Starnette83 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 i am in so much pain that i dont even know how im getting myself to type right now, my heart is breaking apart and i just want to drown and my tears and not see another day!!! im so depressed and sick inside..my bf who i loved and love with all my heart for more then 3 years doenst love me at all, he just broke up with me aghian for the 3rd time and this time its the end. He doesnt love me, hes told me this but i still wanted to be with him, even if i really wasnt happy. I just want to let go of him, im so in love with him that i dont know how i will deal with this, tommorow i have to see him in school-in class and he said that we can be friends, how can i be friends when i love him so much??? i feel so terrible inside, my heart aches, my head hurts..and i just feel like dying, cos i am dying inside, he was my everyting for 3 years and 4 months, my first love, the only person who knows me more then i know myself..nwo im empty cos he dosent want me, he wants to go and experience with other girls and that breaks my heart even more because i felt that i have to be the only girl hes with... how will i deal with this pain?? with this loss?? how will i be able to concentrate in school, when i know that on tues and thurs i ahve to see him and mon and wed i wont see him like we usually do?? how will i be strong when i feel so weak...when all these years my life has been centered around him, when he was not only my bf but my best friend, the only one i can lean on ...i feel sadddddddd....i just wanna cry....cry and cry.....i dont want to face tommorow, or the following days....i dont know if i can deal with this ....i miss him so much and i wish so much he would hug me and tell me that im the one..but thats not gonna happen..cos im not the one..he doesnt want me anymore, i dont make his heart race like before... Pray for me please..i need some strngth!! Link to post Share on other sites
lovesongssuck Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 I know how you feel...It really, really hurts and it’s really, really sad. But you can get through this. You’re world seems very small right now, and it’s hard to get a real sense of anything. When you’re hurting this bad, you can’t see anything past your own pain,. But there is a world beyond this. Take it really easy for a while, and be very kind with yourself during this process. Talk to your friends, and if you can, try to talk to a councilor or a therapist. I’ll be praying for you Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 ive been through exactly the same thing i know how you are feeling...its been two months now since she finished with me. we were only together for six months but she was my first love and she also took my virginity so it was like hell when she finished it. i'll tell you what helped for me and what i did to get through the first couple of weeks. - put everything that reminds you of him away...all the photos etc. - spend time with friends and family - try and get some excercise...you may not feel any better afterwards but atleast you'll be looking better - treat yourself....go out and buy some new clothes or something - go out and meet new people.....i got a new job and joined the gym - take one day at a time...try not to think about tommorow or the rest of the week or the past im getting through it because i know there is someone else out there for me...someone that will love me as much..and even more than she did....someone just as beautiful, funny and clever as she is...i know thats hard to believe right now. if you ever need to talk im here for you.....you will get through it...i know i am Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 thank you, last night i woke up in the middle of night and all i could do was feel the pain, i was dreaming about him, and thinking about him, i didnt wanna wake up this morning cos i knew i would see him at school-in class (in college)...anyways my mom finally woke me up..and i decided to go...i prayed to God before getting up to just give me strength to face another day and to be strong when i see him...well i got to school and we usually meet up before class to get some snacks and stuff..so he called my cell and i picked up..we are friends now...anyways we were both acting cool with eachother...its just without the whole kissing and bf and gf stuff...there is still that physical attraction though..i can feel it from him and i have it for him, the only difference is that i feel more gthen physical attractilon for him, i love him alot, with all my heart and he on the other case just cares a lil and only is physically attracted to me...anyways... we sat in class together and everyuthing seemed fine...then from nowehere he grabbed me...like my belly and stuff..then backed away..its as though for one second he wanted me and couldnt resist...ahhhh!! it felt so good..but i tried to keep it cool.... ugh..somewhat im in denial..i cant believe that its over..cos its jsut hard to believe it..he is the guy i saw myself marrying, and i still do...i sometimes think that we need to break up right now because of our age, and also because we were eacdhothers first love, first sexual, etc... and he needs to be with other girls and me with other guys..but i sometimes feel that in the future we will come back..or i guess this is me just hoping and wishing... I just dont think i can forget about him, and just thinknig of him being with another chick..makes me wanna throw up..i cant imagine him