Pregnant Wife wants to Seperate

[coolheadal]

Loosing weight is fine for you, but don't do it for her. She's just finding things to poke at you. I still feel it not going in your favor with her. Anyway look forward to being a dad and mom to your newborn I doubt the one you have will be much of mom to your newborn. She like your wife want more and we just don't have what they want or really know what's running in their minds right now. Mine is doing whatever she wants to do no matter what I had wanted for the both of us to do. As she said she can come and go as we pleases To do that she needed a separation from our marriage. I really don't even want her again after what I've learn she's doing and still lies to me that nothing is happening.. Funny she brings home the proof every time she goes out.

[udolipixie]

 

For the female respondents here, how many of you would choose to leave a marriage while you're pregnant? This presumes that your physical safety is not in any danger. How typical is this? In my social circle, it's unheard of. Pregnancy is a time of both celebration and vulnerability. Something about this just isn't adding up. Typical

 

Yes I know some women who become pregnant & realize this is not who I want to nest with.

 

A few even tried to make the guy break from them by trying to convey that he wouldn't want to be burdened or stuck with her.

 

One even lied to the father about paternity saying it wasn't his.

 

Some faked a false paternity (kid's not yours) by using another child's hair since they knew only the father & child would be tested.

 

I'd only go that far if I knew it was the only way for him to let me leave the relationship.

 

I'd take the same route false paternity test & leave when pregnant if I got pregnant to a man I wasn't attracted to & whose character I disliked.

 

Even if he promised to change because who knows if he will reach that promise.

 

I may be stuck with a guy who tries to change but can't.

 

Then there's even if he did change will he stay that way.

 

So a promise would be nothing in that situation because who knows if he will reach it & even if he does reach it who knows if he'll keep it.

 

But then again me taking the same route isn't saying much about women because I'm one of the few who thinks it's okay for a woman to lie about paternity & a guy to pull a disappearing act upon finding out he will be a father.89oo8436

[udolipixie]

His wife is unhappy with him & their relationship and is making a good judgement call.

 

She seemed to tolerate being in a marriage with a guy she wasn't attracted to & a guy whose character she dislikes.

 

Tolerating it went out when she became pregnant probably thinking kids are what married couples do at our age.

 

Then with the pregnancy came the nesting instinct.

 

That nesting instinct forced her to consider that she didn't want a family with this man & she committed to the wrong guy and she may be stuck with him forever which was okay until kids came into the picture.

 

Now she'll be stuck with this complacent guy she's not attracted to who doesn't even respect her enough to work at keeping himself fit while she kept herself fit.

 

How she went about her judgement call was incorrect she should have just moved out and filed for divorce.

 

However she knew that with her parents her moving in with them wasn't an option they would have just put the guilt on here & she probably didn't want to stay at a hotel

 

Oh well at least her parents were able to guilt her so you got her where you want her.

 

As for those guys that claim she should love him at any weight quite funny how the tune changes.

 

In most threads and even a recent one it's been a wife letting herself go & disrespecting the relationship/marriage and grounds for the guy to leave her.

[udolipixie]

As for changing into the husband she wants she was pretty clear on that she doesn't do the corny talk so actions are best.

 

#1 She wants you to turn her on which you haven't been able to most likely due to your weight.

Action: lose the weight, create sexual tension

 

 

#2 She wants to reconcile =she would prefer to be with her husband & father of the child. Just because a woman may not want to doesn't mean she doesn't prefer it.

 

Action: use her nesting instinct & have her wanting to nest with you as it should be by being the husband/father she can be proud of

 

Carhill's view on how pregnant women in his circle are treated will give her feelings of love & appreciating your love and the safety it brings to her and the child.

 

Go on dates with her, show her your love of her.

[udolipixie]

She's not out to get you.

 

Get rid of you yes but that's because she's check out.

 

The reasonable reaction which she isn't taking isn't "get rid of him" but "I need to go".

 

It seems like you've already checked out as well.

