WHY---does he keep CALLING?

[When Will I learn]

A 37 year friendship (hs sweethearts for a bit) and I turned into the OW- or maybe it was just a FWB thing....

Lasted for 9 months...as a LDR thing. We visited back an forth. It was great fun, then suddenly, I was dependent upon him. I fell hard, but tried to hide it...

 

In the begining, it was LONG stolen phone calls, sometime lasting for HOURS, FB chatting for hours and texts.. Talked about everything except his *marriage*. The L word was NEVER mentioned and that was fine.

 

Everything was pretty cool till he was *served*. He freaked, ended the Affair and tried to make up with BW- she said NO WAY, then we were friends again. He said we would be "friends forever", yeah...SURE.....BW movd OUT and he wanted me to take her place. I had planned on moving back, even before I was the OW- so it seemed like it would work.

 

We continued on for about 2 months- then, I got the big BLOW OFF, again....Said they wasn't ENOUGH chemistry (not buying it) ..and it probably won't last........he wanted to see what all was out there.

I can understand that, he isn't even D yet.....

 

So tell me, WHY, he still calls every other DAY? Calls are not like they use to be....very short and sweet, maybe 20 minute IF that. If the MM is gonna to blow me off and have NC, then DO IT....

 

It kills me, I STILL miss him, the way to be....Should be interesting when I move into town....

[Emme]

You've known him for 37 years. Wow! He wants to see what's out there. Mmmmm... Well let's forget about him. Let's work on you. What have you been doing with yourself. How active are you in actually living... not just waiting for his call. Do you date? Have you been on dates? Are you in any clubs/group of some sort where you are sociable? When was the last time you explored what you what from the rest of your living days on earth without him in it?

 

The answer to your question is simple. The reason why he still calls is because you allow it. Change your number. Thats a start.

[TigerCub]

 

So tell me, WHY, he still calls every other DAY? Calls are not like they use to be....very short and sweet, maybe 20 minute IF that. If the MM is gonna to blow me off and have NC, then DO IT....

 

It kills me, I STILL miss him, the way to be....Should be interesting when I move into town....

 

Why does he keep calling?

because you keep picking up.

 

The part in bold implies that this is all in his control. That's not true. If he wont go NC, you still can, you can block him and you can stop taking his calls.

 

You have the power of your own actions here, don't fool yourself into thinking that you're just weak and helpless and at the mercy of his moods and actions.

[oldguy]

The OW would be; the woman he was cheating on his SO with, but didn't want a committed relationship with.

FWB would be a friend he was having sex with but didn't want to have a committed relationship with.

In either type of relationship someone almost always gets hurt in the end.

 

You've been friends for 37 years. You've been intimate and back to being friends. Does he even know you are in love with him or expected more?

[MissBee]

A 37 year friendship (hs sweethearts for a bit) and I turned into the OW- or maybe it was just a FWB thing....

Lasted for 9 months...as a LDR thing. We visited back an forth. It was great fun, then suddenly, I was dependent upon him. I fell hard, but tried to hide it...

 

In the begining, it was LONG stolen phone calls, sometime lasting for HOURS, FB chatting for hours and texts.. Talked about everything except his *marriage*. The L word was NEVER mentioned and that was fine.

 

Everything was pretty cool till he was *served*. He freaked, ended the Affair and tried to make up with BW- she said NO WAY, then we were friends again. He said we would be "friends forever", yeah...SURE.....BW movd OUT and he wanted me to take her place. I had planned on moving back, even before I was the OW- so it seemed like it would work.

 

We continued on for about 2 months- then, I got the big BLOW OFF, again....Said they wasn't ENOUGH chemistry (not buying it) ..and it probably won't last........he wanted to see what all was out there.

I can understand that, he isn't even D yet.....

 

So tell me, WHY, he still calls every other DAY? Calls are not like they use to be....very short and sweet, maybe 20 minute IF that. If the MM is gonna to blow me off and have NC, then DO IT....

 

It kills me, I STILL miss him, the way to be....Should be interesting when I move into town....

 

He's still attached to you, you've been friends for 37 years after all...his life has also gone to shyyt and he wants support...but even outside of that, being attached to someone and wanting to speak to them and getting something from them is not the same as loving them or being willing and able to make some type of commitment to them.

