Out of my league?

[marigo]

LOL, has anybody thought that you might be a married couple?

 

It's too bad when the other person can't recognize how good of a couple you'd be.

 

Haha, nobody has ever told us that we look like a married couple. Mainly because we both do look young. We're both 21 and i look younger than 21.

 

I just saw your picture and she's definitely not out of your league. Like what others have said, you guys look natural. I could definitely see why someone would think of you guys as a married couple. Even if she didnt have her arm around u or anything, it didnt look awkward.

[somedude81]

So I just read over the entire thread.

 

And I got to say, that I'm really confused. I appreciate all the kind comments. But I have really mixed feelings on this issue.

 

I'm almost a little mad that she can't see what so many others can. But she has her reasons and it's not my place to say that they are invalid.

 

I think I'm struggling with this is that I'm looking at the situation in very simple terms. For example; based of our looks, she's not too good for me and we have a lot of fun together, so we should date. But there is more to it than that.

 

If I can figure this out, maybe I'll be able to understand why girls have never liked me.

[Teknoe]

On average, I'm rejected by 3-4 girls every semester and I'm tired of going through that. I wish I could just say, "that one" and be done with it.

 

 

Wow, I thought I had it bad when I was rejected by 3 different girls in 13 months. 3-4 in one semester is insane. But I give you props for trying and trying.

 

You wish you could just say "that one" and be done with it, but truth is, relationships aren't like going to the pet store, finding the cutest puppy and taking it home no questions asked. It's gonna take a combination of right timing, luck and the right lady. It'll be worth it when we finally meet our respective ladies.

 

 

Oh, I know she's not interested. They never are.

 

The bolded part tells me your constant rejections have taken their toll on you. I'd regroup, and recharge my batteries if I were you. You have a very negative/pessimistic viewpoint which probably can be read by girls through your body language. It's a poison, man. You gotta be confident at all times, even if they don't see you back the way you wish they did. Nothing's more attractive than not giving a damn even what your biggest crush thinks of you. Otherwise, you're giving them all the power; putting them on a pedestal. And that's the #1 mistake guys can make.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your lady friend has placed you into the friend zone. Watch the friend zone vid from the wing girls channel. their tips might help ya.

[somedude81]

Wow, I thought I had it bad when I was rejected by 3 different girls in 13 months. 3-4 in one semester is insane. But I give you props for trying and trying.

I keep trying because I'm so desperate to be in a relationship. But thank you.

 

You wish you could just say "that one" and be done with it, but truth is, relationships aren't like going to the pet store, finding the cutest puppy and taking it home no questions asked. It's gonna take a combination of right timing, luck and the right lady. It'll be worth it when we finally meet our respective ladies.

At this point I think it's all about luck and nothing else. I have met a few girls that have felt like the right one, and this girl feels like it the most. If she was open to dating and wanted to go out ballroom/salsa dancing with me, I'd feel as if she was made for me.

 

 

The bolded part tells me your constant rejections have taken their toll on you. I'd regroup, and recharge my batteries if I were you.

Yes, they have. More than you realize.

 

As for regrouping and recharging. How?

 

You have a very negative/pessimistic viewpoint which probably can be read by girls through your body language.

I don't think they can see it. The main reason is that when I'm with a girl, I'm usually super happy, because I'm actually with a girl. It's not until I'm alone that I crash.

 

It's a poison, man. You gotta be confident at all times, even if they don't see you back the way you wish they did. Nothing's more attractive than not giving a damn even what your biggest crush thinks of you.

How do you show that?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your lady friend has placed you into the friend zone. Watch the friend zone vid from the wing girls channel. their tips might help ya.

Oh I'm definitely in the friendzone. No question about that. I've been here with many other girls.

 

The only reason I put up with it, is because the alternative is being completely alone.

 

In the end, it basically lets me have a really nice day about every two weeks. Then it's back to the same old sh*t.

 

Honestly though, I feel like a retard for trying so hard to get her. It's having huge consequences on my self-esteem. But like a fool, I still cling to hope.

Edited July 2, 2011 by somedude81

[rafallus]

Regardless of leagues BS, to me you two seem very well matched on attractiveness alone.

[Teknoe]

Yes, the rejections have taken their toll. More than you realize.

