Are some women simply incapable of having a healthy relationship?

[yessy21]

I came from 3 horrible relationships. beatings, verbal abuse, all that good stuff. my boyfriend is amazing he treats me like a queen. and i under no circumstances would cheat ... or treat him badly. because i truly adore him.

[udolipixie]

you're missing a glaring point in that discussion too. those people i was referring to in that post have all been married since they were in college or shortly out of college. now that they're in their mid 30s their marriages are generally in the 8-10 year age. they for the most part will never be dating in their 30s, because they're happily married and have been so since their mid 20s.

 

we're talking about people who chose to remain single through their 20s here. for those people, the situation is entirely different..

 

I am confused about what you're trying to say.

 

What I got was:

 

#1 That it isn't men look for more than looks when it comes to relationships.

 

But that they don't care if their wive doesn't look as she did when young or is as attractive as younger women.

 

It's not really look for more than looks unless their wive was always unattractive to them.

 

Unless you meant they look for more than looks in relationships because they don't replace their old wive with a younger model?)

 

 

#2 That don't care if she's not as attractive situation happens when they have dated their partner for some time & got married to them in/shortly after college.

 

 

#3 As for single men and men who didn't date for long & got married early then they do primarily look for looks in relationships.

 

 

Can you clarify what you're saying if that wasn't your intent.

[udolipixie]

I came from 3 horrible relationships. beatings, verbal abuse, all that good stuff. my boyfriend is amazing he treats me like a queen. and i under no circumstances would cheat ... or treat him badly. because i truly adore him.

 

Amazing that you stopped the cycle.

 

Even better that you're happy and he's happy in a healthy and loving relationship.

[Floridaman]

hate to break it to you honey, but you're not going to find many fit, successful 30 year old men looking for a 30 year old woman. you'll find him screwing college aged waitresses.

May make me an oddball, but in my mid-late 20s, I deliberately tried to avoid dating women younger and a little younger than me and purposefully went after the older women, the ones 1-5 years older.

As I was lonely, figured some of them might be looking for a relationship.

 

Plus, I couldn't relate to the younger gals and found I had less patience with their ambivalence in dating...

 

In adivising virgin men in their late 20s and early 30s having a hard time landing dates, recommend they look to the older women as the competition may not be as fierce at that stage.

The younger women have many more options and many younger guys out there "thinning out the herd" better than some of us "good guys" in our late 20s and 30s...

[udolipixie]

May make me an oddball, but in my mid-late 20s, I deliberately tried to avoid dating women younger and a little younger than me and purposefully went after the older women, the ones 1-5 years older.

As I was lonely, figured some of them might be looking for a relationship.

 

Plus, I couldn't relate to the younger gals and found I had less patience with their ambivalence in dating...

 

In adivising virgin men in their late 20s and early 30s having a hard time landing dates, recommend they look to the older women as the competition may not be as fierce at that stage.

The younger women have many more options and many younger guys out there "thinning out the herd" better than some of us "good guys" in our late 20s and 30s...

 

 

That's not bad advice if these men don't mind the pressure inducing approaches by multiple women & the undercover approaches by women.

 

Pressure inducing being are you looking for a serious relationship & are you looking to get married?

 

Undercover being showing up with food at your door when they hear you're single.

 

 

It also wouldn't be bad advice if it weren't just look for older women ecause they have less options & there's less competition anadvantage when you're lonely and want a relationship.

 

Sorry but that's too much like my girl friend who when she's lonely and wants a relationship dates ugly guys because "they have less options & there's less competition".

 

Or like my guy friends who when they want sex look for a fat girl because she's "easier".

 

At least looking to older women will give most the female attention some feel they were "deprived" of when they were younger & during "hard" times.

[Floridaman]

It also wouldn't be bad advice if it weren't just look for older women ecause they have less options & there's less competition anadvantage when you're lonely and want a relationship.

 

Sorry but that's too much like my girl friend who when she's lonely and wants a relationship dates ugly guys because "they have less options & there's less competition".

 

Or like my guy friends who when they want sex look for a fat girl because she's "easier".

