Wife moved out after a year!!!

[Radioflyer]

Please help me! I am breaking down here and don`t know what happend. My wife and I were described as the most perfect married couple ever. we have just now been married for a year and been together for 4. i am 25 and she is 26. We have our arguments like any married couple would have, but lately it has really been rough.

 

this all stems from our first year anniversary vacation to Las Vegas. My wife being a retail manager hired a new employee about 7 months ago and started talking about him more and more everyday. To the point that i was so fed up that i blew up about it one day. She jst didn`t get it and get where i was coming from. I realized that when we would go out, we would pick him and his roomate up and start hanging out. we even invited him over for thanksgiving because his family doesn`t live around here. one last thing that set me off was when we went out for my wife`s birthday and he showed up. she sat there and talked to him all night long at the bar and wouldn`t pay any attention to me.

 

at one point i looked down as she was sitting sideways towards him with both of her legs pressed against his and her feet resting on his chair (maybe not such a big deal). However, at the same time that we were going to Vegas for our anniversary trip, he was going out that way to visit his family. He told my wife to call him as soon as we get in to Vegas. Sure enough, we weren`t even there for 30 minutes and she called him. This set things off because she went out in the hallway of the hotel to talk to him.

 

i looked out to find her pacing the hallway. i asked what was so important that she had to leave the room to talk to him. she said that he asked how things were going in our relationship because he knew that we were fighting. On and on this went between my wife and i. he left her a text message saying that if she needed to talk to call him at his parents house. she did so and lied to me who she was talking to.

 

the more i thought about it, the more i realized that she has been confiding in this guy and it just didn`t seem right. We fought again about it and came back home from or miserable trip to find her cellphone beeping. yes, i checked her message and it was him calling at 5 in the morning. the message said "hey, it`s me and i was just thinking about you and seeing how things are going, if you need me, call me.....ok....love you...bye"

 

Needless to say, i flew off of the handle and she packed her bags and moved out because she said that she needed to get her head straight, but there was nothing going on between them. Things seem to be smoothing over and i found her still talking to him by checking her recent calls on her cell phone. this is after the fact that she said that she doesn`t talk to him anymore. a week later, she said that she was going to pick her friends dad up from the airport and made up an entire lie about it.

 

i later found out that she went to pick him up from the airport. needless to say now, she erases all of her call logs, changed her voicemail password, and packed her bags and moved out permanently because she wasn`t happy. She still insists to this day that yes, she did confide in him as a friend and nothing ever happend. she admitted that he took the relationship too far and the purpose of picking him up from the airport was to have a talk with him and tell him that what he did and said was wrong on that message.

 

she said that she just needed time to think things through while staying at her mom`s house. as i found out, she was going out with her friends every night until 2 am and not staying at home thinking things through. this shows me that she doesn`t care and doesn`t want things to work out.

 

Personally, I think it is a major depression problem that she just got up and left me like this. She told me that it is not me and she just feels "numb" inside. she said that she doesn`t care that she hurts me or is mean to me.

 

I don`t know where this leaves us or what i should do. My wife said that she is going to go to a doctor and see if it is indeed depression, but whether it is or not, she is not going to guarantee that she will be back.

 

How does this happed??!! A little history past, her mom got up and left her dad after 20 years of marriage one day because she "wasn`t happy". my wife was 17 at the time and it has really impacted her life. could this be a factor? before i met her, she was with her fiance` for 8 years and did the same thing to him. she wasn`t happy and up and left him "high and dry".

[overseas2004]

What to do??? Let her go! First of all ... you know it, I know it, everyone knows it... She is lying to you blatantly. She most certainly is having an affair with this guy because of everything you have said. And of all the nerve she flaunts it in her face.

 

And yes while I do believe that people have issues from their past that they may have to resolve this is not an excuse for her behavior.

 

You can not do anything about this but stop contacting her and stop allowing her to contact you. She deserves a divorce. And you must start moving in this direction immediately. Then lets see what happens. But as long as you accept what is going on ... and look for excuses in her past... you are condoning her behavior.

