So confused! What does she want?

[aspire]

Hi I am new to the forum, let me explain my situation. There are alot of details that I think are important, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. Just for reference I am 27 and she is 21. Back in Dec I decided to pursued a girl who is one of my co-workers, I had not tried before because she had just gotten out of a long relationship of about 2 years. So after about a year has gone by I had decided to see what would happen. She is a person that works full time and goes to school full time which she doesn't have alot of spare time. We really never really talked until this point and we would just flirt with each other as much as one could at work. After about a week of talking and having a few lunches together I asked her if she wanted to go on a road trip with me(I had planed to go by myself before I met her) and she said yes and she even offered to drive. The road trip went great, I didn't think that we would have much to talk about for the 6 hour trip but the whole time we both got to know each other pretty well. At the end of the trip we had dinner, which is funny because without me knowing it I pick out the restaurant, which was her one of her favorite places to eat. We just had a great time the whole day, I don't think it could have gone any better.

 

About a week later we had planned to go to the movies, but when she didn't mention anything about going I figured that she probably didn't want to go. But the next day at work she said thanks for ditching me I thought we made plans, she seemed kinda upset about the situation. So we decided to reschedule for next week, which was the day before her 21st birthday. So during that time I decided to get her a birthday present, which was a box of chocolates and a birthday card that was written in polish,(she is polish) I thought the card was more of a joke than anything else. After the movie it was pretty late, it was her birthday at that point so I wished her Happy birthday thinking that the night was over and we both had to work in the morning, when she asked me if i wanted to go out for a drink, in which i did. At the end of the night I took her back to her car where i gave her her present, and she said that is the most thoughtful and the most sweetest thing that anybody has ever given to her and nobody has ever took the time to listen to her like I have. That night we had our first kiss and decided to start dating.

 

During this time she was on her winter break from school, so we spent just about 24/7 with each other. Things developed extremely fast between us, for the two weeks she was on vacation. I would always be up front talking to her, and when I was in the back she would always be text message me. We would always goto lunch together. We both worked the same days so we saw each other quite a bit. We tried to keep our dating status at work quiet cause they don't really like that, but that didn't last long. Come to find out that she had told a couple people and soon enough everybody found out. When I asked her about it she said she was too happy to be dating me to not tell anybody, which made me feel great.

 

Then when she went back to school I found that our time together was getting a lot shorter. It went from 7 days a week to like 3 and now to 1. Our days off together she would have here long days at school, so I would rarely get to see her. Sometimes on one of those days we would have dinner. But we would always goto lunch together at work. She isn't the type of person thats like to talk on the phone but she is always text messages me alot. So at this time I decided to have the talk with her. During this time she told me that she didn't want a relationship right now and that she was having fun just being with me and just dating. She also informed me that she hates to talk about her feelings. I told her that I wanted something more than just dating. She also said that she didn't think that she had the time to give me to be in a relationship that was probably needed and couldn't reassure me that she would be there once school was over. She said that she believed in fate. She just wanted to take it day by day. So after she cried for a while we both decided to stop dating one another. In which I told her that it would be weird at work now, so I said that I wouldn't be talking to her anymore about anything other than work related stuff. I said that is how I dealt with these things. Which she didn't understand but agreed with. So the next day at work I had ignored her the whole day, when she left at the end of the day I didn't think nothing of it. About an 2hours later she came back to work dressed up looking so fine. At the end of my shift I went to clock out when she pulled me aside and said she wanted me to go to dinner with her tonight. So out of curiosity of what she wanted I decided to go. At dinner she told me that I was to wonderful of a person to lose and that she still wanted to date me, when I told her that I wanted more she said that she wanted to take it slow and let fate take over. She made me so happy before I decided to see where this was going to go, so we started dating again.

 

Two weeks later was Valentines day, when I asked her what she was doing she said that she was spending time with her family, which I was fine with cause she doesn't see her family alot. So I had made plans with the boys to do something, then 2 days before V day I asked her if she was still going and she said no because her mom had to leave town to take care of some business. So I broke my plans with the boys to spend it with her. Making plans 1 day before Valentines day was just not happening, she jokingly said that I should cook her dinner, which I decided to do. I tried to make the whole evening romantic as possible. I made her favorite dinner, bought her flowers, and a big ol Teddy bear, and for a valentines gift got her a day at a spa. After dinner we tried to watch a movie but we ended up in the bedroom for one of the best nights ever. The next day everybody at work was telling me how sweet of a guy I was for doing what I did that night. She tells everybody how lucky she is to have a guy like me. She said that she has never felt like this for a person in this short amount of time before. And since then she text messages me with all kinds of messages like she always tells me how she misses me, misses me at night when she isn't there laying next to me, that she dreams about me at night, and that her happiest moments are with me.

