bikinibeach Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Ok I know I'm not a professional but I am positive that my ex is a textbook TEXTBOOK case of someone with Asperger's Syndrome. It explains his behavior, behavior which he has struggled with his whole life. I'm so dumb....here I am making excuses for him, AGAIN. I feel like maybe it wasn't fully something he could help if he was sick. I miss him terribly. I want to ask if you guys think I should contact him to suggest this but....who wants nc broken by an ex with a diagnosis of mental helath problems. If you broke up with someone you loved and knew loved you, but they treated you badly in a way that you later learned are symptoms of an undiagnosed illness......WHAT WOULD YOU DO?? Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) I'd just forgive them. It doesn't mean that completely excuses their behaviors and treatment of me, it doesn't mean that my feelings of hurt would be less true, I'd just forgive everything and hope that he gets help. ...And then wish his future partner(s) luck. Actually, I'm kind of doing that right now ("I hope he'll treat his future partner(s) better than he treated me."). No B.S. I mean it. Yes bikini, please don't break NC and contact him about a "diagnosis of mental health problems" from a self-acknowledged non-professional. He might think you're the one who has mental health problems. You miss him. You've identified the root and now, you're experiencing symptoms (wanting to reach out with pretty much anything you can). Ride out the urge, girl. You can do it. Edited July 4, 2011 by 0hpenelope Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 i'm up late too was hoping you'd reply, ohpenelope! no particular reason at all but today was really hard. i like your suggestion, never even crossed my mind. i've had mostly contempt and anger and pity for him. just even the idea of forgiveness feels good right now. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 i'm up late too was hoping you'd reply, ohpenelope! no particular reason at all but today was really hard. i like your suggestion, never even crossed my mind. i've had mostly contempt and anger and pity for him. just even the idea of forgiveness feels good right now. thanks Thank you for sharing! I'm on the boards a lot than my usual dose when I hit a particular snag and today was one of them. One of those stupid rehashing moments as well. I almost did the whole Facebook delete/block thing, but I'm working on not acting on impulse. Another way of looking at it too, I think, is to just let sh*t go. I mean... sometimes we believe we've forgiven them, but then we remember something that sends us into a fit of rage or whatever. For me (and not necessarily for everyone else), that's when I know I haven't forgiven my ex. Bums me out. I think for myself, the majority of the letting go comes from realizing that there's really nothing more that I could have done than what I already have. I'm not sure if I made sense, but there you go. I mean, if he was sick, then even if I could have given him more, it wouldn't have mattered. Maybe it would just leave him good memories of me, or maybe he just won't care at all. I'm an ex, after all. If he's sick and it goes untreated, more power to the girl that he'll stay with. She'll need it. I found out that Sunday is usually my "what a bummer" day. There's too much thinking happening. I do look forward to Mondays and maybe I'm weird for that, but at least the start of the business week gives me something productive to do. If you're in the U.S., this long weekend is going to be a much longer weekend for me. I don't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think for myself, the majority of the letting go comes from realizing that there's really nothing more that I could have done than what I already have. I'm not sure if I made sense, but there you go. I feel 100% the same. I suspect my first ex of being schizophrenic. During our relationship I've asked him many times to go to a specialist because something was definitely wrong, and I knew I couldn't help him. I'm not sure how to say this, but I don't wanna find comfort in blaming an unsuccessful relationship on someone's mental issues. Anyway, those who really have problems need help from a specialist; standing by their side won't actually help them; not to mention that most of these people don't even realize they have a problem - so contacting your ex to tell him what you think it isn't such a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Interesting thread. I am the dumpee - it took her leaving for me to see a therapist and realise I have suffered with depression for years. I told her of the diagnosis and she basically wished me well and told me to keep up the good work! being depressed, then being dumped put me into such a dark place I honestly thought I wasn't going to come out. I'm about half way there but finally realise she's not coming back. After 8 years she's turned her back on me and that's that. I really feel that once she found out what had been wrong with me, she should've given me another chance. I am a thousand times better that I was and I KNOW that if she came back to me, life would be AMAZING. She's not though and I'm having a battle right now to see a bright future ahead of me. Link to post Share on other sites
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