Wife just plain jealous

[tac719]

Ok. Not sure if I'm overreacting or not. My wifes jealousies have been popping up again. Tomorrow will be my last day with my old job. Some people at work are having send off lunch for me at the office. My wife for some reason is jealous of one my co-workers, because she thinks she has a thing for me. I can flat out say she doesn't. The only thing she did twice was to ask who was calling when my wife called my office. Anyway this morning before going to work my wife asks me not to let my coworker give me a hug if she tries. She wanted me to tell her that I wouldn't let her give me a hug. I don't think she would anyway, but thats not the point. It makes me feel like she doesn't trust me. Well I didn't take it well and got mad. Not yelling or anything, but red in the face and just that angered feeling. I tried to empathize but it just wasn't in me... Was I wrong? Should I call her and apologize for not being understanding?

 

This week her jealous feelings have come out quite a bit more. She's been stressed about me taking a new job and she's also giving notice at her job today, which she's stressed about too.

 

I guess I just got angry because I feel like there are a lot of double standards. She went to a bar yesterday after work to meet a girlfriend. Did I say anything nooo. Did I care nooo. When she left her old job this guy who was always hitting on her gave her a kiss on the cheek. Did I get upset nooo.

[wideawake]

Ug..sorry bro, I really don't have any advise as I'm dealing with a similar situation myself this morning.

 

Girl just slammed the phone down on me becuase as I was talking to her, one of my co-workers walked by, made a comment and I responded. It wasn't even anything personal, the co-worker (female) just asked me when I was going to have a certain project done and I replied "I'm working on it!" in a cheerful manner.

 

She got upset, and hung up.

 

In her defence, she's usually not like this, and she's about to get her period, and for whatever reason she has been on a rampage the last few days.

 

I offer my sympathy bro, but we're both going to have to find a way to deal with this stuff.

 

We're you wrong? NO. Should you appologize, I don't know, I guess it comes down to eating your pride and self-respect and appologizing, or staying true to yourself and dealing with the fallout.

 

I really don't know what you should do, as this will probably depend on everyone's individual situations.

 

Can't live with em', Can't live without em'.

 

So true...so damn true.

[jmargel]

Nope.. don't apologize. All that will do is tell her that she was right and it'll get worse. A hug should not be a threat. Sounds like both of your gf's have insecurities they need to deal with.

 

Guys, stand your ground because I'm going through some stuff as well. Now is the time to make your stand and set the boundaries otherwise it'll just get worse from here.

[Pyrannaste]

Just a few questions...is she okay with any other female co-worker hugging you on a special occasion? And has she ever met your co-worker in person? Could she have been rude on the phone when she asked your wife who was calling?

[FreeMe]

No, you're not wrong. Actually, knowing your situation, I'm surprised this is your first post in awhile. Have things been getting better at all?

[tac719]

Thanks guys. She called me and I didn't apologize. Just asked for me to learn to handle her flaws. So I guess she admitted she was in the wrong.

 

Chalk one up for the guys. Few and far between, so take em where we can get em.

 

I have been in the exact same position as the phone call situation. What is the deal with that? Are we supposed to be rude a**h***s to are coworkers while were on the phone? It's all a power play.

 

 

 

I am man hear me (WHACK!.. THUMP!.. uhh...) ...falling to the floor unconscious

[jmargel]

Glad she fessed up. Now she needs to work on that. She just can't keep doing the same thing over & over and to think apologizing will cure it all. She'll need help from you with this though.

[wideawake]

Thanks guys. She called me and I didn't apologize.

 

Word. I just got the 'sorry' call myself.

 

 

I have been in the exact same position as the phone call situation. What is the deal with that? Are we supposed to be rude a**h***s to are coworkers while were on the phone? It's all a power play.

 

 

In the words of Bobby DeNiro, "f***in' screwheads"

 

I don't know, one day they could care less, and than WHAM! The next it's Hiroshima all over again.

[tac719]

Originally posted by Pyrannaste

Just a few questions...is she okay with any other female co-worker hugging you on a special occasion? And has she ever met your co-worker in person? Could she have been rude on the phone when she asked your wife who was calling?

