My GF broke up with me after 5 years saying she needs space

[TheHurtProcess]

Here's a question for everyone. What if she does try contacting me, or talking to me. How should I go about it? I mean I ask just to be prepared, but not expecting it.

 

I would just ignore her. Seriously. If she does contact you, it will probably be because she's fishing or throwing you breadcrumbs. She's most likely trying to contact you to see if she still has you wrapped around her finger. If you answer nicely, she'll know that she still has you. If you answer with anger, she'll know that you still care. If you don't answer whatsoever, she'll think you may have moved on and she might become somewhat jealous.... Or she'll move on herself.

 

The only thing she could say that would warrant a reply would be something along the lines of her saying that she's "sorry" and/or she "misses you" and "wants you back". But other than her straight up saying what she wants, forget a reply. She will tell you what she wants if she absolutely wants you back. But, don't bother responding otherwise.

 

Whatever you do... Stay NC (No Contact). You're going to regret it otherwise. It'll put you right back to square one and you'll feel just as bad as the first day. Trust me, my friend.

[Crisis]

Ok, that may be true, I can agree with that. She and her mind are pre-occupied at the moment and when she isn't, thoughts start flaring. It may also be that she acts like this cause she knew, being the way I was that I would be the weak one and she had to be the strong one. I really was honestly, and if I would have known of this site and it's community, I think could be no contact for like a month now hahaha. The truth is though, i was clingy the first 2 weeks, and the 3rd I started the no contact thing. So in a way i pushed her away more, maybe indefinitly you know? Oh and I wouldn't say dating this other guy more like, being friends with him, having sex with him, but not holding to a relationship, like whoring out or something (something I don't think I could forgive).

 

I agree with the second reply though, if she says she "wants me back" or "I miss you" I will say this exactly....(clears throat) "Look, you caused me a lot of pain, pain that I can't put into words. It doesn't hurt anymore cause I'm doing great without you, I don't need you, BUT... Trust is the key to my love and if your willing to work to earn it, we can give this one last run to see if it is really meant to be. If you don't feel like you can do that, then I guess that we should pretend this conversation never happened."

 

I've grown a lot from this break up, really I have. I've realized I had a lot of insecurities, and I engulfed myself with her, like I changed from independent to dependent on her. Now I have a shield up, I know I don't need her, and I'm working on being a better MAN for the Woman that deserves me.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Crisis
Added addtitional information

[EgoJoe]

I wrote this long post and lost it due to my crappy router. After I fix it I'll write something.

 

I would not talk to this girl until you are 100% over her. Just focus on that whether you want it or not. Don't think about her or ANYTHING of the sort. If you see her: turn away. Snicker to yourself and hold your head high while you go about YOUR LIFE. Which she chose to no longer be apart of.

[Crisis]

Agreed Ego! I mean I still love her and it is getting easier to cope that she is doing someone else and not talking to me at all but I still wake up thinking of her (Non-Intentionally). Its hard and it makes me sad, but I get on this tread and re-read everyone's posts and I'm ok again. I can't say I'm completely over her, just like 75-80%. I'm doing quite well.... I guess.

 

Sorry to hear about you crappy router, but I would like to hear what you have to say. Anything at this point seems to make the days a little better.

[TheHurtProcess]

Oh and I wouldn't say dating this other guy more like, being friends with him, having sex with him, but not holding to a relationship, like whoring out or something (something I don't think I could forgive).

 

Has she ever been with anyone else sexually other than you? I was just curious because for one, you mentioned that she was 15 when you started dating. I also used to think like that myself. For a good while throughout high school, it was like I couldn't see myself with another girl who had ever been with another guy before me. As I got older, it didn't seem to matter as much. Plus as I got older, the odds of me finding a girl who hadn't been with another guy sexually weren't as good as when I was a freshman in high school, haha.

 

I've seen quite a few people on LS stating that they would never get back with their ex if they had been with anyone else sexually since the breakup. But, you have to look at it like this... Did it matter who she was with before you? I mean, if it's you she loves you, especially if it was strictly physical on not emotional/romantic, then it really wasn't the same in my opinion.

 

Obviously that's my opinion. But, do you see where I'm coming from? Please feel free to fill me in here bro. Is there a specific reason why you couldn't take her back afterward? If it was strictly physical, would it matter as much?

