lambee Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I have been together with my boyfriend for nearly four years now, and two months ago we moved three hours apart. He recently came over and stayed the weekend with me, and we had a great time. That is until I saw that he had a text from someone in his town. Yes, I know it's not right to look through the boyfriend's phone, but I did. Apparently the texter had called him the night before, and he didn't answer. I noticed that he didn't answer that night but didn't think much of it, it was late. I saw that he had texted, "Sorry for not answering the phone but I am with a friend and I didn't want to make her upset." He never lies about me to his friends, I'm always his girl, girlfriend, etc. NEVER a friend. They had been texting back and forth, saying good night to each other, etc. I sort of confronted my boyfriend after finding out, saying that I felt like he was being dishonest with me. I never said what I saw..but he acted so pathetic the rest of his visit, sucking up to me. I want to talk about changing to an open relationship, because if he wants to be with another girl then I want it to be okay, and not something that he lies to me about. I also have met someone where I am and I have been talking to him and hanging out with him. There isn't much trust in our relationship, and really I feel like he is two different people. He acts like a different person around his friends. He has asked me to sleep with one of my friends (when we first got together). Most of the men in his family cheat on their wives without shame, they brag about it to each other. I have over heardhim telling his brother about some cute girl he had just met. He speaks Spanish primarily so assumes that I don't know what he is saying. I took 4 years, yeah I get it well enough. I guess my main question is, should I assume he is cheating on me? This isn't surprising to me, I just feel fed up with him disrespecting me and lying, and I want to experience more of life. I'm tired of waiting around for him, being lonely, when he is having no problems, having fun on his own. We do love each other, but I feel like I don't need him. I broke up with him shortly after we moved apart, but took him back. We love spending time together and the sex is great but...I just don't get butterflies in my stomach for him anymore. He's sexy but I know that behind all that are lies, lies, lies. I feel like I'm just waiting for the next let down. I feel like I can't rely on him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
robdrm32 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I just feel fed up with him disrespecting me and lying, and I want to experience more of life. I'm tired of waiting around for him, being lonely, when he is having no problems, having fun on his own. He's sexy but I know that behind all that are lies, lies, lies. I feel like I'm just waiting for the next let down. I feel like I can't rely on him at all. there is your answer, you checked his phone and found something you didn't like. If he refers to you as a friend to another person (let alone woman) there is a disconnect there and an image he is trying to portray, that being he has no commitment to you. Might sound like alot from a seemingly small text but if my SO referred to me as just a friend to anyone, not just a member of the opposite sex, i'd seriously question their intentions. If you do confront him about it he will try to shift the blame on you, just keep it focused on what you saw. If he can't own up to it i'd say its time to walk given everything else you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lambee Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for replying. I confronted him about the texts and yes he did turn it around on me, saying how he can never trust me again for going through his phone. I threatened to call the number (which I won't, I just wanted to gauge his reaction) to see what he would say, and he told me that if I call the number he never wants to talk to me again. He wants to break up with me now. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Let him go! What is the point of being with somebody who isn't proud and excited to be committed to you? There is no excuse for what he texted. I would assume he is cheating, but that's just me. You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I guess my main question is, should I assume he is cheating on me? yes, because if he wasn't why wouldn't he admit to having and visiting a gf? Either way, you obviously don't trust this guy - no point in sticking around. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
robdrm32 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks for replying. I confronted him about the texts and yes he did turn it around on me, saying how he can never trust me again for going through his phone. I threatened to call the number (which I won't, I just wanted to gauge his reaction) to see what he would say, and he told me that if I call the number he never wants to talk to me again. He wants to break up with me now. of course, because he's shifting the focus onto you rather than own up to what he did. It's tough but just let this one go. unless he can truly see what he did wrong it's not worth all the trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
elleorbianca Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Let him go. Don't even do the open relationship thing. He seems like one of those that like the idea of being dishonest... makes him feel manly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lambee Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) He finally admitted to me that he was talking to a girl-a waitress he met that "gave him her number..." but he says she was the one who initiated things. He says that this happened while we were broken up (for about three weeks), and that they only talked on the phone, and never went out. The problem with this is that we got back together a few weeks before he denied having a girlfriend. He told me that when we first got back together he broke it off with her. I believed him at first but it hit me yesterday that he was totally lying to me again! Edited July 7, 2011 by lambee Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yep - he's gotta go. My ex did the same thing with me when his friend Laura called. He never mentioned me and would make up some excuse about what he was doing when she called. I later found out (months after we broke up) that he was after her all along and most likely cheated on me with her. When I confronted him he said he just wanted people to look at him as an "independent guy" and didn't want to mention the term "girlfriend" too much. I knew deep down what he was doing but was in heavy denial. Don't make the same mistake I did. Dump the loser. Link to post Share on other sites
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