 

As for regrouping and recharging. How?

 

 

Regrouping = pulling back your obsession with being in a relationship. It's clear at this point it's turned into an "idol" for you... a source that you think and feel if you could just have a girl, you'll be much better off, or far worst, the thought that you would be happy or complete. Any relationship formed with your mindset as such WILL NOT LAST.

 

Recharging = once you've decided to pull back your obsession with being in a relationship, it's time to focus on you and who you really are. What is your passion in life? What is your purpose? Also, volunteer. Help out others, esp. those in need. Tomorrow I'm going to the city to help some men in recovery. These experiences not only bless others, but blesses you 10-fold like you'd never imagine. It also takes your mind off girls -- a win win.

 

It might not be a bad idea to take the next 6-12 months "off" pursuing any sort of relationship. My last rejection was September 2010 and it hurt like hell. I decided to make a 12 month pact... I won't make any moves on any girl from now to September 2011. It's been freeing, and in the process I'm slowly figuring out who I am.

 

I'm regrouping and recharging. Something that could benefit you as well.

 

I'm def. no expert, but I have experience in rejections and how to move on/forward as best as you can. Don't get me wrong though, there are still many days where I just waste the day away on the internet, and I'm like damn... I did nothing today. But I'm def. more involved in other things now and also developing some friendships (with guys and females -- platonic friendships).

 

Take some time off. Work on you. Improve yourself. Take a night class. Help out your local community. Heck, attend a church service (the message could be exactly what you needed to hear -- it's happened to me before). Just do something that's not centered around a female.

 

Women love nothing more than confident guys who have a passion in life. If you haven't yet, find out what your passion is (not girls/relationship) and pursue it. Nothing's sexier to a girl initially than a guy who STANDS FOR SOMETHING... a guy who has a voice for a particular field or cause.

 

 

If you haven't read "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren yet, I recommend it. It's 40 chapters, each chapter is only 4-6 pages long, and at the end of each chapter it asks you a question. I'd take 40-60 days to read the book and answer each question. Give it a shot... it could change your life. That might be a good goal for you... start small, take 2 months off thinking obsessively about females/relationships, and instead read that book and answer the ?'s in a journal.

 

In fact, if you like, we could email each other our responses to each CH's question. Just throwing that out there. Sometimes it helps to have a buddy system, and I've done the book with other guys before and it's been very helpful. I wouldn't mind doing it again. But no pressure.

 

edit: you know how to contact me privately if you're ever interested in doing that book together, or if you prefer to do it alone but want to bounce some thoughts regarding the reading material off me here and there, you know how to reach me

Edited July 2, 2011 by Teknoe

[fitgirl]

there's no leagues. i'm fit and my boyfriend is overweight but i fell for him so hard. his sense of humor is best. i'm physically attracted and the sex is the best ever. leagues are for the ignorant.

[SnowandStars]

Sorry, the forum won't let me send PM's to people who aren't an Established Member.

 

Oh, I know she's not interested. They never are.

 

If she's lukewarm towards me, every other girl I've been interested in this year has been ice-cold.

 

Falling back won't accomplish anything. I know she won't reach out to me. At least when I'm with her, I can pretend that I have a normal life. So I keep chasing. For that reason and the hope that I might actually catch her.

 

What really sucks is that she just matches what I want so well. She just has a couple of issues that's preventing us from getting together. So for now I feel like I'm being teased by fate.

 

If we don't end up getting together this summer, I'll meet and get rejected by another handful of girls during the fall semester.

 

On average, I'm rejected by 3-4 girls every semester and I'm tired of going through that. I wish I could just say, "that one" and be done with it.

 

You deserve better! While you are posting about her on a message board, she is going on with her life and probably chasing after the man she really wants. She doesn't deserve your attention. This is something I always see with "nice guys." You allow yourselves to be friend-zoned. Stop it!

 

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy who made the same claims. He claimed that no woman wanted him, he always gets rejected, etc... I could not figure out why that was because I was VERY attracted to him so I figured I hit the jackpot--their loss. I thought the date went well but I never heard back from him, even after I shot him a few texts. He just disappeared. Oh well. Lo and behold, a week or so later, he starts posting on his FB the same crap about women not wanting him. Whatever. This is why I always give these claims the side-eye. Sure, he just probably wasn't attracted to me, and that's fine, but to act like nobody wants him when there was a girl who really liked him is BS. This is why I'll stick with the confident guys.