 

Which may be a good thing because my impression was that this marriage was her not getting what she needs attraction & character wise but just a paycheck in the form of a husband and you being okay not fulfilling them.

 

She wants to make it work, and wants to reconcile and find passion and excitement again with me, she has said that.

She wants a relationship where she wants to go out and do things with me, and says that the marriage has been awful for her, I ask her in what ways and all she said was

 

"are you effing kidding me?" and walked away, I do not honestly know what has been so hard on her, I give her my all and have bought her a home, gotten close to her family, work hard on the marriage etc...

now the bedroom is not a strong suit of ours, but that is not for lack of effort or willingness to try new things on my end, she just doesn't get turned on by me, and I think she thinks time away will suddenly help that, I'm just not sure/QUOTE]

 

 

When women try to excuse themselves of letting themselves go & knowing their husband isn't attracted to them with well I cook for, clean our home, and have a job so you aren't burden with the bills.

 

The majority of mens response- without that attraction you might as well be a roommate.

 

She noticed this & becoming pregnant lead her to realize you may be a good father, and husband (provider) but a not a lover.

 

Just like guys who say their wives are good mothers not good wives (wife = lover aspect).

 

 

Reasons I think you checked out

now the bedroom is not a strong suit of ours, but that is not for lack of effort or willingness to try new things on my end, she just doesn't get turned on by me,

 

I guess I should say that I am not losing weight for her, but rather for me

I want her to look favorable to me

 

#1 It took her wanting a separation & you to move out for you to do that.

 

Despite the fact you two were aware she wasn't attracted to you or happy about your appearance throughout the marriage.

 

I mean you were quick to try new things to spike her attraction.

 

But awfully slow to do the thing that may have solved it.

 

Trying new things vs working out so she's attracted to me is like a bandage to a problem that needs surgery.

 

Like you'd rather find a way to please her in the bedroom rather then work out so she'll be pleased & want to go in the bedroom.

 

It's like a woman's wife who is becoming obese & know her husband dislikes it trying better bedroom moves rather than losing the weight

 

 

 

 

At the very worst I am a better person physically and mentally, and that sounds good to ME for ME, if she likes it great if not then maybe I can land a hottie

 

#2 the hottie thoughts to the benefits of exercising

 

 

 

I am doing this to improve myself, and through that find confidence and respect for myself, so that she can then find it in me. that is the plan

 

#3 You should be doing this to improve yourself and your marriage

Yes be a better person but that doesn't mean you'll be a better husband/father in her eyes

 

Just because you have respect for yourself doesn't mean she will

 

As it seems you two have different things you respect

 

She respected you enough to work hard at exercising & being healthy.

 

You didn't do those things but still thought nothing was wrong.

 

See #1 again.

 

Respect & improve yourself but remember what she wants as well.

 

To reconcile & have passion.

 

If anything this seems to be a last ditched attempt you're trying to just go through the motions solely for the kids sake.

[udolipixie]

Loosing weight is fine for you, but don't do it for her. She's just finding things to poke at you. I still feel it not going in your favor with her. Anyway look forward to being a dad and mom to your newborn I doubt the one you have will be much of mom to your newborn. She like your wife want more and we just don't have what they want or really know what's running in their minds right now. Mine is doing whatever she wants to do no matter what I had wanted for the both of us to do. As she said she can come and go as we pleases To do that she needed a separation from our marriage. I really don't even want her again after what I've learn she's doing and still lies to me that nothing is happening.. Funny she brings home the proof every time she goes out.

 

He should do it for her.

 

It was already known throughout their marriage she wasn't turned on by him.

now the bedroom is not a strong suit of ours, but that is not for lack of effort or willingness to try new things on my end, she just doesn't get turned on by me,

 

Why? His dough boy physique.

 

This isn't something new.

 

It's something old that he's now just working on.

[Cooper22]

She is super bi-polar I swear, tonight she wants to work out, go for a walk and go swimming in her parents pool together,

 

I have told he that a great thing about me working hard to lose weight and her liking to work out can lead us to something to actively bond and participate together in.

