Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Could someone explain to me why girls with boyfriends flirt? Example: I met a girl from class at a campus bar. We didn't talk much in class, but we recognized each other and said hello. We flirted, touched, etc. She wasn't drunk at all, and neither was I. Her parents were there for graduation weekend, and she even introduced me to her parents. After talked for a little bit, I asked her, "what are you doing tomorrow night?" and she said, with her head resting against my chest, "hanging out with you of course." She gives me her number, tells me to text her the next night after 10pm to get together. I'm really excited, so I do so. Reply from her reads, "hey! Im at xyz bar with my boyfriend, you should come!" So I'm like "wtf." I go with my boys anyway, and she spots me and motions me to come over. Doesn't introduce me to her boyfriend who is sitting right there, and flirts with me a bit to boot. Her and I are now trying to get together sometime for dinner. What gives in this situation, and why do girls do this?
USMCHokie Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 1) More male attention without having to give sex. 2) Boost her own ego and prove that she still has "it." 3) Attempt to make boyfriend jealous in order to control him. 4) Shopping for a suitable replacement for her boyfriend. ...and the list goes on and on...
Doing it Since '78 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Could someone explain to me why girls with boyfriends flirt? Example: I met a girl from class at a campus bar. We didn't talk much in class, but we recognized each other and said hello. We flirted, touched, etc. She wasn't drunk at all, and neither was I. Her parents were there for graduation weekend, and she even introduced me to her parents. After talked for a little bit, I asked her, "what are you doing tomorrow night?" and she said, with her head resting against my chest, "hanging out with you of course." She gives me her number, tells me to text her the next night after 10pm to get together. I'm really excited, so I do so. Reply from her reads, "hey! Im at xyz bar with my boyfriend, you should come!" So I'm like "wtf." I go with my boys anyway, and she spots me and motions me to come over. Doesn't introduce me to her boyfriend who is sitting right there, and flirts with me a bit to boot. Her and I are now trying to get together sometime for dinner. What gives in this situation, and why do girls do this? You couldn't really think you are special right? You would get the same chump treatment if you took her seriously- You have two choices bro: Take her up on her date for dinner, pay for your meal only (or if you are savvy enough, have her pay for the whole thing), and see if she sticks around to give you a shot- If she does enjoy it as a collegiate conquest and keep it moving- Second choice, take her serious, wait out her breaking up with the boyfriend, stay out of the friend zone (if possible) and not see her for the attention wh0re that she is and be her new sap of a BF, at the dinner table as she motions some other lame over- Choose your own adventure-
Citizen Erased Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 She's unhappy in her relationship She's insecure and requires the validation She is in an open relationship She's an idiot She has no morals She wants a free meal Just for kicks And so on an so forth. Could be a million reasons. All of which equal her being someone you should stay away from, but you probably won't judging by the fact that you know she has a boyfriend but are making plans to make goo goo eyes at her over dinner. Let us know how that works out, I'm sure it will be entertaining.
Yamaha Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 she's unhappy in her relationship she's insecure and requires the validation she is in an open relationship she's an idiot she has no morals she wants a free meal just for kicks and so on an so forth. Could be a million reasons. All of which equal her being someone you should stay away from, but you probably won't judging by the fact that you know she has a boyfriend but are making plans to make goo goo eyes at her over dinner. Let us know how that works out, i'm sure it will be entertaining. ^^^this........
SteveC80 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Most women are attention whores who need constant ego strokes,just part of their nature
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 SHE is the one in a relationship, not me. If it was so good, would she act this way with me? Also, Im very puzzled why she didn't introduce me to her boyfriend when she had the chance.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 1) More male attention without having to give sex. 2) Boost her own ego and prove that she still has "it." 3) Attempt to make boyfriend jealous in order to control him. 4) Shopping for a suitable replacement for her boyfriend. ...and the list goes on and on... 5) Trying to incite a fight to see if her boy freind will fight for her. Animals do it. Women do it. Had it done to me. It's almost a cultural norm in the Latin world.
somedude81 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Her and I are now trying to get together sometime for dinner. What gives in this situation, and why do girls do this? Why are you even considering it?
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Why are you even considering it? Because I enjoy her company. Can't this be just as friends?
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 The question is not why she does it--that's been answered adequately already. The question is why you are willing to tolerate it. You think of yourself as the "nice guy" who will pretend to just be friends to insinuate yourself into her social circle, secretly waiting for your chance to sweep in and "rescue" her when she has a fight with her real boyfriend. You are what is known as an "orbiter" which is not a good place to be as your head will wind up in Uranus. She made all the moves, however.
