Author gothowitz Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 One should always be careful with relationships as they are very fragile. I found a very interesting quote to guide the males for safety. "To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation." I tried my best, tried to be the best for him. He didn't care though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Decided to break things off this morning. Since he didn't wanna respond to me through phone and text, and because I didn't wanna go see him, I sent him an email instead. Kept it short and said that I was taking his silence and distance to mean that he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I also said that I believed that I'd waited long enough for a response from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Chick Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I think you did the right thing. If you have things of worth left at his house, I hope he at least arranges for you to get the stuff back. I'm sorry for what you are going through - it's not easy. I think he treated you very badly and there is no excuse for completely shutting off contact like that when he could simply have been honest with you, whether he needed "space to think" or was ending things. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wow, this made me feel bad for you, OP. I think that the going silent / disappearing act is truly selfish, cowardly, passive, and just all around despicable behavior after people have spent a certain amount of time and experiences together. I'm sorry. But you were completely right to formally end it. What a creep. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 It means so much to me knowing that you guys could empathize with what I'm going through right now. It's not easy being so unceremoniously left by the person you love. I've had to put up with a lot with him, but now I think it's my turn to put in the work for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well now is the time to look at the silver lining. First, he showed his true colors before you were really entangled with him... mutual social circles, mortgage, children, etc. Second, he took the absolute cowardly, childish way out... BUT it also saved might have saved you some heartache. The last guy I dated tried to do the whole fade out thing... I backed him into a corner and pretty much forced him to tell me what was going on, to which he replied "I like you, but you're physically unattractive." (after 6 months together.) Sometimes ignorance when it comes to jerks really is bliss. Third, your sexy self is back on the market; you have the chance to now meet a guy who WILL treat you right. And my guess is, this guy will continue this pattern of behavior over and over, and then wonder why he can never mind someone. All in all, it's a lucky day for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Thank you verhrzn! I'm actually going to take time to be single and focus on my schooling right now. I have scholarships on the line, and I can't afford to mess up. My education is something he can't ever take away from me. He often said that I was smarter than him. and it would be my pleasure to prove him right by making the right choices for my self. Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Wow, awesome decision and attitude, gothowitz! Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
U1987 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Seriously, no offense but this is why I hate serious relationships; every time I get a girlfriend, my phone bill explodes. I just don't have the time or energy to talk on the phone every day, every other day or even every three days, but they always get mad when I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) I can empathize, OP. My ex of 2 years broke up with me by changing his facebook relationship status to single, then ignoring my texts and calls when I noticed it. I was very confused as no fight or anything would have sparked the breakup. I stupidly showed up at his place to confront the situation. I regretted it, to say the least. He had been thinking about breaking up with me for quite some time, I later found out. Anyway, just wanted to tell you you handled it beautifully! I know it probably hurt, but good riddance. So disrespectful and heartless. Edited July 12, 2011 by t0ri Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Wow, awesome decision and attitude, gothowitz! Best of luck Thank you so much! Just decided to rip the band-aid off and give myself closure. I owe myself some peace. I gave him a little over five months of my life, and I'm not gonna give him any more chances to hurt me. Why care about somebody who doesn't give a hoot about you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Seriously, no offense but this is why I hate serious relationships; every time I get a girlfriend, my phone bill explodes. I just don't have the time or energy to talk on the phone every day, every other day or even every three days, but they always get mad when I don't. He never called me everyday. We mostly texted and he was on an unlimited texting plan, I believe. We weren't much for talking on the phone. It was weird for some reason haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Seriously, no offense but this is why I hate serious relationships; every time I get a girlfriend, my phone bill explodes. I just don't have the time or energy to talk on the phone every day, every other day or even every three days, but they always get mad when I don't. Obviously you are not cut out to be anybody's boyfriend. Not to tj, but you complain a lot about girls "flaking" on you. Getting involved with a girl and then having a problem with communicating every three days would be considered flakey, in my opinion. OP - you are doing great. Don't EVER let this make you doubt yourself. This behavior he pulled is JUST about him, and what kind of person he is. One you don't want in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 I can empathize, OP. My ex of 2 years broke up with me by changing his facebook relationship status to single, then ignoring my texts and calls when I noticed it. I was very confused as no fight or anything would