace knowing she may sleep with you, but she will go home and sleep with her husband. You may get an hour in the afternoon, but he is getting her nights, her days and her future. She is going on vacation with him. She and him are sitting together planning their next get away. She is using her because she is bored. She is using you because she is too chicken to woman up and tell her husband. So continue to wait and wait and wait for your next tryst. Then cuddle up with her shirt while she cuddles up with her husband.

 

Or tell him and tell him you will try to 'win' her from him. Tell him you love her and you want him to step aside so you can have her. Tell him so he will be so disgusted by her and her behavior that he will kick her out.

 

Sitting and waiting isn't doing you any good so take action.