Guest55 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 OK, my story is this. My wife and I have lived our lives for the past 2 years hating her mother (my mother-in-law), we also have a 2 year old son. We both have our reasons for hating her (which I won't state here - it would take too long), so we decided the best thing for us and our son was to live our lives without her. Recently, however, my wife suddenly decided she wanted to stop hating her and see her again with our son. She has gone other there on several occasions with our son and this makes me absolutely sick to my stomach, as she is a bad influence on them both (wife + son). Our son is our number 1 priority and I dont want him to grow up knowing her. We have since had many fights about this, because I do not want any part of it. My wife says she hasnt forgotton about everything she has done, but she doesnt want to hate them anymore and is doing what is best for our son and her. She wants our son to have an extended family. I am concerned about them both, as knowing her mother and much as I do, I know she only ever does things for a reason. She has never attempted to reconcile during these 2 years, and we have never had any contact with her during these 2 years. What should I do? I don't want to loose my wife and son over this, but it makes me really mad, uptight and stressed everytime I think about it. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Tough question. But why would you lose your wife and son over this? My ex's mother is an alcoholic/drug abuser. I finally told him that I couldn't go to her house for any reason. Worked just fine. Obviously he had to deal with it as he has a brother and a sister. Having said that, however, as you mentioned, you do have a son together, so shouldn't he get a chance to get to at least meet his extended family, for better or for worse? He will be exposed to bad people in his lifetime. How often is she going to visit her? If it's not an habitual thing, then it can't really influence his growing up process that much. We all grow up with some bad influences in our lives somewhere and many of us are able to realize as we grow up that these people are just that. He is only two right now; my nieces and nephews had to reacquaint themselves with me every time they saw me for the first 4 years or so as I saw them roughly twice a year. If the two of you continue to argue over this and disagree, maybe some marriage counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest55 Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 They would probably see each other maybe 1 or 2 a week. The thing is she keeps saying she has changed which I know damn well she hasn't. I just feel like she is choosing her mother over me. She says I can either be with or against her, but it is not going to change her mind. I don't really care if my wife sees her, it just the influence over my son that makes me sick, as her mother is quite manipulative and my wife is running blind at the moment. I dont want to make her choose between the two, but she isnt considering my feelings in all of this. Her mother has hurt my wife many times in the past, and like I said the hatred we have had for her over the past 2 years has been very strong. Unfortunately, I still feel this hate and don't want anything to do with her. I certainly dont want her mother taking my wife and son from me (in a sense) ... Link to post Share on other sites
chatty katy Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 your wife is ;not making you choose between your mother and her, so why should she have to choose. It is her mother after all and she is bound to feel some relationship to her, maybe she feels she is able to handle her now a bit better. That is an unfair choice you are giving her, let her be and make her own choices, if she gets hurt again then that is up to her, she will learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 If you continue to be a good father living with your child I cannot imagine how your MIL could 'take your child away from you' in any sense. And unless your MIL is a physical threat to your child (keep drug paraphenalia lying around or owns pit bulls that fight professionally or her house has been condemned by the board of health) I can't really understand why you don't want your son to at least know his Grandmother. It's easier for you to hate her, she's not your mother - it has to be tough for your wife. Try to talk to your wife about your feelings without getting too emotional and try to reach some compromise for the sake of family harmony. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hey Guest55, I so can relate you on that subject!! I can't stand my inlaws either..They always trying to cause problems in my marriage too.. The inlaws don't like me and h dad won't have anything to do with h because he won't leave me isn't that stupid!!!! Well long story short h went to work with dad in his roofing business because h dad made it sound good and said he would take care of him.. He lied .. H left his good paying job w/benefits to go work with his dad .. He and dad never really had a relationship so i guess h thought it would be a way to get close.. It was the worst mistake h could have made .. H and i started having problems ..was on the brink of seperating and bills piling up becasue h wasn't making but 100 a wk and not to mention daughter was having to go to the dr constantly because she was sick with allergies had no benefits at all and h dad said i didn't need to take her to dr everytime she was sick.. my daughter is taking singular,zyrtec and has been on zpak throughout her kindergarten yr for her allergies ..i was constantly having to go get her from school cause she was running a fever.. My H dad is a big a**h*** and he thinks about nothing but money .. he has money but he will die a lonely man and i can't see why anybody would ever want to be with him.. My h mom is with him again .. H stepmom died of cancer and H mom came back in the picture she knew what she was doing and she set out to get H dad back and did.. H mom always cause problems with step mom saying h dad wanted her back and she was jealous .. Long story short she was jealous of stepmom relationship with h dad and she couldn't stand it.. I loved the stepmom she was sweet and he was very mean to her and she would tell me things.. my h mom the day they put her in the ground talked about the stepmom and she was just put in the ground.. i guess stepmom is better off with God because my H dad did not deserve his wife .. i think my fil and mil deserve each other.. they are both devias people and deserve to be miserable together.. finally my mil is being treated the way she has always treated me in the past butting in .. his sisters are always making comments they can't stand her.. I believe that saying "what goes around comes around" finally my mil is getting hers and im loving it.. they are finally making her life a living hell like she has made mine!!! lol I am so loving Karma!!!@ Link to post Share on other sites
DesertDweller Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I'm on your side. I don't hesitate to keep my kids away from people whom I don't want to negatively effect them. I don't care if they're family or not! I'm not going to perpetuate some sick cycle. But, to keep peace, why don't you inisist that your wife meet the MIL only in public places--like for dinner at a restaurant. Then the MIL is forced to behave respectably. On the other hand, how long do you think your wife will put up with the MIL before she starts hating her again? Cross your fingers! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Hey DesertDweller, She probably already hates her mil ..My inlaws are still causing friction in my marriage till this day!!I look at it that they aren't happy in their current situation so they have to create drama to be happy....Let me give you an example.. MY fil and mil are going to Buggs Island and invited everyone even my ss except for my h myself and my daughter!! These people want my h to leave me and because he want they want except my h and our daugter.. My daughter looks alot like me and i guess they resent her because she is mine!! OH well their lost and my mom and step dads gain because she loves them and knows they love her !! My mother hasn't ever treated my h bad in anyway at all even when we split when h cheated... My mom likes my h and so does my stepdad he always telling h dirty jokes !!lol I guess because mil and fil can't control my h it makes them mad .. neither one have ever been parents to h !! I think personally my h is better off without them!! I encourage my h to have a relationship with his father but he says "how do you miss something you never really have?" I just don't want him to ever say it is my fault that i can't have a relationship with his dad.. If he wants a relationship with him i have no prob but my daughter and i will not be a part of it .. im through ..My daughter told h mother that she had 2 maw maws and 2 paw paws and then whispered that she didn't think her paw paw george liked her!! Now how would you feel about that!! Link to post Share on other sites
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