 

I know this is a very touchy subject... If you'd prefer not to answer, I totally understand or if you prefer to answer me privately... let me know.

[Eddie Edirol]

So in a way i pushed her away more, maybe indefinitly you know? Oh and I wouldn't say dating this other guy more like, being friends with him, having sex with him, but not holding to a relationship, like whoring out or something (something I don't think I could forgive).

 

I agree with the second reply though, if she says she "wants me back" or "I miss you" I will say this exactly....(clears throat) "Look, you caused me a lot of pain, pain that I can't put into words. It doesn't hurt anymore cause I'm doing great without you, I don't need you, BUT... Trust is the key to my love and if your willing to work to earn it, we can give this one last run to see if it is really meant to be. If you don't feel like you can do that, then I guess that we should pretend this conversation never happened."

 

I've grown a lot from this break up, really I have. I've realized I had a lot of insecurities, and I engulfed myself with her, like I changed from independent to dependent on her. Now I have a shield up, I know I don't need her, and I'm working on being a better MAN for the Woman that deserves me.

 

You have to stop thinking of this in a way of doing things to help ger her back. You guys are of the age here she wants to explore her sexuality and play the field. YOu did push her away by smothering her, but this way, you will learn never to do that again. 5 years is a long time for a 15 year old, and when all kinds of guys are hitting on her, she wants to try all that out. So she wont be going back to you. You will learn soon enough that once that flame is gone, you usually cant get it back, at least not 100 %.

So right now, shes not thinking of you, shes out having fun while you are miserable.

 

So if she does come back to you, you have to drill her to make sure she isnt coming back to you just to avoid bieng alone. That would have nothing to do with you, and you could get used as a stepping stone to keep her company until she meets someone else. So for that reason alone, do as hurt said, and ignore her calls until shes begging at your door. Dont fall for casual texts or phone calls, ignore them all.

[Crisis]

Hurt: She lost her virginity at the age of 14, with a guy she was friends with who used the sympathy thing to reel her in. That he like her friend, dated her, and the chick broke up with him and she let all the sex happen, and then this guy asked her out and she said no. Then when she got into high school she had sex AT school during lunch with a dude I had as a rival, like i hate this dude. Like it was quick and out of site but still, the day time, at school, at lunch. Then my friend got to third base with her on my bed while i was asleep on the ground. There you go, that's what her sexual history was before i started to date her.

 

Now to be honest, I have a love language, as gay as it sounds, its Touch/Affection. So i had a really had a hard time with her past and I never wanted her to go back to that way. Seems as though she has though. Guess you can't change people after 5 years. I don't mind you asking honestly. It helps that way it give you a better sight at it. Now seeing all this, you may think... "Dang, never mind, it seems like she's free and will just let out the animal and go crazy with sex and freedom." I don't want to think that, but it may just be how it is, and she will not end up coming back. Eddie, is probably right. Sucks, kill me now right?

[Eddie Edirol]

Hurt: She lost her virginity at the age of 14, with a guy she was friends with who used the sympathy thing to reel her in. That he like her friend, dated her, and the chick broke up with him and she let all the sex happen, and then this guy asked her out and she said no. Then when she got into high school she had sex AT school during lunch with a dude I had as a rival, like i hate this dude. Like it was quick and out of site but still, the day time, at school, at lunch. Then my friend got to third base with her on my bed while i was asleep on the ground. There you go, that's what her sexual history was before i started to date her.

 

Now to be honest, I have a love language, as gay as it sounds, its Touch/Affection. So i had a really had a hard time with her past and I never wanted her to go back to that way. Seems as though she has though. Guess you can't change people after 5 years. I don't mind you asking honestly. It helps that way it give you a better sight at it. Now seeing all this, you may think... "Dang, never mind, it seems like she's free and will just let out the animal and go crazy with sex and freedom." I don't want to think that, but it may just be how it is, and she will not end up coming back. Eddie, is probably right. Sucks, kill me now right?

 

Women have to go out and find a way to explore their sexuality at that age. Its natural, and you should applaud her for it. Dont worry about having your ego stroked by needing an unexperienced woman. She wont be able to fully satisfy her future husband without the experience. The same goes for you, and the woman you eventually marry. You want the woman you marry to enthusiastically learn how to do things to satisfy you so that you run into less roadblocks when she marries you. YOu have to do the same thing. Play the field, learn things, learn what your fetishes are and arent, what you liek and dont like, and when you find the woman you want to marry, you can make sure that sexually, you do everything well and she doesnt need to look elsewhere.