Will admit many have ulterior motives like your friends.

These guys I advise in the threads, many of them haven't even kissed a girl or seem apprehensive about asking one out. (May post a link later to LS and ENA threads).

 

None of what you described with your friends is what I wanted.

I truly considered myself a "good guy" who treated women well, didn't press them for sex and wanted a relationship first. Even turned down some advances.

 

The backstory is in this bugger of a thread I started..

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3493984&postcount=129

 

One of the guys in the virgin threads said

"This isn't about a relationship. This is about SEX..."

 

I almost hit the roof and bailed...

Told this 27 y.o. virgin who has never asked a girl on a date that if he does things the right way, he could get both.

 

At least looking to older women will give most the female attention some feel they were "deprived" of when they were younger & during "hard" times.

Hey... I resemble that statement.

 

There's nothing really wrong with wanting companionship if you were unlucky with love through most of your early adulthood...

 

Like what happened to me at 25-26, a lot of these guys are waking up and need some strategies to land a relationship. It's hard to meet good women and I feel for them.

 

The woman I met on a blind date and later married, she's just 2-4 yrs. older than me... I was 31 when I met her...

Edited July 6, 2011 by Floridaman

[TheFamilyMan]

I had several girlfriends when I was young that I thought were absolutely crazy, and to this day they have not had any type of successful relationship or one that lasted longer than a few weeks/months. So in my opinion, I think yes, there are some women who are incapable of having a healthy relationship

Edited July 6, 2011 by TheFamilyMan

[udolipixie]

Will admit many have ulterior motives like your friends.

These guys I advise in the threads, many of them haven't even kissed a girl or seem apprehensive about asking one out. (May post a link later to LS and ENA threads).

None of what you described with your friends is what I wanted.

I truly considered myself a "good guy" who treated women well, didn't press them for sex and wanted a relationship first. Even mistakenly turned down some advances.

 

The backstory is in this bugger of a thread I started..

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3493984&postcount=129

 

One of the guys in the virgin threads said

"This isn't about a relationship. This is about SEX..."

 

I almost hit the roof and bailed...

Told this 27 y.o. virgin who has never asked a girl on a date that if he does things the right way, he could get both.

 

Thank god because the message seemed to be go to guys in their 20s to go after older because there is less competition & they have less options than women your age.

 

And to guys in their 30s after women your age because their is less competition & they have less options than younger women.

 

Sorry but it seems like most guys/girls try to use everything so they are in a position of power instead of just asking out whoever they want.

 

To me the best message is to go after every demographic (race, age, attractiveness) and just go for the ones you like.

 

It's all a numbers game.

 

 

Hey... I resemble that statement.

 

There's nothing really wrong with wanting companionship if you were unlucky with love through most of your early adulthood...

 

Like what happened to me at 25-26, a lot of these guys are waking up and need some strategies to land a relationship. It's hard to meet good women and I feel for them.

 

The woman I met on a blind date and later married, she's just 2-4 yrs. older than me... I was 31 when I met her...

 

Didn't mean to offend it just seems like most complain of lacking female attention and for those not into buying it well here's a solution.

 

Yeah it's hard to meet good women/men you're attracted to so I don't really feel for anyone as that's everyone's struggle some men/women worse off or better off.

 

 

The woman I met on a blind date and later married, she's just 2-4 yrs. older than me... I was 31 when I met her...

 

Congratulations on your marriage!

[Floridaman]

Here's one of my threads, for anyone interested.

 

For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

[udolipixie]

@Woggle

 

Since it's already known that there are men/women incapable of having any relationship (commitment phobes) & men/women incapable of having any healthy relationship wouldn't the better question to ask why?

 

Or are you thinking every person is capable of healthy relationships?

[poorguy]

In your dreams. Competition is high for those gorgeous girls and they won't go for flabby balding men in their 40s when they can have a successful fit guy who is 30 years old. They will want to settle down with someone close to their age they can have kids with.

