Traveling Cheat

[Memphis Raines]

Where did you get that I wanted to explore sex or relationships with other men. You are a joke saying things for a reaction.

 

"My problem now is that I don't want to be this type of girl who is a cheat. But honestly, I feel like the rush is something I'd like to experience again"

 

no, you are a joke for forgetting what you write. Now you were referring to kissing in this particular quote, but cheating is cheating. So I could rephrase to, "did you tell your husband you want other men"?

 

So does he know you want to cheat on him? yes, you both agreed to flirt with no kissing. But did you tell him you want to kiss other guys?

 

honestly a grown woman sitting here saying she wants to kiss other guys is a bit odd.

 

So what exactly did you tell him? did you tell him you want the rush of kissing other men, like you told us here? if so, did he just shrug his shoulders and say, "bah, thats ok. no biggie" ?

Edited July 11, 2011 by Memphis Raines

[Memphis Raines]

Oh, and the following tidbit from one of your other posts is a reason you shouldn't be engaged, or probably even married ever.

 

I've never previously cheated in a relationship. But now I'm not sure if I can live life without the newness of a first kiss for the rest of my life. Forever is such a long time.

[Magictoasty]

That bit is actually hilarious, because in aforementioned thread, besides beating up the guy, you also advised to call her

How's that for non-judgemental?

 

Worst thing is that thread wasn't exactly hidden somewhere underground - it was next one below. At first I stopped from replying, because I wasn't too sure, whether you're a troll or serious, but now I know it's the latter.

 

And do please tell me, where I threw any insult at you?

 

 

Again, given that she already had doubts, it's not gonna work like that. Given that things like kissing involve some crazy biochemistry changes (as shown by OPs emotions afterwards), then it simply cannot be neutral to attraction/affection towards her fiance.

 

But she knows she kissed him, right? Looks like you misunderstood.

 

So you've seen that I take polar opposite stances in threads to provoke the most reaction, have trollface as your avatar and still don't think I'm trolling.

 

It's just not even sport anymore.

[KathyM]

So I went on vacation with friends and I let some backpacker in a club kiss me. Yes, he was a nice guy. Yes, I was attracted to him. But I am engaged. I've been with my fiance for almost 5 years.

 

The worse part is that I liked it so much and for a couple of days, couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't a "deep kiss", just the lips (not that it makes it any better) but it gave me a bigger rush than that I was comfortable with. And I let him do it more than once.

 

I've told my fiance about this after I came back to the states. He, of course, was upset. But we agreed to move on.

 

My problem now is that I don't want to be this type of girl who is a cheat. But honestly, I feel like the rush is something I'd like to experience again- maybe 5 more years down the line when things get vanilla again. I don't want to ever sleep with anyone other than my fiance. He completely sexually and emotionally satisfies me. But the rush of flirting and newness of kissing someone new is something I crave.

 

What should I do? Should I break it off with my fiance because I'm not sure that I can be 100% faithful? Should I see if my fiance is ok with a pseudo open relationship where we are allowed to flirt/ kiss other people when we both decide it's ok?

 

I know to some people this may seem like a ridiculous request. But I hope that you can give me some genuine, non-judgemental advice.

 

Is this some weird kind of cold-feet? Did anyone else go through this feeling (that they aren't sure if they can be forever monogamous) before getting married?

 

I've NEVER cheated in any relationship before this (so I'm not a serial cheater) and this has been my most fulfilling relationship so I am just so confused. Help

Do yourself a favor, and the man in your life, by not getting married. You don't have the mindset to be faithful for the long term, and an open marriage does serious damage to the marital bond. That is no marriage. Don't go into marriage thinking that would work. It doesn't. Only creates chaos in a relationship. My sister and her husband had an "open marriage" for a while. It was horrible for both of them, and ended their marriage.

Edited July 12, 2011 by KathyM

[elleorbianca]

"My problem now is that I don't want to be this type of girl who is a cheat. But honestly, I feel like the rush is something I'd like to experience again"

 

no, you are a joke for forgetting what you write. Now you were referring to kissing in this particular quote, but cheating is cheating. So I could rephrase to, "did you tell your husband you want other men"?

I was referring to "the rush" in this particular quote. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Maybe you shouldn't assume and assign details when they are not there.

 

I didn't forget what I wrote. You purposely exaggerated for effect. Give it up you joke

 

 

So does he know you want to cheat on him? yes, you both agreed to flirt with no kissing. But did you tell him you want to kiss other guys?

 

honestly a grown woman sitting here saying she wants to kiss other guys is a bit odd.

 

So what exactly did you tell him? did you tell him you want the rush of kissing other men, like you told us here? if so, did he just shrug his shoulders and say, "bah, thats ok. no biggie" ?

After explaining to him exactly how I felt, ya know, with more than one sentence like normal couples, we discussed what I really was craving and what freedoms I really wanted.

 

I told him that I like the excitement of flirting and getting to know other people- truth. He does too. We then discussed the boundaries we both could agree on in very certain details. And there you have it, our agreement.

 

Why is that so difficult to understand?

 

Oh wait, given your communication style thus far, you probably have never had an honest, nonjudgmental discussion with a partner where you both actually listened to what the other person was saying instead of taking leaps of logic.

 

What's your relationship status? Ever been cheated on? Ever cheated?

[Memphis Raines]

I was referring to "the rush" in this particular quote. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Maybe you shouldn't assume and assign details when they are not there.

