HeavenOrHell Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 It is shallow to place more importance on looks than personality, no matter how you sugar coat it. I totally agree, I have some very slim friends and they are subjected to nasty comments from bigger girls all the time and expected to suck it up... the OP said his gf is fat, he didn't like it and he has the right to say so w/out being attacked, some people like it, some don't.... If you and your partner are happy w/your weight, don't call other people "shallow" because they don't find it appealing, to each his own... Link to post Share on other sites
David Cain Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 If she is unwilling to change then I suggest you leave her. Link to post Share on other sites
cheergirl Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 It is shallow to place more importance on looks than personality, no matter how you sugar coat it. Most people won't date/marry a beautiful girl who's a total bitch. Or an gorgeous guy who's a complete b@stard. Not for long anyway... I think most people want a reasonable combination of the 2 . :rolleyes: We are all visual creatures. Are you suggesting most people are shallow because they prefer good-looking partners with great personalities. there are things a LOT more important than a good personality. My ex did not have a GREAT personality, but he was: reliable, hard worker, good job, responsible, unflappable, constant. He was also very good-looking so i guess i am shallow according to you, I chose all those traits and gave up many others. It was worth it. Unless the sun stops shining and we all go blind I'm afraid we'll remain, as a race, shallow... Link to post Share on other sites
LuluJ Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Honestly, I think you're focusing on the wrong issue here... the only reason people gain a lot of weight (aside from a medical reason or side effect of medication) is dissatisfaction with their lives in one form or another. Maybe you're not the only one who's unhappy here. Why has she given up on herself? Have you asked her that? Have you even considered that she may be deeply unhappy or insecure, which is the root cause of her sudden gain? I'm a girl and a feminist, but I'm not going to say "How DARE you, if you love her, you would love her no matter what she weighs, blah blah blah," and I'm not even going to whine about how high the standard of beauty is for women, but I am going to advise you to approach this from a HER standpoint, as opposed to a YOU standpoint. Tell her you truly love her, and that you want to spend your life with her, but you want that life to be long and healthy. Ask her if something is making her sad or insecure, if there's a reason she's not caring for her body the way she used to. Make sure she knows that you are genuinely concerned about her health and happiness. Don't make it about sex or attraction, she will either burst into tears, throw things at you, dump you, develop an eating disorder, or all of the above. You're not wrong, you can't control how your penis reacts to someone else's body, but if you love her, which you say you do, you'll approach this with affection and sensitivity. Please be careful, she is obviously in a delicate place already if she's bingeing. And TRUST ME, she knows she's gained the weight. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LuluJ Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 It's natural for many people to put on some weight over time in a relationship or marriage, and has more to do with comfort, contentment and inertia than dissatisfaction. In cases of relatively fast weight gain or regain like OP's GF, it's usually simple laziness and inattention, sometimes partying, and sometimes dissatisfaction or an emotional problem. The usually outweighs the sometimes by a high margin in my experience. I disagree... 30 to 50 pounds?? That's an awful lot of inattention. I couldn't do it without something to drive me, like depression. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Not sure how much '20 carbs' is. Enlighten me. A normal low-carb diet consumes about 150g of carbs a day. A severely low-carb (aka NO carb) diet is not healthy, and that's what that poster is on - a NO carb diet. The body needs carbs, and an excess of protein is bad for the kidneys. For reference, a banana has 20g of carbs. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Beautiful/attractive means different things to different people, I doubt you and I would find the same people attractive for example. Many people rate personality over looks thank goodness, or it would be an even shallower world than it already is, there's way too much obsession/importance placed on looks. Also, good personality means different things to different people. Most people won't date/marry a beautiful girl who's a total bitch. Or an gorgeous guy who's a complete b@stard. Not for long anyway... I think most people want a reasonable combination of the 2 . :rolleyes: We are all visual creatures. Are you suggesting most people are shallow because they prefer good-looking partners with great personalities. there are things a LOT more important than a good personality. My ex did not have a GREAT personality, but he was: reliable, hard worker, good job, responsible, unflappable, constant. He was also very good-looking so i guess i am shallow according to you, I chose all those traits and gave up many others. It was worth it. Unless the sun stops shining and we all go blind I'm afraid we'll remain, as a race, shallow... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 A normal low-carb diet consumes about 150g of carbs a day. A severely low-carb (aka NO carb) diet is not healthy, and that's what that poster is on - a NO carb diet. The body needs carbs, and an excess of protein is bad for the kidneys. For reference, a banana has 20g of carbs. I guess I just couldn't believe that he actually meant 20g a day - and didn't want to assume such when he didn't provide units. I really, really hope people don't take diet/medical advice from these boards, the way things stand now. Link to post Share on other sites
cheergirl Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 It is shallow to place more importance on looks than personality, no matter how you sugar coat it. Hands up, who here will become bf/gf with someone they find repulsive looking on the basis of their "great personality"? Anyone? Anyone at all? I simply disagree it's "shallow" to place importance on looks... Most people do like their mate to be attractive to them... Recognising that fact, and being open about it does not make a person "shallow" no matter how many times people say it. Beautiful/attractive means different things to different people, I doubt you and I would find the same people attractive for example. Many people rate personality over looks thank goodness, or it would be an even shallower world than it already is, there's way too much obsession/importance placed on looks. Also, good personality means different things to different people. Um, yeah, I'm not six... Most people would prefer to go out with someone who is physically appealing to them.. and there's nothing wrong w/that... With regard to this thread; the OP has an issue w/his gf getting fat. He has been called shallow amongst many other things, I think it's unfair... Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) And did i say it was? Trust me when i say that my ego is plenty big. I am simply stating that i want a girlfriend who takes care of herself. Not one who lets herself go. And i realize that it would be simple enough for me to break up with her. But i obviously care about more then her looks or else i would have done that. So if the only advice you have is "break up with her" Just do me a favor and don't post in my thread. hey coolest. i just now tuned in to your thread and found it funny seeing i started this same topic a couple of years back over my now ex fiance. Many loveshack members took my head off for it and ruled me out as shallow but i didn't see it that way. My fiance was letting herself go, lost all motivation to work out and go to the gym, eat right. I tried to encourage us both to go to the gym and eat right together. It became pretty frustrating for me because she would never eat left overs, sometimes i would cook and she would still go out and get fast food. I felt she didn't even care. I resented her a little bit. She was never skinny or fit, but she had lost alot of weight enough to look pretty sassy towards the beginning. It's like as time went on, she didn't see the value and it packed it back on pretty easily. Like you, I loved her and called myself caring more about her than her weight. I would get frustrated when LS members could only judge me and just say "break up!" Because when you get emotionally attached to someone, you want it to work, but you also want your partner to care enough to meet you half way. Me and my fiance broke up 6 months ago after 8 years together. It wasn't even because of her weight, it was because i wasn't able to put up with her gambling and staying out late. She also was very lazy and unmotivated. She gave up trying in the relationship. I hate to say it, but someone who is lazy to let themselves go speaks to their character. They'll tend to be lazy in other aspects of life too. fetish Edited August 10, 2011 by fetish1980 Link to post Share on other sites
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