amethyste Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 My question is inspired by what Thierro said in a previous thread. I've been asking myself this question, and I was curious what you guys think. Personally, I don't know how I can love someone at one point in my life, and then to simply stop caring. Of course, my logic tells me to leave things as they are, to not offer my help to someone who doesn't need it (coming from me), to distance myself from everything, to disappear from their lives - but I don't think I can stop caring 100%. I also have no anger inside me, I can't feel any real anger against people I love; just a huge... extra-huge disappointment that saddens me. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkinicole36 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I feel this way a lot too. I can't hate my ex, like I just can't even muster up the emotions to hate him. It's like Sade's Stronger than Pride. Such a beautiful song, but it really explains the emotions of a gut-wrenching breakup. I don't think we're meant to stop caring 100%. When you love someone profoundly never ever truly stop loving them. The love simply changes and morphs into something else, but the love itself is not lost. Link to post Share on other sites
kingofhearts Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It's like Sade's Stronger than Pride. Such a beautiful song, but it really explains the emotions of a gut-wrenching breakup. I love Sade. and that song. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I'm almost a year out and I still care. I also vanished from my ex's life when she broke up with me. Since I havn't heard from her in all this time it's quite clear that she doesn't and possibly never did care. But I do. Although I can say that I have had times when I've been quite angry and bitter. What I've come to accept is that I'll always care about her. And you may always care about your ex too. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you won't love someone else someday or that you'll always be pining for him. Just that there may always be a part of you that cares for him. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I am just over a month into the breakup 15 days nc and I can honestly tell you that I do not care for my ex. At first I was crazy obsessed and everything in getting her back but she betrayed me big time. We were the best of friends for over 2 years and we dated for over a year and a half. She ****ed me up big time and the wool was so pulled over my eyes I couldn't see straight until the very end and when that came, I missed pulling the trigger and she beat me to it. Its actually better this way because I might have gone back to her in 6 months or so but not anymore since I was the dumpee. I have all the power back in my hands. She has no more control over me. I choose what I want to do next. Does she still run through my mind, of course she does but shes not on the pedestal any more. I kicked that **** right out from under her, made it 2 feet taller and now Im standing on it looking down at her and how ****ty of a friend/gf she was. In your next relationship, I will give you advice to where I failed in this relationship. Always put yourself first, if you put yourself first, if the relationship ends, it will sting a lot but if you still have your friends, activities that you rely on now as you are single, even in long term relationships, keep doing what you are doing now. You do and you will have the time. Marriages are different of course Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Let's put it this way. Picture your heart as a grid, with hundreds of little squares, maybe a thousand, the number doesn't really matter, in fact, maybe the squares are elastic, and keep multiplying as you grow. Your heart is actually limitless in terms of how many people you might care about or love at any given time. Your heart is very capable, and the more open you are, the more you'll fill your heart, in fact. You are capable of having feelings for an infinite number people that include your family, friends, people you admire, etc., and yes, your ex. See your ex as occupying a few of those squares, that's all it really amounts to. Maybe when you were in the relationship, your ex occupied lots and lots of squares, but now, that number has diminished to a few. So sure, you still care, but in terms of what you're capable of, in terms of all the other people in your life and who will come into your life, your ex's "care territory" is not what it used to be, and I suspect that over time, will continue to diminish. Time, distance, and letting other people in your life will change the landscape of your heart's grid, just know that over time, your ex will occupy fewer squares and less and less space. Someday (no one knows yet), your ex may not be in your heart's grid at all. For now, relax. Your heart can spare a couple of squares for you ex no sweat, you know? Not that big a deal when you look at it this way, is it? My question is inspired by what Thierro said in a previous thread. I've been asking myself this question, and I was curious what you guys think. Personally, I don't know how I can love someone at one point in my life, and then to simply stop caring. Of course, my logic tells me to leave things as they are, to not offer my help to someone who doesn't need it (coming from me), to distance myself from everything, to disappear from their lives - but I don't think I can stop caring 100%. I also have no anger inside me, I can't feel any real anger against people I love; just a huge... extra-huge disappointment that saddens me. Edited July 4, 2011 by Graceful Link to post Share on other sites
Author amethyste Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 ^^ This explanation was great as I am a big fan of cross-stitching. It really made me smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It's not that I don't care but when somebody does me wrong I have an ability to turn off those feelings very quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 ^^ This explanation was great as I am a big fan of cross-stitching. It really made me smile. Nice! Makes me smile, too. It really does help put things in perspective. Cross-stitching is a lovely art, one that requires patience and a keen eye. Maybe you can cross-stitch a heart onto a lovely piece of cloth and make a pillow out of it; make sure the space for your ex very, very small! Two stitches, max! Link to post Share on other sites
childishregrets Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) If you want to hurt someone then yes it is, If you want to further yourself as a person and do good then no its not. My ex choosing someone new killed me but what really messed me up was i never got a single phone call in 7 years, i know what happend was mutual and it takes two to tango etc but i cant imagine loving someone then doing that... She done it with her ex before me though (claimed she never loved him) i just thought i was different... Her new guy has a child from a previous realtionship and they have one now too so i always thought well hes going to be friends with his ex (mother of his child) so what your forbidden to at least say hello once in a while down the years?.Does that mean i was nothing or something? not knowing that kills me to this day... maybe im being selfish who knows maybe i have not outgrown that fault yet, i just know that if she phoned tomorrow and said i lost my money and i cant tell my B/F as he will go crazy or im embarrassed i would lend her no problem, even if i do resent her i still have a part of my heart for her Edited July 5, 2011 by childishregrets Link to post Share on other sites
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