confusedgirl56 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I met this guy in Chicago and I was really into him. We met once in Chicago and after that, we both had to travel for work and couldn't meet. During that time, we texted and chatted every few days. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the chats were kinda of sexual. After all that sexual tension, we met again in 2 weeks. We didn't have sex, but I did give him a hand job. What happened afterwards was what I'm confused about? I would appreciate any insights. - He got me a cab to go back home and gave me money for it. But he gave me so much more than I needed. Was it normal? Why am I getting this really strange feeling that he's paying me? Omg. Am I thinking too much? - He told me to "call him," when I want to hang out. - The next day, I emailed him and said I had a good time. He replied within an hour and told me that I should let him know whenever I'm back in town again. I feel quite embarrassed at this point. Should I just move on? I'm really into this guy. It would hurt if I ruined it by moving too fast.
Nexus One Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 The question is not if you're moving too fast. The question is; is he into you beyond just the sex? That's what you need to find out. I see nothing in your post that indicates affection from him towards you beyond sex. That doesn't mean I'm right, because your post is kind of thin on information about the dynamics between you and him. Know this, men are able to disconnect sex from love incredibly well. If the sex is without feelings for him, then that doesn't bode well for you if you want more.
SoleMate Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He really enjoyed the handjob and he would like more whenever it is convenient for you. It would appear that sex is his sole interest - otherwise he would call you, ask how you're doing, get to know you as a person and care about you. He does not appear sensitive to your feelings, since he basically did "pay" you for the handjob, which implies that you're a sex worker, not a hopeful young woman looking for a relationship. Am I thinking too much?No, you should be thinking more, not less. It's not so much that you ruined this, as that you went too fast before you knew he was interested in you as a person. I would go NC. If he is truly interested in you, he will get in contact again and won't push to make it sexual. But I wouldn't hold my breath.
Author confusedgirl56 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks for the quick reply, Nexus One. Your reply made me feel a lot better. There are no affections from his part. I was hoping to keep the sexual tension going, so he would make the efforts to want to see me and eventually build feelings as we hang out more. But it might be the wrong approach. Is there any way to turn it around? If not, I'll just move on.
Dust Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Not enough info for us to make that call. Probably not enough info for you either. You probably are jumping to conclusions that are just as likely false as true. I would want to give a girl more money then she needed to make sure she would be ok. I wouldn’t want to bring up the money or make a deal about it. “Make sure you get me change I gave you more then you needed” would sure make the night feel dirty. If you had brought it up to me I probably would have said “I just want to make sure you get home safe with out worries.” If this had been me though I would have wanted sex. I mean a hand job is fun but really its about the worst sexual maneuver. A blow job would have been much better especially if you swallow. I personally love sex, but I only what it with some one I care about or at least feel I could care for. I’d feel dirty just using a girl for sex, and I feel there are a lot of guys who feel that way. It will become quite obvious if sex is the only thing he cares about. If he fools you though, it happens try not to get jaded. I hope he repaid the favor and gave you a good finger bang!
oldguy Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) I met this guy in Chicago and I was really into him. We met once in Chicago and after that, we both had to travel for work and couldn't meet. During that time, we texted and chatted every few days. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the chats were kinda of sexual. After all that sexual tension, we met again in 2 weeks. We didn't have sex, but I did give him a hand job. That actually is sex:) What happened afterwards was what I'm confused about? I would appreciate any insights. - He got me a cab to go back home and gave me money for it. But he gave me so much more than I needed. Was it normal? Why am I getting this really strange feeling that he's paying me? Omg. Am I thinking too much? I understand your confusion & might be a little insulted. Did you except the money knowing it was too much & how much is too much? - He told me to "call him," when I want to hang out. - The next day, I emailed him and said I had a good time. He replied within an hour and told me that I should let him know whenever I'm back in town again. "I should let him know whenever I'm back in town again". It sounds like an invitation to booty call. I feel quite embarrassed at this point. Should I just move on? I'm really into this guy. It would hurt if I ruined it by moving too fast. It just doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page. Here is a dirty little secret, weather we admit it or not, most of us feel, or at least wonder if what a girl does with us they will do with anyone. I would be much less awkward if there more contact or you got to know one another without the sex. Should you just move on? I don't think so, not if your really into him, but you probably need to have some need to let him know how you feel. That your embarrassed & why & go from there. You do know you didn't do anything wrong, right? Edited July 2, 2011 by oldguy
Author confusedgirl56 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Just to add a bit more information to my original question: - I emailed him the next day that I was turned on and wanted to see him the next day. Unfortunately, he had to travel for work. I got annoyed and said that I would look for someone else in the mean time. He didn't reply until I emailed him an hour later and said that I didn't mean it and would appreciate a chat later to feel better. - He said okay and did try to chat with me later that night, but I already went to bed at that time, feeling quite unhappy! - Since then, we haven't contacted each other. It has been 2 days. Is he just into sex? Should I just move on? I really like this guy. It would hurt if I ruined it by moving too fast and reacting in a bad way, when he couldn't meet me the very next day.
