I think my dad is cheating on my mom

[guest]

(I am not precise on the exact time this started but i am pretty sure it started either April or May 2004)

 

My sister, 16, and I, 18, found out that our father was cheating on my mother. He would always stay out in his (unattached) office and play yahoo games (mostly pool) where he would meet girls and continue to build a relationship with them. He would stay out in his office for hours upon hours playing games.. and god knows what else.

 

We knew something was up, he was always talking to this one girl, lets call her kim, so, one day my parents were out of the house helping a neighbor so i went out the shop and printed off conversations that he had held on yahoo. (My mom was the one that told me to do this) so i showed her and she said she knew something was up.

 

She then told me that he has had 2 other affairs before this one, one with an ex-co-worker, and the other one, she told me, he said he would take to the grave. Which probably means that he was with somebody that we know and see a lot. My sister got invoved also going onto his im accounts (which he either left up or had saved his password) and got all the female names off of his im list.

 

We looked up all the names and found pics for some. We created a bogus name and got on under it and added some of the girls and started to ask them random questions about hooking up and stuff. "kim" was always on there alot and would give us plenty information.

 

My sister and i found pictures of him on our family's camera/camcorder and got the idea that he must be sending pictures to girls that he has met on the internet. In one of the emails was the address and telephone number of the ex-co-worker and a message saying to call her sometime.

 

My mom must have confronted him when they were alone and he called my sister and i asking who got on his account and stuff.. well we were crying our eyes out and barely got out that we had done it and stuff.. he said he was taking our internet away and our phones and cars. we were all supposta go camping that weekend and we told our mom that we didn't want to go because of him and shes just like.. you can put up with him for this weekend .

 

He told us that it was all in the past and that he wanted to start over with mom and us.. i don't think i can ever forgive him.. it tore my sister and i to pieces. she was really close to him, she started doing bad at school and he wonders why..

 

We found out that he was talking to 3 girls one in ohio who he had met and wanted to get a hotel room with (she didn't show up), one in minnesota who he gave money too (money that we needed), and an 18 yr old in florida (the same age as me.. nastay!)

 

Ever since then he has been such an @$$ hole to my mom, bad mouthing her and stuff, and to my sister and i. his tempter is very very short now and is always in a pissy mood. i am sick of it, i don't want to stay there if he is going to be an @$$. (i live in a dorm on campus during the week and go home for the weekends)

 

The whole community knows and my sister's school knows. He thinks that nobody knows about it, but everybody does. He hates my mom's mom because he thinks she spread the rumors, when really it was somebody else. the said that he wanted to start over with a clean slate.

Recently he as been hanging out at a local gas station with a girl that works there that is skanky! he wants her to work for him at his business as a receptionsist/dispatcher. my sister sees him there practically every morning.. and the other night she saw him there for 2 hours. she snuck out of the house to see what he was doing.

 

This month.. actually tomorrow (04-06-05) will be their 20th anniversary. and i know he isn't being faithful. they did make the commitment.. although he can't keep up with it... "forsaking all others.. " pssht! yeah right.. I love mom very much.. i just wish she could see the @$$ he is now and leave him.. she can do soooo much better..

 

this has torn our family apart and has deeply saddned me. i would never wish this on ne body and good luck to those who are going through or have gone through this..

 

*a heart-broken daughter*

 

p.s. thanks for listening!

[Lana]

I went through the same thing with my family. My dad was cheating and my brother overheard a phone conversation of his with the woman he was sleeping with. It was VERY hard, but my brother told my mom. Of course she will be hurt but it is better she finds out now instead of 10 years of lies down the road. Also who knows who these other people are. It's a sure fire way to get an std spread to you. I've seen this happen with a friend. If you know for sure he is cheating i say tell her. Or else he'll keep doing it and waste away time your mother could be getting on with her life and finding some one else.

[NC614]

I've read all these replies, and it's been helpful knowing that others have been through this. I wonder though, if responses would be different if it were the Mom cheating on the Dad, as seems to be my case.

 

It seems that some replies accept as a fact of life that men cheat on their wives. A double standard? I don't know.

 

Anyway, I recently stumbled upon some text messages on my mother's cell phone a few weeks ago. (We have the same phone - it was an honest mistake.) However, I couldn't ignore what I found and I've been investigating it since. All signs point to cheating.

 

She often puts my father down, and justifies it by saying she's been dealing with "it" for years. On the other hand, my Dad is sweeter than ever to her, and I can see his efforts to make her happy. He just booked a trip to Las Vegas for them for the summer.