 

If you think you can date 25 year-old models as you start getting old you are dreaming. Some women might enjoy the older guy but it's not usually the ones that have the pick of the litter, trust me

 

 

Uhhh...I do it all the time. Younger woman love older men for the same reason older men love younger woman...its better that way!!! Although a friend of mine whos 25 now has a 33 year old girlfriend, whos amazing and gorgeous

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Hey... I resemble that statement.

 

Should have said resembled, as that was in the past 20 yrs. ago.

 

I wasn't below-average looking or unappealing. Some have seen my pics here and I'm told I looked well. Just didn't have all the breaks some others did and I wasn't a partier and didn't try to nail every woman I could...

 

Let's just say I had a lot of pent-up passion.... She did too as she hadn't you know what in a very long time too...

 

Thank god because the message seemed to be go to guys in their 20s to go after older because there is less competition & they have less options than women your age.

Will admit that was part of it, but not the whole.

Less options in meaning as people age, they're not as immature and hence may be looking for similar things in life...

Would never advise anyone to "use" someone else.

And to guys in their 30s after women your age because their is less competition & they have less options than younger women.

Of course. There's a lot of competition everywhere for everything.

Didn't mean to offend it just seems like most complain of lacking female attention and for those not into buying it well here's a solution.

 

Yeah it's hard to meet good women/men you're attracted to so I don't really feel for anyone as that's everyone's struggle some men/women worse off or better off.

No offense taken. Just wanted to post many of us weren't "bad guys" and truly had the other's interest in mind...

 

Many women -- esp. of my faith -- wouldn't give me the time of day. It was hard getting first dates let alone second and thirds.

 

Yes, I felt a lot of rejection and still harbor some hurt over that horrible period of my life...

 

Can't understand why some women would go for the wrong type of guy when there are good ones out there...

 

 

Here's one of those late virgin threads I referenced earlier:

|

Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

Edited July 6, 2011 by Floridaman

[Ms. Joolie]

@Woggle

 

Since it's already known that there are men/women incapable of having any relationship (commitment phobes) & men/women incapable of having any healthy relationship wouldn't the better question to ask why?

 

Or are you thinking every person is capable of healthy relationships?

 

Or perhaps who is capable of a healthy relationship?

 

Or what is a healthy relationship?

 

Or does eating your vegetables daily help cause a healthy relationship?

[Woggle]

I came from 3 horrible relationships. beatings, verbal abuse, all that good stuff. my boyfriend is amazing he treats me like a queen. and i under no circumstances would cheat ... or treat him badly. because i truly adore him.

 

There are some rare ones that truly do rise above their past but I see scenarios like my coworker so often it is like a cliche anymore.

 

I am taking him out this weekend to have some fun though and hopefully he can forget about her.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I came from 3 horrible relationships. beatings, verbal abuse, all that good stuff. my boyfriend is amazing he treats me like a queen. and i under no circumstances would cheat ... or treat him badly. because i truly adore him.

 

How many times have I heard that?

 

Just give it some time, your opinion may change.

[Woggle]

How many times have I heard that?

 

Just give it some time, your opinion may change.

 

Be easy on her. Let's give some encouragement to somebody who is not living the cliche.

[Feelsgoodman]

Women who are damaged goods cannot be rehabilitated. If they can, it must be extremely difficult, as I'm not aware of a single successful case. Use such women for your short term amusement if you wish, but for god's sake, don't try to be captain save a hoe.

[Woggle]

Women who are damaged goods cannot be rehabilitated. If they can, it must be extremely difficult, as I'm not aware of a single successful case. Use such women for your short term amusement if you wish, but for god's sake, don't try to be captain save a hoe.

 

They can turn around but they have to look deep in themselves and do the work. They can't expect a man to fix all their problems because any man that tries is in for a whole lot of punishment.

[udolipixie]

Women who are damaged goods cannot be rehabilitated. If they can, it must be extremely difficult, as I'm not aware of a single successful case. Use such women for your short term amusement if you wish, but for god's sake, don't try to be captain save a hoe.[/QUOTE]

 

 

My girl friends say something like that.

 

Use "losers" for your amusement like gifts, rides, and fun (aka dinner dates, movie dates, concerts, etc) and but don't lower yourself to f*ck them or date them.