 

But yes I am going to use this as a way to

 

a) show her I am serious about working hard, it is a metaphor of sorts as to how i am willing to put up or shut up in the marriage.

 

b) more importantly become confident in who I am again, I don't think any woman here or in general can deny that they are attracted to confidence, well I can say my demeanor with my current state is less than confident, I'm sure she can sense that, so I need to be confident in me not only to appear more attractive to her, but also to just feel better about myself, actually and far more important is to feel better about myself

 

 

 

Either way the fact that she is openly communicating with me again is a good sign, and I'm sure the root of the problem will surface is I continue to just present my willingness to work and desire and commitment to staying.

 

I find it hard to believe this is all about physical attraction, I forgot to mention in speaking about her grandparents one more thing that has psychologically effected her, obviuosly there are so many nuances to all of our stories here than we can even begin to get across, but here it goes

 

She resents moving away for my college when her grandmother was sick, especially when my original motivation for school choice was b/c my ex gf went there, now it was a big school and i absolutely did not contact my ex of 4 years (all of high school) while there, but that is a huge area of resentment for her. However fair this is to me I'm not sure, she wanted to marry when we did, and she knew I had signed a lease to live with my best friend from school (not my ex same gender best friend) and basically couldn't get out of it. she knew moving away was part of the deal, but nonetheless resents me for not going to a school closer to home or not going at all.

 

The other thing is her parents, god love them, put all of their time and energy into other kids at the teen center they run, a very evangelical and christian based center. This has led to problems with two of the three as far as emotinoal security goes. My wife is the oldest and has two younger brothers, the youngest always had feminine tendencies and came out as gay about a year ago, can you imagine the families reaction , a christian and very public local figures whom image is important to, having to come to grips with their sons (which via a video featured on perez hilton.com) very public outing as a young gay man. Needless to say he was told to move from home, and like a good brother in law and sister, told him we weren't sure we understood the sin, yet loved and supported him, and allowed him to stay with us until he found other arrangements, even allowing his boyfriends to come over for dinner and to respect him as a human. thats a story for a different day however......

 

so anyway their central figures of parenthood were more her grandmother and grandfather, she was a southern belle, and him the giant stoic type, who would greet boyfriends with shotguns yet show the most gentle hands and caring love you could imagine, they were together like most older couples since they were 15, and were the kind of couple you picture at the end of fairy tales, not like I said in December of 09', (I can't believe it has been that long!) Her grandmother lost a three year battle that saw multiple remissions, with breast cancer, losing her rock and parent figure, I expected my wife to go off the deep end, but alas she held it together well, and we managed to wade the waters of uncertainty together, with only a few breakdowns on her end, which I understood the root of the problem completely. Until.......

 

about a month and a half later her grandfather moves in and begins dating another woman. This destroyed my wife, destroyed her belief in love, and I can say she hasn't looked the same at me since.

 

Also her best friend recently got married to a very very very protective young man who prevents her from seeing them, they got an a fight and she lost a friend she has had since she was little, that was maybe two months ago.

 

There has been significant other traumas in her life, nothing like sexual abuse, but her father had his share of moments of emotionally traumatizing the rest of the family, they have had to move multiple times, mostly due to losing the house either by family screwing them over (lost a massive inheritence of a huge farm) or two seperate house fires. She had a stillborn sister, her mother was involved in a horrible accident when she was expecting my wife, shattering her hip and she has no feeling in a leg, yet manages to survive and walk all the same.

 

I think she truly feels life is out to get her most of the time, she recognizes my unwavering commitment and stability I provide, and to an extent she is scared because that is not what she is used to, she is awaiting the day that I stab her in the back

 

I think part of her wanting me to date if we were separated was so if I left her to explore other options, it would be on her terms.

