Fathering a non biological child

[Munchkin]

I don't seem to understand why men breakup with the mother of their children, stop supporting them, completely stop seeing their children, and proceed to date women with children. Why do these men pretend to be better parents to kids that are not theirs?

 

My ex is doing exactly what i mentioned above and it hurts that my son is not getting what the other kid is getting. I care about the time and dedication he is giving to that other child. He takes the mother and the kid out for dinners and movies and spends not one penny on his son.

 

is anyone experiencing this same situation?

[Eeyore79]

It's a sad situation for your son. I'm guessing that your ex is so keen to avoid any involvement with you that he's just staying away as much as possible, which unfortunately includes staying away from his son. Could you improve the quality of your relationship with him so he feels more comfortable about coming to see his son? Would he be allowed to take his son out together with the other woman and her child?

[FreeNow]

is anyone experiencing this same situation?

 

Mother do it too, apparently...

 

Our children are grown now but their Mum did the same sort of thing. I raised them myself with no contact or real material support from her at all. They had plenty of ways to contact that didn't involve me; I made sure of that. However, after she chose to essentially shun them, they, after a while, gave up on her. Sad really.

 

Perhaps we can't fathom it because we love our children. I certainly can't wrap my mind around a parent acting that way towards their own children.

[cmh2002]

my ex husband is like this as well except he does occasionally call the kids when it suites him. My kids with him are now 9 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl. He hasn't seen them since my daughter was just shy of turning 2yrs old and my son just shy of turning 4yrs old, before that he only saw them every few months even tho we lived only a few blocks from him. He hasn't paid child support in 2yrs and since the order was made almost 7yrs ago he owes my kids over $20,000, he doesn't do any of the things he should be doing for them but right now I just revenge as his butt is sitting in jail for not paying child support he has been in now almost 3weeks. My kids use to ask about him and why he didn't do anything with them and I would/ still never do talk bad about him to them as that is their sperm donor and just tell them next time they talk to him to ask him. He promised to send them stuff at Christmas time and never did and when my son called him out on it he told my son " you need to be patient." But yet he is remarried and she has 3 kids from a pervious marriage and he treats them like his own and doesn't even refer to Chris and Caitlyn as his kids even when he talked to them which funny as it is they don't want to talk to him right now because he is full of lies. He never wants to talk to the kids unless he thinks him and I can be together which would never ever happen again. My husband has been around them now for 4yrs and is more of a father to them than their sperm donor. I use to try to get my ex to have a relationship with the kids for my kids' sake but I gave that up a long time ago. I will be civil with him when the kids want a relationship with him but thats it. We live over 1200 miles from him now so the chances of me having to deal with him are pretty slim.

[Munchkin]

It's a sad situation for your son. I'm guessing that your ex is so keen to avoid any involvement with you that he's just staying away as much as possible, which unfortunately includes staying away from his son. Could you improve the quality of your relationship with him so he feels more comfortable about coming to see his son? Would he be allowed to take his son out together with the other woman and her child?

 

The first two weeks that he moved out he came to see the baby a few times. When he would come over he wasnt only coming to see the baby. I still love him so I told him I did not want him to be coming to the apt. the plan was that I wouold drop the baby off to him and then pick him up. I do not want to talk to him at all. I want it to be all about my son and nothing else. I have also tried to make this relationship work out as parents but he does things to hurt me and expects me to greed him when i see him. He slept with my friend to try to get me back for whatever reason. I did nothing to him at all. When he gets into these moods he turns into the worse person. I believe he is upset that for the first time i am not up his @ss about working things out. he is also upset because i took him to child support and he told me that he would never be there for his son because of this. I know the day will come when he will call me. I will see him in court in 3 weeks. He is not working so I wont get much from him.

[Eve]

I think some men want the full package or not have anything to do with the child. Simple as that.

 

I can understand situations where there are difficulties because of the mother from seeing what my Hubby has been through with his awful ex wife.. but he just ignored her. Nothing could ever seperate him from his sons. Nothing on this earth.

