Getting a Divorce...

[AudentesFortuna]

I talked to her again this afternoon about bringing her certificate for the parenting course we had to complete and she said she was sad.

I asked why are you sad and she said, "I know its me who wants the divorce but it still makes me sad and feel guilty because its me that wants it."

 

thoughts?

 

It's just that, guilt. My wife cried in front of me and told me "how hard this is" yet she is gone. Once their decision is made, it's made.

[carhill]

Thoughts?

 

Sounds normal to me. Don't let it influence you. Prior, as a loving H, you validated your wife's feelings and consoled her when she was sad. By making the choice to proactively D, she forever gave up any opportunity and/or right to the love, validation, and compassion you formerly showed her. Each choice and each decision has consequences.

 

Nod your head and say 'yep, I'm sad too', then go on with the business of D. My choice was to eliminate any opportunities for such discussions and to keep D all business. In D, I chose to treat my exW as she had treated me while M. She taught me well.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

Update:

 

She signed the decree last night at her attorney's office. I spoke to my attorney and he said we can prove up this coming friday morning.

 

Yesterday after she left her attorney's office she called me and told me she had signed. We had a short conversation about lawyers and then we ended the conversation. About an hour later she calls and asks what am i doing. I told her i was heading to the store and then she tried to make small talk. After about a minute i cut her off and told her i was about to walk in the store and had to go. I could tell she didnt like the fact that i didnt stay on the phone with her but oh well. She called again about an hour later and again tried to make small talk about our child. I told her i had to go and i would call her back. She asked (in a needy way) what was i doing that i had to hang up with her??? I told her i just wanted to think to myself. later that night around 10pm she sent a text saying i never called her back. So i replied and had a quick text msg conversation and that was it.

 

It seems that she is becoming needy/clingy. I am so ready to be done with her...

[wezol]

Update:

 

She signed the decree last night at her attorney's office. I spoke to my attorney and he said we can prove up this coming friday morning.

 

Yesterday after she left her attorney's office she called me and told me she had signed. We had a short conversation about lawyers and then we ended the conversation. About an hour later she calls and asks what am i doing. I told her i was heading to the store and then she tried to make small talk. After about a minute i cut her off and told her i was about to walk in the store and had to go. I could tell she didnt like the fact that i didnt stay on the phone with her but oh well. She called again about an hour later and again tried to make small talk about our child. I told her i had to go and i would call her back. She asked (in a needy way) what was i doing that i had to hang up with her??? I told her i just wanted to think to myself. later that night around 10pm she sent a text saying i never called her back. So i replied and had a quick text msg conversation and that was it.

 

It seems that she is becoming needy/clingy. I am so ready to be done with her...

 

It sounds horribly annoying. My exW would do this before she moved to Austin last week. I finally just told her "I can't keep talking to you like this, I need time to get over this, and then maybe we can be friends, until then, we need to keep it strictly business."

 

My situation is different than yours though, in the fact that we don't have attorneys and she isn't coming after my stuff. So I don't have to "play the game" like you do. Come Friday though, you can just tell her "hey I have stuff to do", if she asks "what stuff, why cant you talk", just don't reply.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

It sounds horribly annoying. My exW would do this before she moved to Austin last week. I finally just told her "I can't keep talking to you like this, I need time to get over this, and then maybe we can be friends, until then, we need to keep it strictly business."

 

My situation is different than yours though, in the fact that we don't have attorneys and she isn't coming after my stuff. So I don't have to "play the game" like you do. Come Friday though, you can just tell her "hey I have stuff to do", if she asks "what stuff, why cant you talk", just don't reply.

I think our ex's were separated at birth

 

Why cant the just leave us alone?