[Els]

Okay, posting, as per your request. PM me!

[cerridwen]

I don't get it at all, somedude.

But I'm assuming a lot here.

 

I assume you share your sense of humor IRL; that you are friendly and talkative; that you are well-mannered but not overly conservative; that you dress fine and have good hygiene.

Your looks are a non-issue.

 

So, the only thing I can think of, is you don't know how to vibe.

 

Do you?

Do you know how to have a light-hearted conversation, using your body language, facial expressions and a bit of flirting to establish a sexual vibe?

[somedude81]

I don't get it at all, somedude.

But I'm assuming a lot here.

 

I assume you share your sense of humor IRL; that you are friendly and talkative; that you are well-mannered but not overly conservative; that you dress fine and have good hygiene.

Your looks are a non-issue.

Your assumptions are correct.

So, the only thing I can think of, is you don't know how to vibe.

 

Do you?

Do you know how to have a light-hearted conversation, using your body language, facial expressions and a bit of flirting to establish a sexual vibe?

No. I don't.

 

I was very quiet most of my life and didn't start actually having conversations with women till my early 20's.

 

So no, I never learned how to vibe. And that is the only thing that matters. All the rest that you mentioned above appear to be irrelevant.

 

That is the reason the so called, "nice guys" have such trouble with women. They never learned how to really interact with girls.

 

That's one thing Museicalmaker, One Goal and I have in common. We each react to girls differently and don't really know what to say or do. There are different levels, and I'm at least high functioning enough to make friends with girls.

Edited July 2, 2011 by somedude81

[cerridwen]

Okay, I hear you.

 

And yeah, it that facet of interacting that's so key. It helps communicate you're not interested in being Mayor of Friendville.

 

I'm seriously bummed we're not geographically closer as it'd be easier to show you what I mean. It's hard to translate it across text.

 

Sh^t.

[Wolf18]

Hey some dude show me the pic too, because we are both in the same situation my friend.

 

I'm 5'7 and have known this girl who is 5'7 for a year and 6 months. Everyone thinks we're together and look similar, people on the street ask if we're married. Yet the girl just won't budge.

 

Unlike you, I've made my moves, because confidence or creating vibes isn't a problem with me, and she is just so grossed out by me sexually, it's absurd. I can send pictures too of us if any of you want.

 

The problem with the girl I know is that even though physically I DONT think she is out of my league, society does. She has 3-4 guys chasing her, desperate for her attention and it's obnoxious.

 

My fear Somedude is that the girl you know simply thinks or has been told that she is better than you, not that she objectively is. Why "settle" for a guy in your "league" that you have things in common with, when you can get an amazing looking guy who rides a motorcycle.

 

There is no rational explanation for why she doesn't want me, and it's frustrating. We get along great, she thinks I'm funny and exciting, we share everything (drinks, food, even a toothbrush once), yet she's just so frigid with me and doesn't want to be with me. Does she just love attention that much or just waiting for something better to come along? Putting people in the friend zone in this situation should be outlawed really.

Edited July 2, 2011 by Wolf18

[Dust]

Hey some dude show me the pic too, because we are both in the same situation my friend.

 

I'm 5'7 and have known this girl who is 5'7 for a year and 6 months. Everyone thinks we're together and look similar, people on the street ask if we're married. Yet the girl just won't budge.

 

Unlike you, I've made my moves, because confidence or creating vibes isn't a problem with me, and she is just so grossed out by me sexually, it's absurd. I can send pictures too of us if any of you want.

 

The problem with the girl I know is that even though physically I DONT think she is out of my league, society does. She has 3-4 guys chasing her, desperate for her attention and it's obnoxious.

 

My fear Somedude is that the girl you know simply thinks or has been told that she is better than you, not that she objectively is. Why "settle" for a guy in your "league" that you have things in common with, when you can get an amazing looking guy who rides a motorcycle.

 

There is no rational explanation for why she doesn't want me, and it's frustrating. We get along great, she thinks I'm funny and exciting, we share everything (drinks, food, even a toothbrush once), yet she's just so frigid with me and doesn't want to be with me. Does she just love attention that much or just waiting for something better to come along? Putting people in the friend zone in this situation should be outlawed really.

