fresh8 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) I've been wanting to post for a while but felt silly about how I was feeling. My feelings have been up and down (mainly down). I had known my ex for 3 years. She liked me first, then later down the track I liked her back. I asked her out, **** went down (her brother told me to stay away from her) and a year, we met again and one thing led to another and we started dating. After 10 months, she left me because she was not happy anymore - she felt compelled to have to choose between me and her family. And she chose the latter (I don't blame her). That was back in February... Recently (past 2 months) I've been thinking of the tell-tale signs. She was back for 2 weeks after a month long holiday and there were signs that something was wrong. I knew she was upset but never asked in depth. For a while, I have been kicking myself for how it all played out. I wish that she would have waited a few weeks and maybe everything would have been different. I got my dream job and even got a promotion less than 3 months into it. I'm nearly finished Law School... 6 months out. I'm going to be successful and this was what I was waiting for. To be able to go to her family and say that 'I'm a lawyer, I am not the bad guy (her brother) you say I am'. I wanted to show them that I could make her happy. And I wanted to show them how much she made me happy. She was the reason why I worked extra hours as well as did extra subjects to finish my Law School earlier. It was that work ethic that netted me my current job in criminal law. It was all of that that has got me where I am and in regards to my professional life, I am very content. However, that happiness does not compare to how much I miss her. I feel so pathetic to feel this way and I know that so many people are in worse situations for me yet I am still complaining. I hate how I am breaking down at night and toss and turn so much I can't sleep. For me, I don't know what gets to me more - 1) that she claimed that she loved me more than anything but thought it best that we move on because she doesn't want to hurt her family or 2) that she's probably moved on or never cared about me as much as she claimed and I feel 'cheated' by that. Yes - I'm probably being really selfish thinking like this and although I'd love for her to be happy; I just cannot make myself feel content with the whole outcome. I know that words aren't going to do anything and she is most likely not coming back. I just hope that writing this out will help me feel better in the end. After all, writing has always been a form of therapy for me... Sometimes I just feel like I ****ed up because I've never felt this strongly for a girl before. It scared me at times because I felt like she was the one and she told me that also. And at the same time, we were both scared because we knew that the chances would be overwhelming that one day we'd have to be apart because of her family. Maybe I am living in the past. I'm sorry for complaining but I just can't stop thinking about it and it is really bugging me. And what really worries me is that I would rather have her than have the success I have had this year in terms of career and academics. Am I being stupid? Edited July 5, 2011 by fresh8 Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I have to honest, this post does not sound like someone who is about to graduate from law school or any other professional degree, sorry, but it leaves me a bit confused because of that also. I kept ready, expecting the hammer to fall, to hear, "the rest of the story" but never did & it just doesn't add up. So what am I missing? How many years are you away from taking your bars? What does her family hold against you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fresh8 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I have to honest, this post does not sound like someone who is about to graduate from law school or any other professional degree, sorry, but it leaves me a bit confused because of that also. I kept ready, expecting the hammer to fall, to hear, "the rest of the story" but never did & it just doesn't add up. So what am I missing? How many years are you away from taking your bars? What does her family hold against you? Hey oldguy, I must admit that re-reading my post, I am not very coherent. I guess my mind is really muddled up at the moment - I went to class for 5 hours today before going to work and working late. Well, I don't need to take the bar here because I work for the State in criminal prosecutions and only need to take the bar if I jump over to private defense. And as for the 'rest of the story' - if I have not misinterpreted your post... I should have disclosed that. I've just written about it so much it's not funny! However, in a nutshell, her family held the following against me: 1. Different nationality 2. Even worse - her brother believed that I was a bad friend to go after his sister and told her family that I was a bad guy. They refused to even meet me and the reason why I did not go to meet them was because at the time, we had only dated a few weeks and we both weren't prepared to do so. Plus, she was convinced her parents would break us up anyways and we agreed to wait until I had finished school and had a job before we confront them. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Are you preparing to meet them or has she ended the relationship? If SHE has ended it there isn't much you can do without looking like a stalker. Sorry, truly I am sorry for the pain but as an objective observer that is how I see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Xefyr Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Fresh, you're gonna be alright. But you need to get away from this chick and her family. They don't like you because of your nationality? Your friend (her brother) lied about you to make her family hate you? Those are some pretty rough/bizarre circumstances and and uphill battle, at the very least. Don't get me wrong, I've dated a few women whose families simply didn't like me for reasons out of my control, but what seemed to really matter in the make/break of those relationships were how family-oriented the girl was and, therefore, how much her family's opinion of things influenced her own individual opinions (Can she think for herself?). If she's shackled to her family at the hip, as it sounds in your case, there's little-to-nothing you can do to win there. Except maybe, a year or so down the line, celebrate the fact you didn't marry into her family. It's hard not to feel bitter after this kind of thing happens, so I definitely understand those two thoughts eating at you right now, but neither one'll really do you much good at the end of the day. It's too difficult to look back in a relationship and try to determine what was true and what was a lie/exaggeration just from one's own memories, because the clarity of one's memories gets distorted/tainted by the emotions we memorize with them; also, none of us can read minds, so the sad part is we can never truly know exactly how someone feels about us anyways . Where you're at right now, the best you can really do is to use that 'selfish' anger to separate yourself from her in your head, and just move on. Kudos on getting motivated in law school too, but remember that you did it as much for your future as you did to impress her family. And with such a nice career, it's doubtless that you'll meet many more attractive, independent women too, so hopefully you won't be put in this kind of situation again. Sorry about being a bit melancholic in places, but I just try to tell it like it is. You seem to be a very caring, self-sacrificing guy, and I hope you find someone who both appreciates that and doesn't make you feel like you have to prove yourself to either them or their family Link to post Share on other sites
Author fresh8 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Sorry, truly I am sorry for the pain but as an objective observer that is how I see it. Man, no need to apologize. I get what you're saying. Fresh, you're gonna be alright. But you need to get away from this chick and her family. They don't like you because of your nationality? Your friend (her brother) lied about you to make her family hate you? Those are some pretty rough/bizarre circumstances and and uphill battle, at the very least. Ah man, some other ****s goes on but I'm not going to publicize it but let me say that sometimes, I get worried about her well being. Maybe I shouldn't but I know that she's in a bad position (maybe she doesn't think she is but I reckon she is). Sorry about being a bit melancholic in places, but I just try to tell it like it is. You seem to be a very caring, self-sacrificing guy, and I hope you find someone who both appreciates that and doesn't make you feel like you have to prove yourself to either them or their family. Thanks. I do appreciate your words. I do believe that after all of this, I deserve a hell of a lot better. I'm not going to type the full story but I went to extreme lengths to be with this girl and even my family was opposed to her but I made them see it all differently. Maybe I am bitter that she didn't do the same for me. Perhaps I've just been way too stressed recently with work, school, family issues. This was just another issue piling on top of all of that. Link to post Share on other sites
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