 

I am not defending her actions, they are terribly upsetting, I do not agree with them, and I plan on addressing the fact that she needs to change as well, but I do not think I am ready to do that, it will sound to much like I am demanding and trying to tell her she is doing wrong,

 

which is like telling a 14 year old they cant date, even if they had no interest before that, the next day they are thinking about it and come home with a secret girlfriend. I feel if I say your behavior needs to change now, it will noly exasterbate it

[Cooper22]

thank you udolipixie for giving perspective on this, honestly,

 

I understand some of her actions are off base and estranged,

 

but they are there for a reason, I am not meeting her needs

 

why shouldn't part of my motivation be to please her in this?

not all mind you, but at least some?

 

I can assure you that this is not a last ditch attempt, about six months ago We began working out together, I lost some weight and things spiced up, then my job caught up to me and made it hard for me to stay motivated,

 

 

even if she does see it as a last ditch attempt

 

didn't doug flutie find his receiver for the hail mary?

 

now I know that more often than not the pass in incomplete, but I'd much rather throw the pass than take a knee and go to the locker room beaten heartbroken and alone

[Owl]

Well, I'm very curious to see how this plays out.

 

I'd be very interested to see if your making the changes she's insisting upon leads to the results you desire. If it does (or doesn't), please let us know here on LS.

 

Perhaps we'll all learn from your experience.

[Cooper22]

I have found the whole posting very therapeutic and a great release, to know your not alone in this world is very comforting, I only hope that through my experiences I can eventually be wise enough to help others out,

 

of course I would love a happy ending to encourage others that there is hope and that love does not have to be lost in todays world.

 

As of yet I have only posted in this thread, mostly because I am such a mess, and so youthful I am afraid to give advice when my own hasnt exactly gotten me anywhere, lol

 

but for sure I will be updating fairly regularly, I found my whole predicament odd and still do, and i still feel there is a wrinkle in the story that will come out, all I can say is I feel great to have an outlet, and hopefully can branch out and participate in other threads to help others, as much as all of you have me.

 

i am truly thankful

[carhill]

Back in the beginning:

 

At Community College we both connected based on the fact we had "survived" the heartache of 3+ year high school relationships failing. She had lost a ton of weight and had the confidence to go after me, the kid in high school she always wanted. We had a whirlwind first 6 months, got engaged and married a year later.

 

So, if this is accurate, the young lady who was once overweight and had desired her now husband in high school lost a 'ton of weight' and 'had the confidence' to 'go after me <him>'. She did, they had a whirlwind romance and, after 18 months, got married. Subsequently, life, as it always does, changed. The only constant in life, besides death, is change. He gained weight and his confidence fell (or the reverse). Pressures of married life intruded, for both of them. The conscious choice, as it should be in a marriage, was/is their commitment to each other. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it's hard.

 

I've re-read the OP a number of times and will offer my assessment.

 

The young lady became enamored with one of the 'popular' boys and pulled out all the stops to pursue her dream relationship and, later, marriage with him. She was in love with the idea and not the man, the human being. She does not love him at the elemental level, and likely never has. I don't sense malicious intent, rather the misguided emotions of a young person, meaning the person she was when she 'pursued' her now husband and soon-to-be father.

 

I think what you're doing OP is healthy, whether the M survives or not. I would suggest contacting a lawyer and getting a post-nuptial drafted, as you speak of you both having good jobs and a 'dream home' in the country. As your wife suggested, take care of the financial aspects. She's making a choice to separate your households at this vulnerable time and with that choice comes responsibility. I hope young men reading on keep this aspect in mind when getting married and choosing to have a child. Things can change, drastically, at any moment. Hope for the best and plan for the rest.

 

My sympathies.

[udolipixie]

thank you udolipixie for giving perspective on this, honestly,

 

I understand some of her actions are off base and estranged,

 

but they are there for a reason, I am not meeting her needs

why shouldn't part of my motivation be to please her in this?

not all mind you, but at least some?

