ishtar Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Hi, I dont know how to put what I think in words, I 'll give you the explanation about me and I need you to give me the feedback of how actually I am and what's going on, please. SO, I am an Indonesian girl and studying in western country. Before that, I studied in Malaysia and most of the time, the guys who try to hit on me were middle east, south asia or african guys. At that time, I still could predict what the meaning of their moves were and what they expected from me, so I had no problem of filtering those who really liked me or those who just wanted to hook up with me. The culture in malaysia and Indonesia is not really different as well. Till then, I had no problem. now I am studying in Australia, and of course it's all about white guys now. I am like other students who study at the day and party at night, so during the day I might look ignorant (and I take engineering some more). I am really dual type who really serious on studies during the day but still can party really hard during the night. I just want to have fun and dance, I like dancing in the club. The problem is, when we go clubbing and meet other people (with mostly from same uni), they said I have a friendly face which makes guys easily come to me instead of my girl friends. Since I was raised with indonesian culture where they girl must behave and talk well, I never can tell they guys that I don't like him following me in the clubs. I am not a straight forward person for this kind of case. I only can be assertive during a formal events or professionalism stuffs. being asian and living with its stereotype in western country is not giving me a secure feeling. Yes, I am really typically south east asian. I have black hair and dark brown eyes, petite body, innocent face (a guy even dare to bet that I never swear, so you can imagine how I look), and looks friendly. I am just afraid of the sexual trait stereotype thingy. I like to drink, get tipsy so I can dance more lively and being happy, smiling and do all fun stuffs. I like kissing too. But I am still a virgin and I want to keep it that way and (hopefully) till marriage (and again, it's a culture that I was told since child). most of my Indonesian girls also do the same things. and yes, we are like other people, sometimes feel horny, but it's just about your will. or at least keep the hymen safe. So everytime I am interested to guy, whether we meet in some extracurricular activities or in the clubs, I always start to give gap unconsciously (usually after kissing then my defense mechanism start to tell me for not giving them any hope). Because the stereotype is white guys are sexually active. and I am not ready to go further. sorry I am blabbering. so I think here are the questions. 1. do I look like a freak? I mean, is there really any girls except me who look like a party animal, clubbing every week, but still a virgin? is it weird for western guys to know that the girl is still virgin till 20ish? 2. since I am in Australia, I never dare to accept the commitment or anything because I am not sure whether guy can accept that I want to wait. I am avoiding the talk, I know. but what would you do if your gf saying that she doesnt want to have sex and you need to wait (and you dont know how long it gonna take) 3.is it true that big guys always attracted to a petite girl? because most of the case, the ones that come into me are taller than average, or have a big body, while I am really petite. If so, what is the reason? 4. what do you think if you see the girl like me on the club? what would you do and what's your actual intention? 5. what do you think should I do in order to fit in western culture while I really still want to stand up for what I believe? thanks! sorry if it's too long or too confusing! Edited July 4, 2011 by ishtar
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Those are very sincere, and very reasonable questions. You do challenge some stereotypes... in fun and unique ways... "a hard-partying, petite asian girl" You surely don't look like a 'freak'. Hmmmmmmmmmmph... can't address the 'big body' question without calibrating your perception OF what constitutes (especially) "big". To someone "petite", it is POSSIBLE that one's idea of what is "bigger than average" could be off. You should probably give some thought to the chance that societal differences AND those pesky stereotypes are causing much of what you are sensing/feeling. That is to say that the two societies you're comparing ARE more similar than it might seem, while your perspective ON them is inspiring these questions. Consider that, for my having grown up white, in America, I just don't "know" the feeling of being a 'minority'... or seeming 'outnumbered' in everyday society. While I could move to China and BE a clear minority, I wouldn't have the familiarity WITH being a clear minority that dooms, say, "persons of color" moving from one mostly-white city in America to another mostly-white city in America. I'd notice the numbers, but I wouldn't have been pre-conditioned to CARE. Is there anyone on this earth who CARES more about the color of your skin than you do??? And isn't the amount you care controlled entirely by YOU? In summation, I say you should and can live a life which assures you will save your "hymen" for your wedding night, and that you should and can do that in either or any society.
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