Out of my league?

[Nexus One]

You may send it to me if you want.

[somedude81]

One thing I'm wondering about is if I should post the photo to my Facebook and tag her.

 

If I do, I'm sure she's going to get a bunch of her friends and family asking who that dude is. Especially she doesn't have any pics up that's of her and a guy.

 

Of course I would ask her permission first if I could.

[cerridwen]

Thanks, dude.

 

I honestly do not believe she's out of your league. Like cerrid, I think you two look very natural together. I know you're slightly boosting your height, but you two still look good together. I can't believe you've had so many struggles finding a girlfriend, man. You're a good looking dude. I hope she comes around soon, because you guys look really happy (and awesome) in that picture.

 

You look good together. She is kind of cute but not super hot or anything. My impression was that you go after model like girls. This girl is really silly to pass you over.

 

One thing I'm wondering about is if I should post the photo to my Facebook and tag her.

 

If I do, I'm sure she's going to get a bunch of her friends and family asking who that dude is. Especially she doesn't have any pics up that's of her and a guy.

 

Of course I would ask her permission first if I could.

 

And you're wanting to do this in the hopes positive feedback will influence her?

[Saxis]

Can I take a look?

[rafallus]

BTW, I'd love to see you two as well.

[somedude81]

And you're wanting to do this in the hopes positive feedback will influence her?

Oh no no no no.

 

This thread is all about me.

 

I was thinking that she was too good for me and that I should move on and go for somebody not as attractive as she is. Somebody that I might not be at all attracted to.

 

I'm not even going to bring it up to her that I or other people think we would make a good couple. Unless I should?

 

As I said earlier, I'm thinking about posting it on Facebook; which should result in her friends and family asking who I am. She's never had a boyfriend and seeing a picture of us together might get people telling her that we should hook up.

 

Peer pressure LOL

Edited July 1, 2011 by somedude81

[Afishwithabike]

Heh, filling out the shirt. That's one reason why I like her. Too bad she never takes a jacket off, it's like she's afraid of showing.

 

The reason for a lack of height difference is because I'm wearing lifts in my shoes. When I wear sandals she is taller than me.

 

Cool, so nobody would wonder, "what the hell is she doing with him?"

 

The more I look at the pic, the more I notice that we do look similar. That's not a bad thing right?

 

Thanks for the hope.

 

Yup.

 

Look at some threads I made. Several were about her.

 

Sometimes when women are generously endowed as she appears to be, they're not comfortable wearing things that show "the girls" to the best advantage. She must have gotten comments and/or looks in the past that made her uncomfortable.

 

She really should take off that jacket though. It does nothing for her. However, it must be like a security blanket for her. Some women use their long hair that way. They hide behind the hair. She hides behind the jacket.

 

I also thought you two look similar. It's not a bad thing at all.

[somedude81]

You're right on both points.

 

She has made a comment that she's uncomfortable with the size of her breasts. Personally I'm a breast man and I absolutely love big boobs. Sadly I can't think of any way to make her feel better about her body since we aren't dating.

 

She always wears a jacket, even when it's 80 outside. When I've brought her to my apartment she never took her jacket off. I've known her for a little over a year and I've only seen her without a jacket twice. She also always wears jeans.

 

I would kill to see her in shorts and a tight t-shirt.

[cerridwen]

Oh no no no no.

 

This thread is all about me.

 

I was thinking that she was too good for me and that I should move on and go for somebody not as attractive as she is. Somebody that I might not be at all attracted to.

 

I'm not even going to bring it up to her that I or other people think we would make a good couple. Unless I should?

 

As I said earlier, I'm thinking about posting it on Facebook; which should result in her friends and family asking who I am. She's never had a boyfriend and seeing a picture of us together might get people telling her that we should hook up.

 

Peer pressure LOL

 

Sorry, somedude. My post was completely unclear. (And I quoted other posts by mistake).

 

So, okay. You answered my question.

You hope posting it on FB will influence her positively about you.