 

I can assure you that this is not a last ditch attempt, about six months ago We began working out together, I lost some weight and things spiced up, then my job caught up to me and made it hard for me to stay motivated,

 

 

even if she does see it as a last ditch attempt

 

didn't doug flutie find his receiver for the hail mary?

 

now I know that more often than not the pass in incomplete, but I'd much rather throw the pass than take a knee and go to the locker room beaten heartbroken and alone

 

I'm not questioning you or putting you down for pleasing her needs.

 

I'm questioning the fact it took you this long when you were aware she wasn't turned on by you.

 

It took her wanting a separation & you to move out for you to do that.

 

Despite the fact you two were aware she wasn't attracted to you or happy about your appearance throughout the marriage.

 

I mean you were quick to try new things to spike her attraction.

 

But awfully slow to do the thing that may have solved it.

 

Trying new things vs working out so she's attracted to me is like a bandage to a problem that needs surgery.

 

Like you'd rather find a way to please her in the bedroom rather then work out so she'll be pleased & want to go in the bedroom.

 

It's like a woman's wife who is becoming obese & know her husband dislikes it trying better bedroom moves rather than losing the weight

[udolipixie]

I'll probably be posting as well despite the fact my opinions most likely aren't that therapeutic.

 

She is super bi-polar I swear, tonight she wants to work out, go for a walk and go swimming in her parents pool together

 

 

Yeah I wonder why she could ever want to do that considering this

She wants to make it work, and wants to reconcile and find passion and excitement again with me, she has said that.

She wants a relationship where she wants to go out and do things with me

 

How is that bi-polar?

 

Don't let your negativity put a bad vibe on everything she does.

 

Especially when what she's doing correlates to what she says she wants.

 

She's doing what most guys wish women would do back up their words with actions.

 

As for the rest sorry..

 

But the combination of:

 

#1 not attracted to husband throughout our marriage

^ Seems like you acknowledge that once married your appearance went doughy

 

#2 dislikes his character

^ Big difference from how you view a boyfriend to how you view a husband.

 

The engagment period is usually where she's aware that bf /= husband. That's where she should have told you what she wanted from you as a husband and that she wanted you to keep up your appearance (hard for guys as well to say you're going to be doing the majority of the cooking right & you won't gain like 30 lbs..right?....)

 

 

#3 resentful of moving for you when a relative was sick

^ No need to explain she felt like she was making the big changes here.

^ And resentful of the place because it's like

 

Whose motivation to go to a school is because their ex gf went there when they are married or engaged?

 

I could understand going to the same school but being motivated to do so?

 

 

#4 emotional security issues

doesn't seemed you aided any in that.

 

 

#5 grandmother/grandfather

^ she saw their love couldn't work so how could your marriage work when she wasn't attracted to you or liked your character.

 

That may result in her thinking it's either going to be a tolerable existence or you'll stab in her in the back.

 

The marriage was probably to her becoming a tolerable existence.

 

Then the pregnancy left her thinking I'm having a child with this guy I'm only tolerable of character wise & dislike appearance wise when in the end he's going to stab me in the back.

[Cooper22]

its bi-polar because a day ago it was "move out, or i will find a way to make you move out" now its "lets spend time together"

 

they are completely different concepts, she completely gave up on the actual act of separation and then went the opposite direction in a matter of hours

 

 

I have come to accept that she loved the idea of being married and of being with the "high school untouchable" much more than the idea of marrying me, that was a revelation I had to overcome some time ago, and perhaps the blow to my ego never completely has.

 

But nonetheless we are where we are today, and we got that way both for good and bad together, both to blame for the problems, both to praise for the good.

 

Hopefully we can both learn to praise the good and help each other overcome the bad.

 

I am optimistic going forward, one day at a time, one gesture at a time, one small step at a time

[udolipixie]

its bi-polar because a day ago it was "move out, or i will find a way to make you move out" now its "lets spend time together"

they are completely different concepts, she completely gave up on the actual act of separation and then went the opposite direction in a matter of hours

 

Perhaps because she now sees you're making efforts.