 

I feel like he has the right to know but I don't want to break my family apart. My mom is real close with my Dad's mom. My brother is currently getting kicked out of school. I am about to attend law school and need their stability and financial support.

 

If I tell, I think our worlds will come crashing down. At the same time, I think maybe my Dad should have the chance to move on while he is still somewhat young (53).

 

If anyone has advice for me, I'd appreicate it. All I know is that this sucks.

[HitmaN]

Hey,

Im 16 and im on a world trip with my family. Right now im in Montreal. A few days ago i started to use my fathers computer. During this time i noticed that on his Yahoo M. he had an email which he disguised himself as ''Gus." I wondered why so I began to check who his contacts where. Soon i discovered that all his contacts where either men who had nicknames such as erotic man and Openmind hisband or women who had names like Affairwoman and such. Then i checked there profiles to see that there interests were threesomes and exchanging wifes. To make a long story shorter i opened my dads emails to see that he had made arrangments to meet these people and sleep with theyre wifes. In other words he was cheating on my mom. I dont know what to feel or what to do. I feel disgusted by my dad. My innocent mom is a really good and honest woman and doesnt deserve this. Someone please help. Im having all kinds of thoughts and i cant sleep. Im not depressed at all but i dont know how to act. Has he been doing this for long? Or are these the first arrangments!? Thanx

[jackie78]

my sister found things on my dad's computer at the beginning of this summer. This past year she walked in on him looking at porn 2 times in his home office. (she's 19 and I am 26).

 

The things she found include escort sites for places he travels to for work, etc.

 

Then she found a website for swingers in our area...and she found his posting, looking for a purely sexual relationship...in his profile he specified things like the size of his penis, various fantasies, and the fact that he's got a wife and family.

 

it took my about 6 weeks to kind of try to put it out of my head. Then my sister pulls me aside last night, and she found specifict email exchanges between my father and a prostitute. where he thanked her for the nice night, etc, and she thanked him for the gifts, and he talked about it being his first time with a prostitute.

 

my parents have been married 30 years. i know that my father has been unhappy. but it is just a shock and i'm broken hearted and disappointed in him. i never thought he would be this sleazy. i am in a wonderful relationship myself, and this has upset me to the point of even if i'm happy, i don't know if i'll ever be confident enough in other people to get married. it has been such a let down. i can't confront him, and i think my mother would go insane if she knew.

 

i've now told my sister I don't want to know anything else. It's her business if she looks but I don't want to open pandora's box any further because the only thing it does is continuously upset me and i can't tell my mom and i feel bad for it. my mom definitly does not know about this. if she did we would have heard about it. i've already unsuccessfully approached my dad about trying family therapy because i said i've noticed how unhappy he seems. i have to seperate myself from this now, because it's too much to deal with, even though i'm an adult.

[SoftDrink]

i like red, but i also like blue....does this mean i cannot still like red?

 

what an odd concept of the word "but". i disagree that this is how "but" works.

[sami]

That's none of your business. Stay out of it if you really love your mom.

[passion27]

This is your family therefore its your business. And as for the family business... who says you can't take it over if you're parents don't want to continue with it? On the cheating subject, my dad has been cheating for years and actually has a 30 something child I've never met. (I'm 21) He still continues to see this child's mother on many occassions and it hurts to know that he is still keeping my brother or sister from me after all these years. My mom knows but she's too weak to do anything yet the whole situation continues to wear down on her esteem. They've been married for 34 years and he's been cheating for almost the entire marriage. She has so much resentment built up towards my dad all they do is fight about it. As someone mentioned before you're mom may already know and if she does she doesn't deserve to go through this alone. I know how hard it is to break up with someone (2 years) because they were cheating and I couldn't have been more grateful for the love and support of my family. First confront your father and tell him that you know about the situation then ask if he thinks your mom has any suspicions. If she does you should both confront her along with your brother. With a family that seems to be as close knit as your family you should all be involved in the situation since you are all adults. Besides, while my father is off with other women it always feels like he's cheating on me as well. I truly believe that a man/woman who cheats on their spouse is also cheating on their children. Be strong for your mother... she'll need you when she finds out.

[SoftDrink]

Originally posted by passion27

This is your family therefore its your business.

 

 

i definitely agree with this.

[Beachgrl486]

This is like a catch 22. It really is a hard decision to make. I would probably just not say anything for the time being. If you were going to say something talk to you dad. See what he has to say. It could be nothing. The truth will come out eventually. I would just keep you eyes open for the time being...even though it is your parents it is still their business...If he is cheating on her the thought has probably crossed her mind already. If it hasnt it will...Let them work it out.