 

Personally, I think it is better if a dead beat drops out of a childs life or is removed from their life by the mother or the state. I think they do too much damage to a childs sense of self worth. Especially ones who will openly shun a child. The effects of that **** can last a life time.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Goldenspoon]

The first two weeks that he moved out he came to see the baby a few times. When he would come over he wasnt only coming to see the baby. I still love him so I told him I did not want him to be coming to the apt. the plan was that I wouold drop the baby off to him and then pick him up. I do not want to talk to him at all. I want it to be all about my son and nothing else. I have also tried to make this relationship work out as parents but he does things to hurt me and expects me to greed him when i see him. He slept with my friend to try to get me back for whatever reason. I did nothing to him at all. When he gets into these moods he turns into the worse person. I believe he is upset that for the first time i am not up his @ss about working things out. he is also upset because i took him to child support and he told me that he would never be there for his son because of this. I know the day will come when he will call me. I will see him in court in 3 weeks. He is not working so I wont get much from him.

 

Why did you spread you legs for this man? Why did you say "I do" to a marriage to him? It was your choice, you know.

[Munchkin]

lol! why would you even write such a thing. For your information I've been with this man for 11 years. unfortunetly things didnt work out at the end. I dont understand why you would write this without knowing the background story.

Sometimes is better to keep the hole in your face shut rather then say something stupid!

[JadedAmore]

Unfortunately, you can't make a man be a father. My ex doesn't pay child support and went 4 months without seeing his kids, much less calling them. Since they are on summer break they've gone back and forth between the two of us, but when they are with me they don't expect to hear from him. I think it's sad it's come to that.

 

As for child support, he is ordered but doesn't pay it so I wouldn't hold your breath. That is one battle I've chosen to overlook with my ex, it just isn't worth it. I'll let the State deal with him.

 

Good luck!

[heartbreaker]

I guess there are just men and women who don't think the way we do... I'm sure your ex has a reason of doing this.

 

My ex does the same thing but I just do as much as I can for my children and don't waste time trying to understand him. He is the way he is, I'm just glad I am no longer with him and I can do so much for my children and make a life of my own.

[Munchkin]

Unfortunately, you can't make a man be a father. My ex doesn't pay child support and went 4 months without seeing his kids, much less calling them. Since they are on summer break they've gone back and forth between the two of us, but when they are with me they don't expect to hear from him. I think it's sad it's come to that.

 

As for child support, he is ordered but doesn't pay it so I wouldn't hold your breath. That is one battle I've chosen to overlook with my ex, it just isn't worth it. I'll let the State deal with him.

 

Good luck!

 

It has been almost 3 months now since he has seen him and its heartbreaking to know that he is out there being a father to someone elses kid. I was thinking on not going to the child support hearing coming up. I dont want to go and the judge tell me that he wont pay because he is not working. I rather not go at all. I am supporting my son on my own at this time and thank the lord he has everything that he needs. I dont want to see his face so i dont know if its worth going after all. My son is only 9 months, this is the time to form a bond.

[Munchkin]

I guess there are just men and women who don't think the way we do... I'm sure your ex has a reason of doing this.

 

My ex does the same thing but I just do as much as I can for my children and don't waste time trying to understand him. He is the way he is, I'm just glad I am no longer with him and I can do so much for my children and make a life of my own.

 

 

i'm sure he has a reason to do what he is doing which is beyond me. I am also glad im no longer with him. He is sefish and i dont need someone like him. Is great that you are being strong for your children...I try to do the same but i cant help the pain i feel. my son is onlt 9 months old. his father left him when he was 3 months...:0(

[JadedAmore]

It has been almost 3 months now since he has seen him and its heartbreaking to know that he is out there being a father to someone elses kid. I was thinking on not going to the child support hearing coming up. I dont want to go and the judge tell me that he wont pay because he is not working. I rather not go at all. I am supporting my son on my own at this time and thank the lord he has everything that he needs. I dont want to see his face so i dont know if its worth going after all. My son is only 9 months, this is the time to form a bond.

 

I would recommend showing up to the hearing. Regardless if he is working or not he will be ordered to pay child support (if paternity has been established) and if he doesn't they will suspend his license, and ultimately he will end up doing jail time.

[KathyM]

I don't seem to understand why men breakup with the mother of their children, stop supporting them, completely stop seeing their children, and proceed to date women with children. Why do these men pretend to be better parents to kids that are not theirs?

 

My ex is doing exactly what i mentioned above and it hurts that my son is not getting what the other kid is getting. I care about the time and dedication he is giving to that other child. He takes the mother and the kid out for dinners and movies and spends not one penny on his son.

 

is anyone experiencing this same situation?

To answer your first question, they are "pretending" to be a good parent to the new kids in order to satisfy and impress their new love interest. They don't care about those kids more than their own, they only care about their own desires. It's very sad that men abandon their own children and stop being a parent to them. I have not experienced that situation myself, but I do know a lot about what motivates people, since I'm working on my master's degree in counseling psychology.