 

She told you she wanted to spend time together with the whole reconile/passion are you kidding me stomp out before your corny let's fix it talk.

^ Did she because the stomp out post came before the corny talk one?

 

You didn't do much after her stomp out because you were confused about anything being wrong (despite knowing throughout the marriage she wasn't turned on by you).

 

You did now make efforts (weight loss & character wise) after the corny talk so she's doing what she said she wanted.

 

Maybe it was enough for her to switch sides.

 

I think however she's just leaning on one side because you made efforts and has her foot in the other once she sees you're slipping up.

[KME39]

I still can't get over her thinking that she can't make more money than you. My S2BX has never made more money than me, and the more money I made the happier he was. His paycheck went to his fun stuff...

 

Our problems were lack of passion, respect and things in common.

 

IF I was pregnant, I would move mountains to make my relationship work and figure some things were related to my whacked out hormones.

 

You are still pretty young also. I was much different at 24 compare to almost 40. At 24 I had zero idea what I wanted to do when I grew up.

[Tiberius]

You are her starter husband to set her up with her starterkit she gets out of divorce and of course child support.

 

Sorry to break the news. Her mother was divorced, what did you expect?

[Cooper22]

Her Mother and Father are not divorced and have been together through thick and thin since they were 18,

 

 

"I still can't get over her thinking that she can't make more money than you. My S2BX has never made more money than me, and the more money I made the happier he was. His paycheck went to his fun stuff.."

 

I'm not sure where this come into play either, First off I have two college degrees in different disciplines, and she does not, second males make more than females in the same career with same productivity and same job status, that is a generally accepted fact, I'm not trying to be sexist but thats the reality of the world we live in, third, just because you make more then your stbx does not mean in any way that our situation or lifestyle, area of the country, etc.. in any way shape or form matches yours.

 

Not to sound rude, but she hates the work force, she cannot deal with authority in a work setting and can't hold down a job usually for more than 6 months at a time before becoming frustrated and moving on

 

she knows this, I know this, and it does not create an ounce of tension between us, I do well enough were she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want, She has autonomy to do as she wishes and I support her every career path and choice, but to say her potential based on these factors should or easily could mirror or surpass mine simply would be untrue

 

but nonetheless, I don't see how that pertains to this situation, I am not sure where it was mentioned. perhaps in the bit about her not being able to sustain the house?

 

I know for a fact that at her income, she could not pay for the bills, have food to eat and keep the heat/lights on, its just not possible, now if there were another man in the picture thats different, but seeing as how it is my house legally (even though I know it is marital property) I am not leaving my home, I am not seeking or agreeing to separation or divorce, and I would want at least partial if not full custody of my child, Then I hardly see how this effects the situation .

 

She does know in case of a divorce, that

a) I will do everything to prevent alimony / child support / house payments for her

B) that even with that I would not leave her hanging and at least provide and opportunity to get on her feet properly

[KME39]

 

"I still can't get over her thinking that she can't make more money than you. My S2BX has never made more money than me, and the more money I made the happier he was. His paycheck went to his fun stuff.."

 

 

I'm not sure where this come into play either, First off I have two college degrees in different disciplines, and she does not, second males make more than females in the same career with same productivity and same job status, that is a generally accepted fact, I'm not trying to be sexist but thats the reality of the world we live in, third, just because you make more then your stbx does not mean in any way that our situation or lifestyle, area of the country, etc.. in any way shape or form matches yours.

 

 

I am a software engineer/project manager. I have both a BS degree in Business and a Master's in Management. I make more than most men that I know doing the same thing. I live in a very expensive part of the US (DC area) and can make it on my own without a man. Part of most women's problems with making the same amount of money or more is having the confidence to ask for a raise or hitting a MCP that doesn't think a woman is as smart or capable of the job. I work with some very high ranking military women officer's and believe me I have seen them go toe-to-toe with someone who thinks they can't do the job. I have gone to-to-toe because I learned from them.

