whatareyoudrinking Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 My ex and I dated for almost 2 years. He fell madly, deeply in love with me and I grew in love with him. By the end of our relationship, I was very in love with him, I planned on spending the rest of my life with him. But I was guarded, I was hurt by previous relationships and never healed myself before I entered into a new relationship. Approx. two weeks ago we ended out relationship. He cried and begged for things to change, and I was cold and callous because I was afraid to show how much power he actually had over me. We spent the night together, but left the relationship status open. On Tuesday, we offically ended it, and I was shattered. I believe the break-up was my fault because all I had to do was reassure him and change a few things that were really bothering him, and likewise he needed to change a few things as well. We both were very hurt. Two days later I find out that he spent the night/ went on a date with a very close friend of me. I thought that our break-up was only temporary, to take time to reflect on eachother. My close friend (who is not anymore), pursued my ex. They spent one night together and when I found out I called my ex and broke down over the phone. He, of course, broke down as well. I told him how much I actually love him, but how badly he had hurt me. We talked for hours about the situation and he said that he thought I had emotionally checked out of the relationship and moved on long ago - he said if he had known how much I loved him and willing to change, he would have never done such thing but he was so hurt and broke (his words) and my friend was just there. He continued to see her. She would travel up to him and pursue him, and he would allow it to happen. I am crushed, and hurt beyond words. I feel like trash and I feel like my ex never loved me to move on that fast. he told he would want to fix things between us, but is afraid and hurt that I will hurt him in return. He also says that he might have feelings for my friend (classic case of transferece). The last time we spoke was Monday, and he cried on the phone telling me how much he loved and missed me (using the pet names he used to call me). He told me he knows exactly what the right choice is and to come back to me and fall into my arms. But he cannot come back yet. I, of course, desperately begged and played my hand. I told him I could forgive him, but he said he doesn't know what to do. He told me he could never lose me and that he cares about me so much, but was so broken and hurt by how things ended he acted irrationally. He told me that he thinks things have gone too far and he is too guilty to come back to me. As far as I know they are "dating". Birds of a feather...right? My close friend is an asbolute down grade of me, which is what hurt the most. She is desperately lonely and pathetically single. She had nothing to lose and already told my ex that she would move in with him. The funny thing is my ex would call me and tell me how pathetic she was, clingy and desperate (she plasters her Facebook wall with "My new man" and things of the sort,) and I unhealthy listened to him so I can gauge their "relationship,". We have been NO CONTACT since Monday and DO NOT plan on breaking it. I have made some very healthy lifestyle changes (joined a gym, going to counseling) and I know that my ex will eventually realize how much of s scumbag he is. He tells everyone that he's a scumbag and could never forgive himself...yet he continues to see my ex. Why I write here? Because I still love him! A piece of me is broken and I want it back. He took so much from me (my pride and dignity) and I want it back. I want nothing more than to wait and see the epiphany my ex wil have when his flashpan rebound relationship fires out and I want to be healthy enough to look at him and be able to move on. I KNOW he doesn't deserve me. I KNOW he's a scumbag...but I love him. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 You are spot on with what needs to be done. His relationship will fail, you know it, I know it. The sad part is he doesn't know it. Just like my ex, shes so blinded by her low self esteem feelings, she doesn't realize that shes now dating an unattractive 37 year old balding cook that she works with that lives in a trailer... can you say downgrade? She's 23. Now the key part is you can not take him back, no matter how much you love him. Trust me on this, trust me. They will have gotten away with relationship murder if you do this after they come back begging. They need to feel the hurt and the pain that they caused us and the best way for this to happen is that we move forward and better our own lives and show them that we do not need them in it Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Yeah when you left somebody, you break something which cannot be put together anymore. You can forget what he did to you, but you always feel what he made you feel. In this situation, it happens to both of you. So don't. Look at the bigger picture, do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Yeah when you left somebody, you break something which cannot be put together anymore. Words of truth here In my opinion something really profound happens during a break up that makes the possibility of a successful, long-term resolution virtually impossible. It's as if some kind of energy is vacuumed away, and even if both partners have a strong will to go back, things are always going to feel slightly listless and never quite right again. (The exception, perhaps, is when people break up in their youth and then re-connect 10 years+ later) Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatareyoudrinking Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) I did a very bad thing last night...we broke no contact. I heard that his niece was diagnosed with leukemia, and I texted him and asked if it would be ok to call him and if he would answer...he said "of course"... What should have been a 10 minute conversation turned into a 4 hour cry fest. Him crying, me crying, everyone crying. I feel so weak that I allowed myself to show any sign of weakness, to tell him that I still love him and he to hear him tell me that he still loves me, but our break-up went too far. I hurt him for far too long before we ended things, and he hurt me very badly after we ended. He told me he wants to come back, but like any battered wife (not that I physically abused him, just an analogy, lol)...they always want to go home. He told me that he thinks he may have feelings for someone else and is going to see where that is going to go, but will always love me and will always regret how things ended between us. But they went where they did and now we have to deal with it. He made his bed and he is going to lie in it. We reminisced a little and talked about what our future could have been (I know, totally unhealthy), and how empty out lives are without each other...but the course of events that happened can never be undone and he feels that we can truly never recover from such a thing. He feels I will hurt him again, and he doesn't ever want to feel like that again, and he has to be selfish. I am just upset that I wasted that one week of No Contact and restarted the whole cycle. It's so hard, because (obviously) we were best friends and until we started to open to each other, actually enjoyed our conversation. Edited July 4, 2011 by whatareyoudrinking Link to post Share on other sites
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