 

I would hold off doing that. It's a super delicate situation. It could backfire.

And I'd really love to see you happy and together.

Play it safe.

Hold off.

[runner]

Honestly, this thread hasn't gone the way I expected at all. People telling me that I'm cute and that looks are not an issue. I really don't know what to think about it.

 

I was basically starting to think that I was ugly. But it's now becoming clear that, that thought is wrong.

 

So now I have a mystery. If it's not my looks, how come she and girls like her, don't like me?

 

partly due to how you percieve yourself. if you feel "ugly," if you feel "short," then some of that will come off in how you present yourself to others. work on making yourself feel like a million bucks so that opposite sex will feel like they won the lottery when they meet you.

 

ps, i'd like to see the primary evidence as well if you don't mind.

[somedude81]

Sorry, somedude. My post was completely unclear. (And I quoted other posts by mistake).

 

So, okay. You answered my question.

You hope posting it on FB will influence her positively about you.

 

I would hold off doing that. It's a super delicate situation. It could backfire.

And I'd really love to see you happy and together.

Play it safe.

Hold off.

Thanks for the advice, I'll wait.

 

Yeah our current situation is very delicate. I'm getting the impression that she's very slowly starting to come around. Of course it could just be my imagination. One thing I'm sure of, is that one false move can screw everything up.

partly due to how you percieve yourself. if you feel "ugly," if you feel "short," then some of that will come off in how you present yourself to others. work on making yourself feel like a million bucks so that opposite sex will feel like they won the lottery when they meet you.

 

ps, i'd like to see the primary evidence as well if you don't mind.

The only reason I'm starting to feel ugly is because of the constant rejection. My brain is trying to think of a reason why I have such a hard time.

 

I don't really feel short. The only time it occurs to me that I'm short is when I'm with taller guys. And that's probably one reason why I like spending time with girls much more than being with guys.

[Saxis]

You guys do have similar features and you do look good as a couple! You guys just look natural together.

 

I don't think the height difference would be noticeable even if you weren't wearing raised shoes.

[runner]

cool.

 

my initial response is that, if i didn't know better, and if i were to randomly come across that photo on the interwebs, i'd assume you two were a married couple- not kidding. you two look good together, and definitely not out of each others' leagues.

 

as for your looks, you look fine. if she has a problem with dating you, then i'm assuming it's her own problem (in her mind) which has little to do with your level of attractiveness.

[Ruby Slippers]

Based on my life experiences, it's not all in my mind. Height is a an odd issue for me. I really don't think about it that much. The problem is that I keep hearing how it is important to women. Personally, I do wish that this girl was 4 inches shorter, for a variety of reasons. One of them is that I have a biting feeling that she'd be more attracted to me if I was taller than she.

I reached my full height in high school, and I was self-conscious about it, so I hunched. Bad posture is very unattractive and communicates discomfort with yourself.

 

Now, I walk tall, shoulders back, head high, with great posture. People often comment on what good posture I have, and say that I carry myself with grace.

 

This makes a HUGE difference in how I come across to people and how I feel about myself and my body.

 

Do I sometimes think it would be nice to be a tiny little flower of a woman that most men could tower over? Sure. But that's not who I am. I was born this way, and the best I can do is work with what I've got.

 

I have certainly learned to wear dresses and skirts often, since I have killer long legs.

 

If I were a shorter guy, I would take the same approach -- just be a cool guy, work on the things you can work on (fitness, health), have a positive attitude and a smile, and don't focus on height at all.

 

I see couples with a shorter man sometimes, and when the guy is comfortable with himself, it is just not a big deal at all.

[Teknoe]

somedude, seen you around these boards -- nice to know what you look like. Although I'm a guy, I'd say you're not a bad looking guy. None of us are Brad Pitt, but not bad looking.

 

Secondly, she's definitely not out of your league. Based on that picture alone, you do seem like a married couple and very compatible. But again, it's only that picture and I'd have to see you guys interacting in real life to get a better read on the situation.