[NolaRatabobxxx]

Fantastic.Can admin make this into a sticky? At the time i thought you were thinking of random things to say~ But now that I know we're serious here I feel quite happy [/url] Fantastic.it seems the black bands are sized differently from the rest of the dress! on the gunmetal i ordered, the black bands fit okay, but the rest of the dress went on too easily. by the way,my favorite is Herve Leger

[Woman In Blue]

I was thinking on not going to the child support hearing coming up. I dont want to go and the judge tell me that he wont pay because he is not working. I rather not go at all. I am supporting my son on my own at this time and thank the lord he has everything that he needs. I dont want to see his face so i dont know if its worth going after all. My son is only 9 months, this is the time to form a bond.

Stop making this all about YOU.

 

It's not about YOU anymore. In one of your posts in this thread, you say you want it to be "all about your son" - but he's the LAST one you're really thinking about. And the good lord KNOWS the loser sperm doner sure isn't making ANYTHING about his son. What kind of so-called 'father' says he won't have anything to do with his own son if he's made to step up to the plate financially for him? What kind of LOSER won't get off his lazy ass and get a JOB to support the child HE helped create? Surely you knew what a piece of crap this guy was before you had a kid with him? I kind of doubt he was gainfully employed and a decent person BEFORE you got pregnant and then he suddenly turned into the worthless piece of crap he is NOW. Next time you need to be ALOT more selective.

 

You're so busy wondering what he's doing and who he's screwing and who he's dating and whose kids he's around, and you're playing games with him telling him he can't come to the apartment to see his kid and all this nonsense that the LAST person this is about is your SON.

 

And for what it's worth, why are you considering NOT taking this loser to court to make him own up to his responsibility??? Again, you're NOT making it about your son because child support is for the CHILD, not the mother. If you're in the United States, unless you have a good paying job the burden of supporting your son will fall on US, the tax-payers, while the worthless, lazy sperm donor daddy is allowed to run scot-free knocking up other women whose kids we'll end up supporting as well. I'm really sick and tired of the irresponsible behavior of deadbeat dads and single moms always putting the burden of their bad choices on socieity to have to clean up. Let loser boy support his OWN kid, not a bunch of taxpayers. And before you start protesting that you're not letting taxpayers support your son, make sure you're not getting reduced rent/assistance from the government, any type of food assistance for your son, disability or unemployment, reduced/free medical care, or reduced/government paid childcare. If you're getting NONE of these things, then you're truly supporting your son like you claim you are. But if you ARE getting any of those things, then we the tax-payers are paying for loser boy's irresponsibility right along with you.

 

Do the right thing FOR YOUR SON and go to that child support hearing. What is all this nonsense about "maybe I shouldn't go to the hearing." If the lazy ass 'baby daddy' isn't working, don't think he's going to get away with NOT being ordered to pay child support. He WILL, and each week the lazy dirtbag doesn't work, the tally is going to go up - as it SHOULD. I personally hope they throw his worthless ass in jail and put him to work cleaning garbage off the side of the interstate 16 hours a day earning minimum wage - which is sent to your son in a monthly check. Then maybe I and everyone else who actually WORK for a living won't have to work so hard to support HIS kids.

 

Do the RIGHT THING for your son.

[Munchkin]

Stop making this all about YOU.

 

It's not about YOU anymore. In one of your posts in this thread, you say you want it to be "all about your son" - but he's the LAST one you're really thinking about. And the good lord KNOWS the loser sperm doner sure isn't making ANYTHING about his son. What kind of so-called 'father' says he won't have anything to do with his own son if he's made to step up to the plate financially for him? What kind of LOSER won't get off his lazy ass and get a JOB to support the child HE helped create? Surely you knew what a piece of crap this guy was before you had a kid with him? I kind of doubt he was gainfully employed and a decent person BEFORE you got pregnant and then he suddenly turned into the worthless piece of crap he is NOW. Next time you need to be ALOT more selective.

 

You're so busy wondering what he's doing and who he's screwing and who he's dating and whose kids he's around, and you're playing games with him telling him he can't come to the apartment to see his kid and all this nonsense that the LAST person this is about is your SON.