 

The losers being involuntary virgins, guys with so trouble in dating they have no experience, guys bitter about their lack of experience, and desperate guys.

 

Both you and their ideals disgust me.

 

Then again the though of using another person for your own amusement disgusts me.

 

Especially damaged people.

[Woggle]

Women who are damaged goods cannot be rehabilitated. If they can, it must be extremely difficult, as I'm not aware of a single successful case. Use such women for your short term amusement if you wish, but for god's sake, don't try to be captain save a hoe.[/QUOTE]

 

 

My girl friends say something like that.

 

Use "losers" for your amusement like gifts, rides, and fun (aka dinner dates, movie dates, concerts, etc) and but don't lower yourself to f*ck them or date them.

 

The losers being involuntary virgins, guys with so trouble in dating they have no experience, guys bitter about their lack of experience, and desperate guys.

 

Both you and their ideals disgust me.

 

Then again the though of using another person for your own amusement disgusts me.

 

Especially damaged people.

 

This I agree with. The best thing is not to get yourself involved with messed up women.

[Feelsgoodman]

Women who are damaged goods cannot be rehabilitated. If they can, it must be extremely difficult, as I'm not aware of a single successful case. Use such women for your short term amusement if you wish, but for god's sake, don't try to be captain save a hoe.[/QUOTE]

 

 

My girl friends say something like that.

 

Use "losers" for your amusement like gifts, rides, and fun (aka dinner dates, movie dates, concerts, etc) and but don't lower yourself to f*ck them or date them.

 

The losers being involuntary virgins, guys with so trouble in dating they have no experience, guys bitter about their lack of experience, and desperate guys.

 

Both you and their ideals disgust me.

 

Then again the though of using another person for your own amusement disgusts me.

 

Especially damaged people.

The guys you are describing (i.e. socially awkward, shy, involuntary virgins, etc.) are that way because of their lack of experience with women. It's not an indication of some kind of a personality flaw. They are the equivalent of a young, naive girl, not a washed up bad boy chaser.

 

Women who thrive on abuse are f*cked up in the head, pure and simple. It's a form of emotional masochism. It's what turns them on. So I'd have no problem treating them the way they want to be treated. Can you say pump 'n dump?

[udolipixie]

 

you cant rehabiltate damaged goods. your friends are smarter then yuo.

 

It's not about rehabilitating damaged goods.

 

It's about just eliminating them from the equation.

 

If my friends were smarter than me in dating and treating people they would just not involve themselves with people they consider damaged goods instead of use them.

 

You have no responsibility to rehabilitate damaged goods.

 

That doesn't me you're free to use them.

 

However it is odd to see you support their ideals.

[udolipixie]

The guys you are describing (i.e. socially awkward, shy, involuntary virgins, etc.) are that way because of their lack of experience with women. It's not an indication of some kind of a personality flaw. They are the equivalent of a young, naive girl, not a washed up bad boy chaser.

 

Women who thrive on abuse are f*cked up in the head, pure and simple. It's a form of emotional masochism. It's what turns them on. So I'd have no problem treating them the way they want to be treated. Can you say pump 'n dump?

 

 

Bitterness is not indicative of a personality flaw?

 

Neither are extreme resentment of the opposite gender or anger?

 

Funny how it's excused as lack of experience with women or being shy, awkward, young, naive.

 

These guys maybe young but they're not naive.

 

They're bitter, angry, resentful, sometimes hateful, and feel entitled to sex/gf because they are "nice".

 

But women oh no all the damaged goods have 1 reason they thrive on the abuse.

 

At least there's women who use the "losers" to balance out pump & dumpers.

[udolipixie]

 

gez your dumy

 

These guys may not be whores.

 

But they have personality flaws.

 

Which is the point of what is damaged.

 

Their personality flaws make them damaged goods.

 

Or is damaged goods just whores to you?

[udolipixie]

fags are worst. guys who cant get grils and girl whors are just abov.

 

Whoa stopping right here.

 

I respect your right to have an opinion on this.

 

I hope you respect my right to stop replying based on your opinion