 

You will also need to learn how to emotionally satisfy her so that your future wife doesnt feel neglected and run off with someone else like your ex did. Its all part of learning for that ultimate individual that you will stay with for life. You think this one was supposed to be the one, but you will see in a few years as you change and mature that she was nowhere NEAR what you wanted in a woman. You will learn this from the first woman you date after her. Trust me.

[Forever Learning]

Look at it this way. Think about cats (women). If you take a piece of string and put it in front of a cat's face the cat's eyes will get big and wide and swipe at it a few times. If you continue to keep the string there and wiggle it over and over again the cat will eventually just ignore it. However, if you do it once, get the cat all excited, and then stop, the cat will look at you like it wants more. This is called being a challenge, and the cat is saying, 'now that he teased me with the string, how can I get him to do it again?' And, even better, if you take the string and hide it behind a piece of furniture so the cat can only see the tip of it, and then you pull it away, the cat goes crazy 'wondering' about the 'mystery' of where the string went and whether it is coming back. And, while the cat is thinking about that, it can't think about anything else. It is totally focused on YOUR peice of string. You see, you are keeping the cat's interest without over doing it, i.e. smothering her. (Men...well, we are different. We look at the string and go, 'get that out of my face. Where's the tennis ball?' We're more like dogs.) The point is that smothering doesn't work and your gut was trying to tell you that.

 

.

 

I love the analogy about how women are like cats with string, I totally get that.

 

Now, could you please tell me more about how men are like dogs (include the tennis ball part too or whatever works in order to explain to me).

 

this is not a joke, I love the use of analogies in order to learn. yes of course i have heard men are like dogs in the past. but this time I would appreciate YOU, in particular, finishing this story with the men / dog part.

 

what is it men want, how do they want to be treated. how are they more like dogs than cats?

 

i know i sound like an airhead. sometimes i am an airhead. and sometimes i just like a good analogy

like i like a good burrito.

 

I am asking authentically not sarcastically. thanks!!

[Forever Learning]

Women have to go out and find a way to explore their sexuality at that age. Its natural, and you should applaud her for it. Dont worry about having your ego stroked by needing an unexperienced woman. She wont be able to fully satisfy her future husband without the experience. The same goes for you, and the woman you eventually marry. You want the woman you marry to enthusiastically learn how to do things to satisfy you so that you run into less roadblocks when she marries you. YOu have to do the same thing. Play the field, learn things, learn what your fetishes are and arent, what you liek and dont like, and when you find the woman you want to marry, you can make sure that sexually, you do everything well and she doesnt need to look elsewhere.

 

You will also need to learn how to emotionally satisfy her so that your future wife doesnt feel neglected and run off with someone else like your ex did. Its all part of learning for that ultimate individual that you will stay with for life. You think this one was supposed to be the one, but you will see in a few years as you change and mature that she was nowhere NEAR what you wanted in a woman. You will learn this from the first woman you date after her. Trust me.

 

Sorry I did not give advice regarding the situation in this thread.

 

I wanted to say that as a 42 year old woman, I can see very very clearly what is going on with your former girlfriend. Yes, she wanted to 'sew her oats'. It is very natural although it has devastated you and I feel your pain 100%, I know you are dying over it and I am so so sorry this has happened to you.

 

I quoted the above piece of advice from Eddie Edirol because it is 100% THE TRUTH. But it is true for both men and women, - the need to experience their sexuality as they see fit in order to 'find themselves' and define who and what they are.

 

I know you can't see that right now in your current situation, but from my 42 year old perspective, it is the truth. You will, eventually, move on and recover from this devastation you are in right now. Most of us went through some version of this in our late teens or early twenties. It sucks sucks sucks but it is life (in the Western world. In other strict countries, it doesn't happen so much because when people want to sew their oats and test the waters, they are generally beheaded or stoned, and by people I mean primarily the women of those societies..... oh and by the way, you probably wouldn't enjoy living in those type freedomless societies, either. Kind of a bummer compared to what we have going over here in the Western world.)