Lil1 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 5) Trying to incite a fight to see if her boy freind will fight for her. Animals do it. Women do it. Had it done to me. It's almost a cultural norm in the Latin world. Wow Frisky, I didn't know you felt this way about Latin culture:confused: I know we are passionate people but the situation the OP is describing is strictly having to do with gender & dating... nothing was said about culture. Anyway OP, I agree with most of the other posters in that it sounds as though this girl is fishing for more attention. My feeling is that she probably likes you, and given the right circumstances she might even cheat on her man with you. Therefore the ball is really in your court.. do you want to be 'the other man'? Do you just want to be with her once (just to satisfy your curiosity), or do you want to wait until she has serious feelings for you & make her your girlfriend? Bottom line is: you and her can't really have a genuine friendship due to the fact that there is sexual frustration/feelings between you both, therefore either pursue her or move on (hopefully to a girl that isn't involved). Either way she is playing games and unfortunately for her she will be the one who will be the most affected in the end. Good luck;)
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you for the well thought out reply. It will be a tough decision for me to make, honestly.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Is it possible she is setting me up for a 3 sum with her and her bf?
stillafool Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you for the well thought out reply. It will be a tough decision for me to make, honestly. Just remember, if she does one day become your gf, you can bet she will flirt around on you too. Good luck!
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 To be completely honest, I'm down with just fooling around with this girl if it came to that.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 What I meant by friends was, what if thats how she perceives it. Also, my friend thought maybe she was a swinger, not me.
carhill Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You are what is known as an "orbiter" which is not a good place to be as your head will wind up in Uranus. Outstanding OP, if you truly have no emotional involvement, see this and similar dynamics as a social science experiment, with the possible side benefit of meeting an available and non-Hoover lady in the process. You control how you perceive things and act on those perceptions. You sound young so it could be a good learning experience, provided you stow those emotions. Historically, having been an 'orbiter', the Hoovers use orbiters for ego validation and as time fillers. I call it 'fluffing'. Also, if the orbiter is a sponge/tampon like I was, she dumps the refuse of her relationship toxins on the person, cleansing the vagina of her mind and libido for her chosen man. Well, you get the drift without any more metaphors, right? Have fun and bang a few for the Gipper, OK
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 If she wanted that, it would have already happened. And, so much for your claim that you only want to be her "friend." (LOL wow it didn't take long for that false curtain to fall did it?) Read this before you go any further down the road you're travelling: http://approachanxiety.com/2010/12/dont-let-yourself-become-an-orbiter/ Also it sounded like you're open to doing a threesome with her and another man? She never suggested that, did she? Were you thinking "MFM" or perhaps was it "MMF", hmmmmmmmm.....??? Good link, thanks. If things don't progress, we'll just be friends/acquaintances. Or, I just won't see her again after I graduate in Jan.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I guess I just fail to see what im doing wrong getting dinner with her if she initiated just about everything.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Also, she went on a long roadtrip over the summer and told me she would "call you to let you know i get their safely!" She didn't (forgot?) but it was odd she said she would do that, IMO.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Mark, before you can get to where you want to go, you have to know where you want to go. Good advice. My plan was to go to dinner and just see how she acts when I casually ask her how her boyfriend is doing. If she gushes about him, I know I am just a friend and she is just a flirt. If she says, "meh" and rips on him, then I can continue contact.
carhill Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Since it looks like you will continue contact, at least based upon her behaviors as you've characterized them here, try, as an experiment, regaling her with some interesting tidbits of your day, perhaps some young ladies you've met or an interesting project you've worked on. The subject matter is pretty much irrelevant, as long as it's about you. Watch her response carefully. Report back. Lastly, unless you know for sure otherwise, and it doesn't sound like it, her 'boyfriend' could be another fluffer/orbiter/tampon. Trust me, I've seen/heard it all, directly from the mouths of women. Have fun but keep those expectations at zero.
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Since it looks like you will continue contact, at least based upon her behaviors as you've characterized them here, try, as an experiment, regaling her with some interesting tidbits of your day, perhaps some young ladies you've met or an interesting project you've worked on. The subject matter is pretty much irrelevant, as long as it's about you. Watch her response carefully. Report back. Will do, what should I look for form her responses? Lastly, unless you know for sure otherwise, and it doesn't sound like it, her 'boyfriend' could be another fluffer/orbiter/tampon. Trust me, I've seen/heard it all, directly from the mouths of women. Have fun but keep those expectations at zero. I don't understand this part?
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