 

I guess I'm in a similar boat somewhat. I like this girl which I'm just recently slooooowly getting to know. She and I are in the same large group, so we see each other once a week in that setting, but we're off for the summer. I often times think SHE'S out of my league, but she's shown me some signs of interest (i.e. smiling, making an effort to talk to me, etc.) We're also taking a walk later this month just to talk about the past 6 months of our large group... just the 2 of us.

 

It is a delicate situation like yours, but I'd say you are further along ahead of me. I don't have a picture with her for example. Well good luck and don't forget to use your head in addition to using your heart!

[somedude81]

cool.

 

my initial response is that, if i didn't know better, and if i were to randomly come across that photo on the interwebs, i'd assume you two were a married couple- not kidding. you two look good together, and definitely not out of each others' leagues.

 

as for your looks, you look fine. if she has a problem with dating you, then i'm assuming it's her own problem (in her mind) which has little to do with your level of attractiveness.

ROTFL married couple?! Wow. That's just too far out there for me to imagine at this point. Though thanks for the comment.

 

As for her not wanting to date me because of my attractiveness. I don't know if she even thinks I'm cute. We've never had a conversation where we said whether we were attracted to each other or not. Though I did mention that she has a great smile when I sent her the pictures.

 

I don't know what I'm allowed to say to her at this point. I would love to call her beautiful or cutey but I don't know how she would react to something like that.

You guys do have similar features and you do look good as a couple! You guys just look natural together.

 

I don't think the height difference would be noticeable even if you weren't wearing raised shoes.

Yeah I don't know how much of a difference two inches makes. Though the thing is in most couples, the guy is usually 2+ inches taller than the girl.

 

Although, when I'm the same height as most girls, it would make kissing while standing up much easier

I reached my full height in high school, and I was self-conscious about it, so I hunched. Bad posture is very unattractive and communicates discomfort with yourself.

 

Now, I walk tall, shoulders back, head high, with great posture. People often comment on what good posture I have, and say that I carry myself with grace.

 

This makes a HUGE difference in how I come across to people and how I feel about myself and my body.

 

Do I sometimes think it would be nice to be a tiny little flower of a woman that most men could tower over? Sure. But that's not who I am. I was born this way, and the best I can do is work with what I've got.

 

I have certainly learned to wear dresses and skirts often, since I have killer long legs.

 

If I were a shorter guy, I would take the same approach -- just be a cool guy, work on the things you can work on (fitness, health), have a positive attitude and a smile, and don't focus on height at all.

 

I see couples with a shorter man sometimes, and when the guy is comfortable with himself, it is just not a big deal at all.

Thanks ruby. I have heard that some girls were self-conscious about their height in their youth. But as an adult, being tall and having nice legs is an asset.

 

I do try to have as good as posture as possible. Shoulders back, head up.

 

I do work on my fitness. It doesn't really show in that picture (I should have sucked my gut in) but I have a decent amount of muscle on me. Right now I just need to find a way to get even more muscle and lose the gut.

[tman666]

I don't know what I'm allowed to say to her at this point. I would love to call her beautiful or cutey but I don't know how she would react to something like that.

 

Don't call her a cutey. If (IF) you're going to open up that can of worms, you need to go all in. Tell her that you find her stunning. Tell her that her beauty captivates you. Again, don't go halfway with something like that.

 

I do work on my fitness. It doesn't really show in that picture (I should have sucked my gut in) but I have a decent amount of muscle on me. Right now I just need to find a way to get even more muscle and lose the gut.

 

Nothing wrong with that goal! I hear we have a subforum here for advice on such things...

[somedude81]

somedude, seen you around these boards -- nice to know what you look like. Although I'm a guy, I'd say you're not a bad looking guy. None of us are Brad Pitt, but not bad looking.

 

Secondly, she's definitely not out of your league. Based on that picture alone, you do seem like a married couple and very compatible. But again, it's only that picture and I'd have to see you guys interacting in real life to get a better read on the situation.