 

I am thinking about sending her roses after the judge finalizes with a card saying something to the effect of "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel alive again!" because its true, had this not of happened i would not have done half the fun things i have done here since we split up.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

Update:

 

Going to court to finalize divorce (prove up) tomorrow at 8:30 am.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

***OFFICIALLY DIVORCED***

 

I was in front of the Judge for about 45 seconds, my attnry asked me about 5 questions concerning the divorce and then the Judge said, "I grant you your divorce, i wish you the best of luck."

 

As i walked out of the courtroom, i took a deep breath. After i walked out of the courthouse i started to cry for about 5 minutes. After being i sad i began to realize i am now free and i can live the life i never would of had being with my ex. I foresee great times ahead.

Edited August 12, 2011 by Tryin Hard 2 Make It

[wezol]

***OFFICIALLY DIVORCED***

 

I was in front of the Judge for about 45 seconds, my attnry asked me about 5 questions concerning the divorce and then the Judge said, "I grant you your divorce, i wish you the best of luck."

 

As i walked out of the courtroom, i took a deep breath. After i walked out of the courthouse i started to cry for about 5 minutes. After being i sad i began to realize i am now free and i can live the life i never would of had being with my ex. I foresee great times ahead.

 

Congratulations bud, now you can officially move on. I'm still waiting on my ex MIL to type up the papers and for my exW to be able to afford to drive up here and do it. Shouldn't be too long I hope.

 

Had a minor set back yesterday. Took an afternoon nap, ended up having a very vivid dream that my ex and I were still together working it out, and were happy and living life. It was so surreal...when I woke up I felt depressed and actually missed her. I dunno if it just finally hit me, or what. Our whole 6 year relationship I spent a lot of time away from home, nearly half. So when she left to move to Austin, it wasn't a big deal, I was used to leaving my family and loved ones.

 

Guess it sunk in.

 

Today is a better day though.

 

As I may of mentioned, we used to live in the country outside of a small town. Loved it, no cars, no street lights, no neighbors, just nature. Could sit on my front porch and have a beer and feel disconnected from society. Well when this happened I had to move into town in a small neighborhood. The house is nice, but I hate having neighbors. I've lived there for just over a month now.

 

Well, my cousin, whos my age (25), owns a house with his fiancee, outside of town on 5 acres. It's surrounded by a 90 acre tract that someone else owns. They are about to have a baby, so he quit his masters and got a job working in Pennsylvania doing billing for an oil co., making gobs of money. He originally asked if I would rent his house, but I told him I wouldn't be able to afford it, but if he wanted to rent it, I would be the landlord/strong arm, to make sure it doesn't get destroyed. He said okay, and would look into it. Got a call from him yesterday, asking me if I'd be willing to move in and only pay half the mortgage and he would cover the other half. He said he would rather pay half the mortgage and have me live there, than have some college kids trash it. Of course I said heck yes! Called up my landlord to see what I'd have to pay to break the lease, and she said all I do is wave the deposit and that's it.

 

So, I'll be saving $375 a month on rent, plus I won't have to pay water, PLUS it has central heating and air. The house I have now is window units and those suckers run up a utility bill like crazy.

 

Today is a good day.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

Congratulations bud, now you can officially move on. I'm still waiting on my ex MIL to type up the papers and for my exW to be able to afford to drive up here and do it. Shouldn't be too long I hope.

 

Had a minor set back yesterday. Took an afternoon nap, ended up having a very vivid dream that my ex and I were still together working it out, and were happy and living life. It was so surreal...when I woke up I felt depressed and actually missed her. I dunno if it just finally hit me, or what. Our whole 6 year relationship I spent a lot of time away from home, nearly half. So when she left to move to Austin, it wasn't a big deal, I was used to leaving my family and loved ones.

 

Guess it sunk in.

 

Today is a better day though.

 

As I may of mentioned, we used to live in the country outside of a small town. Loved it, no cars, no street lights, no neighbors, just nature. Could sit on my front porch and have a beer and feel disconnected from society. Well when this happened I had to move into town in a small neighborhood. The house is nice, but I hate having neighbors. I've lived there for just over a month now.

