Kamille Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 As you all know, I recently stopped moving every six months and finally have decided to settle down somewhere. My sister was planning to come visit, and last week we settled on a date in July. The original plan was more sister to sleep on an air mattress in the office and for me to keep my bedroom. I just spoke to my mom... Now, my parents and my sister have supposedly talked and hatched out a plan. My parents are going to drive up to my sister's place, and they're all coming over to visit. My reaction? I'm infuriated. One, because I don't have enough beds or blankets to host everyone. My mom was like: "Well you or your sister can sleep on the couch", insinuating that they were automatically getting my bedroom. I have a lot of work this month, and am not into sleeping on my couch or even being put out of my bedroom. Two, it's my place... Shouldn't I be consulted before any plans are made firm? this is probably what gets me the most: I'm the youngest in the family and decisions that affected me have often been made without consulting me. So they all get to decide that they're crashing at my place and putting me out of my bedroom without consulting me first? So, I know, that I'm over-reacting. But how do I address this? My mom is already insulted at my reaction (I expressed my frustration at being put out of my bedroom without being consulted). But the way the whole thing was handled really infuriates me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Oh, and it also means I have to go buy more sheets and beddings... If not another air mattress, so that I can sleep somewhat comfortably in my living room, before I get woken up by them in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Tell them, straight up, that they are not getting your bedroom because they invited themselves without even consulting you. It is YOUR place; they have absolutely no right to do what they did and they're nuts to think they're so entitled. Tell them that they can take an air mattress or not come at all. Don't back down, Kam. It's time to let them know that though you're the youngest child, you're not a baby. You have your own life, your own place, and your own rules for prospective guests to follow, no matter who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Tell them, straight up, that they are not getting your bedroom because they invited themselves without even consulting you. It is YOUR place; they have absolutely no right to do what they did and they're nuts to think they're so entitled. Tell them that they can take an air mattress or not come at all. Don't back down, Kam. It's time to let them know that though you're the youngest child, you're not a baby. You have your own life, your own place, and your own rules for prospective guests to follow, no matter who they are. You're right. I know that the only way for me to eventually start enjoying my parents visits is for me to stop giving them my bedroom every time they come. The issue is that I don't have a spare bedroom (bed) and that both my parents suffer from back problems. My mom has severe arthritis too. So, putting her on an air mattress... Not the best of all ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 It sounds like your parents and your sister still treat you in the same way they've been treating you for years. It's time for you to wake up and tell them who's boss. There's nothing wrong with giving up the bedroom for your parents, but there is something wrong in them simply notifying you that they'll be coming and thus taking over your bedroom without you knowing nothing. I find it weird that your Mom should be insulted by your rational frustration. Self-indulged mothers like that have a problem in understanding that they could ever do something wrong to their children. Thus, she is insulted that you would reproach her for her inconsiderate actions. Take a stand, and tell them that the whole family visiting at this point in time is not possible. Also tell them that if they plan on making a visit they should notify you, first, and not your sister. They might be surprised, but it's for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Ah but see, my mother already went to : "Fine, we won't come then", thus making me feel guilty, thus making me utter: "We'll figure it out". We could really use some counseling. I should have said: "I think that would be best" but then probably wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight. I'm thinking of just biting the bullet and telling them: "There's one air mattress and one couch. I'm keeping my room." The main reason I find their visits difficult is because I'm always uprooted when they show up. I refuse to that from now on. Perhaps I will then start enjoying their visits more. I was looking forward to my sister's visit. We've been trying to set a date for months. I'm trying to get a hold of her to see how the brilliant plan came up. And to see if she happens to have an extra air mattress. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 If nothing else, I think the air mattress and sheet issues should be played back in their court. I'm sure they have an extra set of sheets they can stick in the back of the car, so that you don't have to go shopping. Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Ah but see, my mother already went to : "Fine, we won't come then", thus making me feel guilty, thus making me utter: "We'll figure it out". We could really use some counseling. I should have said: "I think that would be best" but then probably wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight. I'm thinking of just biting the bullet and telling them: "There's one air mattress and one couch. I'm keeping my room." The main reason I find their visits difficult is because I'm always uprooted when they show up. I refuse to that from now on. Perhaps I will then start enjoying their visits more. I was looking forward to my sister's visit. We've been trying to set a date for months. I'm trying to get a hold of her to see how the brilliant plan came up. And to see if she happens to have an extra air mattress. If she said "Fine, we won't come then," then simply heed that call and respect her wishes. If what she is saying is truly a compromise and her understanding that their sudden visit with no notification was unnecessary and wrong, then why should you feel wrong in saying, "That is probably best". I think you feel bad because you know that she's just saying that to make you feel bad and doesn't really not want to come. She's saying that because she knows you'll feel bad and do your best to accommodate her, and it'll also stop the argument that is not going in her favor. It's her way of negating anything. Take a stand and heed to her 'wishes'. If she really wants to come, she'll be the one to notify you and ask if she can come. She should know she's not entitled to simply coming over and taking your bedroom. You did that, don't stop now. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I'm the youngest in the family and decisions that affected me have often been made without consulting me. Ah but see, my mother already went to : "Fine, we won't come then", thus making me feel guilty, thus making me utter: "We'll figure it out". Wow, sounds just like my family and mom, especially the guilt-tripping. You're not overreacting. What they did was pretty rude and inconsiderate. It's your place. Just because you're the baby of the family doesn't mean that you should have no boundaries and that your personal space doesn't need to be respected. Good idea on asking if your sister has an extra air mattress, and I second the suggestion to ask your parents about extra sheets. It's not fair that they would expect you to bend over backwards and inconvenience yourself for something they planned without your input, in your own home, no less. Don't let the guilt-tripping leave you sleeping on the couch and being stressed out with a lot of work on your plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 It sounds like your parents have come before and used your bedroom and you have taken the couch or air mattress. I am sure they think this visit is just status quo, and they probably have zero idea of why you are upset. I am not sure how long your folks will be there; let's say....4 nights. So tailor the following to fit the situation. "Hey, Mom, I was thinking about the visit. I am excited about seeing you all, but as you know, I have a small place and I am also working and need to get a good night's rest and I can not do that sleeping on the couch. I called the Holiday Inn Express, and their rooms are running at $94 a night. I think it would be best if you and Dad stay here the first night in my room, and then stay at the hotel for the middle two nights, and then come back here for the last night. Since I only have one bathroom, that will make every day living much easier and less hectic for all of us, and we will all still get plenty of family time, and Sis and I will have some private time to do lots of girl-talking." Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I would make plans to be somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
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