have sparked the breakup. I stupidly showed up at his place to confront the situation. I regretted it, to say the least. He had been thinking about breaking up with me for quite some time, I later found out. Anyway, just wanted to tell you you handled it beautifully! I know it probably hurt, but good riddance. So disrespectful and heartless. I'm so sorry to hear that t0ri. Well, in my case, I was the one who changed the relationship status. I untagged him from my photos and deleted all of his photos on my page. No need to see his face anymore haha! I also threw out everything that he'd given me, as well as our photo that I had on display in my room. I think your guy and my guy, as Maya Angelou would put it, were "aging" but not necessarily "maturing." They think that just because they're earning their money and they can talk about making these grown-up decisions like buying a house, they're mature individuals. But no. You and I were mature enough to want to face the issue and not run away from it. If something were wrong in the relationship, we would've addressed it and communicated with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Chick Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Did he respond to your breakup email? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 OP - you are doing great. Don't EVER let this make you doubt yourself. This behavior he pulled is JUST about him, and what kind of person he is. One you don't want in your life. I know that the loss wasn't mine. I do believe that he has baggage and a lot of issues that he needs to address. He had a challenging life growing up, and looking back, I think that had a lot to do with how he acted during our relationship. He thinks that he's ready for a relationship, but only if it's on his own terms: when he'd like to talk, when he'd like to get together, when he'll show you affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Did he respond to your breakup email? NO! Hahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 It boggles my mind how men tend to be very non self aware. My bf talks a big talk about being mature, level headed and stable. He says all the right things but his actions prove otherwise. He is in fact very immature and unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 It boggles my mind how men tend to be very non self aware. My bf talks a big talk about being mature, level headed and stable. He says all the right things but his actions prove otherwise. He is in fact very immature and unstable. My ex used to talk with so much authority about so many things, thinking that maybe I'd be impressed or that he could I guess intimidate me to a certain extent. You're right, actions are a better gauge of maturity than words. Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Heh, to the end you were the bigger person. He gave you no feedback, yet you granted him closure and an explanation. Regarding your self confidence and further education - sometimes I wonder when people post "you deserve better" on these forums because we didn't really see enough about the poster, but in this case I heartily say YOU DESERVE BETTER! I'm still sitting here impressed how strong you were settling it Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Heh, to the end you were the bigger person. He gave you no feedback, yet you granted him closure and an explanation. Regarding your self confidence and further education - sometimes I wonder when people post "you deserve better" on these forums because we didn't really see enough about the poster, but in this case I heartily say YOU DESERVE BETTER! I'm still sitting here impressed how strong you were settling it I am really humbled by your kind words! I just think that if I fall apart now, I'll still be letting him have control over me even now that he's no longer around. He took from me when we were together while taking me for granted, and I'm not gonna let him take from me anymore. At least tonight and the nights after this I can go to sleep with the peace that I took the high road. I didn't stoop down to his level and cower in the face of a difficult situation. I got into my relationship trying to be the best version of myself and that was not gonna change when I felt I had to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 What a jackass! How cowardly of him to end things this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 What a jackass! How cowardly of him to end things this way. I just wish that he'd at least have the balls to drop off my things tomorrow haha! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I just wish that he'd at least have the balls to drop off my things tomorrow haha! How much stuff do you have at his place? I picked up some stuff from my ex when we broke up- but forgot an expensive straightening iron and a jacket I really liked. I just left them there- it wasn't worh the pain of seeing him again. He left some clothes at my place and I pitched them. We broke up 3 1/2 months ago and haven't spoken since- and I know we will never talk or see one another ever again. It's a shock to the system at first, knowing it's over and that person is gone from your life, but you get accustomed to the idea with time. It's tough not having closure- but you can't force someone to give you closure when they are as cowardly as he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 It's tough not having closure- but you can't force someone to give you closure when they are as cowardly as he is. That's why I decided to give myself the closure. No need torturing myself with the why's. Surely I'll just put myself through more pain 'cause I know that I tried my best and he didn't even attempt to communicate his problems with me. Our level of commitment to the relationship was different right from the beginning I guess. He was looking to play around, just have his fun and be a boyfriend as long as it was convenient for him. But me, I date because I want to be with someone I may someday be married to. I have a couple of things I have at his place, and I'd really like them back because I worked my butt off for the money I used to purchase them haha! Link to post Share on other sites
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