In love but cant have each other

[turtle32]

Ok i will try and condense this i have a woman that lives in my town we have been friends along time she works with me. She got a divorce about 2years ago and people told her husband that me and her was having an affair which is a lie nothing ton that but he believe it , the reason they told him this is im in elected position so people like to tell rumors. So he told her young kids that that was why she was leaving him and told all her family which they didnt believe her her family.. Ok so now we really like each other been talking and seeing each other but be secretive, Her ex husband is married now but he is mean to her kids in that he is interrogating the about who she is dating. We both want to date each other but she wont or keep saying it cant ever happen because she feels since he told her kids that i was having affair during thier divorce that he will use it to hurt the kids and that the kids might believe it if we start dating and that her family might think so also. i have told her she is just speculating that this will happen, we both love each other but im afraid she will give up and not at least try , what i need to know is how i handle this what can i do and what should she do about this? I think she should start by talking to family about it then her kids , is there anything she can do legally if he says mean things to her children. I want to be with her we are so good together all i want in a woman but m afraid it wont happen cause she loves her kids and is afraid they will be affected by this. what would u all advise. thansk for your help.

[heartbreaker]

this is a very tricky situation but nothing that can't be resolved is both parties involved are willing to find a solution. one thing she can do is talk to her children and he family about your situation tell them everything and be honest about her feelings. it may not be an easy task but that is the only way to go about it.

[Forever Learning]

tell her she can take him to court if he makes disparaging remarks about her to the children. its called 'parental alienation', google it and read up.

 

she must not let fear of him control her new dating life. she may need therapy because she will continue to be afraid down the road and never achieve any real happiness so long as she cowers in fear in the shadow of his maniputalive tactics.

 

she needs to have no contact with him other then via email and only regarding talking about the children, nothing else.

[princessmermaid]

You are doing all you can on your part by being clear with your desires and caring--and then by being patient until your patience runs dry. She has to make her half of the choices for herself.

 

She sounds like a good woman, that she is so concerned over the effect of her choices on her children. As you navigate the possibly difficult and frustrating road ahead, please remember to respect her for being a mother first. Good priorities are valuable in any person.