verhrzn Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Hey everybody... I've posted in the past that I felt as if my looks were preventing me from finding a guy who is into me, and if I was just confident and not insecure, I'd be fine. Well, this weekend I've been at a big nerd event, a sci-fi con. My friends and I are even throwing a huge steampunk themed room party. Due to the theme and the party, I've spent most of the evening in what I consider a pretty attractive costume: leggings, knee high boots corset, great make-up. My friends all said I looked fine/great, and I felt super confident because I love wearing this kind of stuff. Yet as the night wore on.... nothing. Not a single guy flirted with me. The only two people who complimented me were an older lady who told me I had great boobs, and a transvestite who told me I was pretty. What's also making me sad is the behavior of a guy I consider SUPER cute. I met him last night through a friend. I thought last night he seemed super flirty... he stayed and chatted with us for a good two hours (could have been just because our mutual friend was there?) Tonight, he came to the room party, but only just to pop his head in. He promised he would come back... and he did... He seemed just as flirty as before, but he stayed only to have a single drink and then he said he and his friend were moving on to the next. Our mutual friend said he's just like that... very ADHD. So, how do I tell if he likes me? And what am I doing wrong to not have ANYONE flirt with me? I'm confident, I'm friendly and outgoing and I think I look pretty good. So what's the problem?? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I'm sort of like that. Flirty and ADHD. I hardly ever make a move on a female unless she is inches away from me and her eyes are begging me to kiss her. But I don't know. A sexy woman in a steam punk outfit. I might have been more bold. Also consider that he is strategically increasing your interest in him by playing coy. This is a chick move, but it has been a very lucrative play for me. Link to post Share on other sites
penguinman77 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 People want what they cant have. So don't laugh at his stupid jokes, next time he pops his head in, tell him to get lost and ' you want your space'...if you catch him looking at you, sneer at him. Pretty soon he will be interested. Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Maybe you're trying too hard? Or coming across as desperately wanting to meet someone? Guys can sense that, ya know. Just be yourself, have fun and act like the last thing you want is to meet someone. As soon as you stop looking, someone will come along. Btw...I also agree with ^^ him. Men become interested in things they can't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Coil Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I disagree with the above 2 posters. If someone says to get lost or that they need their space a "GOOD GUY" is going to do just that and run. The only people that will attract is creepers IMHO. I can understand the parts about not seeming needy or over interested. I would recommend just being natural and just go with the flow. No pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Maybe you're trying too hard? Or coming across as desperately wanting to meet someone? Guys can sense that, ya know. Just be yourself, have fun and act like the last thing you want is to meet someone. As soon as you stop looking, someone will come along. Btw...I also agree with ^^ him. Men become interested in things they can't have. This goes both ways. As soon as I stopped looking for girls and ignored them, here they come, watching me, trying to get close to me, etc. Now, I gotta girl all over me and I was anything but nice to her, so go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Update: Well, I tried to go with the flow and just be natural... But it really didn't work. Saturday night I and the mutual friend were being the door greeter for our party. He came back and said he needed to "hide" from a gay guy who was creeping him out. So he starts hiding behind my friend... And is hugging her tight around the waist, and rubbing his chin on her shoulder, and kind of tickling her, all while I'm standing there. Super flirty touching (though my friend is dating someone.) I finally just left in surrender. I'm absolutely disgusted with my inability to attract anyone. There was a guy that I talked to for like an hour, and I thought we were having a fun time... I sent him a message on Facebook ("Hey, is this the guy who was dressed up as <costume?>") but he hasn't responded. Why am I so bad at this?? I was at a freaking SCI-FI convention in a corset and knee high boots and couldn't get a guy. I feel so ready to just give up. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Do you have any pictures? I know it's cliche for men online to ask for pictures, but the only way to see if it's your looks that are holding you back is to see what you look like. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 If this is close, some (or one) of your target audience might have been intimidated. What do your girlfriends say about your dearth of success? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 If this is close, some (or one) of your target audience might have been intimidated. What do your girlfriends say about your dearth of success? Lets not forget that most of the men at those conventions look like this. Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Do you have any pictures? I know it's cliche for men online to ask for pictures, but the only way to see if it's your looks that are holding you back is to see what you look like. Unfortunately this is the only way we can honestly say anything about your looks. However, often it's because guys get intimidated. Especially nerdy guys. I am one myself I know there there are so many girls who used to flirt with me and I just didn't know what to do next. I'd get flirted with and constantly think to myself "She'd never be interested in a guy like me". And then she'd think I wasn't interested. This probably works both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Unfortunately this is the only way we can honestly say anything about your looks. However, often it's because guys get intimidated. Especially nerdy guys. I am one myself I know there there are so many girls who used to flirt with me and I just didn't know what to do next. I'd get flirted with and constantly think to myself "She'd never be interested in a guy like me". And then she'd think I wasn't interested. This probably works both ways. That's a great point. Some guys who never get flirted with, might not pick up on what is happening. And if they do realize it, they might think that they are just being teased. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I have pictures of myself in the other thread I started (http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a70/vertical_sky/me_bodyshape.jpg.) But even if they don't know I'm flirting with them, he seemed totally open to flirting with our mutual friend. And I was even so bold as to message the other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Lets not forget that most of the men at those conventions look like this. LOL, just a typical day at the office, thanks Yep, OP, dress you up punk and stick you in a corset and some guys will be intimidated. That example I posted wasn't far off, and I had not yet seen your picture. Get some feedback from your girlfriends. Have one shadow you. Be open to their comments. Even if you learn one valuable thing that could make all the difference. Often how we *feel* we are is different than how we're *perceived*. BTDT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Here's a picture of me in costume (I'm Batgirl in yellow.) http://i723.photobucket.com/albums/ww237/eponineinlife/Group2.jpg I had my friend dressed as Robin follow me and she didn't seem to see anything wrong. Like, NONE of my friends had an answer. UGH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING. Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Well there's nothing wrong with your looks, that's for sure! I'd date you definitely. Perhaps because you're worried about your looks you don't seem very approachable or, like I used to, you give off an "I'm not interested" vibe because you think they're not interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 So, what's up with the guy in the gas mask? I see you angling in on Batman where gas mask guy has me intrigued. Also, note the body language of the young lady who appears to have a Buck Rogers ray gun tucked into her belt. See how she's kind of forward and flirting with the camera, whereas you appear more reserved and reticent, like you're looking things over. See how perceptions work? Well, that's one old fart's opinion. YMMV> Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 As tb24 said, there's certainly nothing wrong with how you look. And said before, you have to keep in mind the dating experience and maturity of the general population at those big nerd-o-thons...sometimes guys just don't get it...or they are intimidated by the pretty girl in the corset...I know in my more awkward days (and even now to some extent ), I would have never dreamt of approaching the pretty girl...and if she was talking to me, I just figured she was being nice... Have you experienced the same thing in your other social circles? Link to post Share on other sites
tb24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Especially approaching a girl who's in a group with 4 guys and 2 girls already. That makes it even more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) I wasn't with them most of the time... Mostly I was hanging out with either that Robin girl, occasionally her and her fiancee Batman, or doing my own thing. Seriously, I feel like I should just slice off my nose already and be done with it, since I seem to repulse guys so much. Edited July 4, 2011 by verhrzn Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 OK, there is nothing wrong with how you look at all. Probably the biggest issue is that guys have no idea you're available. I don't know what kind of guys you're after, but don't be afraid to be a little more outgoing. Maybe turn up the flirting a bit. I'm pretty sure the problem is the guys, not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Seriously, I feel like I should just slice off my nose already and be done with it, since I seem to repulse guys so much. Would you date a guy who said this...? No? So stop it... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Probably the biggest issue is that guys have no idea you're availableGood point, underscored by Robin-girl in the photo. She's engaged and I perceive her as very outgoing and friendly. This is consistent with most of my life experiences with women. I meet someone, smile, enjoy their company and then glance at their ring finger after making a prediction; rarely is it wrong, and usually they're married. In the picture, you're not giving off the 'I'm attached' vibe but, IRL, it may be coming off differently, especially to guys who are on the intimidated 'fence'. Approachability and clear signals of availability are helpful. The more aggressive men won't want or need them but if you're targeting the more shy and reticent, then it is helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I messaged the one guy. I did some very clear flirting with others... what does it really take, going up to them and flat out saying," We should make out"?.... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 what does it really take, going up to them and flat out saying," We should make out"?.... Being surrounded by more outgoing types. It would help a lot if you tried to participate in other social activities that involve different types of men, not so much awkward geeky ones but friendlier, slightly more aggressive ones. I think you would have a very different experience. Link to post Share on other sites
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