Wesker Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 So I'm a month out of my breakup, and have been No Contact since. I'm still struggling to cope, and move on. Maybe it's the way it ended that left me with so many questions? I don't know, but I just can't seem to get any closure. So basically I wrote my ex a letter(handwritten no less) telling her I understand the mistakes I've made, and am working to better myself on that. Also that even though I love her, and miss her a lot, I'm not going to beg, plead, or try and talk her into coming back to me. Leaving that decision up to her if/when she is 100% sure, being that she is the one who ended it. Pretty much my letter was me saying goodbye for now. I know the general consensus here would be to burn the letter, or store it someplace and keep No Contact. On one hand that's prolly right, but on the other I have really nothing to lose by sending it. She either reads it, and thinks nothing of it; or maybe think about what she had, and go from there. To be honest, I did feel a little better after writing it, almost as if part of me has started to move on, and by mailing the letter, that would be breaking NC. Just not quite sure what to do. I just want to get some kind of closure, and this seems to be the only way right now. Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I'm not going to tell you not to send it. BUT, I would be interested in knowing the content of the letter. How you come across is important in my opinion.. I don't think that sending it versus not sending it will influence whether your ex comes back or not. If you really feel you want to send it, I would do so while accepting that you may either not get a response, or get one that you don't want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I think many people are on the "no closure" end of relationships. It's hard and it sucks. You need to really examine your motives though. Are you truly trying to find CLOSURE? How does telling your ex that you are working on yourself provide closure? If it truly truly will give you closure, then send it. If it is a thinly veiled attempt at creating contact then please don't do it. Think about this--if you mail the letter will you be done? Or will you be waiting for weeks to see if you get a response? Good luck, I hope you make the best decision for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wesker Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I did put in the letter that it was up to her whether to get back together or not; and only if she was 100% sure or else it wouldn't be right for either of us. I wasn't pushy, needy, or hurtful in anyway. I also said to not make any rash decisions, and that I'll still give her the space she, and me needs. So I guess even if I don't get any response, I'll have the feeling where she knows where I stand, how I feel, and that I can start living my life until that one days comes where a 2nd chance can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I sent my goodbye letter to my recent ex. In the past I never have and have always gone NC and stayed that way. Yet this time I wanted to clear the air, let her know how I truly felt. But it wasn't a "I want you back" type of thing, it was a total goodbye letter. To be honest, it felt good to send it knowing that she read it (she did reply - was upset but nothing changed) and knowing that she knew how I truly felt about her. Of course, there was still moments of sadness on my part and NC's been tough since, but I take comfort in knowing that she understands how I feel; how much she really truly meant to me. I'm against begging letters and all that, as once a dumper has made up their minds, that's generally it. But a goodbye letter, a letter that clears the air, yeah, that's okay in my opinion. When I think about the fact I sent it, it does make me feel good. Hard to explain, but it was the right thing to do for me. That's my spin on it anyway - it's still your decision though. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 So I'm a month out of my breakup, and have been No Contact since. I'm still struggling to cope, and move on. Maybe it's the way it ended that left me with so many questions? I don't know, but I just can't seem to get any closure. So basically I wrote my ex a letter(handwritten no less) telling her I understand the mistakes I've made, and am working to better myself on that. Also that even though I love her, and miss her a lot, I'm not going to beg, plead, or try and talk her into coming back to me. Leaving that decision up to her if/when she is 100% sure, being that she is the one who ended it. Pretty much my letter was me saying goodbye for now. I know the general consensus here would be to burn the letter, or store it someplace and keep No Contact. On one hand that's prolly right, but on the other I have really nothing to lose by sending it. She either reads it, and thinks nothing of it; or maybe think about what she had, and go from there. To be honest, I did feel a little better after writing it, almost as if part of me has started to move on, and by mailing the letter, that would be breaking NC. Just not quite sure what to do. I just want to get some kind of closure, and this seems to be the only way right now. doooonntttt do it!! i lost my mind the other day, posted everything i treasured from the relationship (ticket stubs, cards, pictures etc) with a note speaking my mind. i just feel like an idiot now, but when i did it i thought it was a brilliant idea lol. there were questions in it, and they havent been answered. feel like he's probably laughing at me right now! it hasnt bought me closure, just more annoyance/upset that he couldnt muster a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wesker Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Well, I sent my goodbye letter today. If the Post Office doesn't lose it, she'll get it tomorrow, or Wed at the latest. I really do feel relieved, with no regrets, no real worries. Whether she responds or not, I won't let it bother me. After all, isn't all about me right now? Now is the time to start living my life again. Link to post Share on other sites
wysiwyg6000 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Well, I sent my goodbye letter today. If the Post Office doesn't lose it, she'll get it tomorrow, or Wed at the latest. I really do feel relieved, with no regrets, no real worries. Whether she responds or not, I won't let it bother me. After all, isn't all about me right now? Now is the time to start living my life again. I wish I sent my letter sooner because it did give me closure. It's sad for me to accept that she and I will never be together, but I can stop having false hope and really push forward in my dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Well, I sent my goodbye letter today. If the Post Office doesn't lose it, she'll get it tomorrow, or Wed at the latest. I really do feel relieved, with no regrets, no real worries. Whether she responds or not, I won't let it bother me. After all, isn't all about me right now? Now is the time to start living my life again. Whatever happens now, whatever her response (if any) and however you feel later, just remember how you feel now and why you sent it. At this time it was the right thing to do for you. It was what you wanted and you feel good about doing it. So whatever the outcome, you did what you wanted to do. Now go heal. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 why do you need her to know that you are bettering yourself though if you are not going to beg her to come back? I mean isnt that the same thing? If you really just better yourself for yourself, just do it, dont tell her. Think if you break up with somebody, you would move on, and in no time, you would think its a done deal that you did. If the person you broke up with sent you something telling you that he is bettering himself, what does that make him look like? Look like he is doing something fruitless right, because you dont care. If she really needs to know that you are bettering yourself so that she could be with you, she could have been with you in the first place. She broke up with you, it means she is done, and you are HAVING THE CHANCE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I know its hard to think that way right now, and you want nobody else, you want your ****ty relationship back. But the fact is she left you, and she made you feel bad about yourself, and you deserve to be with somebody who thinks you are just perfect, just too good for them. And that person will come to your life, but at first you need to distant yourself. Right now you are not thinking straight, if you send the letter, you will tie your mind to the question if she answer you or not, and what she thinks of that, and in the future, what did you think when you did that. So do the right thing and think in long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Rory12345 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Wesker, trust me and the others when we say don't send! You'll regret it and worry about if she will reply or not. I know it's difficult but all you do will look back and regret sending it to her. Look after yourself at the minute and like reimeivn said, just distance yourself from the situation and get your head straight. It hurts now but the longer you give the better you will feel! Look after yourself. Cheers, Rory Link to post Share on other sites
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