 

I guess I'm in a similar boat somewhat. I like this girl which I'm just recently slooooowly getting to know. She and I are in the same large group, so we see each other once a week in that setting, but we're off for the summer. I often times think SHE'S out of my league, but she's shown me some signs of interest (i.e. smiling, making an effort to talk to me, etc.) We're also taking a walk later this month just to talk about the past 6 months of our large group... just the 2 of us.

 

It is a delicate situation like yours, but I'd say you are further along ahead of me. I don't have a picture with her for example. Well good luck and don't forget to use your head in addition to using your heart!

Ack! Another married couple comment?! It's really funny hearing that about somebody I haven't even kissed yet.

 

Good luck on your situation. Going for the walk with just the two of you is a great start.

Don't call her a cutey. If (IF) you're going to open up that can of worms, you need to go all in. Tell her that you find her stunning. Tell her that her beauty captivates you. Again, don't go halfway with something like that.

OK, so no halfway comments.

 

Then I'll go all the way in, after I've kissed her. At least that way I'll know that she has something for me and will appreciate what I say. If I call her stunning now, it would just be too serious for her to handle at this point.

 

Right now I want to show her my interest and make her feel good about herself. I want to melt away any insecurities that she has that might be preventing her from wanting to date.

 

As for my body, I just need to start watching my diet.

[iris219]

Ok, I'm a bit late, but I'm curious. Can I see it, please?

[LexiB]

I'd like to see! But I'm doubting she's out of your league just because I hate that sentiment.

[Dust]

Thanks for sending me the picture. I’d send you one but I don’t need you saying I’m out of my gf’s league or something. Firstly she’s pretty, but it doesn’t matter what I think it would be rude of me to say anything but something kind. I mean if I really found the girl ugly I might just say you guys look happy together. Any ways she is pretty and you shouldn’t be thinking she is out of your league, and you definitely shouldn’t be thinking that she is ugly enough to be in your league. Stop thinking about leagues its insulting to yourself and the girl.

 

One thing I'm wondering about is if I should post the photo to my Facebook and tag her.

 

If I do, I'm sure she's going to get a bunch of her friends and family asking who that dude is. Especially she doesn't have any pics up that's of her and a guy.

 

Of course I would ask her permission first if I could.

 

I personally would post it on facebook. I mean its either that or you send her a copy of the pic through email. I think its less odd to post it on facebook. Could work in your favor to, who knows. Just don’t be self conscious if she un tags the pic. I mean could be one of a million reasons it is an outside picture with the sun shining in your faces not the most flattering.

 

Don’t ask for permission just tag her. I don’t go around asking for permission that’s just odd. If she says something just flirt and tease her. “oh I bet you made it your back round for the computer.”

 

Thanks for the advice, I'll wait.

 

Yeah our current situation is very delicate. I'm getting the impression that she's very slowly starting to come around. Of course it could just be my imagination. One thing I'm sure of, is that one false move can screw everything up.

 

The only reason I'm starting to feel ugly is because of the constant rejection. My brain is trying to think of a reason why I have such a hard time.

 

I don't really feel short. The only time it occurs to me that I'm short is when I'm with taller guys. And that's probably one reason why I like spending time with girls much more than being with guys.

 

You can’t go around feeling like one false move and its over. I mean how can you relax and enjoy yourself if that’s your mind set. The right girl doesn’t let you make the wrong move. You could spill your drink on the right girl and that just gave her an opportunity to get naked in front of you. My point is if she dumps you for a little thing like being shorter then her or saying the wrong thing it wasn’t meant to be. The thing is you can screw it up by being nervous instead of enjoying her to the fullest. Have a good time and if it doesn’t work out you’ll still have the memories. It’s not about being afraid of what might happen or does happen. It’s about being ok with yourself no matter what. It’s like good sportsmanship.

 

ROTFL married couple?! Wow. That's just too far out there for me to imagine at this point. Though thanks for the comment.