[Radioflyer]

I called her freaking out this morning because i cannot handle this!! as she was in the shower, i looked at her cellphone calls and saw his number on there lastnight and at 8:15 this morning. i also found a picture of him in her purse that was taken when he was out visiting his parents in Nevada. She knows how bitter I am everytime i ask her about it and she get really mad. I know his roomate and he is a very genuine person. she exclaimed to me that they are just friends and that is it. she keeps repeating that this whole situation is NOT my fault, but hers. she said that she needs time to get her head together and see a doctor. The guy that she is "friends" with is scared to death of me and thinks that i am going to confront him for the message that was left on her phone that said "...love you, bye". He told her that he can understand why i hate him and would want to confront him about it. He didn`t even remember the phone call and she seemed very upset that he left it on the phone and took their friendship that far. She just keeps telling me that she is "NUMB" inside and doesn`t know how she feels or what is wrong with her. I just don`t understand what went wrong!! thanks for listening!

MD

[Fritz]

Wow..that just sucks. At the very least its an emotional affair (sounds like more sadly). Definately talk to a counselor. Try <URL removed> too.

[wideawake]

Get a lawyer and kick her to the curb.

[Becks84]

I thought all these stupid games and all of the confusion about who you are and what you are doing in life ended with high school...I hope I dont have anything to look forward to like what this crazy woman is doing to you. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find strength to overcome this and realize that you deserve better. I personally have found the most comfort and strength in my faith and religion. Find what works best for you!

[reservoirdog1]

Radio... something very similar happened to me, only I was too stupid to see it. I stayed stupid for seven years till TBXW finally confessed everything and said she wanted out.

 

Shortly after the wedding, she started hanging around a lot with a new male friend of hers. She'd always been very sociable, outgoing, friendly with men, etc. but it never occurred to me that she'd start f*cking him. She did that for months. Like I said, I knew nothing about that for years. And that was only one of her 3 + affairs.

 

I know you don't feel it now, but you're seriously lucky. You've gotten a huge wakeup call. I envy you... I wish I'd gotten one like you got. This woman is going to make you miserable for the rest of your life if you stay with her. Drop her like a hot coal and run.

[Radioflyer]

well...i had a very bad "gut feeling" lastnight and started driving around because whe was supposed to be staying at her moms house. i from bar to bar looking for her car and nothing was found. i went to wendy`s for a burger about 11:00 pm and they guy that she is confiding with lives a half of a block away. i thought "what the hell" and drove down. sure enough, her car was parked outside the apartment.

 

i thought to myself...what are the chances that she would be there instead of parking her car there and going out with her friends. i opened her car and saw her purse there sitting. cellphone flashing with 6 missed calls, id`s and money in there. this tells me that she is inside. so i did what anyone would do. he and his roomates live on a first floor apartment and i looked into the living room and saw one of "our" chairs sitting there that she took when she moved out. she told me the chair was at her girlfriends house, when indeed it was in this guys house set up. that is not the point...

 

as i looked into the living room, it was dark and the tv was on. no one was there, so i moved to the window beside the door of the living room. the blinds were open and the so was the window. i looked in and SAW EVERYTHING!!!!!!! she was ontop of him naked in the middle of fourplay. i freaked out and went ballistic. i tried to get in and couldn`t, so i yelled a vulgar obscenity through the window. they both stopped and slumped over in disbelief that i had just caught them. i freaked out again and kicked his door in and started beating on him (wrong thing to do, but i think that i went temporary insane). i spit in her face, beat him, and kicked the door in.

 

i left and called everyone i knew because i was having a breakdown!! i took my dog, packed and just started driving ah hour west of here. my wife called and said that i needed to turn around and turn myself into the police because there are warrants out for my arrest now!! i couldn`t believe it!! now mind you, i am in the military and have been for 7 years...i am putting on rank in a week and this cannot be happening to me, what did i do, i went insane and couldn`t control my actions. i pulled into my house and 3 cars were waiting for me.

 

they considered me turning myself in and i was charged with 6 different counts including one felony of burglery for breaking in the door!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!! i don`t know what to do. i sat in jail and my commander came and signed me out. he said not a word because he totally understands why i did what i did! come to find out that my wife and her "friend" called to leave a voicemail on the officer who has the case and said that they want to drop all charges. well...with the felony, the state has to be the one to drop the charges. this in return ends my military career if the charge is kept. people told me that it won`t stick if they drop the charges and talk to the attorney general and plead with them.