 

Anyhoo once again, just wanted to re-iterate, Eddie's advice is spot on. Get busy with exercise every day to release feel good chemicals in your brain to help you with the agony of it all. All the best to you.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Forever Learning

[Crisis]

Eddie, I understand what your saying, but honestly I just don't want her to come back tainted, with ideas that would drive me up the wall, if she come back at all. See this is really hard for me to get through and the fact that she is with one guy is blowing my mind. You're talking about a lot of guys. See I haven't gotten quite that far in the healing process yet, so I'll tell you it strikes a nerve. I know your being blunt and to the point and i respect that, but go easy on me, I mean, now i'm thinking about it and I really kind of want to die now. I guess i'm still holding on that this is a fling and it will pass. I know it's not and she's gone, the girl I fell in love with is dead and she won't be coming back. So, yea I see what you are saying and i understand it, but i kinda know it already and would rather not continue to be reminded of it. Still tender you know?

[Forever Learning]

Eddie, I understand what your saying, but honestly I just don't want her to come back tainted, with ideas that would drive me up the wall, if she come back at all. See this is really hard for me to get through and the fact that she is with one guy is blowing my mind. You're talking about a lot of guys. See I haven't gotten quite that far in the healing process yet, so I'll tell you it strikes a nerve. I know your being blunt and to the point and i respect that, but go easy on me, I mean, now i'm thinking about it and I really kind of want to die now. I guess i'm still holding on that this is a fling and it will pass. I know it's not and she's gone, the girl I fell in love with is dead and she won't be coming back. So, yea I see what you are saying and i understand it, but i kinda know it already and would rather not continue to be reminded of it. Still tender you know?

 

yes we know. I know that neither Eddie nor I said anything to hurt you, only to give you the God's honest truth as we know it. The truth is harsh but the truth will set you free.

 

Did you know that the most awful times your life, the most painful times, are the times when you will actually grow the most? That may not mean anything to you right now, but for me at age 42, it means alot more nowadays. I am always eager to learn and understand. I spent so much of my life in utter confusion and pain. I do feel your pain right now.

 

In the future, down the road, when your mind is more clear, I would ask that you consider trading in the concept of 'tainted' for the concept of 'having had experiences in life and having an opportunity to learn from those experiences and decide what was liked, and what wasn't liked". In other words, don't judge her (or anyone that sew's their oats) as tainted, but rather as someone trying to find themselves in their lives.

 

The way she went about it sucked, but other than that, the experience itself, is just that - an experience she wants to have. And that is a natural human phenomenon. To want to have experiences, to want to experience life to it's fullest, with all it's mystery and intrigue. With all roads eventually leading to Rome (Rome being, - back to yourself).

 

God that was a mouthful huh? lol

 

All the best to you my friend.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Forever Learning

[Crisis]

I understand I know what your saying. I have a lot to handle and hear and learn from, and your right about changing from tainted to experienced, and I know it sucks sooooo soooo bad. That's why it's hard for me to deal with, cause I'm getting hit in the face by so much right now. And your right, my mind may change and I may not see it that way in the future, but the sow the oats stuff, that's not what i'm looking for, so if it's human nature, then why do I not feel the need to? It may be because I saw only her, and thought of only her, and figured I was set. I don't know. I am sure even later I may still feel the same way, that I don't need to sow my oats. It's not who I am i guess. I'm not looking for it now, but, I just want the one person to love and be with me forever. I may be different than other guys, or just young but I don't feel like i need to do all that. To me, why waste time doing that, when you have someone who you know loves you and won't stray. Obviously, love doesn't make the world go round, neither does trust or loyalty. It's all crap is what it seems. So when I hear all this, it makes life not worth living, that your going to get crapped on no matter how much of a good person you are and no matter how faithful and trust worthy you are.

[EgoJoe]

Read the GIGS threads. It's not the end all to everything but it is a legit phase of life when people lose themselves.

[Crisis]

GIGS huh? I wouldn't know, except, now I'm truly numb. Just read it... Ready to die now.

[Eddie Edirol]

So when I hear all this, it makes life not worth living, that your going to get crapped on no matter how much of a good person you are and no matter how faithful and trust worthy you are.

 

No thats not true, if you keep looking around this board you will have all the ammo you need to make sure that in all your relationships after this, you will not be flying blind like last time. You will learn how to avoid being clingy or smothering, and you will learn how to watch for signs of distance and how to maintain balance. You will be quite educated. What FL and I told you before may hurt now, but the truth of it will help you avoid hoping for her return, and understand the nature of whats going on.