 

Naw, I doubt she'd be cool with any female coworker giving me a hug. She's never met this particular coworker as she's only been here for a month. The problem is she sounds cute and perky on the phone. This my wife perceives as a threat. No she wasn't rude on the phone, I definately would have heard about that. I guess she felt like she was trying to find out what woman would be calling me, checking out her competition (that's how I believe my wife took it). Talk about totally over analyzing.

 

The problem is where I'm going to work at my new job, yes there will be more young women employed there. That's what I'm worried about! How is she going to handle that?

 

No, you're not wrong. Actually, knowing your situation, I'm surprised this is your first post in awhile. Have things been getting better at all?

 

Things have gotten better overall, with the exception of this week. We've been attending this marriage class which has been very good. Last week was about identifying your anger, which I think really hit home with her. No matter what you say or do it's never enough for this person who has all this pent up unreleased anger within them. Next week is about how to start releasing this anger.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by tac719

Naw, I doubt she'd be cool with any female coworker giving me a hug. She's never met this particular coworker as she's only been here for a month. The problem is she sounds cute and perky on the phone. This my wife perceives as a threat. No she wasn't rude on the phone, I definately would have heard about that. I guess she felt like she was trying to find out what woman would be calling me, checking out her competition (that's how I believe my wife took it). Talk about totally over analyzing.

 

Then she was *really* overreacting.... it is not like she met this one co-worker in person and saw her being very flirty...

There are some women whom I wouldn't like to hug my bf, because they would often hug their friends in a very flirty way, and for no reason, just to tease them making them feel their breasts or that sort of things. But this isn't really the case!

 

Good thing she sort of admitted she was in wrong

 

 

The problem is where I'm going to work at my new job, yes there will be more young women employed there. That's what I'm worried about! How is she going to handle that?

 

There are a couple of things that worked with me or with some jealous friends of mine. You could find an excuse to make your wife and some/all of your female co-workers meet in person (if it is just some of them, make sure it's not only the very beautiful, stunning ones), and give *tons* of attention to your wife in that occasion. Say something very nice about your wife and how much you love her to your co-workers, making sure she is either present or she gets to know.

This kind of tricks usually work to calm someone's jealousy.

[jmargel]

When I was with my ex-fiancee, I had to hire an assistant who I would be with 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I narrowed it down to 3 guys and a female. My then ex told me if I hired the female she would leave me. I was very upset not only because of the trust issue but because I worked & studied my tail off to get where I was, and for someone who wasn't in that position to tell me what decision to make was wrong. I chose the best person for the job.

 

Anyway, last night I asked my current fiancee to what she thought. She said she would let me make the decision, but she could understand how some women might feel. That most affairs occurs with co-workers and women in general are like that.

 

Granted I wouldn't want my fiancee working with some stud but if she did I would have to trust her. In my opinion if one is going to cheat on their mate it's going to happen no matter what the circumstances are.

 

As for the hug thing, that's no big deal. I've given my assistant a hug a time or two and it was only because we are friends. We've never put any moves on each other and I respect her & the person who I am in love with not to do this.

[spencer]

tac

haven't heard from you in awhile.

i figured things were really good or really bad.

marriage classes thats excellent. what a good start.

take care. oh by the way...just lie to her...if the co worker hugs you..tell wifey she didn't.

 

as far as you having to handle her flaws....ok good start, she reconizes she has flaws.

now get her to realize that she has to handle her flaws ..not you.

 

later

[tac719]

I appreciate everyones input. Definately will use it to help my cause. Jmargel, sounds like you got a good women there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by spencer

tac

haven't heard from you in awhile.

i figured things were really good or really bad.

marriage classes thats excellent. what a good start.

take care. oh by the way...just lie to her...if the co worker hugs you..tell wifey she didn't.

 

as far as you having to handle her flaws....ok good start, she reconizes she has flaws.

now get her to realize that she has to handle her flaws ..not you.

 

later

 

Thanks, Spencer. Good practical advice. Probably the easy way to go, path of least resistance.