 

Last month I asked her if she wanted to go on a vacation with me on her summer break, which she gladly accepted. Which I figured it was time I get to spend with her all to myself. So we made plans to go to Jamaica to a couples resort. We spent alot of time talking to travel agents and making plans. I knew she did't have alot of money so I knew that I was going to pay for the majority of it. Come to find out that I was going to pay for it all I had a little problem with it, not cause of the money but with the part that we are only DATING! I felt that this was going to be one expensive date, but I wouldn't have a problem with it if we were in a relationship. I felt we needed to talk again, so we talked and she said the same thing that she is not looking for a relationship right now and doesn't have time for it. She says that she is under alot of stress from work and school, and she feels obligated to have to see me through out the week to make me happy. But I have always told her that if she need time to herself or to do her homework that I would always understand. I know she has prioritys and I expect her to keep them.

 

That night we said we would give it a week to see how things would go. At the end of the week we talked and she wasn't to clear about what she wanted but she said as of right now she just wants to be friends and maybe hang out every once and a while. I told her that I couldn't do that and that I probably would go back to not talking to her, she agreed and she said that she would eventually break me down and that I would have to talk to her. She said that she has feelings for me and that she would probably like something more if she had the time. She said that she need time to figure out what she wanted. So we both went our separate ways. The only problem she has with me are when we say our good byes I try to get a couple more mins out of her, and when I joke around with her she can't tell if I am playing around or being serious. (most of the time just joking)

 

So I decided to try the no contact thing. It worked for the first 3 days but it was hard to execute when you have to work with the other person. I ended up talking to her the next day we ended up going to lunch. I asked her if she figured out what she wanted but she hasn't. It is just awkward talking to her now, alot of silence and just staring at each other. Now at work she seems to to the same things like being playful, little things she does that I like the way she touches me or looks at me and smiles (she has a smile to die for). At lunch we still kiss and when we both get off work she gives me a hug and a kiss good bye.

 

But why would you kiss a person that you just broke up with?

What is her intentions with me?

What do I do now that I started to talk to her again? can I go back to not talking to her?

should I wait for her?

Is she leading me on?

How do I get her back?

Will being her friend now get me something later?

 

Just confused on what she wants. I can't stop thinking about her. I haven't felt this way for a person in a long time, I have a lot of feelings for this girl and I think she has the same. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry this was so long.

[SexiiBluEyez]

Wow! That was a long post lol Your situation does sound complicated. To me, it sounds like she does like you but likes the fact that she can make the relationship how SHE wants it because she knows you will always talk to her again. I do think she is playing somewhat of a mind game, but I believe from what you've said, that she does have feelings for you. She wouldn't always txt you if she didn't. I think you should sit her down for a serious talk and tell her that she can't keep doing this. And then if she doesn't want a serious relationship, then don't talk to her..if she tries to talk to you and flirt with you tell her straight up that you don't have time to play games. She might just come around if she sees you're serious! Lemme know how it goes!

[LuvHurtsme]

Hey man I know how you feel. I'm going through the same thing with my EX. She loves me but doesn't have the time for a relationship right now...pffft girls and there games. I suggest you do what I'm getting ready to do: Sit her down for the "serious" talk. No more games, you want it all or nothing. I think girls do this because they know we'll stick around, its cruel lol. Anyways good luck with whatever you decide, keep us updated tho.

[HiDDeN PiGLeT]

ppl just dont have time sometimes. i work 3 jobs and i'm a fulltime student. i work all weekend.

[tony3000]

You could have had her if you showed some patience!!!! You were pressuring her into having a relationship. You sound very needy fella... I know it's great when you feel this way. The only way she would surrender to you if you acted like a man and held your cards to your chest. It's way too early to express your feelings for her. Let it happen naturally.. You have lots of work to do my friend...Good luck

[aspire]

sorry it's been awhile, thanks for all the replys. Let me fill you in on what's going on now. Since the break up we really haven't talked much just gone out on a couple lunches but thats about it. I thought I would give her time on her own to try to figure things out. Up until 2 weeks ago we decided to give it another try and see how it goes. I told her I just wanted to have what we had before, spending a little time together and some sort of communication outside of work. But this past week has not been what I had expected. Since we have gotten together we haven't spent any time together and we don't talk outside of work. The most I get now is maybe a couple text messages sometimes, but she keeps the conversations really short. But just about everyday I usually get a "good night" text. At work every time I see her she seems really happy to see me. The only real time I have with her is at lunch, but that really isn't the quality time I would like to have with her.

 

I can understand that she is in her busy time with school and all of her projects becoming due, thats why I haven't said anything. I really don't want to push this issue, but at this point where is this going? I have asked her when do I get to see her and her reply was "I don't no exactly when". What do I do? Should I say something or just hold out for awhile longer and see how it goes? I am really getting really frustrated and still confused on what she really wants. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[katy_katt]

Maybe wait until she's done with school before bringing anything up. Things seemed fine when she was on a break and had some time. Could be she really wants to be with you but is stressed out by full-time studies and full-time work, and doesn't really know how to handle a relationship on top of that.