question

[Tim]

I'm confused about my past relationship. Right now me and my girlfriend mutually agreed to take a break from each other. We still talk, but I go out with other girls and she goes out with other guys. Yet, sometime, not all the time, but sometime if I go out of my way to see her or say something to her, it seems to bother her. She's elated when we meet accidentally though. Now, i'm not ready to get back together with her now.....I do eventually but not now. Why does anything other than a chance encounter bother her?

 

I don't like going to in-between people, but I did talk to one of her friends and she came up with the idea that right now she seems to need a break from everything in her life, she's even like that with her good friends. What her friend told me is she thinks she wants everyone she knew from all her time in high school out of her life for a little while so she could meet new people and do new things.

 

I don't know if I beleive that or not, but to me it's just curious this whole situation. I don't know how girls think and usually don't try to figure it out on my own.

 

So is it a possibility that she just wants a chance to let everyone who influenced her life over the past few years to be out of her life for a while to let her do things herself? Or is there likely more to it than that?

[Paulie]

Judging from your comments, It seems as though you're just out of high school, and maybe in college now. If this isn't the case, disregard the rest of my post.

 

This kind of situation is EXTREMELY COMMON. Girls this age, as soon as they get to college, want to experience everything, see everything, "meet new people," etc.

 

Your girl may very well still have feelings for you...she's still a young, immature (not nexcessarily "bad" immature) girl, that realizes that she's in her prime, everybody wants to meet and talk to young girls this age, etc.

 

My advise would be to give her a "leash." (for the record, this in no way implies that this, or any woman is a dog...feminists, ok?) I just mean that if that's what she wants, and you're getting bad vibes from her when you arrange encounters, then Don't make them. It's the old addage that if she's cold, you go 10 degrees colder. Why would you want to go out of your way to see her when she acts this way when you contact her?

 

In the meantime, I hope you're seeing other people, and not waiting around for her---FOR YOUR SAKE!

[Tony T]

I think Paulie is right.

 

I also think that people don't require space from a relationship they are happy with. Adjusting to her new surroundings and experiencing new people are far more compelling to her now that having a relationship with you.

 

Stop obsessing with the why's and wherefore's of her behavior and move on with your life. It is pathetic to try to run into her because right now in her life she is selfish, self centered and she doesn't really care. Sometimes when time permits, she will be friendly and seem happy to see you but, if not, running into you is simply an annoyance and aggravation she does not have time for right now in her life.

 

I really don't go for the leash bit. Cut her loose and cut yourself loose from her as well. You have to get used to the fact that life changes, people change, circumstances change, everything grows and moves on with time. That is what has happened her and that is life.

 

If you permit yourself, one day you will meet a nice lady who will make you the object of her life and will want to be with you and make you happy for a lifetime...and she will never ask for space because the space she's always looked for is the space around YOU!!!