musemaj11 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Maybe he thought you might prefer cash than a meal or a movie ticket. Men pay women for sex in one way or another. No need to feel bad about it.
Author confusedgirl56 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Thank you - TheLawmaker, old guy, Dust, SoleMate for your great advice!
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 - He told me to "call him," when I want to hang out. He actually meant for you to call him so he can hang out Sex is all he is after.. that is all he will want and will give you...
oldguy Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Reading this more, it sounds like he's viewing you as a prostitute! Yah:o that is why ask asked; "how much is too much". If he was just rounding up the cab fair & tip that's one thing. I would think a gentleman would ride with you to see you home. But I still open doors for women too.
Author confusedgirl56 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Thank for your insights - musemaj11, Art_Critic, and oldguy.
youngskywalker Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He doesn't value your relationship beyond sex. There is no relationship at this point. They just met. Many relationships start out with flaming lust and then develop into more. Likewise, many don't develop past sex and fizzle. But you have to admit, in this day and age sex at the beginning is the norm... like it or not.
EasyHeart Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Just to add a bit more information to my original question: - I emailed him the next day that I was turned on and wanted to see him the next day. Unfortunately, he had to travel for work. I got annoyed and said that I would look for someone else in the mean time. He didn't reply until I emailed him an hour later and said that I didn't mean it and would appreciate a chat later to feel better. - He said okay and did try to chat with me later that night, but I already went to bed at that time, feeling quite unhappy! - Since then, we haven't contacted each other. It has been 2 days. Is he just into sex? Should I just move on? I really like this guy. It would hurt if I ruined it by moving too fast and reacting in a bad way, when he couldn't meet me the very next day.What is it that you're looking for from this man? Why would you send him an email saying that you're "turned on" and want to see him? It sounds like you're only looking for sex, so why would you expect anything different from him?
make me believe Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He wants sex, that's about it. But you are definitely giving mixed signals if you want more than that. Also, saying that you'd find someone else to "hang out" with because you were annoyed he had to travel for work is really lame. I mean, come on. That's totally immature. You should figure out what you want out of this & communicate that to him. If he's not on the same page, then stop hanging out with him.
Andy_K Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 It would hurt if I ruined it by moving too fast. Where do you girls get this crazy idea that when a guy loses interest after being intimate, it means you ruined things by moving too fast? There was never anything there to ruin. He never had any interest beyond sex. You didn't 'ruin' anything. You just completely misread (or kidded yourself) about his character and intentions, that's all. This 'sixth sense' for reading people women have never ceases to amaze me
fishtaco Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I vote for not enough info. There is obvious physical attraction. But so what? Without physical attraction, you should just be platonic friends. I don't believe in too soon. People give too much power to sex. If a guy is ultimately going to end up with you, sex earlier or later won't make a difference. If a guy is ultimately NOT going to end up with you, sex earlier or later won't make a difference either. Motives are difficult to figure out. You can't just base it on one factor... sex, then suddenly you've solved the riddle. In fact, I wish it was that simple. But it's not. As far as the money thing, that is kind of strange. But different people have different ways of showing appreciation. Maybe he's the "gift" type, so he gave you extra. Anyway, like I said, not enough info. Proceed with caution as always. Once you associate with him more, then his true motives would become more clear.
sm1tten Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I'm with those who said there's not enough information. And I also don't really buy the "too soon" mess, but that's just me. If anything, I think your responses to him the next day blew it.
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 If anything, I think your responses to him the next day blew it........
TuffCookieX Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 This thread reminded me of South Park. I thought this too! "Here is some cab fare. Going into sleep mode."
johan Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 It might have been too soon. Hard to say. Were your lips used to any extent as part of this hand job? Did you smell your hand afterwards?
SmileFace Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I think it depends what hand you used. If you used lifty and it was too good - he may be a skeptical This is a shaky situation. Anyway like it was said earlier. He didn't lose interest . It wasn't there in the first place. I think us women need to come to understand that.
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