 

As for her not wanting to date me because of my attractiveness. I don't know if she even thinks I'm cute. We've never had a conversation where we said whether we were attracted to each other or not. Though I did mention that she has a great smile when I sent her the pictures.

 

I don't know what I'm allowed to say to her at this point. I would love to call her beautiful or cutey but I don't know how she would react to something like that.

 

Yeah I don't know how much of a difference two inches makes. Though the thing is in most couples, the guy is usually 2+ inches taller than the girl.

 

Although, when I'm the same height as most girls, it would make kissing while standing up much easier

 

Thanks ruby. I have heard that some girls were self-conscious about their height in their youth. But as an adult, being tall and having nice legs is an asset.

 

I do try to have as good as posture as possible. Shoulders back, head up.

 

I do work on my fitness. It doesn't really show in that picture (I should have sucked my gut in) but I have a decent amount of muscle on me. Right now I just need to find a way to get even more muscle and lose the gut.

 

I call my girlfriend stuff like cutey and beautiful. I don’t think I started with the pet names till after we had sex though. Which in our case was after our first real date but probably our 3rd time hanging out.

 

As far as having a conversation about how attractive she finds you I wouldn’t. You should kiss her. Show her how attractive you find her. As a man you’ll never get quite the amount of compliments your woman is going to need. You show her how hot she is. Do it with the way you kiss. Make out with her.

 

You show her height isn’t and issue by just being bold. (get romantic with her physicaly)

 

Ack! Another married couple comment?! It's really funny hearing that about somebody I haven't even kissed yet.

 

Good luck on your situation. Going for the walk with just the two of you is a great start.

 

OK, so no halfway comments.

 

Then I'll go all the way in, after I've kissed her. At least that way I'll know that she has something for me and will appreciate what I say. If I call her stunning now, it would just be too serious for her to handle at this point.

 

Right now I want to show her my interest and make her feel good about herself. I want to melt away any insecurities that she has that might be preventing her from wanting to date.

 

As for my body, I just need to start watching my diet.

 

In order to kiss her you have to try to kiss her. You know have drink, get real close to her face, and then just go in for the kiss. Maybe hold her hand when you guys are close together then pull her close and kiss her. You said she doesn’t like to hug but maybe you could try hugging her again and hold her and then kiss her. Lots of options you just have to try. In fact I think if you try to kiss her, and she ducks, or pulls out of it, yet continues to see you well then you’ll be that much more likely to kiss her the next time, or later that night if she didn’t seem upset by the first attempt. Women some times like you to try even if they say “no.”

[Teknoe]

^ Great advice! Yeah, if you think one false little move will screw everything up, you're putting way too much pressure on yourself.

 

I could learn from this, too!

 

SomeDude, you said it in your last post: your goal is to leave her associating pleasant thoughts about you.

 

Keep doing that, and before you know it, she'll see you in a different light.

[LexiB]

Oh, you guys fit great together!

 

She may be *slightly* more attractive than you (like, half a point...a full one if gussied up) but definitely NOT out of your league.

 

You're both completely adorable.

[ivalm]

I think she is slightly more attractive than you but not out of your league. I think you're both roughly average.

[somedude81]

Dust, I definitely want to try and kiss her. I was planning on trying when I saw her on Monday but I couldn't get her to my apartment since she had plans later that day. I was going to make some drinks to loosen us up. Now it will have to wait till our next "date" which is as of yet unscheduled.

 

You can’t go around feeling like one false move and its over. I mean how can you relax and enjoy yourself if that’s your mind set. The right girl doesn’t let you make the wrong move.

Yeah it is very hard to fully relax. After every time we hang out, I worry that, that time, will be the last time. I feel that she can suddenly completely drop me and not care about me at all. That may or may not be true, and I'm sure my depression is contributing to that thought.

------

Heh, she's only slightly more attractive than I am. Is that some kind of dig at her?

 

If I was the pretty one, I'd be a little worried

 

But I now really see that we go well together. Now I just have to wait for her to see it.