 

 

 

Not to sound rude, but she hates the work force, she cannot deal with authority in a work setting and can't hold down a job usually for more than 6 months at a time before becoming frustrated and moving on

 

she knows this, I know this, and it does not create an ounce of tension between us, I do well enough were she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want, She has autonomy to do as she wishes and I support her every career path and choice, but to say her potential based on these factors should or easily could mirror or surpass mine simply would be untrue

 

 

See that is where age and maturity kicks in full strength. I deal with people all the time that are village idiots. I have bills to pay and have to just let it go. When I walk out that door, whatever stress was going on from the day doesn't matter.

 

She could surpass yours if she really wanted to and had the drive and ambition to do it. But if she lacks that drive, ambition and confidence to surprass you, than no she won't. That is her problem, not being a woman.

 

IF you did do the divorce route you would have to provide some sort of support so she could get an education and a way to support herself. I don't know what state you live in so I am not sure of the state rules.

[Cooper22]

I'm very glad that you make more than your stbx, and your bachelors degree I'm sure was something you worked hard for and you invest a lot of time into your career. That is very admirable and results speak for themselves.

 

I however Have the Bachelors in Business Administration another one as a History Major and an associates in Human resources, I spread my college across the table, and took the max allowed credits per semester and came out after four years with a great education, my wife however, only has a liberal arts associate. The issue here isn't that she doesn't think she can make more than me, it is that your experience and mine are completely different. And different areas of the country, career paths, and our education backgrounds do not typically suggest that just because you have a successful and lucrative career, that she is able to instantly provide that as well, especially when she planned and counts on me to be the breadwinner, that was of her design as well, and I agree I feel great knowing my income and work provides, as I am sure you do as well

[Cooper22]

An update as of this morning.

 

Last time I had given an update she had settled down and had agreed to work on things. Later on in that day she called me from her work asking if I could slip out for a few minutes to grab her lunch from subway and bring it to her.

 

This was hard for me, she had been amicable and reasonable that day, and Even though I run my job by myself and it is hard to find time to get away, I agreed and met her at her work. She was so grateful that I arrived and said that she was impressed I was making an effort to better myself, and that she wanted to start counseling and had talked to her boss ( who is also semi a family friend) who had given her the name of her counselor, she was excited to find in talking to some of her new friends just how common some of her feelings and emotions were, apologized for making it all about my shortcomings, and wanted to make

some positive changes.

 

Later that night she offered to share beds again as it is summer and we only have an ac in the bedroom, I declined, and said I wanted to feel like it means something to be back in the same bed, and like a previous poster had said, I want to create some sexual tension again, want her to forget what my kiss feels like , forget the usual routines and push her boundaries there,I dunno try to make it exciting again for her.

 

She said that she is getting to the point in her pregnancy 17 weeks where her body is starting to physically change rapidly, and that this scares her and upsets her a lot, so I plan on making her feel really beautiful and showing her how excited I am for our family to have a chance to come together.

 

I started off at 191 pounds last monday, today after a diet and strenous exercise 6 days a week, I am down to 184, thats a pretty good start, I wanna get to just under 170 so still a ways to go but results are encouraging. I bought all low calorie dinners and protein shakes and all that jazz and my wife came home after and was impressed by the effort. I think that after showing her I can maintain it, as well as improve my physical appearance, that this near falling out can potentially be a way to introduce a new spark

[Mauschen]

I am glad to hear you are making progress. Did you pick up the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley? Very helpful book (for your wife too so she can also meet YOUR needs).

[robf1971]

she was excited to find in talking to some of her new friends just how common some of her feelings and emotions were, apologized for making it all about my shortcomings, and wanted to make

some positive changes.

 

Actually that was a factor albeit a small one in my wife wanting to reconcile with me.

[robf1971]

Later that night she offered to share beds again as it is summer and we only have an ac in the bedroom, I declined,

 

I think you should have...

[Surfer203]

Cooper keep up the positive changes, your weight loss is huge! Good work!