 

my court date is friday and i don`t know if i need to get a lawyer or public defender. we now have a no contact order and my wife told me that she never meant for this to happen and if she walks away and i never talk to her again she will understand and wants to let me know that she is sorry for what she did. so where does this leave me...I NEED HELP AND ADVICE

[dnlbudb]

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Radio Flyer,

 

I'll have you know that I joined this forum just so I could reply to your post!!!

 

Anyway, I have a similar story and my heart goes out to you. (My husband had the affair and flipped out on me when I confronted him with evidence.) When you go to court, you should ask your wife to go with you. If you've never been a violent person, she should testify to that. After the b.s. she has put you through, that's the very least should should do! (Plus, I'm thinking the public humiliation in court of what she did would do her some good.)

 

Anyone who hears the story should understand. Call it temporary insanity and I'm serious. Get a lawyer and you should be fine.

 

My husband went to jail and was charged with a misdemeanor. He's now on probation for a year and he has a "no adverse contact" order with me.

 

If your wife is anything like my husband, I think it's all about being immature, irresponsible and selfish. I feel like I'm married to a teenager.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there and good luck!

 

Dnlbudb

[wideawake]

Call a lawyer right now. Seriously, a pd is usually going to be good, but why take chances.

 

Ask your friends, your commander, etc... to recommend a good lawyer for this situation and hire him. The amount of cash you'll spend in the short term will be more than worth it if you can save your career.

 

Bro, I'm so sorry to hear this, and honestly I probably would have done the same damn thing, but now you need to get smart, and do anything you need to do to protect your future.

 

After you beat this rap, get a damn good divorce attorney and get rid of this bitch.

[radioflyer]

well....it has been 2 days since i saw my wife with her "lover". she said that they called the attorney generals office 7 times yesterday and have an appt. on monday to plead their case to drop all charges. here is the thing. she went to the doctors and is on 3 different medications right now. she called me to tell me that she set up a separate account and put her paycheck in there, but left the remaining money in the account for me. she said that we need to get the car payments straight to be taken out of her new account. as she is talking to me, i think that she realized what has happend because i caught her in the affair. she called me marcus (my name is marc) like she always used to and said honey at the beginning of a sentence. she also called me the pet name that she has for me after i said that i missed her so much. i asked her if she was happy and if she wanted to be with him. she said after a long pause and a deep breath that she doesn`t know what she wants. i think she is very confused and got caught up in the affair, not realizing what all she is throwing away becuase of some stupid puppy love affair. she said that the night that i saw them was the first night that anything has ever happend between those two and she has nothing to lie to me about anymore.

i questi8ned her again and she said that because she had feelings for this guy that she couldn`t stay with me because it would not be fair. i also asked where she was staying because her mom kicked her out and family has rejected her for what she did. she really has no where else to go, but to stay with him and his 2 roomates. she told me that she has her own room and just wants to be left alone without anyone touching her. i don`t know what to believe!! it seems like she is toying with my emotions, but feels that she did wrong and needs to get herself together.

of course i started to get emotional while talking to her. i explained to her that i love her with all of my heart and miss her to no end. deep down inside i told her that i believe that this can work and we can work things out.

perhaps counciling and rebuild the marriage that we had (it has only been a year). so do you think that it is early enough in the marriage that things can be worked out, or do i have false hope that things WILL indeed work in the end?? I am so confused right now and need some major advice.

i would like to thank all of you for your advice so far and that person that joined the board just to comment....

THANK YOU! at the end, she told me one day at a time and she cannot guarantee anything. i don`t know how i should feel right now or what i should think. is she telling me thins just for satisfaction so i will feel better, or does she truely believe deep inside that there is hope. i also do not think that it helps that she is staying there at the apartment with her own room with him there. please help!!!!!

thanks

marc

[wideawake]

Originally posted by wideawake

Get a lawyer and kick her to the curb.

 

I'll say it again.

 

You need be done with her bro, how will you ever trust her again?

 

Sorry, I know it sounds harsh, but I don't think I'd let her back into my life.