 

And for what it's worth, why are you considering NOT taking this loser to court to make him own up to his responsibility??? Again, you're NOT making it about your son because child support is for the CHILD, not the mother. If you're in the United States, unless you have a good paying job the burden of supporting your son will fall on US, the tax-payers, while the worthless, lazy sperm donor daddy is allowed to run scot-free knocking up other women whose kids we'll end up supporting as well. I'm really sick and tired of the irresponsible behavior of deadbeat dads and single moms always putting the burden of their bad choices on socieity to have to clean up. Let loser boy support his OWN kid, not a bunch of taxpayers. And before you start protesting that you're not letting taxpayers support your son, make sure you're not getting reduced rent/assistance from the government, any type of food assistance for your son, disability or unemployment, reduced/free medical care, or reduced/government paid childcare. If you're getting NONE of these things, then you're truly supporting your son like you claim you are. But if you ARE getting any of those things, then we the tax-payers are paying for loser boy's irresponsibility right along with you.

 

Do the right thing FOR YOUR SON and go to that child support hearing. What is all this nonsense about "maybe I shouldn't go to the hearing." If the lazy ass 'baby daddy' isn't working, don't think he's going to get away with NOT being ordered to pay child support. He WILL, and each week the lazy dirtbag doesn't work, the tally is going to go up - as it SHOULD. I personally hope they throw his worthless ass in jail and put him to work cleaning garbage off the side of the interstate 16 hours a day earning minimum wage - which is sent to your son in a monthly check. Then maybe I and everyone else who actually WORK for a living won't have to work so hard to support HIS kids.

 

Do the RIGHT THING for your son.

 

You must have been very upset when you wrote this ha?

Well YES my son is #1 for me

NO he wasnt a loser as you put it.

NO im not on his D@%k

Never told him he couldnt see his son.

Not sure if its worth taking him to child support.

YES I support my son.

NO I dont get any "help". And I've paid taxes since I was 16.

 

The way you speak its sounds like you have made all the great choices in life. You MUST be in a great relationship. I'm glad you have a good job and hope that you are never in need of any "help" Not sure if you have any children but if you do I feel sorry for them. You would be the person to let them starve and live on the streets because you are son agianst "HELP". Also, it's not easy when the person you trusted rather pay attention to someone elses kid rather then his own and it sure isn't easy learning that the person you loved is screwing your best friend. I bet you would be ok with everything. Good luck with everything Mr. Perfect :0)

[Tayla]

edited for ease of read: WOmen in Blue wrote: "

"Again, you're NOT making it about your son because child support is for the CHILD, not the mother."

 

Toooooooo Toooooooooo Funny!!! Learn the Laws of US child support, THe MONEY IS for the appointed guardian and not a freekin Dime ever need go to the child! I learned the hard way on how the child support works. Don't beleive me, then contact a lawyer he'll gladly tell you that is one of the most MIS-LABELED SUPPORT laws out there. The child gets nothing, nada from the support. The Parent can dern well do what they want with that check even if its to buy drugs, get a manicure or go on a shopping spree, the state cant say nothing other then make sure that she/he is making the monthly checks and they aren't being a "deadbeat". The average citizen is sooo clueless about what child support really supports by law. Sorry about this rant but it dern well irks me how folks are mislead. And for those single parents who actually do use all that support for the child entirely, you are few and far between....because technically you don't have to....

 

So by golly take that person to court because it will line your pocket and the state will back you up

[Munchkin]

edited for ease of read: WOmen in Blue wrote: "

"Again, you're NOT making it about your son because child support is for the CHILD, not the mother."

 

Toooooooo Toooooooooo Funny!!! Learn the Laws of US child support, THe MONEY IS for the appointed guardian and not a freekin Dime ever need go to the child! I learned the hard way on how the child support works. Don't beleive me, then contact a lawyer he'll gladly tell you that is one of the most MIS-LABELED SUPPORT laws out there. The child gets nothing, nada from the support. The Parent can dern well do what they want with that check even if its to buy drugs, get a manicure or go on a shopping spree, the state cant say nothing other then make sure that she/he is making the monthly checks and they aren't being a "deadbeat". The average citizen is sooo clueless about what child support really supports by law. Sorry about this rant but it dern well irks me how folks are mislead. And for those single parents who actually do use all that support for the child entirely, you are few and far between....because technically you don't have to....

 

So by golly take that person to court because it will line your pocket and the state will back you up

 

I couldnt agree with you more. I've seen this happening to poor fathers who pay child support and mothers who pay their car insurance with it and give nothing to their kids. It's sad that there is nothing that can be done. Not even if the child goes to the judge about this. I love my son so I was planning on opening up a bank account for him and use whatever money I need for his stuff and whatever I dont use i'll save. Most mothers dont think that way.