kissing, or having sex with someone..its just..i cant evern find a word of how horrible that would feel.... Anyways i ask all of u who read this to please pray for me, i will keep u updated on whats going on...but please please pray for me because I need Gods help, your help, and just full help to recover from this...I dont want to feel stuck anymore and like i have no way out..as i type this i feel this stuffy aching feeling in my chest...its like i have a rock in my heart that suffocates me from feeling each heartbeat..its weird...i just want to feel ok without me and just accept that its over..but hjere i am uinable to see that as real, i still think of him as my sweetheart,....and remain with hope for someday in the future..this m,entality will just bring more pain and no solution... thank u all..please pray and comment and just give me any advice or feedfback u can... xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 i was the same as you with the whole thing of your ex being intimate with someone else.....i have actually been sick twice thinking about it. but now if anything like that pops into my mind i just think of something else quickly.....its actually really easy....control your thoughts. as i said before dont look ahead...i live for the day now and i hurt less doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
Becks84 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Good for you that you are looking to God for strength! That's exactly what you need right now. Ask yourself why on earth you would want to be with someone who does not love you, esp when you live him? You will see in time that this makes no sense and you deserve so much more! I truly understand how you feel right now...I know that you can't see past being miserable. But I promise you that one day you will look back on this and be thanking God that you dont feel that way anymore. Keep in mind that this horrible ordeal could possibly be a blessing in disguise, and you will find out why later on. Also keep in mind that "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." I know , I know...you dont want to hear about not being with this guy and all of that...trust me I have been there...a lot of us have been there. But like tom said, take it one day at a time, live for the day! Life is too precious and short to not do so. Best of luck to you, sweetie. And youll be in my prayers Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted April 23, 2004 Author Share Posted April 23, 2004 thanxz tom and beck.... well we are now just friends, since Wednesday night...yesterday after class when we said bye to eachother we just gave eachother a tight hug and a peck on the lips/...count resist..ggrr.r...but im not calling him anymore, i just plan to be his friend at school and stuff...but anyways i dont call him at all..and he was used to me calling 4 times or more a day..so maybe he might feel the difference... he actually called me last night at around 9pm and just told me "hey babe what are u doing"..i was a lil confused because he called me babe..but i just ignored it thinking he forgot and is just used to saying that... anyways i just told him i was watching tv..and then he told me "im going to the arcades right now, ill call u later"...so i said "ok"... anyways i gotta admit his call got me alil happy, cos i was feeling sad before that ..but when he called it made me feel like he was thinking about me... anyways he called me afterwards like past 12am like he had said, but i was in bed and already asleep, so when i heard the phone ring, i just didnt pick up... now today..at 12pm he called me but i didnt realize it cos i was outside, then i saw a missed call on my cell..but i havent called him back, and most likely wont..cos if he wants to talk to me he should just try back... its weird...but even though i still lvoe him, and see him as somewhat my bf..i feel a thing off my back...cos being with someoen who i knew didnt love me didnt feel right..i felt really off..i felt like i was forcing someone to love me or be with me, now i feel like im not doing that anymore... and even though my feelings for him are still there and probably will always be..i sdont wanna be back with him just because ive already done that too much with him and it didnt change anything, it just caused us to go back to the same thing..have fun for 3 mobnths..then break up again..bla bla...im tired of that.....i think he needs time being single too, cos he really doesnt know what he wants when it comes to a relationship, he wants to explore..and this is what he told me..so i guess i should let him..why be with someoen who i know that they arent being 100% happy or satisfied by being with me, yet who are still curious to kiss or do stuff with another chick..no thank you..im better then that!! Plus when im away from him i see myself being more productive...i actually eat healthier, read more, clean more...etc...... I dunno whats gonna happen, im taking this day by day..but i dont think i can take him back anymore..i just had it already....ya i love him, but its time i love myself more and just take care of me instead of investing my feelings, and my energy on someone who isnt appreciating it that much and who WANTS TO ALWAY S BE LOOKIN FOR ANOTHWER CHICK...so forget it... prayers for me can still help!! cos i knowGod is giving me strength right now, and also all your support... any comments or suggestions can help..thank u ! xoxox Link to post Share on other sites
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