 

This is something I have learned, something that boggled my mind but that I am GLAD I've realized. What you get out of a relationship and what you're going into it for may not be the same for the other person. I often thought, I do this because I like him and care and want him...so ofcourse that is why he does it too..when sometimes it was not the case. Some things that seem like love and care and wanting to be with someone, aren't really that. I struggled with the calling thing too...even recently, wondering: why does he keep calling and texting when his other behaviors aren't saying much? He wouldn't call if he didn't want a relationship with me right??? I had to slap myself and remember that he could like speaking to me just cause, he could call when he is bored, any number of things but it does not mean that he is just so inlove with me.

 

I do not think you should aspire to filling in his stbxW's role. Rebounding is never a good thing.

 

If he is blowing you off...allow him his space and time to clear his head and get his life in order versus being his blow up doll and air bag for his emotions and for when he feels like it.

 

Nothing you've said shows that this man has CHOSEN you...you seem to be in some default position with him where you're the one who is going to try to prod and convince him into "choosing" you. You don't want that. He never said he loved you, you were FWB, he has blown and cut you off when wifey found out, he has blown you off after being separated saying he doesn't want what you want, then in a panic wants you to fulfill BWs role, then blows you off some more but still calls. Please believe the majority of what he has said, not said and shown you versus the small aspect that he keeps calling.

 

Everyone deserves someone who chooses them fully whom they also choose fully.

Edited July 5, 2011 by MissBee

[Eddie Edirol]

He will not stop calling until you either change your number, or tell him when he calls to stop calling, then after that you stop picking up.

[Lucky_One]

Sounds like he's keeping you on the side for emotional support if he wants, and in the hopes that you will continue to have sex with him if he can't find someone else quick enough.

 

NC is your choice, too; don't pick up the phone when he calls. It's not all his decision, and you are not being forced to interact with him.

[fooled once]

A 37 year friendship (hs sweethearts for a bit) and I turned into the OW- or maybe it was just a FWB thing....

Lasted for 9 months...as a LDR thing. We visited back an forth. It was great fun, then suddenly, I was dependent upon him. I fell hard, but tried to hide it...

 

In the begining, it was LONG stolen phone calls, sometime lasting for HOURS, FB chatting for hours and texts.. Talked about everything except his *marriage*. The L word was NEVER mentioned and that was fine.

 

Everything was pretty cool till he was *served*. He freaked, ended the Affair and tried to make up with BW- she said NO WAY, then we were friends again. He said we would be "friends forever", yeah...SURE.....BW movd OUT and he wanted me to take her place. I had planned on moving back, even before I was the OW- so it seemed like it would work.

 

We continued on for about 2 months- then, I got the big BLOW OFF, again....Said they wasn't ENOUGH chemistry (not buying it) ..and it probably won't last........he wanted to see what all was out there.

I can understand that, he isn't even D yet.....

 

So tell me, WHY, he still calls every other DAY? Calls are not like they use to be....very short and sweet, maybe 20 minute IF that. If the MM is gonna to blow me off and have NC, then DO IT....

 

It kills me, I STILL miss him, the way to be....Should be interesting when I move into town....

 

He keeps calling to keep you on the hook incase you can't find anyone else. He has you to stroke his ego; you tell him how great he is, you are interested in him, you are falling all over him. He loves that!

 

Why would you move there? Hopefully it isn't for him; because I think you are just a FWB for him. You saw how quickly he dumped you to try to get his wife back. Once he starts dating and getting others attention, he will dump you again.

 

I cannot for the life of me understand why people rekindle 'relationships' from 20+ years ago. Do people NOT move on and grow in their lives? Why go backwards to someone from 17 years old!!!

 

If I were you, I wouldn't in any way pin my hopes on this guy. He isn't into you.

[When Will I learn]

I am not moving back for him---I had planned a year ago to move back to my home state. He just happens to live there, but an hour away.

 

I really don't think he wants me in an "romantic" way anymore, just "friends forever". I think this is a guy who really DOES just want to be friends with me and really means it. I can tell by the tone in his voice.... 37 year friendship is kinda hard to forget. We have always been there for each others troubles (deaths, hysterectomy, divorce,etc) and I think we always will, but NOW, we won't let temptation screw it up.

 

He always said " One of the things that I dare say LOVE abut you, is that you are a great listener, and I appreciate that."

 

I have signed up for a couple of those free dating sites for the area that I am moving too, so I am slowly, taking steps to get over him and date another, hopefully with NO games.. If I see an attractive enough looking man, I will initiate communication with them.