So torn!

[Cantcope]

Not sure which forum this really belongs in....

 

My ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago from a 2.5 year relationship. We just fought way too much...about everything.

 

We were still in contact throughtout the 7 weeks. Contact would always start out nice and end in a fight. We each said "Good bye" about 200 times.

 

So, I put on my big girl panties, decided the hurt was enough, not to mention the INCREDIBLE mixed signals he was sending. I went NC on Wednesday night. I've received 2 texts from him since then, both were ignored.

 

I am seriously in love with this man. I want things to work like I've never wanted anything before.....but now.....

 

I met someone. This guy really seems to have it all. He's looking for the same things out of life that I am. However....I found myself telling a friend "Wow...if I were single, I'd be all over him". HOLD ON!!! I AM SINGLE! Why won't my heart just be free of my ex and let me find what I want....something mutually beneficial.

 

Here's where the fear comes in, and thanks for reading so much. Everyone is telling me that since I've met someone else and I'm trying to move on, my ex is probably going to flip out and show up at my door in hysterics, yada, yada, yada. Now, I know that not all cases are the same, but where this is something I had really wished for, now I'm worried about it.

 

I think that I could really have something special with this new man...IN TIME....but if the ex shows up....I don't know that I can resist because he OWNS my heart.

 

Please....you've read this much. Help....just kind words, advice...anything.

 

Me scared.....

[Exit]

Only thing you can do here is not rush in to anything. You aren't completely over your ex anyway so there'd be no point in trying to be with someone else. Give it a bit more time, maybe you and your ex will grow more distant, to the point that the news of you seeing someone else won't bring him to your doorstep. I think you're just gonna be stuck feeling torn for a while. I'm sure part of you thinks you'll lose the new guy if you don't act quickly enough, but that's not a good enough reason to move on before you're ready.

[ameriveaux]

A wonderful thing in that there is already another strong suitor out there is terrific. To support Exit's opinon, i do concur that at this point you are not completely over him yet. If you do try to start a new relationship not being fully over the old one yet will cause you to inadvertenly bring some "baggage" from the old into the new; and neither you nor the new guy deserves that.

 

I can understand that there can be a small fear that the new guy might find a new woman, or "lose interest" or anything of that matter. I would suggest going slow with the new guy, build a strong friendship/relationship first. All relationships need that anyway. Just take it easy and just enjoy spending time with him. First, it can help take your mind away from the ailing ex and that relationship; second it can help you regain confidence in yourself and your personal beauty; and thirdly as i am sure you already know, to find the male sex attractive and beautiful again.

 

I think that another plus in your favor is that many people who break up/broken up with go through a period of time where there are not other prospects in sight. That can make life (especially for dumpees) incredibly difficult as there is absolutely no way to immediately replace the loliness and rejection with another person/distraction. (watch out for rebounds)

 

Since you already have a new man in sight, it can make the whole process alot easier, but the biggest caution/danger for you would be to not sabatoge the new relationship with issues with the old one. Fortunatelly, not every man out there is a flaming douchebag and there are some that are honestly looking for a good woman and relationship to treat.

 

Re-reading your post, it is clear that you still love the ex. (truly offical now?) Its sad that there doesnt seem to be a chance to work things out with him, after investing so much. I can tell that there might be a fear of truly losing the relationship and losing all the time invested. Do you love him as a person or are you still in love with him? Is there any way your relationship can be salvaged? It might sound crazy, but have you considered couples consoling?