 

Dont worry about sowing oats now, you will feel that way once you get over this one, although it might take a while.

 

I wont put anymore visions in your head, except this: Keep yourself distracted. Go work out, hang happy with friends, learn new hobbies, go places. It will help you heal and meet new people.

Edited July 5, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[kingofhearts]

GIGS huh? I wouldn't know, except, now I'm truly numb. Just read it... Ready to die now.

 

It's ok, bro. I'm going through it along with plenty of others here. I actually won mine back after her "break" that she said we needed, but it still didn't seem "right". I finally understood that she needed to be let go. I started realizing that she didn't know how to appreciate me or make time for me. Very critical for loving someone else. She needs to figure out how and she can't do it under my rule. I loved her enough to let her be. Hard to type this, but .......even if that means the next man will be happier.

 

What's weird, is that all of these problems come from the SAME AGE RANGE!!! Creepy......

[Forever Learning]

I understand I know what your saying. I have a lot to handle and hear and learn from, and your right about changing from tainted to experienced, and I know it sucks sooooo soooo bad. That's why it's hard for me to deal with, cause I'm getting hit in the face by so much right now. And your right, my mind may change and I may not see it that way in the future, but the sow the oats stuff, that's not what i'm looking for, so if it's human nature, then why do I not feel the need to? It may be because I saw only her, and thought of only her, and figured I was set. I don't know. I am sure even later I may still feel the same way, that I don't need to sow my oats. It's not who I am i guess. I'm not looking for it now, but, I just want the one person to love and be with me forever. I may be different than other guys, or just young but I don't feel like i need to do all that. To me, why waste time doing that, when you have someone who you know loves you and won't stray. Obviously, love doesn't make the world go round, neither does trust or loyalty. It's all crap is what it seems. So when I hear all this, it makes life not worth living, that your going to get crapped on no matter how much of a good person you are and no matter how faithful and trust worthy you are.

 

i have felt this way too both in the distant past, recently, and all points in between. life is a bumpy ride. just look around this LS website to verify that much.

 

so much in life will ultimately boil down to your attitude in the future. if you think you will always be crapped on, you will then view everything that goes wrong as a major sh*t storm rather than a passing shower.

 

key to it all and most importantly, is getting to the place where you feel you will be OK, no matter comes your way, no matter who f*cks you over down the road - boss, neighbors, relatives, wife. hopefully they won't. but imagine how nice it would be to develop that quiet inner peaceful calm and confidence within yourself that you know you will be OK no matter what weirdness comes your way.

 

rather than the old saying 'any port in a storm', you can be your own port in any storm.

 

hey another thing that always helped me in these situations along with working out and hanging with friends and generally keeping very busy and distracted, is an over the counter vitamin (for lack of a better word to describe it - it is actually a naturally occuring compound used by the body) called "Sam - e".

You can buy it at Walmart or any drug store or grocery story pharmacy section. It is well worth it to temporarily lift one's mood out of the lowest depths of despair. Read the package and take in combination with " B " vitamins.

It is very helpful in jumpstarting yourself out of a depressed gloomy mood. It is for temporary use in your situation (a few weeks I would say). And continue to read and talk out this situation with others, that is essential to working through this agony. God bless and all the best to you.

[TheHurtProcess]

GIGS huh? I wouldn't know, except, now I'm truly numb. Just read it... Ready to die now.

 

You'll live bro. It's just going to take some time to heal. I felt just like you are right now about 3 weeks ago when my ex and I last talked. Today, I feel as though I'm almost over her. I wonder what all the fuss was about.

 

Did you check out this article pertianing to GIGS?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

[Crisis]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I had nightmares about her again last night, so of course my day started out terrible. I don't know why I do. I checked out the tread, that's why I feel so crummy.

[TheHurtProcess]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I had nightmares about her again last night, so of course my day started out terrible. I don't know why I do. I checked out the tread, that's why I feel so crummy.

 

I'm just curious... Why did it make you feel so crummy? It definitely made me feel much better. However, I could see how having no control over any situation can make you feel like crap. Perhaps it's the fact that it may take years instead of days, weeks or months for her to realize her faults (or maybe not at all).