 

Because I'm curious I'd like to see that pic of you two Wolf. Like I already said no matter how attractive the girl is I don't believe in leagues. I do believe you will get rejected by girls and some times you need to move on. Moving on has two purposes. Purpose one its frustrating to be around a girl you have feelings for when its probably not going any where. If you gave it a good try both in time and effort by making move then maybe you should be getting annoyed and moving on by now. By moving you free you’re mind to pursue other things. The other reason is moving on closes the door to the girl, once she see’s that door closing she might be willing to give you a chance because of fear of losing an opportunity that was once open to her. In giving you that chance you might reach that next level. So, those are two good reasons to move on. To sum that up reason 1 you feel better, reason 2 as if you needed any reason past feeling better she might change her mind because you’ve closed the option. The mind set shouldn’t be I’m annoyed and want more so I’m going to act like I’m over her and see if she comes running. The mind set should be I’m moving because things probably aren’t going to work out here and I give myself the best shot either way by moving on.

 

I also don’t recommend falling in love or becoming infatuated with a girl you have no romantic relationship with. Try to keep a distance to becoming attached until you’ve at least made out or something.

[kalikula]

I'm not a huge fan of this topic.

 

It doesn't particularly matter whose in what league or if a bunch of people think you guys look good together. Honestly it's about how you both feel about each other. You can't FORCE someone to give you a try and go out with you if she doesn't WANT to. I would say that's the problem with both you and Wolf18. YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU!!!! There does not need to be a rational explanation for why they don't want you. Most likely? They don't feel a spark, don't like the scent of your pheromones, whatever. Point being: They are not going to change their mind.

 

You guys are wasting your energy not convincing these girls at all. Personally I tend to feel chemistry with someone fairly soon, or not at all. If I had a friend who was continuously trying to convince me to be with them, and I had made it clear I was not interested for months or years, there was no way I would ever change my mind. Please for their sakes move on to someone else!!!! You are wasting your energy.

[somedude81]

kalikula, I can see where you're coming from. I know the only thing that matters is how she feels about me. The reason I made this thread was because I wanted to know if I was out of my mind for chasing her, based on her looks. I expected a bunch of people to tell me that she is too good for me and that I should move on. Instead I get nothing but comments on how good we look together.

 

I know that I can't convince her to like me. Mainly because I already tried that. The only thing I'm doing now is trying to spend time with her. Frankly I'm completely bored and alone this summer and she's the only person who actually called me back. So instead of being by myself and doing nothing, every once in a while I spend the day with somebody I have a lot of fun with. Of course me having the hots for her is also a reason why I want to see her.

 

Honestly though, she's the only person I know who hasn't forgotten that I exist. Even if I have to remind her a couple of times.

[bittersweet memories]

I want to see too? Please!!

[Wolf18]

There's no good reason she shouldn't be with you Somedude, you two are pretty much as attractive as each other. She's probably just frigid:lmao:

Edited July 2, 2011 by Wolf18

[Els]

Okay... let me just add the disclaimer that I personally don't consider looks anywhere near the top in terms of how important they are in a partner. But since you asked about looks alone, you both look sorta on par. Honestly, from all the self-deprecating things you have said about yourself, I was expecting much, much worse.

 

What are you doing going out with a girl with those boxer shorts though??? They look like the sort people wear to sleep. >.> Get a pair of jeans?

[LittleTiger]

There's no good reason she shouldn't be with you Somedude, you two are pretty much as attractive as each other. She's probably just frigid:lmao:

 

Of course - that's it! It couldn't possibly be because she just doesn't find him sexually attractive?

 

One thing it might be useful for some of you guys to know - women will not automatically find you attractive just because they are what you consider equal in terms of looks, or even below you. There are no leagues for a start, but even if there were, attraction doesn't work that way - not for women anyway.

 

Men, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (it will help to support my argument here), in my experience, most men seem to find all reasonably good looking women attractive and the very good looking ones are 'hot'. Women are a bit more discerning than that.

