Disillusioned Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 It's time to retire the "R" word. You might say it's a figure of speech, but it's downright offensive to people with intellectual disabilities. Not to mention a person can get beat up for using the R word. And for those who love them. Cat's out of the bag... most women find people with mental disabilities cute and lovable (especially the ones with Down's). But you better watch it... as many as 20% of men secretly fantasize about having sex with mentally disabled women, and they want to keep it in the closet. So let's STFU about the whole R word thing, okay? Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 "I can't look first at someone's personality. You have to rely on your eyeballs to see if you want to get to know that person's personality first. doesnt' mean that's all I care about." I don't get how she's truly blind for thinking this. She's operating like most guys do. During random approaches guys usually approach who they find attractive. It doesn't mean that looks is more important than personality because the guy can't see all of the girls personalities in the room. Just because he approaches based on looks doesn't mean looks coming first means looks is more important. Why is it that anytime a girl mentions looks guys start on expecting jocks & GQ bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 udoli- The OP of this thread has some matters to resolve before she can enter the adult world of life. She is a regular poster and has a vast array of contradictory post. She is taking some small steps at challenging things which can at times be misconstrued as narrow minded. I personally think she is suffering a superior attitude which happens before sitting down to a nice dish of humble pie. The key to this poster is not feed into her falsehoods nor shed light on reality . Her mind is closed and will open when she so chooses or when in real life a person teaches her different. Left to her own device (her mind) she will not grow...*sad* I genuinely feel sorry that the OP has chosen to come off arrogant and hypocritical because I genuinely beleive that she is crying for help. She wants someone to prove her wrong deep down , but instead chooses to be condescending as a way to combat the inevitable, growing up and swallowing her pride. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Looks come first because I want both looks and personality. I can't look first at someone's personality. You have to rely on your eyeballs to see if you want to get to know that person's personality first. doesnt' mean that's all I care about. You can certainly want both. Nothing wrong with that. More power to you. But, how's that working for you? The bigger question is why are looks so important to you? What's going to happen when the person gets older and their looks fade? Will looks matter to you then? If they won't matter then, why do they matter now? Usually there is an underlying fear. Have you thought about the idea that by deciding you only want to be with someone who has both looks and personality that allows you to also rationalize in your mind a parallel thought... that by your partner wanting you, it must mean that you too have both looks and personality? By extention, if you were to just be with someone with personality but initially they appear to be lacking in looks, that could mean that your partner is possibly with you based on only one of looks or personality, meaning that you may be lacking in looks or personality. If one is insecure and looks to others to boost their self esteem, finding out that others think they are lacking in personality or looks makes insecure people uneasy. Not saying this is you, but something to think about. This reminds me of that saying that we find love when when we're not looking. I think one of the meanings behind that saying is that when we stop relying on our eyeballs to see if we want to get to know someone, that's when we let down our guard and we start to get to know their personality, and then our perceptions of the person change and we find them physically attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Dating is like fishing The looks are the bait and the personality is the hook.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Dating is like fishing The looks are the bait and the personality is the hook.... Yup which is why you can toss the fish back in dating, where as in a sustained relationship you retain the goods and work towards mutual regard and admiration. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 #1 You can certainly want both. Nothing wrong with that. More power to you. But, how's that working for you? This line worries me and seems to be enforcing the idea that people can only have one or the other. I think it's the OP's defensiveness and fact she seems to need validation about her wants that should be the problem. #2 The bigger question is why are looks so important to you? What's going to happen when the person gets older and their looks fade? Will looks matter to you then? If they won't matter then, why do they matter now? I know these question were meant for the OP so you can skip over this reply if you want. I don't see how wanting looks & personality and considering them both important means the OP's message that looks are so important. I thought the message was that she doesn't want to sacrifice one for the other. This gives the idea that considering looks & personality or even considering looks means tat it's so important to you. Just because something doesn't last doesn't mean that it doesn't matter at all. It's like saying personality shouldn't matter now because people change and his/her personality can change. To some looks matter in physical attraction/sexual appeal for some it can be mental/behavioral but to some the core is looks. Wanting to initially be physically attracted/sexually appealed by your partner's body shouldn't be a negative. What should be a negative is if you stop being attracted/appealed because of natural aging. Basically some people want initial physical attraction/sexual appeal and after they fall in love when the aging or any thing diminishes the looks the person won't care because they aren't attracted to their partner's body because of the body but because of the person inside. I don't see not wanting to have to grow your attraction & never be physical attracted/sexually appealed to your partner's body because you find it attractive/appealing is bad. Some people want to find their partner attractive & enjoy their personality AND be attracted because of their feelings rather than only find them attractive because the person likes/loves them. You can have both initial attraction and still after aging find them attractive solely because of your feelings for them (they're beautiful because you love them thing). It's not a one or the other thing. #3 Usually there is an underlying fear. I'm curious to get how wanting looks & personality or even considering looks important means the person is usually afraid. #4 Have you thought about the idea that by deciding you only want to be with someone who has both looks and personality that allows you to also rationalize in your mind a parallel thought... that by your partner wanting you, it must mean that you too have both looks and personality? By extention, if you were to just be with someone with personality but initially they appear to be lacking in looks, that could mean that your partner is possibly with you based on only one of looks or personality, meaning that you may be lacking in looks or personality. If one is insecure and looks to others to boost their self esteem, finding out that others think they are lacking in personality or looks makes insecure people uneasy. Not saying this is you, but something to think about. It seems by wanting anything in your partner may be rationalizing insecurity. If you want personality it means that need a self esteem boost for your personality. If you want looks it means that you needa self esteem boost for your looks. Have you ever thought the idea by her deciding she only wants to be with someone who has both looks and personality is being she wants initial attraction/appeal not ones she has to grow that are based on love & she wants a compatible personality? Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 It's time to retire the "R" word. You might say it's a figure of speech .... No it means precisely what it looks like, that the thing or person or aspect in question is not as developed as it should be. "Mentally retarded" is a very clear and meaningful term. Deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 either that, or the guys that I like, really aren't as good looking as I think they are, but I really like them for them. I've already had a really good looking guy tell me I go for ugly boys. I have a simple scale, I don't do the 1-10 thing, for me it's a 0 or 1, boolean. Either she's attractive enough to date, or not, period. If she is, then all those other things get to be evaluated in the dating process. A lot of people are like this whether they admit or realize it or not. When I first saw my current GF, I thought she was darn cute, with some very strikingly lovely features in particular, but now, after being with her a while I can honestly say there's nothing I would rather look at than her. The wrapper is great, but the candy is better. Link to post Share on other sites
xisnotx Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 ^I like the boolean. I think the problem is that when one category becomes too big. When you are both old and grey, you both will be ugly. What does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 ^I like the boolean. I think the problem is that when one category becomes too big. When you are both old and grey, you both will be ugly. What does it matter? After 30 years of growing to appreciate her finer points I hope she still looks wonderful to me; that's all that counts. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Dating is like fishing The looks are the bait and the personality is the hook.... All I've been able to catch were poison fish. >:-( No it means precisely what it looks like, that the thing or person or aspect in question is not as developed as it should be. "Mentally retarded" is a very clear and meaningful term. Deal with it. Naughty, naughty! A bunch of mongs from the ASPCFM (American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to the Feeble-Minded) might kick your butt and trash your house! Link to post Share on other sites
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