NeoGen85 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Dude. You are treading in dangerous waters. I know how you feel and you want to make sense of all this. Look, if you just want a answer then ask her straight up about how she feels about you. If she looks at you differently in a negative way that's alright. It's not a horrible loss. I have a friend who's in a similar situation. He's falling for a married woman who's about 22 years old. And I see how this girl acts around him. When she's hanging with the friends and I(no husband around) this girls acts as if she isn't married. She'll sit on my pal's lap, play eye games, talk about her poor sex life, etc. And she has the nerve to do that all with a HUGE rock on her finger. All this was going on and he didn't know about her husband until I said something. Yet, he continues. But you might be different from him. My pal is trying to hit it and quit it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Dude. You are treading in dangerous waters. I know how you feel and you want to make sense of all this. Look, if you just want a answer then ask her straight up about how she feels about you. If she looks at you differently in a negative way that's alright. It's not a horrible loss. I have a friend who's in a similar situation. He's falling for a married woman who's about 22 years old. And I see how this girl acts around him. When she's hanging with the friends and I(no husband around) this girls acts as if she isn't married. She'll sit on my pal's lap, play eye games, talk about her poor sex life, etc. And she has the nerve to do that all with a HUGE rock on her finger. All this was going on and he didn't know about her husband until I said something. Yet, he continues. But you might be different from him. My pal is trying to hit it and quit it. This makes me so angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 THAT is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Im looking forward to drinks on Saturday with her. Wont be buying them for her tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Can't tell if you're serious Mark. I will make the assumption that you are. Good luuuuuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Wow this is a joke you’re really falling for this girl who is cheating on the guy she’s been with for four years. She lives with the guy so that’s why she isn’t breaking up with him. It’s out of convenience. Her bf may even be paying her rent. She uses people. You’re letting yourself be used good job. This is a waste of time and effort and only proves one thing you have low self esteem. Even most players are grossed out about the thought of sloppy seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 How is it a waste of my time? I ENJOY her company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 No, I'm not coming out of a bad relationship. LOL. We enjoy each others company, I don't see what the problem is. I'll admit, its hard to see her as nothing more than a friend at times, (like when we tease each other, when she calls me sweetheart, when I kiss her on the cheek, when we hug/put our arms around each other) but we haven't really "done" anything yet. I'm considering asking her if they have an open relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) Well, I messaged her on FB about some political stuff (we have the same views) and she enjoyed it. Then I told her I'll be out of town for a week, but we should get together when I get back, and she said, "aww okay have fun!! can't wait to see you soon!" I swear, Im trying so hard to see her as just a friend, but she's making it tough. Edited July 28, 2011 by Mark1 Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) Man, why are you intellectualising this so much? She's in a relationship, and wants you to bone her. So bone her already, say, "thanks, that was great" and move on. You're going to become emotionally dependent on whatever fantastical idea you come up with thinking too much, and then be all sour puss when she doesn't turn out to fit in with the pretend her in your head. If you don't want to bone her, don't, but it is very, very simple: man + woman + attraction = sex. In Italy, they're known as "learning ships" - married women who have a short passionate affair with a younger man. You get to learn about sex and she gets her jollies. No doubt the husband has his extra-marital affairs too. It's just sex. For a beginner like you, this can be your training ground. Edited July 28, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Man, why are you intellectualising this so much? She's in a relationship, and wants you to bone her. So bone her already, say, "thanks, that was great" and move on. You're going to become emotionally dependent on whatever fantastical idea you come up with thinking too much, and then be all sour puss when she doesn't turn out to fit in with the pretend her in your head. If you don't want to bone her, don't, but it is very, very simple: man + woman + attraction = sex. In Italy, they're known as "learning ships" - married women who have a short passionate affair with a younger man. You get to learn about sex and she gets her jollies. No doubt the husband has his extra-marital affairs too. It's just sex. For a beginner like you, this can be your training ground. I hear you, all the signs are there. its just a) Im bad at reading signals - I take them too far, sometimes b) I dont want to assume, and lose a friendship c) i dont want her bf to kick my ass Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Look, nothing is guaranteed. She doesn't have a sex switch that if flicked to the right position means she'll lie down and be a sex doll for you. Things can change at any time. First, try kissing her when you get those feelings. You know those feelings, the ones when you guys are flirting and you feel extra horny moments. Then go from there. You'll have then crossed a line, and made a move. She might feign outrage or even be genuinely upset. Who knows? She might even like it. Her boyfriend is already pissed off with you, he just doesn't know it yet. As for friendship, I'd take that with a pinch of salt. It's not like you're old school friends or best buddies, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Seriously Mark I have no respect for you as you seem to have none for yourself. Do you not possess the skills go get women? True story I once started dating this girl only to later find out when I met her she had a bf and had dumped him and kicked him out of their apartment after meeting me. That’s the kind of guy you want to be, not the guy who is worried about some random dude kicking your ass and losing the friendship of some slut you want to bang. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Seriously Mark I have no respect for you as you seem to have none for yourself. Do you not possess the skills go get women? I do, thanks. Just not one with a boyfriend. Never experienced that situation before. Do you have a problem with that? If so, don't reply. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Seriously Mark I have no respect for you as you seem to have none for yourself. Do you not possess the skills go get women? I do, thanks. Just not one with a boyfriend. Never experienced that situation before. By that logic what are you doing now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 So were meeting again for coffee tomorrow. Should I ask if she's in an open relationship, or just let things be as they are? If I do ask, how do I do it? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Before asking that, let her know how you feel. You don't feel platonic; you feel that there's something more there; so say so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 Before asking that, let her know how you feel. You don't feel platonic; you feel that there's something more there; so say so. I hear you, but I'm afraid of losing a friendship that seems to be on its way up. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 What do you want, Mark? If you want a friendship then put the horny feelings to one side for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 What do you want, Mark? If you want a friendship then put the horny feelings to one side for now. On one hand, I really enjoy her company, and we agree on so many things, that I don't want to lose that by creeping her out. On the other hand, I'm probably leaving town for school/job in 6 months to a year. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 So you want to take no risks whatsoever. For no risk, you get no return. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 So you want to take no risks whatsoever. For no risk, you get no return. It's that simple. I am starting to think you are right. In that case, how do I approach the topic? Just ask her out of the blue? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 What is the topic? It's not clear to me what you want? Friend? Lover? If you want to make a pass at her, make a pass at her. Most communication is non-verbal, so get used to that. The words are pretty simple. "Wanna make out?" might work, at the right time. Even no words and just going for a kiss can work, at the right time. When you feel horny in her company, chances are she does too. Don't be leaping all over her or anything silly like that. Be a bit tentative if anything, to see if it's cool, then let go, if it is, and say "Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to offend" if it's not cool and shake yourself out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 What is the topic? It's not clear to me what you want? Friend? Lover? If you want to make a pass at her, make a pass at her. Most communication is non-verbal, so get used to that. The words are pretty simple. "Wanna make out?" might work, at the right time. Even no words and just going for a kiss can work, at the right time. When you feel horny in her company, chances are she does too. Don't be leaping all over her or anything silly like that. Be a bit tentative if anything, to see if it's cool, then let go, if it is, and say "Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to offend" if it's not cool and shake yourself out of it. Thanks. We touch sometimes, and Ive kissed her on the cheek twice, and she didnt mind. I don't know if I should ask her straight up if she has an open relationship, tell her my feelings, or just hold her hand one time and see her reaction. I wouldn't say I feel "horny" around her. Just happy, and very relaxed. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Then just go with the flow and stop thinking so much! Link to post Share on other sites
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