 

I didn't forget what I wrote. You purposely exaggerated for effect. Give it up you joke

 

 

I'll post another thing you said again, in case you missed it:

I've never previously cheated in a relationship. But now I'm not sure if I can live life without the newness of a first kiss for the rest of my life. Forever is such a long time.

 

does your husband know that you don't even trust yourself and can't see yourself living the rest of your life without kissing:rolleyes: another man?

 

does he know that you are not sure if you want to live the rest of your life forsaking all others?

 

whose the joke? not I.

 

 

After explaining to him exactly how I felt, ya know, with more than one sentence like normal couples, we discussed what I really was craving and what freedoms I really wanted.

 

I told him that I like the excitement of flirting and getting to know other people- truth. He does too.

 

but thats not what you are telling us here. you didn't tell him you can't see yourself forsaking all others for the rest of your life as you have told us.

 

so yes, the marriage is still on because he doesn't know how you REALLY feel.

 

 

We then discussed the boundaries we both could agree on in very certain details. And there you have it, our agreement.

 

Why is that so difficult to understand?

 

the part about you telling us you are afraid you'll cheat because you can't see those boundaries holding up forever, because after all, "forever is a long time"

 

 

Oh wait, given your communication style thus far, you probably have never had an honest, nonjudgmental discussion with a partner where you both actually listened to what the other person was saying instead of taking leaps of logic.

 

 

nope, had plenty of honest discussions with partners. nonjudgemental? if you call not wanting a woman that doesn't want to be faithful or doesn't see herself as forsaking all others the rest of her life, ya, i guess its judgmental to not want to commit to that kind of person:rolleyes:

 

What's your relationship status?

 

single and loving it

 

 

Ever been cheated on?

 

yup

 

 

Ever cheated?

 

nope

[Memphis Raines]

Do yourself a favor, and the man in your life, by not getting married. You don't have the mindset to be faithful for the long term, and an open marriage does serious damage to the marital bond.

 

exactly

 

so me, the joke, wasn't the only one that felt this way

[OldOnTheInside]

Wrong, some people are slaves to their impulses, especially when drunk/high/horny. They have no more choice than someone with a terrible temper can choose to stay calm in the face of extreme provocation.

Good point. Everybody has a choice, but our ability to choose is heavily mediated by our capabilities of self-control. Coming from somebody who has an addictive personality: when we have little to no self-control, we don't have as much of a choice as we would like to believe. That doesn't excuse our actions, but it's a factor. Only problem is when we drag other people down with us.

 

Anyway, I don't the issue here. Elleor is being honest and communicative with her bf, which is more than many other couples are capable of (how much cloak and dagger rubbish do you see on LS?). If this attitude ends up biting both their a**es down the line, which is a very real possibility...well, that's life.

[elleorbianca]

you didn't tell him you can't see yourself forsaking all others for the rest of your life as you have told us.

 

so yes, the marriage is still on because he doesn't know how you REALLY feel.

 

How the hell do you know that? Were you in the bedroom when we spoke?

 

 

single

what I thought

 

goodnight

[elleorbianca]

If this attitude ends up biting both their a**es down the line, which is a very real possibility...well, that's life.

I can appreciate that possibility

[Memphis Raines]

How the hell do you know that? Were you in the bedroom when we spoke?

 

then I'll ask again, which you obviously dodge, does he know that you have a huge problem forsaking all others and that "forever is a long time" ?

 

 

 

what I thought

 

LOL, you are single too. I didn't say I wasn't with anyone, I'm just single as in not married. And you shouldn't be married, just so you know. You have no business getting married with your mindset.

 

Ya, what I thought

Edited July 14, 2011 by Memphis Raines

[elleorbianca]

then I'll ask again, which you obviously dodge, does he know that you have a huge problem forsaking all others and that "forever is a long time" ?

 

 

 

 

 

LOL, you are single too. I didn't say I wasn't with anyone, I'm just single as in not married. And you shouldn't be married, just so you know. You have no business getting married with your mindset.

 

Ya, what I thought

Stop stinking up my thread with your BS. My fiance knows all my thoughts regarding this issue. Stop projecting.

[Memphis Raines]

Stop stinking up my thread with your BS. My fiance knows all my thoughts regarding this issue. Stop projecting.

 

I don't think he does. Cuz if he did, he wouldn't be too happy about things.

 

That is unless he wants to go out and get a little strange himself or isn't really into committing to you in the first place. So that could be it. And who would blame him with someone that doesn't want to forsake all others for the rest of her life?

[illumine]

I think you're still stuck in the days of experimenting, exploring the things you like/don't like

 

God Forbid you experiment and explore with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

I feel like you are getting a lot of judgmental responses here (and a few just plain crazy responses). So I just want to throw out a different POV. Every relationship is different and it's about what works for the two involved. Cheating is when you stray outside of behavior you and your partner agree upon...not what the majority of society deems appropriate behavior. I commend you and your fiance for being open about this topic. A lot of couples are not open about their needs and desires and often that communication breakdown is what actually leads to cheating. A problem will persist though if you and your fiance can't come to an agreeable compromise on what is or is not okay. I think you guys should keep talking it through. Best of Luck!

[Bryanp]

You both may wish to consider a pre-nupt before you get married. This is a slow motion train wreck just waiting to happen. There is nothing fun about getting a divorce.

[Memphis Raines]

You both may wish to consider a pre-nupt before you get married. This is a slow motion train wreck just waiting to happen. There is nothing fun about getting a divorce.

 

she shouldn't be getting married.

 

but if she did, the prenup would be a good idea. for HIS sake.