How to get the confidence and the belief that you are physically attractive...

[spiderowl]

No decent woman would call a guy ugly to his face. The girl who said this to you is an idiot and certainly no judge of character or attractiveness - she'd probably think an over-confident guy with money was attractive, she just sounds that type.

 

Attractiveness is so much to do with personality. You wouldn't believe how much. Just wait until you meet a girl who really catches your attention and hasn't got the model-girl looks you might normally find appealing.

 

Seriously, my girl friend at college told me of a guy she found attractive at a social thing we went to. I never noticed the guy and he was sitting right opposite me! I noticed another one she couldn't remember. This is how different we all are and how we find different people appealing.

 

I'm much older than you, but even at my age some guys find me attractive. I've had lots of guys chatting me up and saying how attractive they find me, even ones I'd consider very attractive physically. I've also had the odd guy say I'm ugly or look weird. Are they all right? I've no idea, but what's clear is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. As for the guys who do not find me attractive, well so what? I'm interested in the ones I have a rapport with, not these shallow and socially inept characters!

[ilikesunita]

to some women, even really hot ones?

 

If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am.

 

Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look.

 

I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me.

 

And? Confidence is not solely based upon looks.

[Challenger]

Hey Ross,

 

Listen my friend, This is something that everyone struggles with, even people that are exceptionally good looking wish they could improve themselves in some way. In fact I feel bad for them because they are judged by there looks alone. Looks are temporary but who you are inside will be there forever! This is something I use to struggle with myself until I finally realized that in order to be loved and excepted I had to love and except myself. If you can do that then you will never worry about how people view you.

 

When it comes to women. It doesn't matter if she is a perfect 10 or a 3 if you don't have confidence in who you are then your dead in the water bro.

Just like an unattractive girl could reject you as easy as a hot girl the same rules apply when attracting them. Ypou just need to be confident and love yourself first! Have you ever been somewhere and seen an unattractive guy with a hot girl and thought- how the heck does that happen?.....Well that's because that guy has something that a lot of men don't....A confident and genuine personality my friend!

 

-Challenger

Edited July 26, 2011 by Challenger

[temporaryvisa]

Is something wrong with looking average?

[Challenger]

Is something wrong with looking average?

 

 

Are you following me already?

[Ross MwcFan]

And? Confidence is not solely based upon looks.

 

That has got nothing to do with what I'm asking.

[Ross MwcFan]

Is something wrong with looking average?

 

I don't think anyone has said that there's anything wrong with looking average.

[Arlia]

I know how you feel man. I liked the mirror example - I think I look great when I look at myself in the mirror, but when I see the reflection of my reflection, I look ugly haha. In some photos I look nice whereas in others, I'm just unattractive.

 

But I don't care. That's how I am, and there is NOTHING I can do to change that. What I can work on is how I behave, what I wear and my personality.

 

Most of my girl friends are not attracted to the looks, but rather the personality. An "unattractive guy I'd never think of dating" can turn into a hot guy if the girl likes his personality (my ex is a perfect example of that).

 

Bottom line is, don't worry about how you look. You are the way you are. Focus on what you can control.

[KME39]

I don't know how old you are..

 

There is nothing wrong with you at all. The girls that say that are shallow twits. There is more to people than the outer shell.

[Ross MwcFan]

I don't know how old you are..

 

There is nothing wrong with you at all. The girls that say that are shallow twits. There is more to people than the outer shell.

 

I'm 35. (character limit)

[KME39]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you were in the states the girls that are my age (30's - I can say this for two more months) would be drooling after you for your english accent.

[Dorie]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you were in the states the girls that are my age (30's - I can say this for two more months) would be drooling after you for your english accent.

 

Indeed true. He's got a lovely one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3505918&postcount=378

[zlatnapolja]

to some women, even really hot ones?

 

If I am physically attractive to women including really hot ones, then my biggest downfall, is that I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I am.

 

Yes I look good in my avatar, but there have been photo's where I honestly believe I look hideous (but, people have actually told me I look good in one of these too). And even though some people in real life have said I was good looking, I've also been rejected and called ugly not just by really hot girls, but girls who are also unattractive and overweight (not that I think overweight is a bad thing). It's like I've got no idea how I really look.

 

I don't mean to be negative, but I'm just trying to explain my situation to give you guys the greatest chance of helping me.

