Family's a b***h!

[Dooda]

Parents can be complete a**holes to their kids and treat them like complete ****... but you still have everyone telling you "she's your mother, you should love her no matter what"

What about, "I'm her son, so it's mutual"?

Love doesn't mean that you can treat the person you 'love' however you want and expect no repercussions simply because you're that person's mother or father.

 

My mother says completely mean things to me all the time. She puts everyone around her down. She's rude and has a superiority complex towards anyone who she doesn't agree with. She'll go completely psycho over the littlest things.

 

Sometimes I just lose it, as hard as it is to stay controlled, and I'll react in rude ways, and I always feel wrong afterwards because of this feeling that others would be judging me because "I should love my mother no matter what."

People don't understand the **** I went through with my parents. My father would beat me in the most horrible ways and my mother would go completely psycho and tell me how much of a garbage person I was and how much she didn't wish she had a son.

 

Even the people that do know me tell me that I need to make an 'effort'. How the hell and why the hell should I make an effort when all I ever get is **** when I try and take a step forward.

 

I feel like complete garbage. I have been completely drained of every ounce of confidence, self-esteem, motivation that I ever had, and I'm STILL supposed to feel bad about my parents... wth... How is it fair to me in any way?

I don't understand how I can feel so bad about this and always feel like I'm wrong while my mother and family members always think they're right. It's gotten to a point where they can say completely degrading things and they don't realise it because that is just how they treat me.

I'm so tired of dealing with this crap, but they keep pulling me in just to keep pushing me out and making me feel as though it is my fault that I am unable to maintain a relationship with them.

 

God, I hate my family. They're such miserable people and they keep telling me about how miserable my life is and how miserable I am.

 

My mom has no social life and no friends. She has pushed away every friend she's ever had the courage to get. My father is practically bipolar except he doesn't know it and he does nothing with his life except work and come home and watch TV for 6 hours before going to sleep. My brother is a completely disgruntled soul with no emotional or mental grasp on himself and a severe amount of cockiness to go with it. I am OK with that. I am able to accept that, and I never reproach them about nothing, yet they feel it necessary to constantly reproach me about my 'actions' and how 'horrible' my life is.

I am depressd, and anxious, and ****ed up, because of them, because of how they treated me. The only difference is is that I realize something is wrong with me. They have no ounce of guilt or feeling that something is wrong in their lives.

Sigh.

[mohdhm]

when i asked that question people told me to move out. best decision ever.

 

A bitch family will always be a bitch family, nothing will change, not for all the counseling in the world.

[RIO5]

You gotta separate yourself from the negativity. If moving out helps, then do so. Its good that you see your parents flaws. Hopefully you learn something from this and give your own children a better life than what you had. I have learned to walk away from my family. I dont see eye to eye with a lot of them. But I learned to become a lone wolf. I have learned to rely on just myself and no one else. Blocking out what my family has to say has helped me tremendously in the emotional department. My family will miss me...not the other way around. Eventually, you will have enough. Hopefully you can stick to a path that helps you become a better person in life.

[Dooda]

Thanks all for the replies.

I was just rereading this and realized how much I was ranting.

I had just gotten home after visiting my mother and we had gotten into another fight where she was ranting about me because of something she did, the typical old "It's your fault I did whatever I did..."

 

I live on my own, and have been for a couple of years. I am still emotionally and, for the most part, financially attached to these people.

 

I still believe, within a part of me, that there is some room for hope, however it is mostly, I believe, that I am unable to let go of my feelings and insecurities in regards to them and thus I am unable to let go of them.

I feel that this will be the stepping stone to getting my life together.

 

It's hard knowing you don't have a family who you can rely on and that won't make you feel like complete **** everyday of the week...

 

It's hard knowing that you are completely alone...

It's also hard knowing that every insecurity you have, your fear of people, your fear that you are 'inferior', somehow, to people, stems from how you were treated as a kid.

 

I realize that I have adapted into a very non-expectant and inferior mindset because of them constantly making me feel as though I was this. I was, and always will be, the runt of the family and nothing ever will be enough for them.

However, I guess it takes time to come to terms with the fact that some things will be enough for me. I am not unworthy.

That's the hard part, realizing this small truth...

 

Everything comes easy after that.

 

I can keep telling myself all day, that I am right, that I don't deserve to be treated like that, that I'm a good person, etc... but it's so hard to believe these invaluable truths. All I hear in my head is the demeaning voices of my family telling me otherwise...

[Fugu]

I can keep telling myself all day, that I am right, that I don't deserve to be treated like that, that I'm a good person, etc... but it's so hard to believe these invaluable truths. All I hear in my head is the demeaning voices of my family telling me otherwise...

 

Become less and less dependent on them.

[Tayla]

A poster on here named Woggle has a mother like none other and he has taken leaps and bounds to move forward in his life from that ladies inappropriate* statements and actions. You could learn alot from his story. Its a doosie!

 

 

(*) astrisk is used to signify that the use of that word is putting it mildly for how insane this parent was.

 

Bottom line is, we cannot change our parents and the less you have to interact with them at this time the better. Minimize the contact and maximize the distance. A true friend would be honest and tell you that the street does run both ways and a decent parent would own up to their sides of things and patch things up...in this case its not yours to tolerate or make an effort on...

[Disillusioned_Wife]

That adage comes to mind:

 

Can't chose your family but you can chose your friends.

 

Have you tried detachment strategies?

http://www.recoverymatters.co.za/pages/1653/detachment-and-other-coping-strategies

 

Also, just because she's your mom doesn't give her the right to treat you like that or that you have to put up with it. Distance yourself and detach from her and play pass the bean dip if you must be in her presence.

 

Playing pass the bean dip goes like this. Set boundaries with her, make her aware of them then if she crosses the boundaries enforce the consequences of crosses them. I am leaving, I am hanging up the phone now...and...DO IT. Follow through with it each and every time.

 

If she pushes too much or harder, remove her at arms length, tell her why and tell her until she can respect your boundaries she is not welcome in your home, or any other part of your life.

 

I've had to do this with both my father (an addict), my sister in law and my father in law. I don't tolerate any toxic people or their toxic sludge. You don't have to live with it.

[ilikesunita]

If you cannot reason with them, get out. your own wellbeing is worth it.