 

She is trying to work on her problem in her own way. I think these classes are going to help quite a bit. We've been watching a video series by a gentleman (I for the life of me cannot remember his name), which has been excellent. She wants to get the tapes to also watch at home. I'll try to remember who the guy is and post it, because I think they would be very beneficial to a lot of people on the Shack.

[DayumQuitPlayin]

I kno xactly how u feel. My close friend has does tha same to her boyfriend. He works right.. and in a working environment.. its good ta b friends..otherwise when u goto work.. it would b dull.. boring and less desirable. I get really mad.. wen she would accuse her boyfriend for either cheating.. or being too nice.. etc.. its jus plain stupid. She doesnt understand that by ppl bein nyce.. givin hugs.. it jus shows that they like you as a person.. not necessarily tha otha way. Specially since ur leaving.. ofcourse u should get those lil feelns of love n happiness.

 

Its jus that sum ppl r jus Jealous.. Jealousy is a big problem. Ur wife may b insecure about sum things. If i were u.. n found out a guy kiss'd her.. I would b piss'd.. specially if she tha one attaccin u bout it. She needs to grow up and feel trust. I dont blame u for feeln anger towards wut she tells u. I for one.. wouldnt allow her to tell me not to hug nobody.. its my nature to hug my friends.. nuttn wrong wit that.. kissn is kinda pushn it.

 

U should really sit her down n talk to her.. u seem to trust her more than she does You. Its a trust-factor... she's insecure.. Talk to her one day.. jus b alone wit her.. preferably at ur home.. and have a serious discussion. Tell her dat it wuz ya las day ..and its nuttn more than jus co-workers biddin u goodbye. She needs to realize that when ur in a workn environment.. its always better that ur friends wit everyone, rather than sum1 that nobody likes.

 

I'm sure that you can talk sum sense into her.. Best of Lucc to u

[tac719]

Originally posted by DayumQuitPlayin

I kno xactly how u feel. My close friend has does tha same to her boyfriend. He works right.. and in a working environment.. its good ta b friends..otherwise when u goto work.. it would b dull.. boring and less desirable. I get really mad.. wen she would accuse her boyfriend for either cheating.. or being too nice.. etc.. its jus plain stupid. She doesnt understand that by ppl bein nyce.. givin hugs.. it jus shows that they like you as a person.. not necessarily tha otha way. Specially since ur leaving.. ofcourse u should get those lil feelns of love n happiness.

 

Its jus that sum ppl r jus Jealous.. Jealousy is a big problem. Ur wife may b insecure about sum things. If i were u.. n found out a guy kiss'd her.. I would b piss'd.. specially if she tha one attaccin u bout it. She needs to grow up and feel trust. I dont blame u for feeln anger towards wut she tells u. I for one.. wouldnt allow her to tell me not to hug nobody.. its my nature to hug my friends.. nuttn wrong wit that.. kissn is kinda pushn it.

 

U should really sit her down n talk to her.. u seem to trust her more than she does You. Its a trust-factor... she's insecure.. Talk to her one day.. jus b alone wit her.. preferably at ur home.. and have a serious discussion. Tell her dat it wuz ya las day ..and its nuttn more than jus co-workers biddin u goodbye. She needs to realize that when ur in a workn environment.. its always better that ur friends wit everyone, rather than sum1 that nobody likes.

 

I'm sure that you can talk sum sense into her.. Best of Lucc to u

 

Thanks man! Good points. I think the best thing I've found is to sit down and say how it makes me feel. Especially when she uses double standards. You're right people need friends at work and as long as you stay just friends there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Fayetteville. Not far from me.. Durham

[tac719]

Oh. The tapes are by Gary Smallings (sp?). Awsome series!

[VivianLee]

Hey Tac,

I don't know if you remember me from back in February when you first posted your thread about "over-reacting"...I'm so happy to see that things are progressing in a better direction. Please hang in there and make sure you get what YOU want out of things. You should be admired for getting your wife and marriage help!!

Take care and God Bless,

Vivian