 

Hehehe, the fact that you think of some people as being less attractive doesnt mean that they have a lower standard than the rest of the people. And as for the way you look.. I dont know what you look like, but I can tell you that its all in how you present yourself. To me a person thats really handsome, but at the same time he looks kranky, or arogant etc isnt attractive. Whereas a person that people wouldnt consider to be handsome, can be extremely attractive if he's outgoing, charming, sweet etc.

Never think of yourself as being ugly:D

[KME39]

See that accent is absolutely adorable. I see some photos of me that I am like eww..and than others I like.

 

I have a soft southern lilt and my voice is very sweet. I have a friend from New York that just loves to talk to me because my voice is so soothing. Other people think it is annoying because it sounds like a little girl. Same voice, different opinions from different people. I am not changing my voice just because someone doesn't like it.

 

I was reading some of your other posts about dealing with your driving aniexty that is great. One step at a time and build on those steps.

[Star Gazer]

You hang with a rather odd group if people are asking others if they would French kiss you. Sounds like those girls are trying to impress other guys by rejecting you. Some girls can be pretty mean.

 

It's what all teenagers did, at least where I lived.

 

'Such and such a person thinks your well fit, and would like to know if you would go (French kiss) with her/him'

 

You either say yes or no, and then the person will go back over to the other person and tell them your answer. If you said yes, the other person will walk over to you and then you just both start kissing each other.

 

Ross, I hope you understand that whether some girl thought you were attractive at 15 has absolutely no relation to whether some other girl will think you're attractive TWENTY YEARS LATER.

 

People grow into themselves, you know?

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, I hope you understand that whether some girl thought you were attractive at 15 has absolutely no relation to whether some other girl will think you're attractive TWENTY YEARS LATER.

 

People grow into themselves, you know?

 

What does growing into yourself mean?

[Ross MwcFan]

Aw, thanks KME39 and Dorie.

[Ross MwcFan]

The biggest issue and problem that I see with your thread is your lack of self confidence! Trust me on this one...WOMEN are drawn to a confident man!! CONFIDENCE dictates your self worth and how you view the world around you. I think we all desire to be DESIRED by the opposite sex, but changing your look, the way you dress, changing your weight, changing your hair color, whatever!! Sometimes change can be just the thing to snap you into a different mindset! Not everyone is looking for a man with rock star looks or a woman who resembles a human "Barbie". Give yourself a break, and dont allow negative attitudes to generate low self esteem or lack of confidence! So, make whatever changes to make yourself feel better, and more confident when you look in the mirror and dont be pulled down by negative comments.

 

I know, I need to be stronger and not let people's negative comments effect how I feel/see myself so much.

[KME39]

Ross, I had such a huge lack of confidence that it really hurt me. I married the wrong man and since I have gained confidence I got the courage to leave him. I was a very overweight girl (100+ lbs) and was shy. I had to learn to speak up for myself because no one else will. I have had horrible things said to me in the last 10 years by people and I tried to ignore them.

 

I was biking the other day from the farmer's market. I rode past a truck and heard a couple of guys make pig noises at me. OK I weigh maybe 145 and I know I need to lose another 15 lbs but not worth pig noises. I was also sweaty from biking from the market. They were in their truck drinking beer and smoking. I just let it slide becuase honestly those types of people are so insecure that they have to make other people feel badly.

[Ross MwcFan]

Sorry about that. Some people are just *******s.

 

I've also had rude comments made at me on the rare occasion in the past. And yeah, it would really affect me, it would make me think I must come across as a loser or something.

 

As for being overweight though, some guys find that attractive. I think you should only lose weight if you're unhappy with it yourself, or if your health is in danger. I don't think you should do it for other people.

Edited August 1, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Star Gazer]

What does growing into yourself mean?

 

The ugly duckling becomes a swan.

[KME39]

I actually had some serious health issues that since I have dropped the weight have gone away. SO...I have to now keep it off. I could stay where I am at now weight wise since I am 5"6, but I want to get down to 130 lbs. I can always gain a few lbs if I need to.

[Ross MwcFan]

The ugly duckling becomes a swan.

 

Hmmmm, I'm not sure if that's true for guys.

[Star Gazer]

Hmmmm, I'm not sure if that's true for guys.

 

It was true of many, many guys I went to high school with.

[Ross MwcFan]

I actually had some serious health issues that since I have dropped the weight have gone away. SO...I have to now keep it off. I could stay where I am at now weight wise since I am 5"6, but I want to get down to 130 lbs. I can always gain a few lbs if I need to.

 

I'm 5'9 and 161 pounds. I seem to put most of it on around my waist though unfortunatley.