 

Please, fill me in bro. I'll do what I can to help you better understand and help a bro get through this.

[Crisis]

To be truthful, it makes it suck cause knowing I will probably be over her by then if she decides to try to reconcile because I'm assuming by then she will have been with more than one guy and it will just be hard to accept. I guess if I assume I will be over her I guess it wouldn't matter. It just sucks right now, I mean I love her so much and miss her, and knowing it may literally take her forever to see it my way just blows and it seems like everyone agrees that it will take a long time. I don't know. I'm just upset about the whole thing, I'm just kind of an emotional guy and it hurts to go on. I mean I dream about her almost every night and wake up with thoughts of her in my head, all being unintentional. It makes sense, but it makes it pointless to even think about a future with her. I know everyone says "just forget her, move on" but she had a HUGE impact in my life and I feel like this is all just a dream that I will one day wake up from. I'm just numb emotionally and sad about the whole thing. GIGS, it makes sense, but no one has tried to figure out a cure. I'm not saying it's a disease, but I mean come on right? It can be stopped and fixed right? It's like everyone gives up hope, there has to be something, not saying I would take her back as of now, but there is no way to stop her from making more mistakes. I get the whole picture, and I think I'm just trying to find another way to cope.

[londonbloke]

To be truthful, it makes it suck cause knowing I will probably be over her by then if she decides to try to reconcile because I'm assuming by then she will have been with more than one guy and it will just be hard to accept. I guess if I assume I will be over her I guess it wouldn't matter. It just sucks right now, I mean I love her so much and miss her, and knowing it may literally take her forever to see it my way just blows and it seems like everyone agrees that it will take a long time. I don't know. I'm just upset about the whole thing, I'm just kind of an emotional guy and it hurts to go on. I mean I dream about her almost every night and wake up with thoughts of her in my head, all being unintentional. It makes sense, but it makes it pointless to even think about a future with her. I know everyone says "just forget her, move on" but she had a HUGE impact in my life and I feel like this is all just a dream that I will one day wake up from. I'm just numb emotionally and sad about the whole thing. GIGS, it makes sense, but no one has tried to figure out a cure. I'm not saying it's a disease, but I mean come on right? It can be stopped and fixed right? It's like everyone gives up hope, there has to be something, not saying I would take her back as of now, but there is no way to stop her from making more mistakes. I get the whole picture, and I think I'm just trying to find another way to cope.

 

Mate, I know exactly what you mean, I'm going through pretty much the same situation at the moment and sympathise with you whole-heartedly. Dreams can be really really horrible, especially at it's still so new and raw. Unfortunately time IS the great healer so we're both just going to have to stick it out and wait for a better day.

 

And as far as a treatment for GIGS is concerned, if you find one then let me know! My finger is hovering over the 'send a link to the GIGS thread to my ex' button but I know it won't do any good. Again, time and positivity are what we both need.

[Crisis]

Agreed fully London. It will take time, but since I feel like there is no hope, why not try to find a "cure". Everyone gives up and excepts it for what gigs is, so no one tries. I may have failed attempts, and for the most part I am well enough emotionally to try without falling back to step one. Knowing she probably won't come back won't change whether or not I do it. Ive made net decision about us and there is no reason to go back, so ibhave nothing to lose, but always possible to gain something for everyone. Idk, maybe I'm just being faceshus.

[londonbloke]

Agreed fully London. It will take time, but since I feel like there is no hope, why not try to find a "cure". Everyone gives up and excepts it for what gigs is, so no one tries. I may have failed attempts, and for the most part I am well enough emotionally to try without falling back to step one. Knowing she probably won't come back won't change whether or not I do it. Ive made net decision about us and there is no reason to go back, so ibhave nothing to lose, but always possible to gain something for everyone. Idk, maybe I'm just being faceshus.

 

I guess the important thing is to realise that no-one can really cure anyone else unless they want to fix themselves y'know? I tried for ages with my ex while we were still together and still believe I can fix things now but that doesn't change the fact that unless she wants to change herself it'll always be met with hostility. All we can do now is learn to change ourselves for the better, try to keep NC and wait and see what happens for us y'know? A few months down the line we'll no doubt look back on this and feel silly that we ever felt like this over someone else. She may come back, she may not, for now that feels horrible but what else can we do but make ourselves as irresistible as we can?