 

Well, my cousin, whos my age (25), owns a house with his fiancee, outside of town on 5 acres. It's surrounded by a 90 acre tract that someone else owns. They are about to have a baby, so he quit his masters and got a job working in Pennsylvania doing billing for an oil co., making gobs of money. He originally asked if I would rent his house, but I told him I wouldn't be able to afford it, but if he wanted to rent it, I would be the landlord/strong arm, to make sure it doesn't get destroyed. He said okay, and would look into it. Got a call from him yesterday, asking me if I'd be willing to move in and only pay half the mortgage and he would cover the other half. He said he would rather pay half the mortgage and have me live there, than have some college kids trash it. Of course I said heck yes! Called up my landlord to see what I'd have to pay to break the lease, and she said all I do is wave the deposit and that's it.

 

So, I'll be saving $375 a month on rent, plus I won't have to pay water, PLUS it has central heating and air. The house I have now is window units and those suckers run up a utility bill like crazy.

 

Today is a good day.

 

Man, i had 2 dreams like that and i hated it when i woke up. Thinking about them now makes me upset.

 

Day 2 of single is not what i thought it would be. I feel like crap. I feel sad and empty. I am not thinking about her i guess i am thinking about being alone. This sucks. I have no energy to do anything. My buddy invited me to a party tonight and right now i dont feel like going. I hate this.

[wezol]

Man, i had 2 dreams like that and i hated it when i woke up. Thinking about them now makes me upset.

 

Day 2 of single is not what i thought it would be. I feel like crap. I feel sad and empty. I am not thinking about her i guess i am thinking about being alone. This sucks. I have no energy to do anything. My buddy invited me to a party tonight and right now i dont feel like going. I hate this.

 

It's rough. Took me a week or so before I could fall asleep without drinking.

 

Go to the party, but drive yourself so if you feel like it, you can leave. You've got nothing to loose, no one to answer to, and it will take your mind off what's going on right now. Get out and mingle a little, make some new friends, and start a new chapter in your life.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

It's rough. Took me a week or so before I could fall asleep without drinking.

 

Go to the party, but drive yourself so if you feel like it, you can leave. You've got nothing to loose, no one to answer to, and it will take your mind off what's going on right now. Get out and mingle a little, make some new friends, and start a new chapter in your life.

 

 

Good advice, i think i will. Thanks wezol You are right... i *need* to start a new chapter in my life.

 

I couldnt sleep at times either so my friend recommend "Valerian root". Its an herb that helps with falling asleep. I found mine at the local HEB grocery store and i have seen it at Whole Foods as well. Give it a try when you need it. I buy the white and purple bottle by "Nature's Way" for around $9 for 90.

 

Btw, i think we are in same state, you mentioned Austin? I am outside of Houston. Crazy, huh?

[wezol]

Good advice, i think i will. Thanks wezol You are right... i *need* to start a new chapter in my life.

 

I couldnt sleep at times either so my friend recommend "Valerian root". Its an herb that helps with falling asleep. I found mine at the local HEB grocery store and i have seen it at Whole Foods as well. Give it a try when you need it. I buy the white and purple bottle by "Nature's Way" for around $9 for 90.

 

Btw, i think we are in same state, you mentioned Austin? I am outside of Houston. Crazy, huh?

 

Yeah, my exw is from austin, she moved back down there. I stayed where we lived, which is in Stephenville, about 80 miles south west from ft worth.

 

Texas women.....all I gotta say.

[Tryin Hard 2 Make It]

Hey everyone, great news! Well, i have been doing a lot better since my official divorce and i have been hanging out with my friends and going out and having all kinds of fun. Well, the last week of August my friends and i all went to this outdoor concert, had a hell of a time AND i met this girl . Well, she and i had soo much fun there and have been seeing each other since! I just want to say there IS life after divorce! I am loving life like never before! There is light at the end of the tunnel, life gets better...again!!!