6 Months later

[brokendreamz]

I'm 6 months out - 6 months of emotional torture, selling a house, finding out she's with a bloke from her work who was hitting on her 3 years ago, 6 months of breadcrumbs and with the house finally gone we have absolutely no ties - feels like the death of a thousand cuts and I should be relieved that I can finally go no contact... Forever, but at the same time I don't want to!

 

After 8 years I am alone.

 

I've done the therapy, I'm on anti depressants, I'm fitter than ever, I even have a tan!! I've hooked up with old friends and go out most nights, but it's always there in the back of my mind - She's with another and isn't thinking about me anymore.

 

How do they just move on so easily? I've been on a couple of dates and felt less than nothing for either of them, infact, I don't think I'm going to bother dating again for a long time.

 

I miss her, our house, the garden, the town we lived in, the wood burning stove, the kitchen, our cuddles in bed and out of it, sex, kissing the works., her smell, her amazing hair, her smile, her laugh. Everything!!

 

I think the house sale completing has just made this all so final. I do want her to be happy but I just can't get my head around not seeing her again.

 

I know she thinks we will see eachother at some point in the future and be friends or something and I will let her believe that because I know she'd feel hurt if I told her it can never happen - but it can NEVER happen! She really doesn't get how deep this thing is - when she says things like 'I'll always want to know how you are' I know she's just being friendly, but she has no idea that she's breaking what's left of my heart into smaller and smaller peices!

 

I don't think that dumpers really ever understand the depths of this heartache. Infact I would say that no one can understand it unless they've been through it themselves. I've gone past the point of feeling sorry for myself, I'm just so sad that we've parted and I hate that she fell for his chat.

 

I had some faults, but they are beginning to be a distant memory - I'm a better person for all that she's put me through but I want to share this new me with her. I know she'd be amazed - pretty much everything she didn't like about me is no longer there. I didn't do it for her, I did it for me which feels good but at the same time I just feel so low. So utterly lost.

 

I'm playing squash after work and then joining a tai chi group later tonight in the hope that by filling my time I won't have a chance to dwell - I know it won't make any difference though, I'll only be concentrating 50% on these activities while my brain runs around trying to make sense of the breakup.

 

I'm fed up feeling like this. I want to hate her soo much but she doesn't deserve that - how can you hate someone when you love them so much. I don't want to die, but I just can't imagine any sort of future anymore, I'm even thinking about leaving my job but have no idea what I'd do!

 

I'd like to take off travelling but I know I'd be on my own alot of the time and this is when these thought processes creep in.

 

I know time is a healer, I'm just worried that I still feel like this after everything I've done over the last 6 months.

 

Bollocks

[amethyste]

In my opinion, dumpers move on long ago before letting the dumpee know it's over. I think they become estranged and they start putting less and less feelings & emotions into everything. They're moving on while still in the relationship. I've been on both sides, and I think this is true.

6 months is nothing compared to 8 years of being close to someone. I'm sorry for the things you have to go through, because I know how it's like. I miss the exact same stuff & I tried dating people, but concluded that's not for me, so I won't ever do it again.

Apparently, you're doing well up to now... and who knows? Maybe in 6 months by now everything will be fine

Edited July 4, 2011 by amethyste

[calndn]

I could have written that myself I feel how you feel it's horrid. Only my ex was horrid to me in the end and it ruined what was a good relationship. I'll never understand how he fell out of love with me when he used to be overwhelmed by love for me. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore just miss him and what we had so much or maybe just miss someone?? But I've been on dates and they've sucked. I dnt think I'll ever find anyone else, he was my first bf always going to be harder and I hate him for what he put me through, how he treated me in the end and it makes me sad that it had to come to that come to feeling hatred towards him xx

[wilsonx]

what amethyste is dead on. this is why you have to always pay attention in a relationship to protect yourself. When your significant other comes in closer to you pull him/her closer. When he/she starts pulling away, let him or her go.

 

As human being we tend to do just the opposite, as they come in closer we push them away and the more and more they pull away the more we try to pull them in

[JustEmptyInside]

Hey Broken - I haven't posted on here in a while, but once again you're telling my story so closely that it's almost eerie Be glad the house is settled, I know its tearing at the wound again, but in the big picture having that unresolved does nothing but stunt your healing. I can only hope to have mine settled soon also. Its like a black cloud following me around.

 

I too had high hopes for the 6 month anniversary of my 'freedom', but like you found it less that what I'd hoped for. I can also completely relate to the 'rose colored' memories, but you know as well as I do that we're forgetting the not-so-good times and over emphasizing the good times. I too still have moments (daily) when I just think how i'd give anything to get her back, how I can never be 'right' again without her. I know that I still feel love for her, as I'm sure you do for you're ex.

 

But the reality is - our exes 'had' us. They had great guys who truly loved them, and were committed to them. In my case 6 years of love and dedication was worth less to her than sleeping with a lowlife coworker. So why do we still idolize these women who tossed us aside so easily? One day - with the right perspective, we'll see them for who they really are inside. If we must feel something for them, it should be pity, since they threw away great guys who are not easily replaced by rebounds and flings.

 

Hell - one day our exes may even try to get us back - but they can't undo the pain they've caused.

[fresh8]

Hey brokendreamz. Firstly, thanks for your post because it egged me on to pour out my feelings to the detriment of others! (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3493796#post3493796)

 

Secondly and more importantly, I just want to say that I emphasize for your position. I cannot even begin to think about being with someone you love for 8 years and to have all the traces of it gone within 6 months. I just cannot fathom being in those shoes.

 

I have also been on dates and hooked up with randoms but it doesn't fill that space that the ex has left void. I can understand that empty feeling you probably have. All I can say is that all we can really do is keep soldering on. Everyone says that time heals but I'm sure you would agree with me that the healing is not happening fast enough.