l2hvn Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 i know this is a stupid question but is it okay to have a weekend trip (out-of-state) without your significant other? Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Depends. Can you give us some more info on said trip? Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 how long together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author l2hvn Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 we've been together for about two months now. so we're still in that getting-to-know you phase. i have always planned on visiting a friend (yes, it's a he, but he's just a friend, i swear!) for quite some time now (way before i met my current SO). plus, i've never been to that city yet. if i tell him that i'll visit a male friend, i know he won't like it. and i know i'll feel guilty. and i know it doesn't look right. but at the same time, i want to have my own freedom. and also, sort of like a test in our relationship (for him to trust me, and if i really do want to be exclusive with him since i haven't been in one in years). i like him a lot and would like to seriously get serious with him if things go well. but i cannot say if we're on the same page. i'm getting mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 i would say tell him. you dont have to invite him. just tell him. dont build a relationship on lies and secrets. thats not a good way to start off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l2hvn Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 you're right. relationship is all about trust. also, he plans on having trips w/o me (wedding, leisure travel like catching his fave baseball team play). i want to be included but i don't want to invite myself. how do i go about doing that? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 it is fine to take trips w/o your SO. Especially when its a trip that has been planned for a while and your relationship is so new. Don't lie to him about who you are visiting though - I would be a little hesitant if I were in his shoes, but if you have made no commitments to each other and if something does happen between you and the guy you are visiting you tell him when you return, then there shouldn't be a problem. Except, of course if something happens while away and you come back to tell him that you don't want to be exclusive with him. Don't expect to be invited along with him on trips. Don't test him. People hate being tested. When he is ready to invite you along he will. In the meantime, you can invite him along on other trips that you may plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l2hvn Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 thank you all so much for the advice. i still want to go on this trip (next month) but part of me is holding back. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Don't feel bad about wanting to visit other friends! I did it a bunch in my last relationship. Was completely honest about it too. If the new beau is a good guy and can trust a woman, he should be able to be cool with the situation. He may be new, but the friend isn't. I refuse to give up my male friends for a b/f and I don't think that our S/O should ask us to. As long as there's nothing going on with the friend, then all is well (which is exactly what you indicated). Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 i stand by telling him about it. not telling him is the worst thing. allow space. the best thing to do about anything is to talk. communicate. you have to have communication, openness and trust. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 you have every right to do what you want. but..how would you feel if he went out of state and visited a female friend. be honest. you only have to tell yourself. oh please.. don't try to hide behind the "relationship test". you want to see this guy and no other excuse will be acceptable. just admit it before you do something you'll regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author l2hvn Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 the male friend is JUST a male friend. i am not interested in him sexually or otherwise. he's certainly not what i would typically go for. really, i just wanted to get a break from the craziness in my life (personal problems and such). sometimes, that's all one needs to clear the mind. recharge my spirit. i am falling in love w/ my bf but i keep getting mixed signals from him. i am not sure if i could trust him completely (this calls for another topic to be discussed). i will have about one week to decide whether to go on the trip or not. Link to post Share on other sites
mommy78 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 That's such a funny thought because a few months ago, my bf for 5 1/2 years just asked me if he could go to Japan with his friends for a week. I said no! I think its wrong. Well in my situation it is. We've been together for a long time, we've already been on trips, AND we have a daughter together. I thought it was dumb for him to even think about that. But since you've been with him for ONLY 2 months and you know FOR SURE that nothing will happen between you and your male friend, then go right ahead. If you know that it may bother your bf, and you're willing to jepordize this short relationship, knowing that you might not be with him after you leave, then my all means, go right ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Becks84 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Go on the trip! You might regret it down the road if you don't. Don't let a boyfriend, especially of such a short period of time, hold you back. If he is a decent guy, he will totally understand. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 if i were you ...i would go. i have dated a man who had a female best friend, he even had a spare bedroom for when she came to visit..it didn't bother me at all. but it did other girls he dated in the past. i also have a female friend who has a male best friend, they are roomates. same kind of insecurities with her bf's, she out right told them not to go there with their issues. a good friend will be there for you long after the bf's have gone, they are the ones that will pick you back up off the floor. Link to post Share on other sites
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