Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Good advice. My plan was to go to dinner and just see how she acts when I casually ask her how her boyfriend is doing. If she gushes about him, I know I am just a friend and she is just a flirt. If she says, "meh" and rips on him, then I can continue contact. Also, what do people think about this? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Will do, what should I look for form her responses? Just keep an open mind and report back. Better not to 'poison' the proceedings with foreknowledge/conclusions not reflecting facts in evidence. Listen to her words and watch her body language and facial expressions. I don't understand this part <about the boyfriend perhaps not being 'real'>? People create 'scenarios'. This girl from class appears to be otherwise unknown to you. I recall getting into an unforeseen OM situation merely by 'believing' the MW for a couple months, as one example. The cruel irony was that I turned out (she told me many years later) to have been a fluffer as well as a distraction to help her end the PA she was having with her boss. So, MW with a kid, H at home, fµcking her employer and me looking like a total fool. A fool/tool in love, with my head up my anus. One example Ideally, I align with those here advising you to forget this woman, but, hey, you're not going to, so maybe have some fun and learn some new insights while engaging. If it works out, cool. If not, not. If nothing else, it might put you in situations where you'll spot a potential with assets not already apparently committed. Win-win. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 That is helpful, thank you. Sorry for snapping. In that case, I know how to become her friend, but how do I become her lover. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I actually think Mark1 is making all the right moves here assuming he doesn't get emotionally attached to this chick. If all you want to do is see where this goes and whether or not you can get it in her at some point, then why not go through the motions and see if she bites. I'm quite interested to see how this turns out. BTW can you describe how the chick looks like, ie. ht/wt/measurements, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I don't accept your apology because now I have infraction points from the moderator because of your hypersensitivity. I hope you do take this woman out and not only does she stick you with a bill for the most expensive surf and turf on the menu, but she then teases you all night long and leaves you hanging with a horrible case of the blue balls. Sorry I don't like being personally attacked? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I actually think Mark1 is making all the right moves here assuming he doesn't get emotionally attached to this chick. If all you want to do is see where this goes and whether or not you can get it in her at some point, then why not go through the motions and see if she bites. I'm quite interested to see how this turns out. BTW can you describe how the chick looks like, ie. ht/wt/measurements, thanks. Thank you. That is what my best female friend told me to do, "just go and swee what happens" Uhhh sure? She's about 5'5, small chest, fair skin, curly black hair, pretty eyes/smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Unfortunately, that's not me, but I will give it a shot. I'm assuming thats the first step in getting her away from her bf? Lest us not forget, she made all the moves to this point. We are aiming for dinner next tuesday. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you. That is what my best female friend told me to do, "just go and swee what happens" Uhhh sure? She's about 5'5, small chest, fair skin, curly black hair, pretty eyes/smile. Which celebrity does she most resemble? Also I disagree with the previous poster about being hyperaggressive. Whatever you've done so far has obviously worked so keep doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Which celebrity does she most resemble? Also I disagree with the previous poster about being hyperaggressive. Whatever you've done so far has obviously worked so keep doing it. LOL, I have no idea which celeb she looks like, why? Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Just looking for a frame of reference. For example if this chick resembled Amy Winehouse or Lady Gaga I would say stop wasting your time. But petite with curly black hair sounds more like a Courtney Cox or Vanessa Hudgens type, in which case I would say pull all the stops in order to tap that. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Is it possible she is setting me up for a 3 sum with her and her bf? She might be. Why don't you come right out and ask her? It seems like the simplest solution. Tell her that you were curious about why she was flirting so openly with you in front of her boyfriend, and whether she's angling to set up a threesome with you and him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Alright. Elaine from Seinfeld. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Elaine from the early years with big hair or the later years with the more modern hairstyle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 She might be. Why don't you come right out and ask her? It seems like the simplest solution. Tell her that you were curious about why she was flirting so openly with you in front of her boyfriend, and whether she's angling to set up a threesome with you and him. That would be the easy solution, but if Im way off, it would definitely disgust her. I'm actually wondering if I should bring him up at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Alright. Elaine from Seinfeld. I haven't seen enough episodes of Seinfeld to get the reference I'm afraid...but it seems like the obvious course of action to me. If a guy were flirting with me in front of his girlfriend and then trying to get me to go out to dinner with him, that would be my question. If you ask straight questions, you do actually sometimes get straight answers. ETA. Just saw last post. It needn't disgust her if you ask in a half-joking manner. You can watch her reaction and gauge. If the girl's flirting with you right in front of her boyfriend, I don't think she's in much of a position to suddenly get prudish about a question like that. Even if she does get prudish, so what? You're asking how a woman is likely to respond...I'm a woman, and I'm telling you. The likelihood is that even if she acts in a shocked or prudish way, she'll probably respect you for putting her on the spot with a question like that. Edited July 6, 2011 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 That would be the easy solution, but if Im way off, it would definitely disgust her. I'm actually wondering if I should bring him up at all. That's an easy answer -- no f-ing way. Even if she does bring him up, pretend you didn't hear her and change the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I'm not sure Id go as far to ask her about the 3sum, but i might ask her why she flirted in front of her bf. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I'm not sure Id go as far to ask her about the 3sum, but i might ask her why she flirted in front of her bf. That's guaranteed to put an end to whatever progress you were making on your own 2sum. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I'm not sure Id go as far to ask her about the 3sum, but i might ask her why she flirted in front of her bf. If you don't think you can carry off the threesome question with the requisite confidence and panache, then you're probably right to leave it. It's not impossible that a MFM is on her mind, though. It happens...and I would have thought if she actually invited you along to a situation where you would meet her boyfriend, then it's a possibility that she's a girl it happens with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 That's guaranteed to put an end to whatever progress you were making on your own 2sum. So on one hand, I shouldn't ask her why she flirted in front of her bf, on the other hand i SHOULD guage her reaction about a 3sum? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 If you don't think you can carry off the threesome question with the requisite confidence and panache, then you're probably right to leave it. It's not impossible that a MFM is on her mind, though. It happens...and I would have thought if she actually invited you along to a situation where you would meet her boyfriend, then it's a possibility that she's a girl it happens with. Good advice, she has yet to do that however. Okay, assuming I don't want a 3 sum, and just want to hook up with her, what are Do's and Don'ts for Tuesday's dinner? Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Good advice, she has yet to do that however. Okay, assuming I don't want a 3 sum, and just want to hook up with her, what are Do's and Don'ts for Tuesday's dinner? Well then you should probably just go with the New York guy's advice and blank out any comments she makes about her boyfriend....or respond to them minimally then change the subject as though he's a total irrelevance. The fact that she's going on about a boyfriend and even going so far as to introduce you to him seems like a bit of a game on her part. Even if there's some sort of vibe between them where they get a kick out of her going out with other men, she hasn't explained that to you. She's created a bit of a puzzle, so if you can't carry off the "looking for a MFM threesome, are you?" question, then it's probably best to frustrate her by showing a total lack of interest in this mysterious little situation she's presenting...but demonstrating interest in the idea of going out with her. If you were doing all the running and trying to compete with another man (who wasn't her boyfriend) then I think treating her to a meal would be a good course of action. Under the circumstances, though, I think you should split the bill. Sorry...just read your first couple of posts properly, and saw that she didn't actually introduce you to her boyfriend. Still, she was flirting in front of him with you...so he's well aware something's going on. It couldn't be the case that she's using the word "boyfriend" in the way that some girls call their female friends their "girlfriends" could it? Edited July 6, 2011 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 DON'T go anywhere fancy, keep it casual (she doesn't deserve it and it will feel less like a date, less pressure!). DO pay for her meal (it's just the gentleman thing to do). If your aim is to hit it and quit it then don't bring up her bf. If she brings him up make a joke of it and change the topic. DO touch her and flirt with her unabashedly - this way she will know your intentions and you won't be 'friendzoned'. If by the end of dinner she still wants to hang out then step it up and DO go in for the kiss... everything else will happen naturally after this point. If your aim is to make her your girlfriend (and breaking her current relationship) then DO be honest with her about your intentions (of wanting to be with her and how much you like her and so on) and DO discuss where she's at in her head/heart with her current relationship. If you see there is hope (i.e. she starts bashing on her man) then DO flirt and make it clear to her that you will not wait forever (and try to go for the kiss - can't hurt to try!). If you feel that she is still just playing games - i.e. says she's not sure about her man but then says she likes you, but says she doesnt want to hurt her man but doesn't want to lose your friendship... (can't decide what she wants with you) then DO say "it was nice meeting you but I don't wanna waste my time. I'm not into tricks, peace out!!" LOL I'm sure you will figure things out on your own Mark, just know that getting into a relationship with a girl under those circumstances will most likely end up badly. If you're in it just for the thrill then make sure you protect your heart and don't fall for her. Keep us posted too Oh, and DO DO DO protect your health, use a rubber!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 DON'T go anywhere fancy, keep it casual (she doesn't deserve it and it will feel less like a date, less pressure!). DO pay for her meal (it's just the gentleman thing to do). If your aim is to hit it and quit it then don't bring up her bf. If she brings him up make a joke of it and change the topic. DO touch her and flirt with her unabashedly - this way she will know your intentions and you won't be 'friendzoned'. If by the end of dinner she still wants to hang out then step it up and DO go in for the kiss... everything else will happen naturally after this point. If your aim is to make her your girlfriend (and breaking her current relationship) then DO be honest with her about your intentions (of wanting to be with her and how much you like her and so on) and DO discuss where she's at in her head/heart with her current relationship. If you see there is hope (i.e. she starts bashing on her man) then DO flirt and make it clear to her that you will not wait forever (and try to go for the kiss - can't hurt to try!). If you feel that she is still just playing games - i.e. says she's not sure about her man but then says she likes you, but says she doesnt want to hurt her man but doesn't want to lose your friendship... (can't decide what she wants with you) then DO say "it was nice meeting you but I don't wanna waste my time. I'm not into tricks, peace out!!" LOL I'm sure you will figure things out on your own Mark, just know that getting into a relationship with a girl under those circumstances will most likely end up badly. If you're in it just for the thrill then make sure you protect your heart and don't fall for her. Keep us posted too Oh, and DO DO DO protect your health, use a rubber!! All of this feels very natural for me, so it is what I will do. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Don’t even pretend like you want to be friends. What girl do you get all excited about like this and go and have private dinners and phone calls with if you don’t like her. Taking her out to eat especially if you are paying is really pointless. Because best case scenario her boyfriend is a dick and she is using him as a place holder to hop right out of one relationship and into another after she tests you out. Problem is when you guys start having problems she might not give you the courtesy of breaking up before she starts testing the water with different guys. If you really must continue things with this girl just invite her over to your place for a drink and have sex with her. Really you should completely wash your hands of all of this. You must have trouble with women or just have low self esteem to even want this. Link to post Share on other sites
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