 

Sumdude81, you could be 'leagues' above this girl or even look like a movie star and she still may not find you sexually attractive - because sexual attraction is not all about looks. (I don't find Brad Pitt attractive for a start).

 

I haven't seen your photo because I don't need to - I'm guessing this is the same woman you've been 'chasing' forever and she's made it pretty clear you're in the friendzone and you're going to stay there. Your looks are irrelevant to her - you're her friend.

 

I'm not trying to be mean Sumdude81, I'm trying to give you some helpful advice. You seem like a decent guy, but your understanding of women is 'zero'. Stop wasting your time with this girl and start working on the things about yourself (eg personality, social graces etc) that will make you more attractive - to other women. This one isn't interested and never will be.

[Country_Girl]

I'd like to see...will send feedback in PM.

[oaks]

Men, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (it will help to support my argument here), in my experience, most men seem to find all reasonably good looking women attractive and the very good looking ones are 'hot'. Women are a bit more discerning than that.

 

I think you're broadly right. Men are (generally) more visual creatures.

[Wolf18]

Of course - that's it! It couldn't possibly be because she just doesn't find him sexually attractive?[/Quote]

 

What good reason is there to not be attracted to someone equal or better than you in looks and who you like enough to spend a lot of your free time with?

 

One thing it might be useful for some of you guys to know - women will not automatically find you attractive just because they are what you consider equal in terms of looks, or even below you. There are no leagues for a start, but even if there were, attraction doesn't work that way - not for women anyway.[/Quote]

 

That's only in places like America where women always think they're much better than they actually are. I'm sure 50 years ago, this girl would be married to Mr Dude because there was no such thing as "serial dating" (IE having one night stands with a bunch of pretty boys and players) and people had self-realization.

 

Women nowadays can afford to "wait" for that 'perfect' guy at the ironic expense of her own long term happiness, for a variety of reasons. 1) women don't need men to eat, 2) women can go longer without sex, 3) the women who want sex can get it whenever they want as they wait.

 

Men, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (it will help to support my argument here), in my experience, most men seem to find all reasonably good looking women attractive and the very good looking ones are 'hot'. Women are a bit more discerning than that. [/Quote]

 

And how is that a good thing? All that means is that most men find you attractive, and most men don't find me or 9 out of 10 of every day men attractive.

 

Sumdude81, you could be 'leagues' above this girl or even look like a movie star and she still may not find you sexually attractive - because sexual attraction is not all about looks. (I don't find Brad Pitt attractive for a start). [/Quote]

 

Sexual attraction is indeed all about looks. Women who have sex with Hugh Hefner aren't doing it because the geezers a stud, they're doing it because he's got money and can advance their porn careers. But if you're a guy whose just got himself, it is about looks. Besides, somedude says they get along great together, so then what is it about? The unproven mythological pheremones?

 

I haven't seen your photo because I don't need to - I'm guessing this is the same woman you've been 'chasing' forever and she's made it pretty clear you're in the friendzone and you're going to stay there. Your looks are irrelevant to her - you're her friend. [/Quote]

 

He's her friend because of his looks.

 

 

This whole women don't care about looks stuff is really obnoxious. Why do you keep perpetuating this myth? We'll admit looks matter, why can't you when the fact is so obvious and in my opinion even more superficial on the womans side of the fence.

 

Women are just as visual as men. What they aren't is logical. A man will see a girl who is in his league who isn't amazing by any standards, but will say "hey, I'm not Fabio either" and realize that it's honestly not so bad to date someone whose not model cover material. Women on the other hand will just say "Nope, just not attracted" to her counterpart and live in a world of no-mirrors and constant phoney ego-stroking from horny men looking for one night stands with plain jane at the bar.

Edited July 3, 2011 by Wolf18

[LittleTiger]

Wolf18 - there is clearly no point in arguing with you.

 

As the saying goes "there are none so blind as those who will not see".

 

All I can say is, you have a lot to learn about women and sexual attraction.

[rafallus]

Men, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (it will help to support my argument here), in my experience, most men seem to find all reasonably good looking women attractive and the very good looking ones are 'hot'. Women are a bit more discerning than that.

 

If you mean "to turn me on", both will work. There are aesthetics and there is sexual attraction, and they are not always directly correlated. As long as girl isn't repulsive, she should be good to go. Same with guys.